Chapter 16

For the next two weeks I felt hollow. Something had ripped my soul out and I was now struggling with myself to regain my emotions. For the first week I was a machine. I did chores, scrubbing dishes till my fingers were red and numb and sweeping till my eyes swelled with dust and tears. It was all I could do to keep my mind off things. But in doing so I seemed to have lost all the feeling I had to begin with. The next week was spent sprawled across my bed trying to get it back.

I was certain of one thing; mother and I were through. I couldn't even make eye contact with her anymore without feeling the guilt grip my chest like iron chains. When she left for work she'd leave notes on the table telling me what chores to do and when Thomas was to have his nap. If it weren't for those notes I'm afraid she would've disappeared from me all together.

It was that Wednesday I discovered they were suing Nathan's father. I thought I told them to talk to him not file an effing lawsuit. But who would listen to me, I wouldn't. I had lost all the will to speak out against them. So on Saturday April the 17th I would be going to court to testify against Caledon Hockley for raping me. Something I didn't even care about anymore.

The night before the court date, I couldn't seem to sleep. It seemed too hot to be comfortable and it felt like needles were sticking into my rib cage, one for each of my troubles. It hurt a lot.

I tried to summon up an image of Nate in my mind. I pictured him as he was at the beach that day, his hair matted around his face and his brilliant blue eyes staring back at me with so much intensity it burned. I could almost hear him calling out my name. "Wake up, Eliza."

Then I realized it wasn't in my head.

I looked over at my second floor window to see Nathan Hockley smiling back at me, his knuckles tapping lightly on the glass

I flung open the window and my lips collided hard with his. A warm night breeze rippled flies of dark chestnut hair into his eyes. I brushed them away with my fingers and kissed his forehead.

"What the hell are you doing here? And by here I mean at my bedroom window!" It was strange feeling. I didn't know whether to hold him tight or slap him in his stupidity.

"I wanted to see you!" He said knitting his thick eyebrows together. "If I had come to the door I would have woken your mother and father up."

"Oh, and waking my mom and dad is a worse alternative than falling and breaking your neck?" I asked laughing. He nodded and looked lips with me again. It was long and sweet. Now that I remember it, before Nathan I found kisses revolting. Now I found myself always wanting more. "At least you were honest." I hesitated before stepping back. "Aren't you going to come inside or are you going to stand outside my window all night long."

"Well your parents are right down the hall." He responded gloomily. "I'm lucky I managed to get up here."

"So what." I said, I brushed the stray curls from my shoulder and pulled down my nightdress till it settled on my hips, exposing a large patch of marble white chest covered by a thin undershirt. I held out my hand to him. "We could be really quiet." I whispered playfully.

"Yeah, we could be." He grinned and I helped him through the window frame into the warmth of my room. Finally.

"I missed you Nate." I whispered my voice hoarse from kissing. I rested my head on his chest tracing his rib bones and muscle tendons with my fingers. It was so quiet afterwards. All I could hear was the thudding of his heart.

"I can feel your heart beating." I said wistfully, listening to the beats as if they were the lyrics to a song. Nathan thrummed at my bottom lip with his thumb before leaning in and kissing it tenderly.

"You're so strange Eliza. I love you so much." He groaned running his fingers through my thick hair. I just sighed wrapping my arms around his midsection and humming my lullaby to calm my own hearts rapid pounding. The Nate had to go and ruin the moment.

"Hey, two weeks ago Ruth woke me up in the middle of the night telling me you were there to see me. When I came down know one was there." I didn't answer. His tone was much too inquiring like m mothers. I flipped over and buried my head into my pillow. "Was Ruth delusional or did you show up at my house at midnight?" He added in a much lighter tone.

"Yes but only to warn you. I thought my dad would go off at any second when he found out about our night at the beach. But my mother didn't have the nerve to tell him. It was all for nothing, really." And then the anger came. It was all for nothing.

"How did you hurt your arm?" He asked, drumming his fingers on my bandaged wrist. I pulled it away defensively.

"I fell down the stairs. It was an accident." I mumbled.

"Only you, Eliza. Only you." He sighed, his tired voice trailing off into silence. We just laid there for a while, his fingers entwining with my hair while I simmered in the darkness.

"I have to go soon. I have to go to court with my family." He groaned.

"Oh." Oh no. I wanted to end it there but Nate kept going.

"It's absolutely ridiculous." He stormed. "This couple is accusing my father of raping their little girl one night in our house! I mean it's crazy. Can you imagine my dad hurting someone?

Yes.

"No."

"My mother will murder me if I'm too exhausted to testify. So I'll have to leave in few-"

"But Nate, what if he did rape the girl?" I asked curiously. He only took a minute to ponder it.

"He wouldn't. There's no way." Nate said firmly.

"But what if in some parallel universe where everything was the opposite of what it is he did. What would you do.?"

"Well, everyone makes mistakes, Eliza." He said, reckoning with himself. "I mean, sometimes we get so angry we can't think clearly and we do things we normally wouldn't. You get it?" Honestly I didn't think anyone in the world understood it more than I.

"But what about the poor girl he scarred? What about her? Shouldn't she get justice too?" Nathan shifted away from me at the sudden rise in my vocals.

"Where's this coming from? He didn't rape anyone so why are you getting so angry?" He was on the defense.

"Why? Why am I getting so angry? Because-" Because he didn't understand. No one ever would. "I think you should go."

"What?" No, I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on with you?" He said menacingly.

"No! I'm not going to tell you anything! It's none of your business what happened between me and...Get out; just get out of my house before I yell so loud I wake the parents!" I shrilled. Nathan stumbled off the bed, pulling on his pants and shirt rapidly, looking at me with the most regretful eyes. But I couldn't see how he knew what to regret.

I ushered him the window. Once he was on the other side he looked at me hard, his ocean eyes watering.

"Eliza what the hell did I do?" he asked beseechingly.

"You took the wrong side." I slammed the window closed. "And I don't want to see you anymore." Those last words were like daggers stabbing at my heart. But I didn't think I could see him anymore without all the bad memories flooding back and all Nathan's opinions flashing back at me. "I love you." I cried.

"Then why are you leaving me?"

"I already told you! Now just go!" Once Nathan disappeared I flopped back down on the bed and began to cry.