Nasir hid himself amongst the shadows which stretched between the pillars of the temple and watched Agron train. His heart was not in it, his concentration lapsed often, mind clearly occupied by thoughts far removed from those of future preparedness, and more than once he stumbled or had sword knocked from grasp. Now and then, he would still, and cast his eyes over the surroundings as if hoping to catch sight of something… or someone.

In these moments Nasir would make himself small and shrink further into the shadow, hoping not to be seen.

He had given much though to the things Naevia had spoken of and had concluded that she was right. He had been wrong to leave Agron with no more than half formed reasoning and stilted farewell. And he'd been foolish to deny himself the comfort offered by the man who still held his heart and all the scars it now bore.

Oh how he longed to run into those arms and feel them wrapped around him once more but he could not make himself move. Fear held him firmly in place. It was not the fear of physical touch which kept him back, not wholly at least though that was certainly part of it, it was more a fear of how Agron might respond to him now, that he would look upon him differently somehow, with disgust or pity. He did not think that he could stand either.

He leaned back against a pillar and silently cursed himself and all his insecurities.

The gladiator continued to fight, without break. He was exhausted Nasir observed, it was obvious even from this distance. He looked near ready to drop, but he fought on, giving Nasir much concern for his well being and not some small amount of guilt too. He was glad when he saw Naevia bring refreshment. Though at first Agron shrugged her off, Naevia would not be disregarded, she appeared insistent and waited calmly until at last Agron let the sword slip from his grasp and accepted the food and water.

He drained the cup in one go but only picked at the bread and berries before returning the barely touched plate to Naevia who bestowed upon him a concerned frown. With a small shake of her head she turned back to the table, catching sight of Nasir as she did so. She reached behind herself to touch Agron's arm and nodded in Nasir's direction.

Agron looked up, his gaze immediately settling upon Nasir and in that moment Nasir would swear his heart stopped beating, just for the briefest time. He went still, frozen to the spot, as Agron took long, purposeful strides towards him then suddenly stopped in his tracks, hesitating before taking a step back, looking to Nasir for permission to come closer.

Nasir's eyes slipped shut and he pressed himself tighter against the pillar, searching desperately for some inner strength, enough to still his racing heart and harsh, nervous breathing. When at last, he allowed himself to open his eyes, Agron was still watching… awaiting a sign from him. Nasir swallowed down the lump that formed in his throat, threatening to rob him of breath, and nodded gently.

The gladiator offered a nervous smile and moved forward, each step slow and careful, giving Nasir time to flee should he suddenly feel the need. Nasir though he had never seen the other man look so unsure of himself and it saddened him to know that he was the cause. He held himself still and waited until Agron was almost close enough to reach out and touch him, half relieved and half disappointed when he halted there, leaving some distance between them.

"Agron." He whispered, his voice small and unsteady.

"Nasir." The gladiator whispered back, his voice as unsteady as Nasir's.

For a moment they both remained silent, each man gazing at the other, remembering what they had meant to one another before…

"You look tired." Nasir offered at last, breaking the heavy silence. "You have not been sleeping." It was an observation, not a question.

Agron shook his head.

"I find I am troubled by dreams which leave me less than well rested. Attempts at sleep seem a waste of time and energy. But my troubled dreams mean nothing compared to yours."

"My waking thoughts are no less troubled. He haunts me, day and night. I see him everywhere, I feel his hands upon me even when I am alone, I…" He turned his body away from Agron, holding his pain inside himself, hiding. Why, he was not certain. He had told himself he would speak what was in his heart, good and bad just as Naevia had suggested, but he was finding himself tongue tied.

Agron saw the tension in the smaller man's body, the rigid lines were easy to read and he ached to bring him into his arms and soothe them away with loving words and tender kisses but he would not touch Nasir without permission, would not give him cause to fear more than he already did.

"Nasir." He said softly, forcing himself to remain in his place and not reach out. "I wish I could take this pain from you. Would that the Gods had listened to my prayers and made the pain mine. I would suffer it gladly if it meant that you were spared."

At this, Nasir turned back, his eyes immediately meeting Agron's and he spoke without thinking.

"I would not want that. I would not wish such pain on anyone, least of all one I love as I love you."

A breath caught in the gladiator's throat and for a moment he thought his heart would join it.

"You still have love for me?" He asked, unable to keep the hope from his voice.

"Always." Nasir answered honestly. "How could I not? You are everything to me, I long to feel your arms around me, to know the pleasure of your touch once again, to be as we were before but…"

"But?"

"But I am afraid."

"Of me?"

"Yes." Nasir whispered sadly. Agron frowned.

"Surely you know I would never hurt you?"

Nasir tried to find a smile but one would not come.

"I do. It is not that which causes me to fear you. It is…" He sighed, the full weight of his misery seemed to make the sigh feel heavy and he sank to the ground, sitting with his back against the pillar, knees pulled up to his chest, head resting upon his knees., his long hair hanging down, shielding his face.

Agron hesitated briefly before seating himself on the ground beside him, taking care to keep distance enough that there could be no accidental touch.

When at last Nasir looked up, Agron could see there were tears in his eyes, tears that stubbornly refused to fall. Even now, Nasir was still hiding, still trying to be strong. Agron fought back the tears that threatened to spill from his own eyes.

"I fear…" Nasir continued, his voice rough with emotion. "That your love for me, and mine for you may force a need in me before I am truly ready, that it will cause me to seek out your touch or your kiss only to… to…" He could not go on, but Agron thought he understood now.

"You are afraid that I will touch you but it will be his hands you feel."

Nasir nodded.

"Your memory is more precious to me than any other thing. I could not bear for it to be tainted by… him. And I could not bear to see the hurt in your eyes if it should happen that I flinch from your touch. I would rather be alone for the rest of my time than know I had caused you that pain."

"Being absent you in my life would cause pain far greater than anything that has already passed. Do you think I could bear to see you every day and know that you will never again be at my side? I would rather end my time on this earth than suffer that."

"Agron I…"

His protest was cut short.

"I am no fool Nasir. I know it is likely that what we once had is gone forever but even so you will remain in my heart until I am taken into the afterlife so if friendship is all that can exist between us now then I beg you let it be so because I would rather be friend to you than nothing at all."

Agron squeezed his eyes shut, fighting the swell of emotion that now rose in him but despite all efforts made to keep them from doing so, his tears still fell. He cursed his own weakness, he would not have Nasir make a choice based on pity or guilt, but when he opened his eyes to make apology he saw that Nasir's face was also streaked with tears.

His fingers itched to touch the other man's face and brush away those tears but even as he thought it, he felt Nasir's hand on his cheek, trembling fingers brushing against his wet skin as if the other man had reached into his mind and plucked out that very thought and made it his own.

"Nasir." He whispered, forgetting himself and lifting his own hand to touch Nasir's. A small thankful sob fell from his lips when Nasir did not pull back.

"I too would rather be friend than nothing." The younger man said, bowing his head almost shyly. "And I would seek comfort in a friend's embrace."

Brave now, Agron placed a hand beneath Nasir's chin and gently lifted his face to his.

"A comfort offered freely and without condition, to be taken whenever it is needed." Carefully he wrapped his arms around the younger man, grateful that he would even permit this.

Nasir slowly relaxed in Agron's arms, finally allowing himself the comfort his fear had denied him, and he lay his head against the gladiator's familiar, broad chest, secure in the knowledge that he was safe here, that Agron would never hurt him, would never push for more than he was able to give, would never leave him. He did not know if there could ever be more than friendship between them again but he hoped, deep within his heart that the Gods who had seen fit to abandon him in his time of need would at least grant him that one thing.

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