Chapter 26 – Wonderwall

Harry brought Nelly to his house, and lead her straight to the bathroom. He turned on a shower and let her get cleaned up, while he looked for some clothes that would fit her. A thorough search of his mother's old closet revealed a pair of tights and an old sweatshirt. He laid them on the sink through a crack in the door and then went looking for Piney.

His dad wasn't at home and he wasn't at the club when Harry called. Then Harry dialled the Tellers and was glad to hear Jax's voice on the line.

"I told my mom. She told Clay," Jax said quietly, "Your dad is out there with him and the others, looking for those fucking Rednecks. I'd be out there with them if my mother wasn't watching me like a hawk."

Harry didn't reply. He had his misgivings about wisdom of revenge and it chilled his blood to hear Jax talk about it, the way his best friend spoke like a seasoned Son.
"What? You don't approve?" Jax's temper flared up, but then his tone turned sombre, almost pleading, "Cliff died saving my life. Mine. You have no idea what kind of weight it puts on me. Retaliation is the only way, Opie."

"It's vigilante justice."

"If you haven't noticed, SAMCRO is an outlaw biker gang. That's what we do." There was a long pause, then Jax added. "What do you think will happen when the cops find them? Those assholes will plead self-defence, or some other bullshit, and will get off with a juvie record and probation. I just hope SAMCRO will get to them first."

Deep down, Harry knew Jax was right. Hell, wasn't he looking for Pops for the same reasons?

Harry decided to switch tracks. In the end, this was why he called, "How are you doing, brother?"

He heard a long intake of breath, and then a drawn out sigh. "Better, now that something is being done."

"Are you gonna be at the garage tomorrow?" It was Friday night, the weekend was coming and their Saturday shift as grease monkeys.

"Where else? I've got to get my mind off things." Jax sighed again, "I think Folsom Lake is out."

"Yeah. I'm sorry." Harry remembered Tara's anger and felt lucky to have Nelly. They all dealt with what happened differently, and he thought he should say something to Jax. "Listen, bro, Tara wanted someone to blame for what happened, and you were the closest punching bag. You know she cares about you."

"I'm not so sure about that anymore, but thanks for trying."

"Yeah... I'll see you tomorrow. And listen, let me know if you get a word."

"For sure."

As Harry put the phone receiver back in its cradle, he heard the shower being shut off. He could think of one sure way to make Nelly feel better, so he went to the kitchen and made a pot of hot, sweet tea.

A mug of it was ready and steaming by the time she walked out of the bathroom. Her hair was curling out of control in long, moist springs, and she was wearing his mother's oversized old clothes, but she was still the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

Nel gravitated towards him and Harry hugged her tightly to his chest.

"Thank you, Harry." She whispered against him, as he rested his lips on top of her head.

"Come on, sugar, I made you tea. Just the way you like it, hot and sweet. Like me." He was glad to coax a small smile out of her.

"My sweet, big guy." She kissed his lips softly as the smile disappeared, and then sat down at the kitchen table and wrapped her hands round the steaming mug. Harry could tell by the way she closed her eyes as the mug warmed her hands that she took comfort in this simple, little thing. He sat down next to her and watched her relax, while she sipped the hot liquid.

Harry continued, "I called Jax. He got home okay."

Nelly nodded relieved, but her mind seemed to be elsewhere. She stared into the cup, preoccupied with thoughts in her head.

They sat quietly at the table for a long moment, while Harry wrestled with a decision. Should he tell her or not? Any way he turned it, he still came to the same conclusion. He wanted to be honest with her, so he told her, "Sons are looking for Alex and Brett."

Nelly considered it thoughtfully, then asked, "What will happen if they'll find them?"

"Revenge."

Shock was clear on her face, "You mean they won't take them to the cops? It'll be eye for an eye?"

Harry just nodded. Dread started coiling in the pit of his stomach. It dawned on him that this, right here, could pushed her away from him, that it could be the price to pay for being a Son's son. And he was not willing to give her up, but he wasn't going to lie to her either.

"Do you think that's the way it should be?" Nelly asked.

"That's the SAMCRO way. We try to protect our loved ones, but if we can't, we make things right."

Nel sat there stunned, her eyes far away. Then she said quietly, Harry felt more to herself than to him, "This is why I tried to stay away... I was afraid of it all along... That someone I care about would get hurt or worse... It happened, because I was expecting it, because everyone told me it would. It's like some kind of horrible, self-fulfilling prophecy."

"Nel, don't think that Cliff died because of your choices. Because you and I are together," Harry pleaded.

Her teary eyes turned to his and the pain they contained was breaking his heart, "I just don't want you to be next. I don't want one day to get the call that something happened to you, Harry."

"It won't be me." He promised her, as he smoothed away curls from her face. But could he really make that promise?

Nelly hardly payed attention to what he said, her words gushing out, as if whatever dam controlling them was broken, "It's like a nightmare I can't wake up from. I can still smell his blood, see Cliffy's face... He didn't deserve to die, Harry... I know revenge is wrong, that it will only make things worse and won't bring him back, but I want Alex to suffer for what he's done, I want him to feel the fear and a cold blade."

Nel covered her mouth with her hand, as if trying to stop the unchecked flow, while her eyes teared up. She whispered, "I don't even know where this came from..."

"Nel, it's okay..." Harry tried to soothe her, rubbing her shoulders with his hands, but she just continued.

"It comforts me to know that the MC is hunting them down, that those animals won't go unpunished. I should feel awful for thinking this way, but I don't." Nel burst into sobs again, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and he embraced her hungrily. She whispered, "I'm so grateful I have you, Harry. So grateful you're in my life."

The dread ebbed away as suddenly as it seized Harry. He'd never seen that side of his quiet, gentle girlfriend, but at heart, Nel and his SAMCRO family were more alike than he realised. And he was grateful for that. The idea took hold of him, and he just blurted it out, "Nelly, stay here tonight."

She pulled away to give him a sharp look and he rushed to explain, "I just don't want you to go through this alone. Cliff meant a lot to you."

It was still quite early, not even nine in the evening, but they were both exhausted and in a silent agreement headed to Harry's bedroom. They laid down as they were, in their clothes, and only bothered to pull a blanket over themselves. They were facing each other, their hands intertwined and resting on the pillow between them. There was nothing but the dark and the soft whoosh of their breaths.

Nel whispered, "Will you and Jax..."

She wouldn't finish, but Harry knew what she meant to ask. They could talk about it all they wanted, but that's all it was, talk. "No. Even if we wanted to. My dad and Clay wouldn't let us. Jax's mother would skin us alive."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay." and soon drifted off.

Harry hardly slept, his mind too busy to rest. Nel's sleep was restless. She'd toss and turn, and every time she'd wake, she would reach out to Harry's solid warmth next to her and curl around him. He'd shift and pull her closer, and she'd fall asleep again. Every time, Nelly could count on his comforting presence and his strong arms around her, and being there for her gave Harry peace.

The boys spent Saturday at the Teller-Morrow garage, while Nelly tidied up the Winston's house, and then went to her babysitting job. She couldn't very well get out of it, and she definitely needed to do something positive and productive. Nel thought of going to see Tara, knowing well it was her turn to shake up her friend, to talk some sense into her. She owed Tara – and Jax - that much. But she couldn't face it. Just not yet. And Nel convinced herself that Tara too needed more time to deal with what they've lived through.

On Sunday morning, Nelly got a call from Harry at her aunt's house. Jax just called him. Chief Unser was at the Tellers', he had something to tell them and asked they all meet him there. They decided to swing by Tara's house on the way and pick her up. Harry stayed in the truck while Nel went to get her. Tara took time getting to the door, and when she did, she wasn't willing to come.

Nel tried to reason with her, "Tara, we've all been through a lot. Jax is a mess, the guilt is eating him up. At least come with us, hear what Chief Unser has to say." To her surprise Tara did not retaliate, only listened. So encouraged, Nel continued, "Don't be mad at Jax, but at those damn Rednecks who killed Cliff. They are the problem, not the club or Jax or what he believes in."

"I told him to lay off, I told him it will end badly," Tara replied with tears in her eyes. "I can't believe I was right."

Nelly pulled her into a long hug while Tara wept on her shoulder. She whispered to her dark-haired friend, "Sometimes bad things happen without a reason. It's just the way life is, Tara."

"I'm sorry, Nelly." Tara cried, "I just don't know how to handle this."
"We're all hurting," Nel soothed, still holding her friend. "It's still not too late, you can be there for Jax. He's going to need you."

"OK. I'm coming." Tara whispered into her hair, then broke away and headed for Harry's truck.