Chapter 7

Jasina just stared out the window, watching the trees zoom by and took a deep breath when they finally arrived at the cemetery. She slid out of the truck, straightening her skirt out and could already feel the tears burning her eyes. It was a beautiful cemetery and Jasina wasn't surprised when Mark walked over with an umbrella over them.

The rain was comforting in some mournful way.

She turned around when Trish and Steve came toward them, exchanging hugs and whatnot before they headed up the hill to where a sleek black coffin sat. Jasina stopped fifty feet from the casket and didn't know if she could do this, feeling Mark's hand on the small of her back encouraging her while Arielle grabbed her hand. Somehow, Jasina made her feet move up the hill, tears already falling almost as hard as the rain.

"You can do this Mom," Arielle whispered encouragingly, feeling like she was all cried out of tears and kept her eyes on her mother. She had a hard time picturing Randy inside that coffin, knowing it wasn't him but pieces of him, not liking that picture in her head. "We can do this."

Mark and Gary fell behind Jasina and Arielle, though Mark was always ready to reach out and place a gentle hand on Jasina's back whenever it seemed like she would stop, not pushing her, but offering comfort.

The entire funeral was a blur to Jasina as she sat there staring at the coffin, wondering how it had come to this. She felt numb and didn't even flinch when a few raindrops hit her legs, Mark holding the umbrella so she wasn't drenched. She didn't remember the opening statement from the priest, didn't remember standing up to place a black rose on the coffin, though the tears never stopped. It was only when the priest ended the funeral that Jasina slowly snapped out of her daze, but didn't move from the seat. She stayed and watched as the casket was lowered into the six foot hole, where Randy would stay until the end of time, trying to keep it together.

"No." Jasina whispered when Mark asked if she wanted to leave, shaking her head, never taking her eyes off of the disappearing casket for a second.

Giving her space, Mark walked a few feet away, Arielle's soft sobs reaching him even though she stood across the coffin, a bit away from it, holding onto Gary like he was her lifeline. He stuck his hands in his pockets, wishing there was something he could do for Jasina, but... there wasn't. Besides just being there for her, however she needed him to be and, right now, she needed a moment to say final goodbyes.

"She's lost weight." Trish whispered from her place nestled against Steve, wiping away her own tears as Mark joined them.

"She's grievin' sweetheart." Steve murmured, noting the change in Jasina as well, frowning.

Jasina didn't care if she was drenched from head to toe, slowly standing up from the chair and walked over to stare into the dark black hole. "It should be me in there, not you." She pulled something out of her purse, holding a picture of her and Randy she always carried with her, knowing she would have to find a way to let him go. "I will never...forget you. You are unforgettable Randy Orton and I will always love you. Don't give them too much hell wherever you are."

She kissed the picture and let it float in the six foot deep hole to land on top of the casket, nodding when the men began shoveling dirt on top of it. Jasina stood there for a moment longer and felt the wind whip around her, closing her eyes. Knowing somehow it was Randy saying goodbye to her, Jasina finally walked away from the casket with a tear streaked face.

Trish was waiting for her, smiling sadly as she opened her arms to hug her friend, rubbing her back gently before pulling away. "You look like you need some solid sleep, sweetie." She murmured, knowing Jasina probably wasn't sleeping all that much, not that she found that surprising at all. "How are you holding up Jasina? Honestly?"

"I feel dead inside and numb. Still alive though." She couldn't even crack a smile, having stopped wiping her tears away because they mixed with the rain. "I wish it was me in that coffin instead of him." Jasina knew she should've died on several occasions, but for some reason her life was spared more than once. "He didn't deserve to die the way he did...We were so happy until Australia. I suddenly hate Australia and want to blow the whole fucking continent to smithereens."

Jasina knew she was probably scaring Trish with what she said, but it was the brutal honest truth. Not much scared Trish and this didn't either. Jasina had always felt so strongly about things, whether positively or negatively, so this wasn't too surprising. She simply nodded, trying to be supportive.

"Right now you do, but it won't always be that way, Jasina. Of course, you would probably say the same thing to me if our situations were reversed and I wouldn't believe a word you said, or want to hear it. Just...take whatever time you need, but don't bury yourself in that coffin with him. You know Randy wouldn't want that for you." Trish said, hoping Jasina listened to her because she would hate to lose someone so near and dear to her heart.

"We'll never know what Randy truly wanted in his life because our time was cut short. It's not fair. It's just NOT fair! First I lose Mark and now Randy...when am I ever going to be happy Trish? When is this so-called god finally going to give me a break, if he even exists?" Jasina demanded harshly, the pain and anger in her voice clear as day, saying everything she'd been thinking since finding out about Randy's death and then some. "I don't believe there is a god anymore and I don't know how much more I can take..."

"You can take anything sent your way, Jasina, you always have and you will now. You just don't see it yet." Trish said evenly, her heart going out to her friend though she knew at this moment, Jasina would not be appreciative of another hug or a shoulder pat. She was too angry, too hurt. "You have your daughter and you still have Mark, whether you want him or not." She blinked when thunder boomed, feeling Steve drawing her back.

"Come on honey, it's about to pour again." Steve looked down at Jasina, nodding when she returned his gaze. "Take care of yourself, Jas." He actually meant that seriously, having heard from Mark she wasn't doing so well.

When Jasina was frozen and couldn't handle being in the rain anymore, she finally headed back to the truck and slid inside, slamming the door as hard as she could. Her grief was turning into raw anger, something she hadn't felt in a very long time and couldn't even look back at Randy's gravesite or she would completely crumble. Mark pulling away was a silent blessing as Jasina stared straight ahead, water dripping from the tendrils that were pressed against her wet cheek, the clothes clinging to her body like a second skin.

When Mark turned the heater on, Jasina simply closed her eyes, leaning back against the seat as they headed back to the ranch. They reached the ranch around twenty minutes later and Mark was pretty sure it was going to flood, something that only happened once in a blue moon. He helped Jasina down, whether she wanted his help or not, feeling water sloshing around his ankles and made a mental note to fill in the holes of his dirt drive.

Gary swept Arielle up into his arms and hauled ass for the house, both of them shivering from cold. Gary had the right idea and Jasina looked like she might start screaming at the sky. Mark snatched her up and carried her towards the house, his long legs covering the ground quickly.

Jasina didn't even have time to protest as Mark got them both in the house within seconds, his long legs definitely one of his better assets. He set her down on her feet and Jasina stood there while he took his shoes off, cursing since they were full of water. The heavens were opening up and mourning on the passing of a good strong man named Randy Orton, there was no other explanation. She took her pumps off and started padding up the stairs, tensing when Mark's hand stopped her by grabbing her wrist, turning to look in his green eyes.

"What?" She asked in a monotone voice, really not wanting to be touched at the moment, her teal eyes emotionless.

"You'll get through this, Jasina." Mark said softly, knowing she was probably tired of hearing it, but...she needed to hear it at the same time. She needed to know there were people who believed in her and loved her, him included. "You don't have to be alone in this, darlin'. We're all here for you, if you want us to be, even me."

His heartfelt words did absolutely nothing for her, that's how dead inside Jasina felt and yanked her wrist out of his grasp, her lips one fine grim line. "You don't have to be, Mark. You have your own life to live. Don't make it an obligation to be my savior. If you want to be here for someone, focus on our daughter." Walking up the stairs, Jasina barely made it to her room before letting the tears fall, completely shattering as she dropped to her knees.

Fortunately, he was perfectly capable of being there for both of them and he plastered a smile on his face when Arielle came downstairs, out of her wet clothes and in a pair of long sleeved thermal pajamas. "If yer that cold darlin', I can get the fireplace going." He offered, shedding his tie.

"Why don't I get the fire started and you go change, Dad? You're drippin' all over the floor." Arielle suggested softly. "Maybe you can talk Mom into coming down, we can make hot chocolate or somethin'..."

Mark had a feeling the only way Jasina would come down was if that hot chocolate had Bailey's in it.

Jasina did strip out of her wet clothes, slipping on black pajama pants with a tank top, even opting for socks since it looked like a monsoon was happening outside. She sat on the bed with her knees drawn up, staring out the window, for once no tears falling because she was sure all of her ducts were dried up. When she heard a knock on her bedroom door, Jasina didn't acknowledge it, not surprised when the door opened and Arielle stepped in.

"Mom?"

She looked at Arielle and managed a very small smile. "Hey sweetheart, you look warm."

"I am...Dad is making a fire downstairs and I want you to come down. I've made some hot chocolate for everyone." Her emerald eyes were pleading with her mother, needing her right now.

Jasina couldn't deny Arielle anything and nodded, heading downstairs with her, their hands clasped.

Gary and Mark had both changed into rather similar pajamas, both wearing fleece bottoms and thermal, long sleeved shirts. Gary was wondering if this might not be...wrong, on some level. A cozy, roaring fire going, hot chocolate...and they had just come home from Randy's funeral. Gary did smile when Arielle came back down, Jasina in tow, though the smile faded at the look on Jasina's face. She looked...dead.

Mark heard them coming down, out in the kitchen boiling water, mugs already set out, knowing tonight was not going to be an easy one to get through.

Jasina walked into the living room and sat down on the couch, furthest away from the fire, letting Arielle and Gary sit together on the loveseat. Mark had gotten new furniture finally, remembering the old ratty couch he used to have, and stared straight into the roaring fire. When Mark walked in with the tray of hot chocolate and handed her one, Jasina took it with a nod of thanks, inhaling, smelling something a little more than just chocolate. She glanced over at Mark, raising an eyebrow, and sipped the spiked hot chocolate while staring back into the fire.

"Mmm this is good, thanks Daddy."

"Welcome darlin'."

Mark's was better though, he had decided a shot of Bailey's was in order for him and Jasina. Carefully, he lowered himself down onto the floor, stretching his long legs out towards the fire and felt a wave of contentment washing over him as the warmth began taking away the chill the rain and the funeral had embedded into his bones. It was probably wrong to feel contentment given the day, but...he couldn't help it.

It wasn't easy for Jasina to sit there with her ex-husband, daughter and her daughter's boyfriend, but she managed to do it somehow. Whatever Mark spiked her hot chocolate with was working wonders and relaxing her body, which is what Jasina needed more than anything. She curled her feet up beneath her as they all just stared into the fire, the silence somewhat comforting while the rain continued pounding on the roof.

Mark had no idea how long they all sat there, but when he looked around, Arielle was asleep with her head resting on Gary's shoulder while Gary was obviously struggling to stay awake, his head resting on top of hers. Jasina looked like she was contemplating her now empty mug and he figured he could use a refill.

"Want another?" Mark asked, his voice a low rumble so he wouldn't wake or startle the kids.

"Sure." Jasina stood up with her cup, handing it over to Mark while she walked over to gently tap Gary on the shoulder, managing a small smile. "Go up to bed and take her with you please. You two are bushed, it's been a long day."

Gary nodded, looking down at his sleeping girlfriend with a small smile of his own. "Thanks Jasina."

Gary hugged her with one arm before lifting Arielle with ease, carrying her out of there, whispering a 'good night' to Mark on his way up to Arielle's room. Jasina watched them go and was proud that Mark hadn't stopped Gary, knowing it couldn't be easy for him to watch another man cart their little girl up to her room. He handed her the fresh cup of spiked hot chocolate and Jasina went back into the living room to sit in front of the fire, Mark putting a few more logs on it.

Since Gary and Arielle were no longer on his loveseat, Mark dropped down onto it, stretching his legs out and smirked when they hung off over the side, but it was still comfortable. The room was nicely warm and the rain hadn't stopped. Mark didn't dare look outside, pretty sure he'd find their vehicles sunk in mud, inwardly groaning at the thought and chased it away with a sip of his spiked cocoa.

Jasina wondered what was going through Mark's mind, chewing her bottom lip as she stared down at her cup, sipping it since it was so hot. She hated feeling like this and knew Randy would kick her ass if he caught her in this current state. Still, Jasina couldn't just turn her emotions on and off like a light switch. She was a human being after all.

"You look uncomfortable, you can have your couch." Jasina looked at him, her voice calm and soft, not hard and cold like it'd been when they arrived back from Randy's funeral.

"No, darlin', I'm not uncomfortable, I'm just thinkin' about tomorrow. I'm going to be hip-deep in mud trying to get our cars unstuck, you know how bad it floods here when it rains like this. Thankfully it only happens once every so often, eh?" About the only downside to his property, it was on a low point, other than that, it was perfection.

"Right."

Jasina ran the pad of her thumb around the rim of the cup, knowing that was going to be hell for him to do. That was if it stopped raining too and dried up enough. Jasina knew nobody had to work so they were all staying in the ranch, though all she really wanted to do was work to keep her mind off of Randy.

"So what happened to Shayla?" Deciding to change the subject and put the focus on him, Jasina watched him heave a heavy sigh. "You two looked like you were getting along and then she stormed out of Arielle's graduation party."

Mark could not stop himself from groaning, rubbing a hand down his face and stared at her before looking into the fire. "Shayla is the female version of Steve." He said finally, hearing her snort and nodded. "Only, whereas Steve doesn't drink during work or heavily at events, she will. She thought it was alright to get drunk at Arie's graduation party and I wasn't havin' it. She got pissed when I cut her off, called me an asshole and took off. Ain't heard from her since, good riddance."

"You would end up with a female version of Steve, wouldn't you?" Jasina was feeling pretty good and couldn't believe she was chuckling at Mark's expense. She finished her hot chocolate and set it on the coffee table, letting out a yawn as he leaned back against the couch, yawning slightly. "You better find happiness before you get too old, Mark. Time is short, can't spend it by yourself unless you prefer it that way."

Mark almost came back with a 'look who's talking', but managed to stop that sentence before it came out. All things considered, that would have been the ultimate mood killer. Instead he drained his mug before setting it down on the floor next to the loveseat.

"I think I'll just...take it one day at a time, darlin'." He said finally, staring at her intently, hoping she'd do the same.

No one expected her to recover immediately, she could only take it a minute at a time, an hour at a time and eventually a day at a time.

"Fair enough." She stood up from the couch and stretched, noticing the fire was dying down. "I'm heading up to bed. See you in the morning."

She walked out of the room and upstairs to her room, leaving Mark alone with his thoughts, the Bailey's definitely acting as a sedative. She would have to thank Mark for the spiked cocoa when her mind wasn't drowning in grief. Jasina managed to make it to her bed, keeping her door cracked and instantly fell asleep, wondering what the future held now that Randy was no longer part of it.

Mark sat there, watching as the fire burned out until it was nothing but embers. As tempting as it was to get up and stoke the fire back to life and toss on a few more logs, Mark felt too...tired to move. He was too tired to even head upstairs, instead pulling the throw off the back of the loveseat and draped it over his lower body before tucking his hands behind his bed.

One day at a time.