When Peter comes to he sees McGonagall's face staring at him with concern.
He then looks around to see his friends looking at him with quiet amazement.
There's Sirius and there's James and there's Remus. Even Lily is there.
They're all surrounding the bed.
It occurs to him then that he's in the hospital wing.
Madam Pomfrey brushes past the others and looks at him frowning.
"Pettigrew, how many fingers am I holding up?"She asks holding up two.
"Two."Peter responds slowly.
He vaguely remembers being in the great hall and then… he drank something and the whole world went blank.
He was poisoned!
"What happened?"He asks when he sees that everyone is staring at him in shocked silence. They're all wearing expressions of people who've just seen him grow a second head and Peter really hopes that isn't the case.
"Are you feeling okay?" Pomfrey asks, ignoring his question.
"Fine." Peter responds impatiently, at a loss as to why exactly they're acting the way they are.
"Nothing feels… weird?"Pomfrey questions further and Peter swears he hears an ever so silent 'pfft' let out by either Sirius or James before they cover it up with a cough.
"No. I'm fine." Peter grumbles. "What's going on?"
Pomfrey looks at McGonagall uneasily and weird glances are exchanged between Remus and Lily, while amusement starts to spread over James and Sirius's faces.
"Peter…"McGonagall sighs and it sets of yet another alarm, because she never uses his first name. She goes on to look at him with a pitying look on her face and he just knows that he probably lost a limb or two to earn such an honor.
Peter looks down to check.
Limbs are intact.
However.
"What the…"He murmurs and looks again.
Then he touches.
Then he gasps.
"Are those…" Peter lets out a squeak.
And James is now giggling like a prepubescent girl gasping for air while Sirius is smirking.
"Now come on, Peter, not like you didn't have them before."He grins mischievously.
"Black!"McGonagall chastises.
Peter can't really focus on the banter though, he just stares down at his body.
"Those are… those are…" He tries to squeeze out.
Sirius barks a laugh.
"Boobs, Peter."
Peter Pettigrew loses his consciousness for the second time that day.
"That wasn't nice, Sirius." Remus stares helplessly at his passed out friend and tries to look cross with Sirius at the same time.
"Someone had to tell him sooner or later 'cause by the looks of it he didn't even know what they were." Sirius defends himself.
But they all know that he's enjoying this way more than he should.
Mostly because it's his own unexpected revenge for the bright pink fiasco adorning his skin.
"I swear, before you boys came, Hogwarts was a quiet and peaceful place."McGonagall murmurs and slumps down on the bed next to Peter's.
All of them, including even Madam Pomfrey, give her skeptical looks and she chuckles wryly.
"Well more so than now, anyway."
"What kind of potion does this?"Lily asks, looking more disturbed by the fact that she doesn't know something than by the actual events.
"None that I can think of… but then again, I must say that I've never really had a reason to find out."McGonagall hums grimly.
"Not anything I've seen before." Madam Pomfrey nods.
"So what do we do? Shouldn't we take him to the hospital? Or at least try to find an antidote?" Remus shakes his head concerned.
Sirius notes the crease between his eyebrows, the slight frown and the melting gold of his eyes and almost wishes he was the one unconscious so that Remus was concerned about him.
But then again… maybe not.
"I highly doubt that even the most talented pupils at this school would be able to actually invent a transfiguration potion of such effects that last more than a month." McGonagall stands up and straightens out her robes, brushing dust off of them.
"More like disfiguration." Sirius whispers under his breath glancing at the body on the bed.
James howls with laughter.
"Sirius!"Remus growls. "Can you at least pretend to be worried?"
"Oh, calm down, he's a female which is, though arguably but still, better than being dead. You heard what the professor said. It will be over in a month or less, so whatever. I on the other hand am walking with this,"Sirius motions to the skin of his wrist peeking out from the sleeve and glowing with pink letters, "For the very same month, which is definitely worse than a pair of gazongas."
"Ga-what?"Lily murmurs confused.
Remus quickly reaches out his hand to cover Sirius' mouth.
They are actually discussing breasts in front of McGonagall.
A new low has been reached.
James hollers with uncontrollable laughter once again.
"Lily, trust me, if you ask him this we'll be stuck here for hours listening to the list of synonyms he has for that word. It's one of his special talents."Remus rolls his eyes and feels Sirius' lips press into a smile against his hand. Then there's something hot and wet on his palm and he jumps back.
"Tell me you did not just do that!"He yelps and wipes his hand on his pants quickly.
"Of course I didn't do that. I simply licked you, Remus. Merlin."Sirius responds with mock indignation and Moony's eyebrows shoot up.
"You know what? I don't even want to know."He murmurs and turns to give McGonagall an apologetic look.
"Anyway," The professor gives them a disapproving sideways glance, which has just enough humor in it to make Remus think that even McGonagall is not completely immune to the boyish charms of the Great Sirius Black. "I think our best bet is to leave the matters untouched until it wears off, otherwise we may be risking some dangerous side effects by trying to undo the charm. Unless, of course, we can find out what exact potion was used."
"Or find the culprit and make them tell us what was in it."James hums and McGonagall's eyes shoot to him, ablaze with reproof.
"You will do no finding, James Potter, for it would surely include many school rules being broken and chaos being caused. No plans. No traps. Nothing. Am I clear?"She says, her voice quiet but dangerous enough for James to nod quickly and Lily to throw him a smug look.
"Now. I need to see professor Dumbledoor about this. If you'll excuse me."
Pomfrey leaves with McGonagall and when the door closes behind them James sighs dreamily and puts a hand over his chest.
"She knows me so well."
"Of course she knows you well, everybody knows you well, James. There's really not that much depth to your personality."Lily rolls her eyes.
"Hey now, you should hear your boyfriend's speech he always gives when one of his socks go missing. It's based on some muggle scientist's explanation of some caustic mechanisms."Sirius defends his friend and Remus groans.
"He means quantum mechanics." Moony answers Lily's questioning stare and the girl giggles.
"Yeah!"James is now excited and Remus is praying that he does not explain further, but alas, "You see this guy Schridinger-"
"Schrödinger, James." Remus mumbles after flinching at the butchered name.
"That's what I said. So Schrindinger's theory is that if you don't know if the lost sock is in the drawer or not, at the same time it is in the drawer and it isn't. But once you do open it, it's either or. Which means that if you never open the drawer all the lost socks in the world are in there, hence you never need to buy new ones."James beams proudly and Remus can almost hear him proclaim in his head 'Aren't I smart?'
Lily looks at James for a couple of seconds then glances at Remus.
"He isn't actually serious, is he?"
"He is."
"Wow."
"I know."
They then start chuckling at the same time, because James pouts childishly.
Sirius watches their exchange in quiet bemusement, because he may just have set James up for this one so that Lily and Remus can have their 'smart people' fun.
He likes Remus smiling even if it means making a fool of himself or of James. Though the latter probably would not appreciate the sentiment.
But as Sirius notices a warm glance James gives Lily he suddenly understands that maybe his friend does know exactly what Sirius is doing and simply goes along with it for the same reasons Sirius does it.
"I just had the weirdest dream."Peter's voice interrupts them and they all fall silent as they look at their friend sitting up.
Peter… does not make a pretty girl, Sirius thinks and leaves it at that, before his mind can go places Sirius doesn't want nor need it going.
"Do tell, Peter."James prompts earning himself two nasty glares from Moony and Lily.
"I was poisoned and then I had boobs and then McGonagall was there, so I thought I lost my limbs or grew a second head and then…" Peter murmurs groggily and then stops mid-sentence whilst looking down.
"Don't faint!"Remus yells at him in alarm and Sirius notes that if he ever needs help not fainting Remus is not the person to go to.
"You've got to be joking, Moons."Sirius laughs. "He sure is not going to faint now."
Peter raises his head.
"But-"
"Sorry, Peter."Lily says with all the pity in the world.
That night as Madam Pomfrey ushers them out, they leave Peter in front of a body sized mirror he absolutely insisted on being brought.
The poor guy is still 'ooh'ing and 'aww'ing and murmuring about bits and pieces of his body that are just not supposed to there and complaining especially about those missing and how it's completely unfair that he has to be such an ugly girl, when at the very least it would be more fair if he was a good looking one.
They all nod in compassion, which is not entirely sincere on James and Sirius' part, because it is just too much fun to hear Peter's voice coming out of a girl's mouth, making the situation even more comical.
Even Remus can't help a tiny chuckle here and there, though he hides it better than his friends.
When James, Sirius and Remus are back in their dorm room, James plops down on his bed and turns to his side looking at his friends with the oh-so-familiar flames of mischief dancing in his eyes.
"We've got to find who did this."He states and grins eagerly. "You know we do."
Sirius rolls his eyes but inevitably starts responding to the trouble making atmosphere James is radiating and grinning slowly.
Remus is hesitant. But he does think that the very least Peter deserves is them trying to help.
"I don't know, James, maybe we should just try to find out whether there is actually such a potion first."Moony hums biting his lower lip. "That could be the faster way to help Peter."
"Peter?"James asks appalled, "Who cares about Peter, he'll be fine. Mine as the greatest prankster of our generation reputation is in jeopardy, I can't just let whoever did this get away with it."
Sirius laughs at Remus' disapproving expression.
"I need to know who did it and how!"James exclaims sitting up.
"Well, you do that on your own then, James, I'm not getting myself into one of your master troubles ever again."Remus frowns and shakes his head, moving to his bed, picking up his towel along the way.
"My master troubles?" James protests, "Moony, be honest with yourself for a moment okay, at least about this. You may pretend to be all prim and perfect, but we know all know that you enjoy our troubles just as much as the rest of us do."
Moony scoffs and turns away to which Sirius chuckles.
"James got you there, Moons." He agrees with Potter, partly because Sirius knows James is right, but mostly because Remus is now narrowing his eyes and glaring at them and there's just something about getting a reaction out of Remus that makes Sirius' blood run faster.
He thinks that he soon will have to resort to pulling Moony's hair just for that reason and that it is truly pathetic.
"You're the head boy, James. Have some shame. Whatever you're planning, you heard McGonagall, she already forbade it."Remus argues.
"I don't have a plan yet, but even if I did, McGonagall would never have to know about it."James wiggles his eyebrows.
"I'm guessing Lily doesn't have to know either."Remus retorts and there's a smug little smile playing on his lips, because he knows that it is a significant blow.
"She doesn't."James responds all too quickly and Remus looking at the flash of fear in the guy's eyes gives him a holier-than-thou smile, because he knows he just won.
When Moony disappears to the bathroom, Sirius looks at James with a skeptical glint in his eyes.
"Look, Prongs, you should know this by now. You come up with the plan first, and then you go to Moony. He can't help offering improvements, because let's face it, he can't keep it to his perfectionist self, and voila! You have a very cooperative Remus on your side."He explains and James responds with a humorous look.
"If there was a science on all things Moony, you'd be the world's best at it." He laughs.
Sirius sticks out his tongue and James plops back down on his back with a content sigh.
"Sirius is Snape's bitch, Peter is a girl and I have a master plan to come up with." He murmurs. "Today was a good day."
Sirius picks up a pillow and throws it at the guy with full strength.