"Keep riding," Gwen said to Sansa as they rode beside each other. "Try not to close your eyes. I don't want you to fall off the horse." She shouted above the noise of the howling wind as she kept her hood over her head. Jaime's gloves were on her hands as Sansa looked to her, needing all of the encouragement which came her way.
"I will," Sansa said in a smaller voice as Gwen continued to look around. She had no idea where the main road was for the snow has covered everything. She continued to look around, shouting for Jaime to magically appear. She kept quiet for a few moments and saw that there was nowhere for Jaime to hide. He was open to the elements for miles on end. He couldn't have wandered far away.
"Gwen!" Sansa shouted the maid as she saw a figure in the distance, tumbling along in the snow, unable to stand up straight. Gwen looked ahead and urged her horse to move in the snow, pleading for it to go faster as she shouted him. She saw him fall to the ground in a heap, the snow covering him quickly.
"Sansa...stay on the horse and stay close," Gwen urged her as she began to push herself off the creature as she came closer to him, his white cloak blending into the snow as she tried not to lose sight of it. She tumbled to her knees often, resting in the snow for a moment before pushing her body along.
"Jaime," Gwen called out to him as he remained in the snow, trying to push his body up. "Jaime...it's me..."
He turned his head over his shoulder as she finally managed to rest her hand on his back. Jaime moved quickly, managing to push himself up as he took her into his arms and pressed his lips firmly against hers. Gwen remained confused for a moment as Jaime held her tightly and his mouth moved against hers. The fear in the movement was evident to Gwen. Jaime had truly feared that he wouldn't make it out of the Mountains alive. He had come to fear never managing to find his way.
He thought he would never see her again.
Gwen ran her hand down his hair before pulling her lips from his, fully aware that Sansa was still watching her. Jaime rested his forehead against Gwen's, closing his eyes as his breath came out in short and sharp pants.
"Come on," Gwen urged him. "We'll get out of these mountains."
"Gwen...I thought...I thought that was it..." he whispered to her as she wrapped her arm around his waist and he held his around her shoulders. The pair of them stumbled through the snow before Jaime helped her onto the horse, sitting her at the front of the saddle before he climbed on behind. It took him two attempts, much worse than the average.
"The snow is becoming worse!" Sansa informed Gwen above the noise of the howling wind. "We have to keep moving."
"The horses won't last," Jaime said, his head shaking back and forth. "This is too much, even for them."
"We will go as far as we can."
"We need to take refuge," Jaime said. "There are caves to hide in for the night. We wait for the sun to rise and then we travel on foot. It is the only way."
"The sun will not be strong enough to melt the snow!" Sansa yelled. "It is Winter."
"And there is still sun," Jaime retorted. "We will never make it in this weather. We have to do this."
Gwen bit down on her lip as Sansa shook her head and huffed. She remained silent as Jaime took the reins and pulled. The trek was harder than Gwen had ever thought possible. She had never seen anything like the snow which was falling at that moment in time. She had never witnessed anything like it. She had been born in the long Summer and had not known Winter. She had only known the stories which her mother had told her.
She came close to tumbling a few times as the horse stumbled itself and Jaime made way for the nearest cave in the mountains. Gwen held tightly onto him as he helped her from the horse and she looked to Sansa who had dropped down herself in a style which differed from the Lady who she was. Gwen held her hand out for Sansa and the young girl took it, their leather gloves entwining into each other.
Jaime led the way into the dark caves and the horses followed, their hooves hitting the stone covered ground. Jaime looked into the small hiding spot which they were to take refuge in for the night and nodded once. His breaths were still laboured and coming out in sharp pants as he collapsed to the ground, his back resting against the stone and his arm dangling over his bent knee.
"Are you okay?" Gwen checked with Sansa who nodded.
"I'm fine," she promised her. "There's nothing wrong with me."
"Okay," Gwen forced a smile onto her face and ran her hand down the young girl's cheek. She contemplated making a fire but she knew that the howling wind would just blow it out straight away. She turned her upper half to look at Jaime who had his eyes closed, his lips parted. His cheeks were red and his nose was also tinted scarlet. His chest heaving was also heaving under the armour which he wore.
"Sit down and rest, darling," Gwen urged Sansa and the girl knew that the maid wanted to tend to Jaime. She had seen her looking at the Kingslayer with such affection that she longed for it herself. Obviously she did not honestly think Ser Jaime was a good enough match for Gwen. He had committed horrific acts but she seemed besotted with him. She claimed he had changed his ways.
Sansa took a seat on the floor opposite Jaime and she closed her eyes for a few moments. Gwen would tend to her after she made sure that Jaime was safe enough. She knelt by him, moving her hand subtly to take hold of his. Jaime's eyes opened and he looked at her as she rested her forehead on his shoulder.
"I thought that we'd...well...I'd never see you again," Jaime admitted to her and she said nothing for a moment, inhaling his scent of cold and closing her eyes as he moved his golden hand to run down her curls.
"I suppose you're not lucky enough to get rid of me just yet," Gwen said, her voice slightly smug and Jaime chuckled but rolled his eyes. His laugh soon stopped as she moved to rest her chin on his shoulder and he simply allowed his gaze to find hers. He said nothing as she pecked him on the cheek.
"It seems we always get forced back together," she informed him.
"Do you think the Gods are trying to tell us something?" he wondered, his tone joking and light with her. She smiled softly at him and he kissed her again, unable to stop himself from doing so. He needed her to know how much he had feared for his life.
Jaime Lannister, scared. It was not something which was heard of. If anything it was odd behaviour. Jaime groaned lightly for a moment and felt Sansa's eyes resting on him as he took a moment to consider what he was feeling. It was an odd thing. It was odd to hold someone else but Cersei. Yet it felt natural. It felt as if it was completely right. Jaime had never felt like it before.
"Maybe they are," Jaime said when he pulled back from her. She turned her head to see Sansa staring and the young girl instantly turned around, clearly embarrassed at what she had just seen before her eyes.
"Perhaps we'd best keep our distance," Gwen mumbled. "I don't want to upset her."
"I don't care," Jaime said, his selfish streak coming out in him. "Now come here and be quiet."
"Insufferable man," Gwen mumbled as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she moved her legs in front of her, one wrapping against his as she looked at Sansa and felt the need to go over to her.
"Sansa," Gwen called out to her. "Come here, sweet. You must be freezing."
"I'm fine."
"Sansa," Gwen tried her name again and the girl crawled across the stone floor and towards Gwen. Jaime grumbled lowly as she moved out from his hold and allowed Sansa to rest against her side, her head on her shoulder. But Gwen did move her hand to hold onto Jaime's as their arms brushed and they waited for the worst of the night to be over with.
...
Jaime woke up to streaming sunlight and loud winds. The noise was deafening in his alert ears as he looked down to find Gwen resting on his shoulder. She was still sleeping, mumbling in her sleep and worming around slightly as she urged Jaime to stop someone. She continued to speak his name repetitively and Jaime came to understand that she was having a nightmare.
"Gwen," Jaime whispered her name softly, his hand moving to rest on her shoulder before he shook her. Her eyes slowly opened and she looked up to Jaime, startled for a moment as to where she was. Gwen smiled softly and he looked concerned.
"You were having a nightmare," Jaime informed her and she shook her head.
"It's normal," Gwen responded and Jaime bent down to kiss her on the forehead. Gwen leant against him as he closed his eyes and inhaled sharply. Gwen said nothing for a few moments before she turned to look at Sansa.
"Sansa," Gwen whispered as Jaime stood up, his hand resting on Gwen's shoulder for a moment. He noted the horses which he had tied to a bolder and looked to the sky. The sun was shining yet the air was cold. Jaime knew that the snow wouldn't melt but at least it had stopped. He hoped that the horses could make it through the terrain.
He looked back as Gwen ran the back of her hand down Sansa's cheek and smiled softly, kissing her on the forehead as she leaned into her touch and then hugged her. Jaime couldn't tear his gaze away but he was unsure as to why. He was unsure why Gwen was holding his affection so much. He knew that nothing could come from it. She was a maid and he was a member of the Kingsguard. He could take no wife.
Did he want Gwen as a wife?
Could he see himself settled down?
He supposed that Casterly Rock could be his if he wanted it. It was Lannister territory. He could reign over it and live a life quietly once the war was over. If the war would finish. He solemnly hoped so.
"Come on, Sansa," Gwen said and Jaime noted she had dropped the formalities. It was strange what war could do to people. She held Sansa's hand as Jaime checked the horses were healthy to leave once more. He helped Sansa onto the creature and she eyed him with caution.
"Don't hurt her," Sansa warned him and Jaime arched his brow at the girl's confidence. The quiet little dove seemed to have found a small voice. Her eyes glared into Jaime's amused ones as he let her stay where she was. Sansa looked into the distance as Jaime amusedly walked over to Gwen who had her head cocked in wonder.
"Your little Lady has just warned me about hurting you," Jaime said, his voice low as he pretended to examine her arm. She winced as he touched the bruise, his fingers dancing over it.
"Well you're certainly doing that at the moment," she complained to him and Jaime smirked.
"I think the swelling is going down." Jaime informed her, taking hold of her waist in one hand as she rested her hand onto his shoulder and he pushed her upwards. "I'd give it another few moons before it is mended."
"Do you not think I should see a maester?"
"We don't really have a chance to see one of them," Jaime replied and heaved his body upwards to rest behind Gwen. He took hold of the reins as the maid looked to Sansa and nodded. The black haired girl smiled back at her and inclined her head before pulling at the reins.
Jaime continuously looked around him, fear of Baelish's men coming after them increasing in his veins. He wondered where his squires were as he moved slowly, Gwen sat in front of him. He wondered if he would take his squire's back home with him after this. He supposed it depended on what he was going to do in general.
He could leave the Kingsguard. He could never go back to Kings Landing. Cersei would be there and he didn't know if he could stomach seeing her. He didn't know if he wanted to see her again. He had seen her and his anger had been horrific. He didn't know if he could serve Tommen with the knowledge that he was his father. The boy was innocent and sweet enough. Jaime did not detest him like he had done Joffrey. He just didn't know how long he could serve the King without going mad in his mind.
And then he would go to Casterly Rock. He would be the Lord. But he could take Gwen with him. He could take her back and save her from Stoneheart. He doubted she would go willingly with him. She may hold affection for him but her heart was held by the Stark girls first.
"Is that ground?" Gwen wondered as they moved over the mountains and she looked into the distance. "I think the Mountains end soon!" Gwen squealed loudly before turning to look up to Jaime who could not help but smile at her excitement. Sansa smiled widely, unable to believe that she was free from Baelish and his plots. Her arranged marriage had been the thing which had terrified her the most, along with living under the control of Baelish. Sansa didn't know how much more she could take of the man and his constant lurking and leering.
"I think you could be right," Jaime agreed with her and pulled at the reins once more, urging the horse to move faster over the ground. He continued to keep a lookout for those who he thought had been following him. He knew that he would knew the men if they were to go back to Lady Stoneheart.
Gwen only hoped that Sansa would be enough for her.
The snow continued to thaw as they moved through the mountains, the sun rising to its peak as they travelled hastily. Gwen wanted nothing more than to find hard land once more. She exclaimed loudly as they finally made it from the mountains and Jaime took a sigh of relief, looking over his head at the terrain which they had just crossed.
"What do we do now?" Sansa wondered and Jaime kept silent for a moment.
"We find somewhere to rest for the night. It would seem that time is in our favour."
"Should we not go back?" Gwen wondered from him. "Brienne needs us to save her. We cannot waste time sitting around in inns."
"One more night won't kill the wench," Jaime assured Gwen. "We need rest if we are to travel tomorrow."
"Jaime-"
"-It really is not up for debate, Gwen," Jaime informed her and she bit down on her lip but said nothing to him as the three of them continued to ride for the remainder of the day. They travelled alongside the Kingsroad, refusing to move on it for fear of being seen. They finally came to an inn for the evening, Jaime taking charge and demanding two rooms to be available.
The woman behind the bar looked at him with wonder and then saw his golden hand, easily identifying who he was along with his dirtied white cloak. She flushed red and assured him that she had the best rooms possible prepared and then went back to gossiping with her sister. Jaime nodded as Gwen and Sansa followed him up the stairs, their arms linked together.
"I'll come and get you for supper," Jaime informed them as Gwen held the door open and Sansa walked in, looking around the room and setting her sights on the bed.
"That's fine," Gwen assured him and he smiled, his hand resting on her arm before he headed off to his own room. Gwen closed the door and leant against the wood, a sigh of relief escaping her mouth as she thought of all that they had just managed to overcome. She could barely believe it if she had to be honest with herself.
"Love looks odd on you," Sansa commented and Gwen rolled her eyes as she looked to the bath which sat in the corner of the room. It had already been filled and Sansa was eyeing it with longing.
"I am hardly in love," Gwen denied to her.
"Why deny it?" Sansa wondered. "I admit that he isn't exactly someone who you should love. I've heard the rumours surrounding him. He has fathered children already, Gwen."
"He has," Gwen admitted. "But he claims that he and Cersei are no longer together. He says that he does not love her anymore."
"And are you sure about that?" Sansa wondered and Gwen nodded. She was positive. She was fully certain.
"I am," Gwen said. "I care for him, Sansa. But love is something which I swore against when Beren hurt me."
"Can you see Ser Jaime hurting you?"
"I don't know if I want to take the risk," Gwen said to her. "I'm a maid, Lady Sansa. I'm a maid and he is a knight. He could be Lord of Casterly Rock if he wanted. I'm fully focused on keeping Brienne alive and keeping my own life for disobeying your mother."
"She won't hurt you," Sansa said confidently as Gwen began to help her to unlace the dress which she wore. "You could be Lady of Casterly Rock, Gwen."
The maid couldn't help but laugh loudly at that statement. Her head shook back and forth before Sansa turned to look over her shoulder at Gwen.
"I don't think so, dear," Gwen said. "Now have a bath and I will have the water after you. I'm afraid I smell horrific and my hair is in need of a wash."
"I'm serious, Gwen," Sansa told her and she watched her for a moment. Gwen watched her for a moment, the seriousness evident on her face whilst Gwen remained silent. "If he loves you then he would make you his Lady."
"It's not possible, Sansa," Gwen whispered, running her fingers down Sansa's cheek soothingly. "Now have a bath."
...
Jaime knocked on Gwen and Sansa's door later in the evening, waiting patiently for a response. Gwen opened the door and saw him stood there without his armour. His hair had been washed and he had shaved the stubble from his chin. He looked at Gwen for a moment and took in her clean appearance. She wore the red dress, as per usual, but her hair had been washed, her curls gaining life again.
She had it hung over one shoulder and tied at the ends, keeping it all together.
"I've been informed that supper has been served. Apparently I am quite popular around here," Jaime smirked before noting Sansa move from the bed she had laid on.
"Of course you are," Gwen said to him. "I'm sure everyone in the Seven Kingdoms knows of you."
"I'm quite certain," Jaime said. "Are you ready?"
"I think so," Gwen nodded and turned to look at Sansa to make sure that she was ready for food. Sansa nodded and moved closer to Gwen, walking at her side as Jaime led the way.
The inn wasn't luxurious but it was just comfortable. Jaime took a seat on one of the wooden benches whilst Gwen sat beside him and Sansa opposite.
The young Stark spent the rest of the evening watching as Jaime informed them what would happen once they reached the Brotherhood without Banners. Gwen had told him not to come with her but he had refused. She worried that Lady Stark would kill Brienne as soon as she saw Jaime. She needed a chance to explain what had happened. Gwen had pursed her lips at hearing him, clearly angry with him.
Jaime noted her anger but he said nothing, assuring her that nothing bad would happen to anyone as long as he was there. Sansa had watched with intrigue as Jaime assured her by placing his arm around her waist and drawing her closer to him. Gwen did nothing as he softly kissed the top of her head, drawing attention to the three of them.
"I'll be back in a moment," Gwen said. "I'll go and find another jug of water."
She stood up and Jaime moved his arm from her. Jaime looked anywhere but at the young Stark's gaze who refused to stop watching him. He finally looked at her, his brow arched as he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.
"Why do you insist on staring?"
"What do you intend to do with Gwen?" Sansa asked him bluntly, knowing that she little time alone with him.
"Don't tell me you're intending on warning me off again," Jaime said and Sansa shook her head.
"I've heard all about you. I've heard the rumours."
"And you believe all of the court's gossip?" Jaime wondered.
"I did," she said. "But Gwen told me all about you. She told me that you've changed. I don't know whether to believe her or not. She is probably far too good for you."
Amusement clouded Jaime's face as he heard her speak in such a manner, her gaze focused intently on him.
"Probably," Jaime admitted. There was no use in denying it. "I do not see how this is any of your business."
"It is my business because she is my maid," Sansa said. "She is more than my maid. I care for her and I do not want to see her hurt."
"And you think I will hurt her?"
"I think you will if you leave her. She is convinced that you two will never be together."
"You're a foolish romantic like she is," Jaime told her. "She knows that I care for her, but we both have no idea what the future holds."
"You could be Lord of Casterly Rock if you left the Kingsguard. You could be with her then," Sansa said and Jaime couldn't stop the laugh which escaped him at hearing her. "Is that not what you want?"
Jaime eyed her with suspicion for a moment and he could see that she was serious. The girl really was naive. She may not be as naive as she had been before, but she was still foolish. Jaime shook his head, disbelief evident in his action.
"You love her, don't you?"
"And do you know anything about love?" Jaime wondered and Sansa shrugged.
"I thought I did," she said. "But I came to realise I was wrong. But I know love when I see it. I refuse to believe that it does not exist. Why are you both in denial over this?"
"You would not understand," Jaime told her. "Nothing is as simple as you think it is. You're a little girl."
"I am not," Sansa denied. "I've grown up. I've seen things which I never thought I would see. Gwen denies that she loves you, like you deny that you love her."
Jaime said nothing as Sansa watched him and he looked over his shoulder to see Gwen finally managing to ask for some more water for the jug. His eyes settled on her as she turned around and caught him watching, tucking her hair behind her ear and smiling softly at him.
"Why do you refuse to admit it?" Sansa wondered in a whisper. "Is it because you've both been hurt in love before?"
He felt his pulse quicken at the reminder that he had been hurt by Cersei. He didn't know if the girl spoke truth or if he was the one who was right.
"Gwen wouldn't hurt anyone," Sansa said. "And I doubt you would hurt her. Do you both intend to hide from the truth?"
Jaime picked up the goblet of wine which he had poured himself whilst his eyes never left Sansa. He drained the liquid and spoke slowly;
"Since when did you become so wise?" he wondered and she smirked at hearing that.
"It's easier to see something when you're not involved in it."
"I-"
"-It's ridiculously busy in here," Gwen's voice suddenly said and she took a seat down on the bench next to Jaime again, her cheeks red as she puffed loudly. She poured Sansa another drink and took some water for herself whilst Jaime looked across to her and felt Sansa's gaze on her. The girl looked smug and Jaime ground his teeth together.
"I think I'll head for bed," Sansa said and she stood up.
"Do you want me to come with you?"
"No," Sansa shook her head. "You stay here with Ser Jaime for a while."
Gwen said nothing as she watched Sansa leave the hall and then she turned to look back to Jaime who was intently focused on the wine in his goblet. Gwen drank some more of her water as the pair of them lapsed into a silence.
"What were you two talking about?" she wondered.
"Nothing of importance," Jaime promised her. Gwen eyed him with suspicion and he sighed, drinking some more water as he admitted the truth under her scrutinising gaze. "She thinks that I should leave the Kingsguard and become Lord of Casterly Rock. She thinks I should make you my Lady."
Gwen spat out the water which she had been drinking and Jaime laughed at seeing her as her cheeks heated up even more. She leaned forwards, resting her elbow on the table as Jaime leant forwards with her, his arm with the golden hand wrapping around her waist as he rested his chin on top of her head.
"If you turn any redder then I fear that your cheeks may melt off."
"Shut up," Gwen snapped at him. "Lady Sansa lives in a dream world sometimes. She's been through a lot, but she still believes in love."
"She's convinced that you're in love with me," Jaime said and Gwen drank some more water. Jaime moved; his head resting against hers as the pair of them looked down at the table. "Is that true?"
Gwen said nothing to him, not sure what she was supposed to say before she closed her eyes.
"Nothing can happen," Gwen informed him simply. "None of it matters. You're in the Kingsguard and I'm a maid. Why are we discussing it?"
"We're discussing it because it is important," Jaime told her and she shook her head, firmly disagreeing with him.
"No it isn't," she said quickly. "It's not important because none of it really matters. You and I both know that to be true. I could tell you that I love you but once we reach Lady Stoneheart then we will both have to go our separate ways again."
"What if we didn't have to?"
"This is all very hypothetical," Gwen said to him. "Don't speak of things which will never happen."
"You don't know that, Gwen," Jaime said. "I could decide that being a member of the Kingsguard is not for me after all these years."
"Jaime-"
"-I'm serious, Gwen," Jaime interrupted her. "What if I gave it up? Would you follow me?"
"Don't ask me questions like that, Jaime," Gwen snapped back to him. "Sansa and Arya...you know that I have to find them. I made a promise...I promised to find them..."
"And what will you do when you find Arya? Will you take her back to Stoneheart? Will you let that monster keep them?"
"I...I don't know..." Gwen whispered. "I need to get them, Jaime. I need to save them and then...who knows what will happen? I can't think about anything else."
"You're hiding from me," Jaime said to her simply. "You're closing yourself up."
"And what if I am?" Gwen wondered and she moved away from his hold, her voice a hiss. "I've never truly known what it is to love another man. All I've had is Arya and Sansa and they were the most important things to me. Beren broke my heart and then I...what Hoat's men did..." she trailed off for a moment. "There is only you who I feel comfort around. There's only you who I genuinely care for. And the more I care then the more scared I become. I worry that nothing good will come from it because of who we are. Dear Gods, I know that I love you. Deep down I know it. I'm just too scared to admit it to myself, never mind you."
Jaime startled as he heard her say the three words and took in everything else which she had told him, his mind a rush with activity.
Gwen watched him back as he did nothing. He simply stared at her with his lips parted and she shook her head. She stood up and moved quickly from the bench before Jaime had a chance to react. She pushed her way daintily through the crowd, urging them to move faster before she came to the stairs.
Jaime caught up with her in a second, his hand grabbing her wrist and drawing her back to him as she stood halfway up the stairs.
"I'm going to bed," Gwen said to him simply as he twirled her to face him. He moved up to the same step as her, pushing her back against the wall as his hands held her hips in place.
"Did you mean it?" Jaime wondered quickly. "Did you mean what you said?"
"It doesn't matter-"
"-Did you mean it?" Jaime interrupted her, asking her the same question again and she bowed her head for a moment, taking a deep breath before she looked back up to him. "Gwen, talk to me. I need to know you meant it."
"I did," she replied. "But we both know-"
She failed to finish off her sentence for Jaime had silenced her with his lips on top of her own, pressing his body tightly against hers as they hid in the shadows of the inn. His hand rested on the back of her neck, drawing her closer to him as his mouth moved against hers. He heard a moan escape her lips before he pulled back for a moment, his forehead resting against hers. Her eyes remained closed as Jaime continued to hold her tightly, refusing to release her.
"I won't hurt you," Jaime promised her. "Trust me, Gwen."
She gulped loudly, her face one of determination as she nodded her head.
"I do." She promised him, her blue eyes staring into his green ones as he nodded at her and smiled softly, kissing her on the forehead and then holding her tightly, refusing to let her go.
...
A/N: Revelation and confessions! Eventually! Anyway, I do hope you will let me know what you think! Thank you to Guest, chen, Guest, x XRoweenaJAugustineX x, meri, Nemu-Chan and Jofrench22 for reviewing!