Thank you, as always, for the lovely words. I'm glad you're enjoying so far. :)

Buckle up, darlings.

you'll be in love until it kills you both
you'll fight
and you'll shag
and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver
[…]
love isn't brains, children
it's blood
blood screaming inside you to work its will
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 0308 "Lover's Walk"

Without opening his eyes, Juice rolled over and reached for her—to find her gone. He frowned. The pillow was still warm, and a few long red hairs were caught on it. He buried his nose in it to enjoy the newly-familiar scent of her hair and sneezed from the feathers. In the bathroom the shower came on.

He grinned and stretched out with his arms behind his head. How would she react if he joined her? She would probably like having her pussy eaten while she stood under the hot spray…

No better way to start the day, really. Coffee was severely overrated.

He didn't bother to knock, just strode straight in, pulled the curtain back, and climbed into the tub. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and sucked water off her shoulder. "Good morning, beautiful," he said.

For a second she melted into him, and he ran both hands up her body to cup her breasts and pressed his erection against her ass. "Mmmm, baby, gotta get my mouth on you," he murmured. "Wanna taste you as you come all over my tongue. Then I'm gonna take you back to bed and fuck you nice and slow."

She shivered. Then her body went tight and she turned around. There was tension around her eyes that gave him pause. "Sorry, Juicy," she said. "In kind of a hurry. Gotta get on the road, you know."

"Nothin' makes a long drive shorter like multiple orgasms," he said with a grin.

"Ahh…well, I can't really argue with that, but—" She ducked out of his arms and scooted around him.

"Okay," he said, frowning a little now. "At least let me help you wash all those hard to reach places. Or, maybe, your hair?"

"I'm good, actually. All clean. You finish up; I've gotta pack."

She stepped out and closed the curtain behind her. He stood beneath the pounding water and his frown deepened. What had just happened? Maybe she was feeling shy. Which seemed odd after last night, but…maybe in the light of the morning she remembered that they hadn't seen each other in almost four years, yet they'd done things to each other that…well. Very intimate things.

He rubbed a bar of soap over his entire body, head and face included, and rinsed as fast as he could. When he emerged from the bathroom, a towel slung low on his hips and held in one loose fist, she was already dressed, and her overnight bag was almost full. She'd laid his clothes out on the bed, and for some reason he felt a vague, nagging sort of foreboding.

"Olivia?" he said.

"Hhmm?" She didn't stop; didn't look at him; she dropped to her knees to dig under the bed, and when she emerged she had her panties from last night clutched in her fist.

"Olivia!" he said again, sharper.

She sighed and spun toward him. "What, Juice? I'm kind of busy."

"Yeah, I see that. Where's the fire, Liv? It's barely eight. I thought we could have some breakfast. Hang out a little more."

"Hang out," she said, lifting a brow. "You mean fuck."

"I mean—yeah, maybe, if you were into it. But not necessarily. I really just meant hang out."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I've really gotta get on the road. Long—"

"Drive. I know." He ducked his head and rubbed a hand back and forth over his scalp. "Olivia, is there somethin' goin' on here I don't know about? I thought after last night—"

Her brow furrowed and she took a step closer. "You thought what? One night could make up for four years? It doesn't work that way, Ortiz."

"Make up—? I didn't realize we needed to make up for four years, Olivia. Yeah, it's a long time, but it's not like we spent it pissed at each other."

"Really?" she said. "You haven't been the least bit angry with me? Not once in all that time? Wow." She shook her head and shoved her makeup bag into the suitcase. "You're a better man than me."

He frowned at her back. "I mean yeah, I guess, maybe. But I got over it. I get why you ended it, Liv. We were young, but—"

"But what?" she said as she spun to face him. "What do you think is happening here, Juan Carlos?"

"You—you said last night—you said you missed me."

She sighed. "I did miss you, Juice. Of course I did. You were an incredibly important part of my life at one point. It'd be insane if I didn't miss you."

"Yeah, but…" He trailed off and shook his head. Slowly it began to dawn on him that she was leaving. Really leaving. He held up a hand. "Hang on, okay? Just gimme a sec. I can't have this conversation naked."

She gestured toward his pants and disappeared into the bathroom to gather her toiletries. He stepped into his shorts and trousers, zipping them but not bothering with the button.

"Olivia, look," he called, "let's just think about this, okay? You said it yourself last night: there's nothin' keeping me in Charming anymore. Your life's in Portland. I get that."

Her expression was inscrutable when she emerged. "What are you trying to say?"

"Just that—I'm willing to try it. I can come up there to visit, maybe you could come down here some. Then, after a while, if it works out…?"

"What, Juice? You can move to Portland? Leave your life here and just…?"

"Yeah!" He stepped closer, and he would've reached for her, but something about her face stopped him. "Yeah, Liv, that's exactly what I'm sayin'. You asked me last night why I never prospected for the MC? This's why."

"What? Me? What the fuck do I have to do with you and SAMCRO?"

He made a frustrated gesture. "I knew you didn't want to be an old lady, and I figured you probably wouldn't want to come back to Charming full-time. So…I was kinda waiting. I've been workin' a lot, savin' up."

"Waiting for me?" she said, astounded.

"Well—yeah." His brow furrowed. "Hoping, more."

"I never asked you to do that, Juice!"

"Of course you didn't. You would never—"

"I broke up with you! What about that made you think you should put your life on hold for me?"

"My life wasn't on hold, Olivia. I was making plans."

"Plans! Right. For me. What the fuck, Juice? Did you think after four years it would be that easy? You tell me all your plans and I fall back into your arms?"

"You fell back into my arms pretty hard last night!" he snapped.

Clearly uneasy, she looked away. Made a big pretense out of rearranging things in her bag before she finally faced him again. "Last night was great, but it was—it was a mistake. I never meant for it to happen."

"Sure you didn't. That's why you wore matching purple underwear."

"My underwear choices have nothing to do with—"

"Olivia! I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm not asking for any sort of commitment or promise. I'm just asking you to give us another shot! Don't you think it's worth it? After what happened—"

"It was goodbye sex, Juice!" She pressed a hand to her forehead and rubbed at the ache there. "That's it. Hot, sweaty goodbye sex."

He fell back in disbelief. "Goodbye sex," he scoffed. He surged toward her again, his temper finally getting the better of him. "Excuse me if I thought it felt a lot more like hello sex. Which part was goodbye, Olivia?"

His voice went low and rough as he took her by the arms. "The part where you made me beg for half an hour before you sucked my balls dry?" He pressed his lips to her temple. "Or maybe when I bent you over the table and fucked you so hard your legs went numb." A nip to the corner of her jaw. "Or, I don't know, I guess it could've been when I made you squirt all over—"

"Okay!" she said. She jerked out of his grip and spun away. "I remember everything that happened last night, Ortiz, believe me. It doesn't change anything."

"It changes everything, Olivia! It was you and me. Us! Nothing's changed in four years. We're still the same."

"That's not true," she said. "You don't know me anymore. I don't know you. There's a huge difference between seventeen and twenty-two."

"I know the things that matter. You're still you. You're the still the girl I've been in love with since I was a dumb sixteen-year-old."

Her hands were shaking so hard she could barely zip up the overfull suitcase, but when he went to help her she stopped him with a sharp jerk of her hand. "No, I'm not," she said. "I'm really not."

"Okay, so, you dropped out of school. Got a tattoo and pierced your nipples and fucked some people. I got tattoos, too. I fucked people, too. Girls, as a matter of fact, so we've got that in common."

She let out a ragged sigh and tilted her chin toward him. "Juice—fuck." Slumping against the dresser, she buried her face in her hands. "I'm engaged, Juice."

For a second he was sure she was joking, or he misheard her. "Wha—?" He laughed. He couldn't help it. It was too absurd. Then he saw her face and he knew she wasn't kidding. "What?" he said, his voice going hard and cold.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you."

"You fucking well think?" he cried. "That's the type of information I like to know about the women I sleep with, Olivia! Jesus Christ!" He paced away, gripping his skull with one hand as he tried to make sense of it. "You're engaged. You're engaged. You're fucking engaged to be married. Till death do us fucking part!"

"That's usually how it works, yeah," she said, weakly.

"What happened to too young? What happened to not wanting to settle down!?" he demanded as he spun toward her again.

"I told you!" She pushed off the dresser with an indignant scowl. "I told you a lot changes in four years! I told you I wasn't the same person you knew!"

"Don't give me that bullshit, Olivia! I do know you, and that's what scares you. It's what's always scared you! I read you like a fucking book and you can't stand it!"

"You give yourself way too much credit, Ortiz. Maybe you did know me, when I was a dumb high school kid, but I'm not that girl anymore."

"Are you pregnant? Is that what happened? You got knocked up so now you're marrying him for the kid?"

"No! Fuck you, Juice! I make my own goddamn choices. This is what I want!"

"What's his name?" he said like she hadn't spoken. "Or maybe it's not a guy. You marryin' a girl, Olivia? Is that what's goin' on? You're swearin' off dick, but you thought you'd give it one last go just to make sure?"

"Fuck you!" she said again. They were both yelling, up in each other's faces and screaming like they hadn't done since, maybe, that fight in the Cougar the day she accused him of telling their principal she was fucking their teacher. Ironic she should think of that…

"It's Ben," she spat. "Ben Collins."

He looked like she'd slapped him. "You're marrying Mr. Collins? Olivia, what the fuck? Why would you do that? Are you insane?"

"Not that it's any of your fucking business, but we've been seeing each other over a year. A few months ago he proposed and I said yes. It's really that simple."

He gaped at her like she spoke Portuguese. "You—there's no ring. Did you take off your ring for the funeral, Liv? So you could fuck me and not feel guilty about it?"

She gritted her teeth and tried to control her fury. "He didn't give me a ring. No ring, no elaborate wedding, no expensive honeymoon. We're saving for a house."

Somehow that was what made it real for him. A house. She was getting married. To someone else. To Ben Collins, for fuck's sake. She was going to settle down in Portland with Ben Collins in some cute little house and start popping out cute little kids.

He swallowed hard and scraped a hand down his face. "Do you love him?"

"What kind of question is that? I'm marrying him, aren't I?"

"That's not what I asked," he said, his eyes narrowing.

"Of course I love him! Don't be ridiculous."

"Right. Love him enough to spend all night with me, us fucking each other's brains out, with nary a mention of your upcoming wedding!"

"I made a mistake, Ortiz. I'm sorry. I should have told you. Last night never should have happened. I just—I had to get you out of my system."

He grabbed her again, squeezing her upper arms until she yelped. "Am I, Olivia? Am I out of your system? Did it work?"

She said nothing, and his mouth moved in a grim smile.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Just goodbye sex, huh? You said it last night: you're mine. Nothing's ever gonna change that."

She shoved him away. "That was bedroom talk, Juice. We're over! We've been over way longer than we were ever together. Get over it!"

"The tattoo!" he said, pointing at her.

Her face creased in confusion. "What? What about it?"

"Two goldfish, just like I won you that day. One orange, one black. They're us!"

"You're not black."

"Yeah. And you're fuckin' orange. You told me you got that tattoo right after high school graduation, which was almost six months after we broke up!"

"I like fish! I think you're reading a bit too much into it and giving yourself a little too much credit. After we split you didn't have enough influence over my life to affect the design I chose to get permanently etched into my skin!"

"Fuck you, Olivia! Fuck you and your self-righteous bullshit! You think I buy a word of that? Don't you know I've been waiting for you? This whole goddamn time I've waited for you, and you were off getting engaged to Ben fucking Collins!"

"I never asked you to wait for me! Never once. I told you we were done. I told you we both needed to move on. What part of that was unclear?"

He gave a sharp jerk of his head. "You're the love of my life, Olivia, and I know you feel the same way!"

"You don't meet the love of your life at seventeen, Ortiz!"

"Oh, but you do at fourteen? Because that's how old you were when you met your fiancé. Or did you forget that part?"

She looked away, a frown between her brows. "That's different."

"Yeah, I know. Because you don't fucking love him!"

"You have no right to say that to me! None at all. You don't know me anywhere near as well as you think you do, and I'm sick of you thinking you have some sort of claim on me because of hot sex and promises we made when we were kids!" She yanked at the chain around her neck, and when the clasp finally gave she threw the necklace in his face.

"Move the fuck on, Ortiz. I have."

He caught it before it could hit the ground, and for a moment he stood frozen. She was halfway to the door before he checked back in, and he chased after her. Grabbed her elbow and pulled her around to face him. "Just tell me it's what you really want. Tell me last night meant nothing to you, and going back to Portland to marry Ben Collins is what you really want to do. Say that and we're through. Really, truly through."

Tears gathered in her eyes, and she'd gone pale beneath her freckles. "It's the life I'm choosing, Juice."

"That doesn't answer the question!"

"Last night was a mistake," she said again. "I should never have let it happen. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I made you think things were different than they are. I shouldn't have come at all."

He studied her face for a long time, the ache around his heart growing as the seconds ticked by. Finally he let go and took a step back. "You're right, Olivia," he said, a steely finality beneath his soft tone. "You should've stayed in Portland."

"Juice, I'm sorry—"

"Go," he said. "Just go. There's not really anything left to say, is there?"

Her teeth sank into her lower lip and the wetness trembled on her lashes before it tracked down her cheeks. With a strangled little sigh she reached for the door, and she'd just gotten it open when his voice stopped her.

"Don't come back here, Olivia," he said. "I don't think there's a place in Charming for you anymore."

"Yeah, Juice," she murmured. "Pretty sure you're right about that."

The door slammed behind her and he didn't move. Couldn't. He felt like she'd gutted him. The first time had been hard, but at least then—he'd known she still loved him. The timing just wasn't right, and maybe somewhere down the road they could have a second chance…

The ringing phone brought him around, and he moved sluggishly to answer it. A politely condescending voice asked him if everything were all right; they had received several complaints from nearby rooms about raised voices.

He snorted out a laugh. "Everything's fine," he said. "I'll be gone in a few minutes, and the yelling's over now."

"Very good, sir," the man said. "Have a wonderful day."

Juice's thoughts picked up where they'd left off like the interruption hadn't happened.

He and Olivia had their second chance, and it had blown up in his face. She hadn't lied to him last night, not about him. He knew her, no matter what she said. He knew her touch. The taste of her. That one particular laugh she had when she was turned on and strung out with it.

"Fuck it," he muttered. What did any of it matter? She was gone, off to marry someone else. She'd made herself real fuckin' clear. He squeezed the opal in his fist and tucked it in his pocket. He'd throw it out later.

In the meantime he had a life to live. He fished his phone from his jacket and hit the button for Chibs' speed dial.

"Lad?" he said after several rings. Juice had clearly woken him up. "What's wrong, Juicy boy?"

"Nothin', Chibby," he said. "Sorry to call so early, just—I been thinkin'."

"Aye?" he said. Juice could hear the snick of a lighter, and then the draw and exhale as Chibs smoked. "What's up?"

"Were you serious all those times you offered to sponsor me? In the club, I mean."

There was a long pause. Finally, "Aye, lad, you know I was. But are you sure this's the best time to be makin' such a big decision?"

In his pocket his fingers tightened around the necklace. "Yeah, Chibs," he said. "I think it's the perfect time."

my bbs :/

Anyway obviously this chapter sets the stage for the situation described in the summary, so. Here goes, I guess.