The church was beautiful. Stained glass windows lined the walls and brought light into the small church. Although Sian had not been to church as often as she should have, she still knew all of the music. The mass was touching, though Sian zoned out for some of it. Her mind was racing, but she snapped out of her own thoughts when she heard her name being called.
"Sian? Do you want to come up here and say a few words?"
Shit.
She hadn't practiced anything. She didn't even know she was going to have to speak. But when every set of eyes turned and fell upon her and she had no choice but to go up to the altar and give a speech. Of course the sound of her heels on the hardwood echoed incredibly loudly in the deadly silent room as Sian took her place up front. She quickly gazed around the room and started to speak.
"H—Hi everyone. Thank you all for coming. This…means a lot to my family, and to me." Sian looked to the front row to gauge everyone's reactions and each person had a small smile on their face, so she continued.
"My dad-was my rock growing up. We didn't always see eye to eye, but he was there for me when I really needed him." Sian's gaze wandered the room while she spoke and her eyes quickly landed on one specific person. Sian's eyes locked with Sophie's and tears immediately started to threaten the back of her eyes. Staring right at Sophie Sian continued, "He helped pick me up from my lowest points, when I was so confused and distraught I couldn't think straight." "And for that, I'm grateful." Sian was speaking directly to Sophie and Sophie felt miniscule under Sian's stare. Sian tried to continue, but when Sophie broke her gaze Sian realized she was still in a church full of people all looking to her for wisdom and comfort. It was too much to handle. Tears started trickling down her cheek and all Sian could manage was a broken "I'm sorry" before she ran down the aisle and out the door, heading straight for the bathroom.
Sian bent over the bathroom sink and splashed water on her face.
Pull it together, Sian. You have to be strong, Sian told herself.
She barely had 30 seconds alone before someone pushed open the bathroom door and walked in.
Without looking up, Sian snapped "Please leave me alone for a bit, yeh?"
"Sian…." Sophie replied.
Sian squeezed her eyes shut tighter for a couple seconds before reluctantly looking up at Sophie.
"Sian, I—"
"Sophie, don't" Sian stated, anger lacing her voice. "Please just leave me alone."
"Sian, I'm sorry okay?! I'm sorry! Please just talk to me!"
"I don't have anything to say to you!" Sian yelled.
"Then let me talk," Sophie whispered.
"Why are you here?" asked Sian quickly.
"What?" Sophie asked, confused.
"Why. Are. You. Here?" Sian repeated her question, a little more frustrated this time.
"Because I… I wanted to see if you were okay."
"Well I'm not, thanks for checking. I have to go now." Sian side steps and tries to walk past Sophie, but Sophie steps in front of her and blocks her path.
"Sian, please…" Sophie begs. Sian was never strong enough to counter Sophie when she looked that desperate. Well, except for their wedding day. "They won't leave without you, anyway," Sophie reasons.
"Sophie I can't do this right now!" Sian begins to cry again and her words become slightly mumbled. "Today was bad enough, having to talk about my dad, who I barely saw anymore, in front of loads of people who expect me to give this heartfelt speech. And then I see you and I can't understand why you are here or why you care and I just can't deal with you right now! I can't deal with this confusion and heart ache all in one day." Sian rants and finally lets it all out. And surprisingly, she's feels a small weight lifted off her shoulders.
"…You don't understand why I care?" Sophie asks, with a sad, confused tone. "You don't think I care that you're unhappy? You don't think it tears me up inside knowing that you can't even speak to me without one of us falling apart?!" Sophie's eyes began to water while she spoke and her voice cracked as her tone climbed higher.
"Why would you?!" Sian counters. "It's been eight years, Soph!"
Sophie's heart flutters at Sian's use of her nickname. It has been way too long since she's heard it said as beautifully as that, even with both of them emotional wrecks at the moment.
"Yeah, Sian. It's been eight stinkin' years! And then when I saw you at the shop it felt like no time had passed at all. I saw the look of fear and pain on your face and it brought me right back to eight years ago! And now I can't get that look out of my head."
"Well sorry I'm haunting your thoughts. It's not like I wanted to come back and bury my dad." Sian shot coldly.
"That's not what I meant…" Sophie replied softly.
"I don't care Sophie. I don't care what you did or didn't mean… I can't start caring again."
"And you think I want to go through this again?!" Sophie's voice started getting louder. "I was doing okay. It took me a really long time, but I finally stopped waking up screaming in the middle of the bloody night. I told myself I could move on. And I thought I was getting there when I met Maddie. But the second you come back to Weatherfield…" Sophie's voice trails off and she can feel the tears staining her cheeks.
"What Sophie, what?"
"The second you come back to Weatherfield… eight years doesn't make an ounce of a difference. I fall right back in love with you like no time passed."
Sian didn't expect that, exactly. She stares at Sophie for a couple seconds, mouth agape.
"So yes Sian, I do care about you. I care about you a lot. And really…I couldn't stop, even if I wanted to."
Sian releases a breath she didn't realize she was holding. She opens her mouth to speak when the bathroom door comes crashing open.
"Sian? Oh heavens we've been looking everywhere for you. Come on, we have to go. Everyone is waiting," Sian's aunt insists.
Sian looks to her aunt with an almost pleading look, but it's useless. She knows that she has to leave. She's been hiding far too long already.
Sian looks back at Sophie and Sophie swears she can see a glint of sorrow and remorse in Sian's eyes before she turns back around and walks out with her aunt.
Sophie doesn't attend the funeral. She decides it might not be appropriate, especially after just pouring her heart out to Sian and herself at the same time.
Sophie had not come to terms with what Sian's return meant to her. At least not until she was stood in front of Sian in the bathroom, speaking her thinking process out loud and realizing she was still in love with Sian just as she let it slip out of her mouth.
So instead, Sophie goes home and tries to clear her head. She really just needs a nap. When Sophie gets home, she plops on her bed and falls asleep rather quickly. The first thing that comes to her mind is Sian. Her dreams are collections of moments she and Sian shared oh so many years ago. The first ones replay their first kiss, and their first date. Next come flashbacks of her and Sian at choir rehearsal and at school, happy to be in their own little world. She dreams about them running away together, even if it was only for a weekend. And then she flashes back to that New Year's Eve when they spent that first night together. Although she had no idea, Sophie had a smile on her face the entire time she was dreaming.
However, shortly after, Sophie's dreams turn into nightmares. She relives some of her nastiest fights with Sian. She recounts her accident on the roof of the church. And finally, Sophie's dreams lead her to the white church on that December afternoon. All Sophie remembers about her dream is sobbing. Lots and lots of sobbing. And screaming Sian's name over and over, sending herself into a panic attack in front of the entire reception.
Sophie wakes up with tears streaming down her face. She starts shaking and crying even harder. She hasn't had a dream like that in ages and she almost forgot the pain of waking up to an empty bed beside her with Sian eight years and hundreds of miles away. Except this time, she wasn't hundreds of miles away.