And it becomes personal.
So very personal.
That night, when Remus is still neck deep in books, taking turns to read about both, skin ink spell and the principles of transfiguration potions and Sirius is lounging about the dorm, bouncing off the walls with pent up energy and trying his best to distract Remus and make the guy pay attention to him, Potter falls through the doorway, landing on the ground face first.
The other two guys look at him stunned.
James pushes himself up on his elbows and raises his head.
He is covered in pimples.
Covered, as in not a centimeter of his skin is clear.
They're everywhere, starting with his forehead ending with his fingers.
Potter's eyes are wide and scandalized and his glasses are hanging on the end of his nose about to fall off.
"Merlin."Sirius mutters and the book he was balancing on his head falls to the ground with a loud thud.
"Oh, not you too."Remus whines and rubs his face with one hand tiredly.
"I told you! I told you we are targeted, Sirius!"James yells angrily and jumps to his feet, hurrying past his friends and into the bathroom where he stands examining his poor skin for a couple of moments.
"What happened?"Sirius frowns.
"I drank something that's what happened."James huffs.
"What do you mean 'something'?"Remus asks narrowing his eyes.
"I mean something. I was just sitting in the common room, you know, trying to figure that whole Peter thing out, and I turned and saw a bottle of butterbeer standing on the coffee table beside me and …"James trails off, playing with his skin to his friends' utter disgust.
"Don't touch them, James, you'll only make it worse, you dimwit!"Remus chastises and James throws him an accusatory glance.
"Hey! I'm the victim here, why are you so mean!"
"Because, you daft prick, I can't believe you were stupid enough to drink something just standing there!"Moony groans. "After all these years of spiking everything at every opportunity you get, one would think you would have enough wit to actually think twice about things you put in your mouth."
"Hate to say it, but he's right, Prongs."Sirius nods trying to tame a smile when he sees James trying to pull the back of his shirt up and examine his back, twisting and turning, looking so much like a dog chasing its tail.
"Well, great, I'm an idiot, will you just help me already?"James grinds out through gritted teeth.
"Just go to Pomfrey, she'll fix you right up."Sirius shrugs amazed that his friend is not at the hospital wing yet.
"Been already, not like after this happened I hurried right up here to talk to you two."James rolls his eyes.
"And?"
"When she tried to remove these, they spread to my toes."James whines pathetically. "I have pimples in places I never knew it was possible to have them, Moony, so just fix me."
"James, I don't know what kind of power you all think I secretly hold, but I hate to say that if a medwitch with years of experience couldn't fix you, then certainly I cannot conjure some solution up like it's nothing."Remus complains. "Besides, I have two other idiots that need help, one of whom, we can all agree has a far more serious problem, and I haven't even started my Potions' homework."
"But, Moony."James looks at him teary eyed and with his lip trembling ever so slightly. And Sirius actually feels bad for Remus now. Because they all know Remus is about to say yes to whatever James asks. "Something pops every time I sit down. Please."
Sirius and Remus cringe at the mental image.
"Okay. Okay. Just…don't talk about those bits of you anymore. Not something I need in my mind."Moony agrees and his shoulders slump. "Wait, can't you just ask your one true love, James?"
"She refused to help me after I tried to show her."James grumbles and pouts.
Sirius starts laughing at the mental image of James pulling his pants down in front of Lilyright there in the common room. Because that's probably what happened.
"Not funny."James protests.
"Actually…"Remus lets out a soft chuckle and James knows he lost.
"Well, whatever, just help me figure this out."James huffs. "And whoever is responsible for this…let's just say that I will find them. And when I do, they better pray that none of this monstrosity leaves any scars, or heads will roll."
Peter is confused.
And craving something sweet.
But mostly confused.
He is kicked out of the hospital wing, because Pomfrey gets six more patients after some very unfortunate practice of potion making.
Before she lets him go she calls McGonagall and they discuss the matter of his adaptation to this new development (apparently growing a pair of gazongas is now called a 'development') and decide to get Lily of all people to help him out with…girl stuff.
He doesn't quite get what it means at first, but when he moves around a little bit and pops three of his shirts' buttons around his chest area, he starts to understand little by little.
So now he's confused.
He and the Head Girl are standing in front of two staircases winding up.
One leads to boy's dormitory, while another leads to the gates of paradise.
At first he doesn't even stop to think about it, but then Lily points out that until everyone is informed about his situation him sleeping with the boys may cause some ruckus.
Pete is smart enough to know that whatever ruckus she thinks would happen has a very low chance of actually happening, but he realizes that an attractive well-proportioned redhead would just imagine every single male specimen as a big bad wolf and him as a little lamb.
So he is confused.
Or at least he's pretending to be.
In reality he may or may not be trying to play his cards right to get to sleep with the girls.
"What do we do?"Lily breathes an uneasy sigh, frowning so thoroughly that Peter almost feels bad for making her this concerned.
But not bad enough to give up the possibility of witnessing an actual pillow fight.
With feathers and lacey underwear and the like.
"I don't know."He shakes his head solemnly.
At that very moment, a very disgruntled Remus Lupin descends down the staircase.
No, not the one leading to paradise.
"Peter?"He stops in his tracks.
Peter takes in the guy's shifty gaze that's clearly avoiding bits and pieces of him that are not very male anymore and the book in his hands, reading 'Transfiguration For the Simple Minded' and can't decide whether to glare at his friend for the obvious distaste for his current state or to thank him as he probably is the only one trying to actually get him back to normal at this moment.
"Hi."Peter nods and settles for a friendly acknowledgement.
"Oh, Remus, help me out here."Lily interjects. "I-"
"Lily, love, I couldn't care less."Remus visibly shudders at the word 'help'. "I have a male friend to turn back to …well being actually male, a Black, talking my ear of about how he cannot walk into the class with Slytherins in it tomorrow, because they will mock him dead as he was genius enough to let that male friend of mine write 'Snape's bitch' all over him, and as if that's not enough I have your genius boyfriend, complaining to me about things popping and other grossness because apparently your love only lasts as long as he doesn't take of his pants to show you his pimply arse."
Remus takes in a deep breath and Lily's eyes widen.
"So, no, I will not help you out. I'm going to the library. Again. That's the third time today. On a Sunday. That's a record even for me. Especially considering that I got none of my homework done."
Moony storms past them and as his back disappears behind the portrait, Lily suddenly realizes that they are alone in the common room, because it's very late.
"Remus, curfew! Library's closed!"
But he doesn't hear her.
"So?"Peter asks, bringing her back to more important issues at hand.
She looks at him frowning again.
"I don't know, Pete, neither feels right."She concludes finally.
Remus barges back into the common room.
"Curfew!"He groans. "Why are you still standing here?"
"Well, I was going to ask you."Lily mutters indignantly, but there's a small smile playing on her lips.
"What?"Remus gives up.
"What do we do with Pete?" She gestures to the boy…girl…Peter, standing next to her.
"What do you mean?"Moony looks at them confused.
"Where does he sleep tonight?"Lily asks as if it is the most obvious question in the world.
Peter tries to communicate his pleas and wildest dreams to Remus through his eyes, but Remus takes one look at his weirdly squinting friend and his eyebrows shoot up.
"Don't be daft Lily, of course he's sleeping where he always sleeps. Unless you and your friends want to be ogled at various states of undress and committed to memory for nighttime activities when he gets his parts back."Remus scoffs rolling his eyes.
Peter hears the gates of paradise squeak and clink as they shut right in front of his face, and it is someone who he once considered a friend that puts a lock on them and turns the key.
"Oh. Right."Lily murmurs. "Of course."
"Prick."Pete swears under his breath.
"Not really. I just have some moral values, you ungrateful brat."Remus retorts and walks towards the dorm, grabbing Peter's collar and dragging him up with him.
Lily is left staring after them wide eyed.
"Well."She sighs, and turns to walk to girl's dormitory, not wanting to be late for the lingerie pillow fight.
"I can't do it, Moony, I can't."Sirius is clinging to the post of his bed with both hands, whilst Remus is dragging him… trying to drag him off of it by his ankles.
"You are not skiving."He retaliates angrily. "Seventh year. Must. Be. Serious." The guy grunts out between breaths.
"Always. Am."Sirius replies which makes James, who is sitting by, enjoying the show, laugh.
"Not. Funny. Anymore."Remus growls and tugs stronger.
The bed moves from its place slightly.
"Ow-ow-ow-ow!"Sirius yelps. "Truce! Truce! Moony!"
Remus gives Sirius' legs one last thug, before letting go of the bloke, who immediately curls up nursing his poor ankles.
"Sirius, we have to go. You have to go."Remus sighs.
"But I can't. They're gonna laugh." Sirius pouts.
"A bit too late for that, don't you think?" Remus rolls his eyes.
"Still. I don't wanna."Sirius whines.
"Well you 'gotta'." Moony is not having it.
Sirius looks at him, a lock of brown hair with golden streaks falling into his eyes, intent and unrelenting staring right at him and wants to squirm.
This is really inconvenient.
This stubborn look and slightly flushed cheeks are very inconvenient, because they make Sirius not only want to kiss Moony but also do whatever he asks, and right now he can't actually do either.
"Moony, they'll make fun of me. I can't face Snivellus."Sirius groans out, throwing himself back onto his mattress.
Remus sighs and just stands there watching his friend silently for a moment.
"I'll hex them if they laugh at you Sirius. Granted they have the right to, because, need I remind you, you did this to yourself, but if they make fun of you, I'll still hex them." Moony finally gives in and Sirius knows he is probably quietly hoping that he won't actually need to hex anyone, and his scariest prefect glare will do the trick on its own.
"Promise?"Sirius peeks at his friend through his eyelashes because it's his best look, which he, though he would never admit it if anyone ever dared to ask, has practiced for hours in the mirror.
While the look seems to do nothing to Remus, the guy still smiles warmly.
"Promise."
"And you will not leave my side today. You never know when they might attack."Sirius negotiates.
He can almost feel James' mocking stare on him, but he pays no mind, he is too busy showing Remus' his best puppy dog eyes.
"Okay, if you get ready in two minutes, I will let you follow me all day and I won't even complain about it."Remus agrees easily.
"Now if that isn't love, I don't know what is."James sighs dreamily.
"Yes. Deep and passionate."Remus deadpans while Sirius shoots James an alarmed glare. "Sirius, just hurry up."