Late Night Encounters 17 - Unbearable Silence
BPOV
Edward sat with his elbow resting on the arm of the chair, inhaling slow, deep breaths as he pinched the bridge of his nose. The bouncing of his foot propped on his knee had been the only sign of reaction from him since returning to the room that evening to the news of our friends eloping. Rose gave Emmett a nervous glance, and then briefly looked over to where I stood by the window when Edward still made no motion to speak.
My gaze turned back outside, unsure of how to react to it myself and I'd had all day to absorb it. Just the previous evening, they'd been exchanging death glares over dinner and verbal daggers back in the suite as Edward successfully distracted me in the sanctuary of our room. But from the moment Emmett emerged from Rose's that morning, no one would have been able to guess that they were the same people from the night before. Everything had changed; their glares had melted into adoring glances as he rested his hand on her shoulder, hers rising to cover it before they shared a tender kiss. They spoke to each other in soft, hushed tones while I sat in the chair now occupied by Edward, attempting to wrap my head around it all.
As he seemed to be doing at that very moment, but his calm silence was unsettling. I looked back to him and his foot had stilled, the crease in his forehead diminished, and his hand lowered to his knee. His eyes were unreadable as he looked up at me, causing my stomach to tighten anxiously, before returning his gaze to Rose and Emmett.
"So, let me get this straight," he began, lowering his foot to the ground and leaning forward on his knees with his elbows. "You're married?"
His voice held an edge that I couldn't decipher, and Emmett's tense demeanor did nothing to quell my anxiety. The man who knew Edward as well—if not better—than I did, could not meet his eyes. He and Rose both straightened, their fingers visibly tightening around the other's hand and nodding simultaneously.
Edward's lips rested against his tented hands as his drew in another slow breath, his eyes closing again. His leg began bouncing and I sighed, moving across the room to stand behind him and resting my hands on his shoulders. He was tense and barely responded at all to my presence, his eyes reopening to look between Emmett and Rose again.
"Edward–"
"Em, can I talk to you for a sec?" Edward interrupted me, motioning his head to the side toward Rose's room and standing. Emmett breathed out slowly, visibly relaxing and nodding with a smile, rising to follow him toward the door.
"Hold on," Rose spoke up, standing abruptly from the couch and taking Emmett's arm, causing both men to turn and look to her. "Why can't you talk right here?"
Emmett moved back to her and kissed her temple, whispering something softly into her ear. I watched as she calmed slightly with his hushed words, leaning into him for a moment and brushing her lips against his.
My eyes moved to Edward, hoping for some answers, but he remained stoic as he waited for his friend.
As Emmett pulled away from Rose, he looked back to Edward and began walking toward him again. "You gonna cuff me, too, Doc?"
Edward gave the hint of a smile and rolled his eyes while Emmett passed him, taking one last glance back at me and Rose before following him into the room.
The moment the door closed, Rose returned her gaze to me and hugged her arms around herself, as if expecting the onslaught to begin from me as well. I walked back to the window, pulling aside the curtains to look out over the flashing lights of Las Vegas.
"Say something," her tense voice sounded behind me.
"What do you want me to say?" I asked without even a glance in her direction. "That I understand when I don't? That this doesn't worry me at all?"
"Something. Anything." Her exasperation rose as she moved closer to me. "Bella, you've practically been a zombie all day long, since I told you about this. I don't expect you to be jumping for joy, but some kind of reaction would be nice."
I ran my hand through my hair, holding it at the back off my head before releasing a heavy sigh and allowing it to drop. "I don't know how to react, Rose. I just can't make any sense of it. Last night, you two could have raised the roof with the volume of your screams, and this morning you walk out of your room in the midst of marital bliss? You barely even know him, let alone like him. I mean, what were you thinking?"
"Now, that's what I'm talking about," she replied, as my simple statement became a rant of my pent up thoughts, my voice raising an octave or two as I spoke. "This wasn't just some drunken, reckless thing. He gets me, like really gets me. No one ever has before, or even cared to try. I told him things last night that I haven't told anyone, and it didn't change anything. He still wanted me and he's everything I've ever wanted in a man."
Pressing my fingers to my temples, I began to pace again for what felt like the millionth time that day. "But last night," I started with my eyes closed and then turned back to face her. "You were jumping down Edward's throat about the irregularity of our relationship. He was so nervous throughout that entire interrogation, and then you go and do this? And already talking about moving to Chicago? How can you even think about relocating so drastically for someone you barely know?"
"And you've never thought about it, to be with Edward?" Rose replied pointedly, shrugging her shoulders. "He's my husband, Bella. I'm not going to live thousands of miles away from my husband. And Chicago makes the most sense right now. He's got a job he enjoys, an apartment in the city he loves. I honestly can't stand LA, and I'm gonna be just getting out of school and leaving a dorm. There's no reason that I can see for us both to start from scratch."
I sighed, glancing again at her left hand to the simple gold band resting there. Rose was married; Emmett was her husband. And hearing it from her lips struck a chord deep inside me.
Between Rose, Alice and I, we always thought that I would be the first to get married, and Rose would be the last. Her distaste for the male population, outside of an occasional one-night stand, gave no indication that marriage was anywhere near her thoughts or aspirations. Alice tended to lose interest within months of a new relationship. And me... before Edward, I hadn't given relationships much thought at all, focusing more on school. Yet deep down, I knew that someday, it would be something I wanted.
Rose stepped closer to me after an extended silence and took my arm, bringing my attention back to her. "If anyone could understand my situation right now, it's you, Bella. I've never been happier in my life than I was last night with him. And when I woke up this morning and he was still there, I knew I'd made the right decision. I didn't regret it, and I felt safe. I've never known what it's like to feel safe, until I felt his arms around me like that. I don't want to be without him, and the thought of having to do it for even a couple of months scares the shit out of me. When have I ever said anything like that about any man?"
"Never," I replied softly, lowering my eyes and shaking my head. "But Rose, you don't love him."
"Not everything is so black and white, and there is a very thin line between love and hate," Rose said in a matter of fact tone. "I'm not gonna stand here and be the ultra-romantic, that everyone knows I'm not, and say I have crazy passionate love for him, because I don't. But I respect the hell out of him. Love is secondary to that. People who are madly in love get married all the time, and end up divorced a year later because they are missing that one vital element."
At that, I had no argument, as I'd seen it many times myself with some of my friends from high school. Getting married straight after graduation, only to end up miserable, divorced, or both. Even my own parents had come close when I was a little girl, but one thing that saved them was their mutual respect for each other.
Drawing in a deep breath, I stepped toward the table, sitting down in one of the chairs and looking up at her. "Obviously, I'm no stranger to impulsivity, as I've so clearly proven on more than one occasion over the last several months," I began with a roll of my eyes, at which Rose smirked. "I'm just worried about you. And the selfish part of me is going to miss you, and envies you."
"Well, you know one way to fix all of that, right? I mean, it's not as if Chicago holds no appeal for you whatsoever," Rose retorted sarcastically with a raised eyebrow and I shrugged, unwilling to steer the conversation in that direction. Her expression shifted suddenly and she sat down across from me, spinning her ring around her finger. "I know I've been rough on you and Edward over the last couple of days, and I'm sorry. I really do get it now. I'm not expecting you to forgive me or even understand this thing with Emmett and me. I'm only hoping that you can be happy for me."
"I am happy for you, Rose. I really am," I replied softly with a nod. "If you're happy, then I'm happy. It's just a lot to take in."
Rose smiled slightly and then turned her eyes to the bedroom door, her bottom lip pinched between her teeth. "What about him?"
My gaze joined hers and my thoughts returned to Edward. It was times such as that I realized, even with everything I knew about him, it was still only a fraction of the man as a whole. What was he thinking? Was he angry? Apprehensive? Just plain confused, as I was? I had no answers and that scared me more than just a little. When she looked back to me, I forced a smile and reached across the table to rest my hand on hers. "I'm sure he's fine. Just a bit taken off guard."
Rose shifted uncomfortably, tapping her manicured nail on the tabletop, and glancing back across the room from the corner of her eye. Finally, she stood abruptly and shook her head. "This is driving me crazy. I have to know what's going on in there."
As I rose to stop her from moving toward the door, it opened and the two men emerged from inside.
Edward gave Emmett the hint of a smile and patted his shoulder with his hand. "Just give me five minutes to change and we can head out for drinks."
When he turned to face us, his expression was once again unreadable and I watched Rose visibly stiffen. He stepped toward her and gently kissed her cheek, causing her eyes to widen.
"Congratulations, Rose. He's a great guy," he said softly and then moved around her to head toward our bedroom, closing the door behind him.
Our stunned gazes moved to Emmett and he held his arms out for Rose, at which she quickly crossed the room, where they engulfed her the moment she reached him. I couldn't help but stare as he held her against him, murmuring softly into her hair before they retreated into their room as well.
I hesitantly turned to gaze in the direction of our room, taking a deep breath as I walked toward it and exhaling slowly before entering. I stepped inside and leaned back against the door as it closed, looking over at Edward as he undid the last button of his shirt and shrugged it off his shoulders.
"Everything okay?" I asked in as calm of a voice as I could muster.
His eyes remained on the wall in front of him as he nodded, his lips pursed slightly. "Yeah, everything's fine."
I sighed, pushing off the door and walking toward him, sliding my arms around his waist and pressing my lips to his upper arm. "How about you? Are you okay?"
His face turned toward me and his eyes lowered to mine before gently kissing my forehead. "Of course. I'm just gonna take a quick shower, then we'll go."
I stared after him in bewilderment as he pulled away from me, grabbed his change of clothes and walked into the bathroom. As the sound of running water emanated from within, I sat down on the edge of the bed, resting my face in my hands.
He's still in shock, that's all this is, I told myself as I attempted to draw air into my lungs again. He'll relax over drinks tonight, and everything will be fine.
I stood again and made my way to the closet, retrieving the black dress I'd worn on our first night in New York. I remembered how much he loved it then as I changed quickly. I was at a loss as to what else to do.
He'd never pushed me away like that, online or in person; distancing himself from me without cause. While never a man of many words, the quiet he was still displaying, even after his talk with Emmett, was extreme—even for him. And when he stepped out of the bathroom moments later, his silent, all-too-brief smile in my direction caused my stomach to tense.
It continued through the first hour of drinks, even as his hand gently held mine beneath the table. He responded in nods and one or two word answers when spoken to, but the distraction of his mind was evident—particularly through his consumption of three beers within that hour.
If there was one thing I definitely knew about Edward, it was that he was not much of a drinker, and certainly not to that extent.
"I'll be right back," he said suddenly and rose from his seat without another word, making his way across the bar.
"Wow, four whole words. That's an improvement," Emmett said quietly as soon as Edward was out of earshot and then turned his gaze to me. "He alright?"
"I was hoping you could tell me," I replied, looking up from my glass to him. "He barely spoke to me back in the room, and now this. I can't make heads or tails of it. What happened in that room?"
Rose looked to Emmett as well, tilting her head slightly in question. "Yes, please. For the love of God, what did happen? This doesn't look like 'everything's cool'."
"All I know is he was fine when we left the room. I've never seen him like this. As much as I harp on him for being a tight ass, this is a whole new level for him," Emmett replied, shaking his head and taking a sip of his beer.
I leaned forward and rested my elbows on the table, holding my head in my hands. "Great, that makes me feel so much better."
Emmett reached over and placed a comforting hand on my arm. "Don't worry, Bella. I'm sure he'll be fine. He gets into his moods but he eventually cools off. You know that."
I looked up at him, relaxing slightly at his reassuring smile, and nodding. "Yeah, I know. I just don't know how to approach this mood."
"Do you think he's upset because we're married and you guys aren't?" Rose asked suddenly and my gaze snapped over to her with wide eyes. "Anything's possible, right?"
"No, I really don't think that's it." I laughed and shifted in my seat uncomfortably. "We're just not there yet, Rose."
"And we were?" Rose replied, gesturing between her and Emmett and then straightened as she spotted Edward coming back toward the table. "Think about it."
I stiffened slightly when I felt Edward's fingers brush against my shoulders as he leaned against the back of my chair. "Bella, I'm gonna head back to the room. You coming or do you want to stay here for a while?"
"No, I'll come with you," I replied, reaching for my purse. "See you two in the morning?"
Rose and Emmett nodded as I stood and Edward bid them good night as well. My anxiety rose as he continued to remain silent, simply holding my hand in contrast to his usual behavior when we were finally alone. No playful glances or smiles, no teasing whispers or promises of things to come.
When we finally made it back to the room, with the bedroom door closed behind us, I watched Edward as he immediately began undressing, stripping down to his boxers and climbing into bed. I sighed and made my way into the bathroom to change, emerging moments later to find him lying on his back and his eyes already closed. The slight twitching of his fingers beneath his head was the only indication that he was even still awake.
Sliding into bed next to him, I pressed my body against his side. I placed my hand on his cheek as I moved my lips along his neck to his jaw, desperate for some sense of affection and normalcy between us. But his hand rose and wrapped his fingers around mine, kissing them gently before lowering them to his chest.
"I'm really tired, baby. Can I take a raincheck?" he mumbled without even opening his eyes to look at me.
Well, that was some affection, at least… until he pushed me away again, I thought as I pressed my lips to his shoulder to keep them from trembling before resting my head on his chest. His arm slid around me and he quickly fell asleep.
Yet sleep was the furthest thing from my mind. He'd never been 'too tired' for me before, even after a long, grueling week of on call at the hospital. And I never thought he would waste a single moment that we were actually together physically. He'd left my thoughts to drift back to Rose's statement at the table before we left, and my musings from earlier in the evening.
Was he upset about that? That never in our months together as an actual couple, had we even discussed past this visit, let alone any permanent kind of future together?
I didn't see how that was possible, since Edward had always seemed like a 'by the books' type of guy. Everything in life seemed to have a certain order with him, none of which included something as spontaneous as eloping in Vegas. So his behavior all night left me more than a little uneasy.
Maybe things would get better once we got to Chicago, when he was back home in his comfort zone.
x-x-x
"You're staying in Vegas?" Edward asked as he set our suitcases by the door on Tuesday morning, staring at Emmett in disbelief.
"Yeah. Figured that you and Bella would probably want the rest of the week to yourselves anyway, with you guys heading up north and all. And Rosie wants to stick around and catch some off the shows. She's got her heart set on that Viva Elvis thing, or whatever it's called," Emmett replied, waving his hand dismissively.
"Rosie?" Edward quirked his eyebrow at Emmett.
"Elvis?" I exclaimed with wide eyes, gaping at Rose. "Really?"
"Hey, he was hot in his day!" Rose snapped defensively, pointing at me and then turning to look at Edward. "And he put this ring on my finger, he can call me anything he wants. If I object, I can always cut him off."
Edward chuckled softly and shook his head, but his smile still didn't reach his eyes. "Well, have fun. We, on the other hand, do have a plane to catch. Ready, baby?"
I nodded and walked over to Rose, wrapping my arms around her. "Well, enjoy your honeymoon. Don't have too much fun. We still have school in less than a week."
She laughed and hugged me back, whispering in my ear. "Even with his quirks, he's a keeper. Just talk to him."
I pulled away in time to see her motion her eyes toward Edward, and I gave her an uncertain smile in response before turning to Emmett. "It was really nice to meet you. I'm sure I'll be seeing you again soon before you steal 'Rosie' here away?"
Emmett's booming laugh filled the room as he engulfed me in his arms, hugging me tightly. "You can count on it, Little One."
A genuine smile touched my lips at his affectionate pet name for me and he gently kissed my cheek as he released me. And after Edward said his goodbyes to them both, we made our way downstairs to the waiting cab.
We made small talk all the way to the airport, but there was still no mention of Emmett and Rose, or the events that had transpired over our time in Vegas. Every conversation centered around our arrival in Chicago, cementing the idea in my head that things would return to normal once we got there. As soon as he was in the familiar surroundings of home.
However, when we finally took off, the tension in his body visibly began to return and my relief dissipated along with it. I rested my head on his shoulder and began to read my book to distract myself, but relished in the feel of his lips pressing against my hair briefly before he turned his gaze back out the window.
The three and a half hour flight seemed endless in our silence, and I eagerly fastened the seatbelt when the captain announced the impending descent into O'Hare. I was anxious to get off that plane and to Edward's apartment, praying that I wouldn't strip my lower lip raw with my teeth in the meantime.
Once we were in the confines of his car, I drew in a deep breath, remembering a different time in the very same vehicle. It looked and smelled the same, but everything else wasn't even close. His desire and need to touch me then was as palpable as my own. I could see it in every glance and smile, hear it in every breath he took—but there was also a major difference in his body language back then. Despite anticipating the culmination of months of waiting for that moment, he was still fairly laid back and carefree; his smile never left his face and conversation never lapsed.
He was happy to be there with me then; and at that moment, I couldn't be so certain.
We finally reached his apartment, and though I'd seen parts of it a hundred times over, I somehow hadn't expected it to be so… normal. It was definitely a man's apartment—simple and halfway neat—but nothing that screamed 'successful doctor in a major university hospital'.
"Sorry, I didn't have a lot of time to clean before I left for Vegas," Edward said in a soft voice, obviously noting my perusal.
"No, it looks great," I replied nervously, setting my carry-on down at my feet.
One corner of his mouth twitched as he showed me around the apartment, ending at his bedroom where he set down the suitcases and turned to me.
"And there's another bathroom right through there," he said, pointing toward another doorway on the other side of the room.
I reached out for Edward's hand without a word and pulled him toward me, gently lacing my fingers in his hair and pressing my lips to his.
He surprised me with his response. After two days of little more than his hand holding mine, or a chaste kiss here and there, both of his arms wrapped tightly around me. He pulled me closer and kissed me feverishly, with all the passion I'd yearned for. As if he desired me the way I desired him, like he couldn't get enough of me.
The way he had only days before.
Taking the front of his shirt in my hands, I walked backward toward the bed, pulling him down on top of me, anxious to feel the weight of his body on mine. I guided his hand from its position on my hip and slid it beneath my shirt, cupping it around my lace-clad breast. His body pressed more firmly against mine, and I could feel him becoming aroused as my hands gripped his shoulders, unable to get close enough to him.
I rolled my hips up against him and he squeezed my breast in response, our moans reverberating between us. As I began to unbutton his shirt, I brushed kisses along his jaw and down his neck, sliding my hands beneath the fabric upon unfastening the final one.
"I want you," I whispered in his ear, running my fingertips lightly over the skin of his back.
Edward pressed his lips firmly to my shoulder and I felt my shirt slowly begin to rise up my abdomen. As he began moving down my body, I felt a vibration against the inside of my leg. We both released a heavy sigh as he shifted to retrieve his phone from the holster on his hip and glanced at the caller id. "It's the hospital, baby. I've gotta take this."
I nodded, though disappointed at the interruption of our first moment alone together, and he kissed me gently before standing off the bed.
"Dr. Cullen," he answered into the phone and I sat up to remove my shoes. His formal referral to himself sounded off to my ears, as did his calm, professional tone only seconds after our heated moment. "Yes, sir… Now?"
I furrowed my brow as he looked down at his watch before holding the phone between his ear and shoulder, rebuttoning his shirt. He glanced at my questioning expression and held up a finger as he continued to speak.
"Okay, I can be there in... fifteen minutes?" he replied only half questioningly to the person on the other end. He walked into his closet and returned quickly with a pair of slacks in his hands. "Yes, sir. It's no problem at all. Goodbye."
I felt a tightening in my chest as he ended the call and hurriedly changed out of his jeans. In the few short minutes of the conversation, any hint of his previous state of arousal had all but diminished. And though probably only my overactive imagination at work, he almost seemed relieved for the disruption. "Is something wrong?"
His eyes rose to meet mine as he tucked in his shirt and then shook his head. "That was just my boss. He needs me to come in for a quick meeting. I shouldn't be more than an hour."
"I thought you were on vacation for the rest of the week," I stated, albeit resembling somewhat of a spoiled brat, and lowered my eyes to my lap in realization of that fact. "Sorry. I know your work needs to come first."
His legs came into my view in front of me and his hands rested on either side of my face. He brought my gaze to meet his and bent at the waist to kiss me gently. "I'm sorry, Bella. I won't be long, I promise."
I sighed as I watched him quickly leave the room and heard his keys jingle moments before the door closed, leaving me only to my thoughts. I felt odd, being in the unfamiliar surroundings of Edward's apartment without him there. But more than that, the stillness made me feel even more uneasy. Everything had its place in that room, except me – not at all the way I'd expected.
The truth was that I really didn't know what I'd expected; I only knew that was not it. When I'd envisioned coming to Chicago with Edward, I'd imagined him taking me in his arms the moment we walked in the door, making me feel at ease and at home. But what surrounded me was not home, it was just a residence. As I looked around, everything seemed sober and meticulous. The absence of color, empty walls, and lack of furniture gave a coldness to the atmosphere. It seemed to mirror Edward's behavior in the past few days, which had been filled with so much silence, I had the urge to scream just to break it.
I stood and made my way out to the living room in an attempt to fill the time while waiting for Edward to return, feeling more lonely than ever. My eyes immediately found his desk along the far wall, and I felt drawn by the familiarity. I settled into his large comfortable chair and glanced over the surface.
There was next to nothing on it but his monitor, a coaster, and two small, framed photographs. The first was what I assumed were his parents – judging from the hair color of the woman, so similar to Edward's, and familiar features I recognized on the man, as well the slight hints of grey at his temples. They made such a beautiful couple, and appeared very happy and in love as well.
I looked to the next photograph and I reached out to take it into my hands. It was of me, with my eyes closed and my face resting on his chest. I ran my thumb along the silver edge of the frame, my teeth dragging along my lip.
He'd obviously taken it in New York, during one of the few times I'd fallen asleep during the week, bringing to light once again the sharp contrast between then and the present moment.
Edward had barely left my side the entire time, and there was never a time while we were together when we weren't touching in some way. Upon reflection, I could see and feel how much he loved me, even without him speaking the words. But now, there were times that I couldn't get him to look me in the eyes, and never with the same intensity and passion in his gaze as there was then. And his lack of affection was weighing on me.
I couldn't understand why there was such a change, even if he was still wrapping his mind around his friend getting married. Why should that affect his demeanor with me? Something was wrong and he wouldn't talk to me; was this how it would be throughout the entire visit? There was no way I could bear it through the entire visit.
I set the frame back in its place on his desk and my eyes fell to the black keyboard, running my fingers lightly over the keys. I ached for my Edward—the one who had sat at that desk night after night, aching for me just as badly. Telling me how much he wanted and needed me as we brought each other to the heights of pleasure. The same Edward that told me he loved me at the end of every call.
With a sharp exhale, I pushed myself out of the chair and headed back into the bedroom, grabbing my suitcase and tossing it on the bed. I'm going to get my man back, no matter what it takes, I thought as I grabbed my essentials and headed for the bath.