Chapter 19

I would have ended my own life. I would have for the people I love. But just as the tendons in my fingers fired up to pull the trigger there was a loud crack from the door as the lock broke.

The door swung around on its hinges and in the door frame stood the black bailiff and within seconds everyone else was there too. Madeleine Hockley elbowed her way to the front and saw her husband holding a gun to the head of a little girl. I saw all her trust just melt away.

The gun fell from my hand. It took a lifetime to fall but when it did it was oddly satisfying. The clank of metal against the hard tile floor marked the end of Caledon Hockley. It was over, just like that.

Caledon Hockley was dragged off by the police for attempted murder while my parents hugged and kissed me, checking there were no more scars on my already battered body. There weren't any, at least not visible ones.

Madeleine Hockley was silent as they led him away. She held her girls in her arms as he went, biting her lip so hard it whitened. But what it was she was trying to keep inside I didn't know.

At first, I thought Nate wasn't going to say anything either. But just as he reached the door his father looked back at him and all the people he had lied to and I guess he couldn't contain himself. It was then he yelled, I never want to see you again, across the room to his father. He would see him again though, on his very last day.

I would never lay eyes on him again. He would spend the next few months in custody before he managed to convince the authorities he was harmless. Personally, I think he bribed them. Money is the only language he seems to understand.

Looking back on that day, I would have rather died than face what was coming. The decision that would change so many lives forever.

That night I laid in my bed listening to the rain fall outside. It was the sweetest lullaby, the gentle tapping of rainwater on glass.

When I was younger, about the time Jack was born I used to imagine each drop was a soul coming to earth just as shooting stars were souls going to heaven. My father had told me the one about the shooting stars just as his father told him. But that one about the rain I had thought up all on my own. It was just a small theory to make sense of things in life. But to me it just made life more beautiful.

It was then my parents came in. My father crept to the side where I lay with my eyes closed, my mother tip toeing after. I felt her lean over and put her palm to my nose and mouth to check if I was breathing. My father had always snorted at this action but to me it was the tenderest action a mother could give her child. She wanted to know I was okay.

My father prodded my shoulder. Wake up, Lizzy. We want to talk to you." He whispered through the persistent pounding of the rain outside. My eyelids fluttered open and I moved to the middle of my bed to accommodate both their bodies on either side of me.

"Your father and I just wanted to know how you are, after today I mean." My mother said, settling into my left side. My father sat down on my right and swung his legs onto the bed. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I'm alright. Worse has happened to me. I just want you to know he wasn't going to kill me. He wanted me to kill myself or otherwise he would have gone on a shooting spree and shot all of you! I was going to do it to save you!" I explained, honestly.

"We know. Relax its okay." My father laughed. "You're a real brave kid, you know that? Most people don't have the guts to do that for the people they care about. I'm real proud of you."

"My, you're growing fast." My mother said out of nowhere. She took my hand and examined my spidery fingers, rubbing them between hers for warmth. "I remember when I was afraid to hold you, you were so small."

"But you know no matter how big you get, you'll always be my little girl." He smiled warmly and kissed the top of my head. I grinned and blushed in return. It was comforting in a way, to know you were always innocent in someone's eyes.

"I was wondering," My mother implored lowering her eyes, "If Cal told you about…" Her voice trailed off into the darkness. I had an idea of what she meant though.

"He told me about your engagement and its somewhat tragic end. But as of now I find that story hard to believe. Please, tell me the truth. I think I deserve it." I looked at both of them, widening my eyes in a beseeching way.

"Alright, we'll tell you the real story." She sighed. "Well, that night-"

"Start at the beginning." I interrupted. "Right when you two met. It had to be before then, maybe even on the Titanic. If you hadn't I don't think I would exist, would I?" I smiled knowingly. I felt my father's skin grow hot. He was blushing.

He cleared his throat. "Rose, will you do the honors?" My mother leaned her head against mine as if she planned to transfer her energy by diffusion.

"Alright, close your eyes," She whispered, "and I want you to picture a large pier with hundreds of people and a town in the distance. Then I want you to picture a large ocean liner docked in the harbor. And by large I mean the size of a building on its side!" I laughed and did what she told me to. "Feel free to chime in when we get to your side of the story." She added to my father.

So I close my eyes and settled in. My parents pressed their bodies against mine. Feeling their skin on mine and the warmth of their breath as they talked, I let go of the conscious world and let my mind slip into the past with them painting the picture.

The next morning, before the boys woke up, my mother and father sat me sat me down and made me promise not to repeat their story to anyone, not even my brothers. I promised them but I still couldn't understand why. Maybe some memories are too painful to keep dragging up.

I planned to visit Nathan that day and straighten things out between him and I Everything felt so unsettled between us ever since the fight we had in my room that night. I wanted to make sure that kiss yesterday wasn't just in the euphoria of justice but real.

I spotted my best friend Ginny walking down the main road that day as I pulled Thomas along to his play date. She was linked arms with a tall, skinny boy with a tousle of jet black hair. She looked kind of ridiculous with him, her being so short and stocky. She still waved me down anyways, eager to show off her new boyfriend. I was glad she did. I hadn't spoken to her in ages, ever since I met Nathan almost three weeks ago.

We gave each other a short, one-armed embrace as I struggled to keep hold of Thomas's suspender straps. I looked up at the gangly boy piously as she waited with anxious amber eyes for my reaction. She squealed and hugged me again when she saw the grin spread across my face. She was just as vibrant as I remembered. We were made for each other, my father would say. Mostly because we were both slight and ginger haired. But while my hair and skin contrasted in the highest degree her carrot colored hair and beige skin seemed to blend together in a haze of freckled orange.

"Eliza, it's so good to see you. My god, you've gotten tall!" She always said that because she was so little everyone seemed gigantic to her. "Have you heard the latest?"

"What latest? You mean that you have a boyfriend?" I looked up at the boy in amazement still. "I think everyone knows that by now, Gin." I chuckled.

""No, of course not! That was front page news weeks ago." She said snobbishly with a flip of her cropped hair. "That rich fellow that moved here about a month ago got arrested. I think his name is Hockley. Anyways, he got arrested for attempting to murder this he supposedly raped! Can you believe it! Nothing like that ever happens around here!" She exclaimed. I tried not to grow red in the face and smiled weakly.

"That's not even the best part!" She was practically licking her lips with the juiciness of her tale. "Apparently, his little wifey was right upset when she saw her husband holding a gun to some girl's head. It was reported in the papers this morning that after his arrest his wife came to see him in jail and told him she wants a divorce!" She clapped her hands happily. "According to the newspaper she's leaving for New England tonight and taking the children with her! I mean can you imagine…" She stopped, noticing the panicked look on my face.

"Lizzy, are you okay?" She asked, putting her sweaty palm to my forehead. "You don't look so good."

"Did you say Madeleine Hockley is taking her children back to New England tonight? Did she say which ones? It's just the little ones, right?" I felt my chest tighten. I scooped Thomas into my arms and buried part of my face in his hair to conceal my anxious face.

"It said she was boarding the train to New York tonight with her three children. The paper mentioned there were two girls and a boy about our age. Why do you ask? Seriously, Eliza, is everything okay?"

"I don't know." I said quietly. "I have to go…take Thomas…" I mumbled absently, my voice trailed off along with my train of thought. "Yes, that's what I have to do. Bye, Ginny." She gave me a puzzled expression as I went on walking. Inside my head was reeling. Nathan leaving. This couldn't happen, not after all I did to get him back.

I left Thomas with Mrs. Calvert and took off for Nathan's house. People looked at me cross-eyed as I practically raced down main roads and side streets to get there before something else happened. I eventually ended up cutting through an orchard because for some reason the road felt too long and hopeless to carry on walking. The thicket of orange trees made it feel as if the end might actually come.

Ruth answered the door when I stumbled up the walk and rang the doorbell. " I need to speak with Nate." I panted, looking up at her through the strands of hair that had blown over my face.

"Oh, no. Not again." She said, shaking her head. I looked over her shoulder into the foyer and saw men moving suitcases into the hall. "Listen, as your grandmother I commend you for being so persistent but as the Hockley's former employee I must inform you that are quite preoccupied at the moment and cannot deal with any sudden visitors."

"Former employee? They fired you?" I asked gently.

"I quit." She said proudly. "I thought it was about time I started living my life instead of watching it go by. I was hoping maybe your mother might consider letting me stay at your home for a few days, if convenient." She tittered nervously. "I have no one else, you know."

"Well, I'm not sure." I told her, thinking back to the Ruth in my mother's story. "Maybe if you apologized for how you treated her fifteen years ago…and for how you treated my father, she might let you stay." I smiled.

Just then Nate and his mother walked into the foyer upon hearing the conversation between me and Ruth at the door. Madeleine Hockley looked tired and sad. But when she saw me she smiled. Nate didn't.

"Oh, Elizabeth! What a pleasant surprise. I meant to talk to you yesterday but I never got the chance. Um, I wanted to apologize for my misjudgment. I've come to realize that no one would lie about a thing like that. I'm terribly sorry." She looked it.

"It's okay. It's over, no harm done." I said brightly, even though there was harm, extensive harm. "I just came to talk to Nathan, if that's alright?" I looked around at Nate, his face showed no emotion. He pushed past his mother and Ruth and came to stand in front of me in the doorway.

"Come on," He said, taking my hand. Let's take a walk."