As promised: Bruce's POV

As a special bonus: Hulk's POV!

Bruce's butt hit the chair with a thud, bringing Darcy's head up to look at him. She looked sympathetic, and maybe a little worried as he joined her for lunch.

"Tony again?" she asked, reaching out to pat Bruce's hand.

"Who else?" he huffed. "It's like having an adult child. Every time I turn around, he's planning something new to do to Fury." It was exhausting. Bruce felt semi-responsible, since he had become such a close friend to the maddening billionaire. Tony had temporarily redirected all of his energy into different assorted schemes to make Nick Fury's life miserable.

"What's worse," Bruce continued, "Is that Clint and Natasha have been helping him." It was a nightmare. The only thing worse than Tony Stark on an infantile grudge crusade was when he had a cheering section. Natasha and Clint were very upset with the deception Fury had pulled on all of them, and they not only encouraged Tony, but assisted him as well.

Darcy grimaced, and patted his hand again, bringing a smile to Bruce's face. She was luckily spared most of the grudge fest, since Jane dwelled in her own lab area, but because Bruce was part of the team, he was trapped in the midst of it constantly. It wasn't that he thought Fury didn't deserve what was happening, but it was keeping everyone on their toes and not in a good way.

"Did anyone ask him to stop?" she queried.

Bruce ducked his head. "Well, the thing is, we all feel that Fury deserves what he is getting, even Steve."

Her laughter was bright and bubbling. "Then let Tony have at it. From the sounds of it, Fury does deserve it."

Bruce slumped. "It's just…it's exhausting," he complained. "I feel like the only adult, right now."

Darcy scooted her chair around the table so she could sit beside him, leg pressed along his, and shoulder pressing in against him. It was reassuring and calming, and Bruce could totally understand why the Other Guy liked her so much. It was almost like she absorbed bad feelings and anxiety, leaving only peace their wake. Plus, she smelled really nice.

"Are you sniffing me?" Darcy asked with a laugh.

Bruce coughed and sat up a little straighter when he realized he was sniffing her. "Sorry. You smell good."

She practically beamed at him. "Thanks, Doc Moppy. Relax. Let Tony do his thing. Let Natasha and Clint help, if they want to. You don't need to step in unless someone gets hurt, or there's a potential for someone getting hurt."

Thankfully, that wasn't the case. Tony's actions were limited to small humiliations and inconveniences so far. All of Fury's pants were suddenly either way too big, or two sizes too small. Bruce wasn't sure how Tony had managed that, but suspected that Natasha and Clint had a hand in it. All of Fury's communications over comms sounded like the director had just inhaled helium. His regular eye patches went missing, replaced by a hot pink variety. Those were just the incidents that Bruce knew about, but he was sure there were others. Tony had given him a measuring stare when Bruce had asked what he was up to, and he was pretty sure that the answer he got was censored.

Nick Fury bore it without public complaint, at least so far. Bruce hadn't seen the director since Tony's campaign began, but Clint gleefully kept the team updated. Natasha did not gossip, but the small smile hovering around her mouth indicated she was satisfied with what was taking place.

"I think I feel bad for Coulson too," Bruce admitted softly. "He shouldn't really be back on duty yet, but he's there every day, and Tony's little grudge fest is bothering him."

Darcy nodded wisely. "When Coulson feels that it's enough, he'll say so, and Tony will stop."

Hmm…that was a possibility, but Bruce wasn't as confident as Darcy seemed to be. "I hope so," he muttered into his sandwich.

He didn't have too much time to dwell on it, as the assemble alarm went off suddenly. Bruce heaved a big sigh, but didn't feel the usual dread that came with the possibility of unleashing the Other Guy. It would feel very good to allow the big guy to blow off some steam after the tension of the past week. Maybe then Tony's antics wouldn't worry him as much as they were currently.

Darcy smiled tremulously up at him as he stood. "Stay safe," she told him.

Bruce smiled. "What part of this job is safe?"

She laughed softly. "True. Okay…keep the others safe."

He nodded. "That one shouldn't be hard."

He wasn't really surprised when she stretched up to give him a kiss. It was short and sweet, and Bruce smiled at her when she drew back. She looked a little worried, and he didn't want her to worry for him. He was pretty much indestructible.

"It'll be fine," he assured, before walking away from her.

And of course, it wasn't. A rather simple mission turned bad fast when the normal human targets turned out to have high tech backups. Bruce stayed himself until the moment that Tony was swatted out of the air by a flying robot shaped like a big bug. No one saw it coming, not even Clint, and suddenly the things were everywhere. Bruce saw Tony slam into pavement hard, and Steve was tossed into a building moments later. He saw nothing else as a green haze took over his sight.

Stupid metal bugs.

Friends hurt. Metal man down. Shield man down.

Metal bug. Annoy Hulk. Smash. No more annoy.

More metal bugs. More smash!

Boom sound god help. Blow up bugs.

Stick man help. Shoot sticks. Sticks blow up. Bugs blow up.

Fun. Smash bugs fun.

Hulk SMASH!

Friends. Friends hurt. Metal man still down. Bugs hurt friends.

Throw bugs. Smash bugs. Stick man and boom sound god blow up bugs.

More bugs.

Spider pretty help. Shoot bugs. Help spider pretty.

More bugs.

Hulk smash. Smash stupid bugs. Bugs hurt friends.

Metal man still down. Okay? Metal man okay?

Still down. More bugs. SMASH bugs!

Too many bugs. Stick man falling. Catch stick man! Safe.

More bugs.

Stick man and spider pretty blow up bugs.

Boom sound god blow up bugs.

Hulk SMASH!

Metal man, shield man still down. Hurt?

Need metal man up. Still down.

Need more bugs. Smash. Angry. Friends hurt.

Bugs fly away. Scared of Hulk. Friends okay?

Still down! Metal man still down! SMASH!

Boom sound god talk.

"Banner – you must calm yourself. The threat is ended. The man of iron and the captain require healers. Calm yourself!"

Need to smash. Where bugs? Find bugs.

"Ungh…Banner…you must stay here. The battle is finished. Our friends require aid."

Arm. Boom sound god hold arm. Let go.

Stick man threaten?

"C'mon Hulk. You need to calm down. I don't want to stick you with a tranq arrow."

Stick man friend. Why threaten? Bad idea.

"Uh…yeah…don't look at me like that, big guy. I don't wanna hit you with this arrow."

Stupid. Arrow not hurt.

"Awe man…shit Thor…he pulled you right into my shot. Are you okay? I mean, Thunder Gods aren't affected by tranq arrows, right?"

"Thor? Shit Tasha…he's down. Coulson! Tell me there's some kind of backup plan to controlling the big guy, right?"

Funny. Boom sound god loose. Fall down. Where bugs? Smash bugs! Friends hurt!

Metal man still down. Still down!

Find more bugs. Boom sound god sleep. Stick man move. Out of Hulk's way.

"Uh big guy? We really need you to stay here, okay?"

"Smash."

"You smashed really good! But smash time is over now, and shit, Coulson! I hope you have something really good."

More men. Not hurt Hulk. Not help Hulk. In Hulk's way. Not-dead man talk.

"Mr. Hulk, we need you to stay here. You did a commendable job containing the threat, but it would be advisable to power down now. Our medical team is seeing to Mr. Stark and Captain Rogers. Barton – why does Thor have a tranquilizer arrow in his backside?"

"Long story, sir."

Where bugs? Smash bugs! Bugs hurt friends! Metal man hurt. Still down.

"Mr. Hulk, I really must insist that you stay here. It is not advisable to pursue vengeance at this time."

Smash bugs.

"Then you leave me no choice. Sitwell – send in the big gun."

Pretty! Pretty is here!

"Hey Big Green! You did an awesome job smashing those bugs. Why don't you and I just sit down here?"

Pretty. But…smash bugs?

"Metal man hurt."

"Awe…don't worry about Tony. He'll be fine. Just got knocked in the head too hard. He's sleeping right now, but he'll wake up soon. Seriously, big guy…why don't we sit down here? Here's nice, right? Look, we have this nice sturdy wall to sit on. You deserve to rest! You worked hard, doing all that smashing."

"Tired. Angry. Friends hurt."

"Hey, I get it. I do! But Tony and Steve, they'll be fine. Thor too. He snores really loud, doesn't he? Why that doesn't drive Jane completely insane…I just don't understand."

"Miss Lewis."

"Yeah yeah. Don't get your boxers in a bunch, Double Oh. Do you wear boxers? Okay, okay. Never mind."

Pretty is pretty.

"Gonna sit down with me, big guy? I'd really like it if you did."

Tired. Sit.

"That's it, big guy. I so better be getting bonus pay for this, because it's way outside of my job description."

"We'll discuss that later, Miss Lewis."

"This is your big gun? Seriously, Coulson?"

"Can you argue with her effectiveness, Barton?"

"Well…no."

Tired. Pretty sit. Sit with Hulk.

"Hey big guy. Just relax now, okay? I'm right here."

"Pretty."

"You sure do know how to talk to the ladies, Big Green."

Bruce swam out of a disjointed green haze that always bespoke an uncontrolled Other Guy breakout. The pain of transformation was still very strong, so it seemed he hadn't been out long, if at all. The flashes of memory began almost immediately. Foremost among them was the sight of the Iron Man suit lying motionless on the ground.

He was resting on some pillows, it seemed, but had to check on Tony. He tried to sit up and winced.

"Hey you."

Bruce paused, and then twisted to look behind him. Oh. He wasn't resting on pillows. He'd been leaning back against Darcy and her...her…

She noticed the angle of his gaze and erupted into bubbling laughter. "Wow Bruce. I think that's the first time I've caught you staring outright."

He flushed and looked up to her face. "Sorry. I just…I thought I was leaning back against pillows."

She took a deep breath and wiggled her upper half at him. "They're even better than real pillows."

Bruce couldn't stop a small smile, and leaned back once more. "Completely," he agreed. "Is Tony okay?"

"You remember that?" She brushed a hand through his hair restlessly.

"Just an image of Iron Man down on the ground." And the feeling of fear over his friend being hurt. It had been an almost overwhelming fear. "And…did he hurt Thor? I remember Thor going down, but somehow it was the Other Guy's fault?"

He felt Darcy laugh against his back. "Tony is fine…just a concussion. He hit the ground really hard. Thor..." She erupted into giggles. "Big Green was really upset about Tony being hurt, and was going to chase the robot bugs. When Thor tried to get him to stay, he got a little…feisty, I think, was the word Coulson used. So Barton tried to tranq him, but Big Green yanked Thor in front of the arrow. He's still out."

Bruce tried. He tried really hard not to laugh, because the Other Guy's continuing abuse of Thor was not funny, but the visual Darcy was presenting… A few chuckles escaped.

Darcy poked him in the side. "I know, right? Thor will be absolutely mortified when he wakes up. And Clint just kept laughing about it!"

Bruce frowned. "Who's idea was it to do a tranq arrow anyhow? Arrows won't pierce the Other Guy's skin."

"Hmm…dunno. It's possible that Barton took it upon himself. He's got a raging hard on for specialty arrows, in case you hadn't noticed."

Bruce barked out a laugh. "That's one way to describe it, yes." He sat back up and stretched, trying to relieve some of the transformation pain.

The sound that came out of his mouth, when Darcy dug her hands into his aching muscles, was almost pornographic. Bruce felt heat race up his cheeks, but that didn't stop him from making another embarrassing noise as those magic hands eased the ache from his body.

"Didn't peg you as a loud one, Doc," she whispered in his ear. "I'll keep that in mind."

The low dirty tone of her voice went straight to his groin. Bruce twitched, and took several deep breaths to fight back the rising tide of lust that was causing his thoughts to go green. Darcy didn't help that fight when she uttered an absolutely filthy laugh.

"You are playing with fire," Bruce finally warned between clenched teeth.

"Good," she said abruptly. "Wet blanket holds little appeal. What's wrong, Bruce? I'm a Big Green tamer, remember? That's why Coulson brought me in today, to calm down your alter-ego."

"He did what?" Bruce couldn't have heard that correctly. He sat up and turned, raising an eyebrow at the young woman who was forcing her way into every facet of his life. "You were at the scene?"

He watched Darcy bite her lip, hands now resting on his shoulders instead of his back. "Yeah. Big Green was heading out. He was gonna chase after the robot bugs that hurt his buddy Tony. Coulson brought me in to talk him down."

Green was taking over his thoughts. "Coulson brought you to the scene of a battle?" he growled.

Hands cupped his face, and Bruce again took several deep breaths, forcing back the growling green presence within him. He blinked twice and focused on Darcy's face. Her blue eyes were wide open behind the glasses, and crinkled with amusement. How could she find this funny? She…she had been at the scene, in the line of fire!

"Will you please calm down? The fight was over when I was brought in. The bald guy – Sitwell? Him and I were in a van blocks away. I was fine." Her smile was soothing. "Coulson's not dumb, you know. He wouldn't put me in the line of fire. Too many people would be upset if I got hurt." A hand stroked reassuringly through his hair. "Don't worry so much, Bruce. It makes you old before your time."

He snorted a laugh. "I think that already happened, Darcy."

She grinned. "Only if you let it. C'mon. Let's get you back to your rooms, huh?"

Getting away from his usual recovery spot on the medical floor sounded wonderful. Bruce allowed Darcy to help him to his feet. It was always worse when the Other Guy broke out unexpectedly. The pain could linger for days sometimes.

It was still bugging him as they walked through corridors towards his rooms. Darcy didn't belong anywhere close to a battleground. He could still see the bruises and blood on Betty's fair skin when she had wound up at the scene of one of his clashes with General Ross, her father. He did not want to see the same thing happen to Darcy.

A stinging swat on his backside surprised a yelp out of his mouth. Bruce jumped, and looked down at the young woman he had been leaning on in astonishment.

"Did you just swat my ass?" he asked unnecessarily.

Darcy's grin was cheeky. "It was either me or Jarvis. Personally, I'm betting on the AI. He's got Tony's personality."

"Perhaps, Ms. Lewis. But I do not have Mr. Stark's hands, so I cannot claim responsibility." The AI's voice held a hint of humor.

The naughty grin that spread across Darcy's face was just…naughty. "Oops. Caught." She jabbed a finger at Bruce. "You looked like you were thinking too much. Serious thoughts. You had that thought crease going on, right here."

Bruce blinked as she reached up to stroke a thumb across his wrinkled brow. "Just thinking I really don't like that you were at the scene. It's no place for you."

She tapped on his forehead with her finger. "Told ya, don't worry about it. Coulson isn't stupid. He isn't like Fury."

Bruce shrugged. He didn't really know the agent yet. "They work for the same organization. The one that plays with people's emotions and has secrets within secrets. That does not inspire a lot of confidence in keeping you safe."

They were at his door, finally. Bruce fumbled a set of keys out of his pants (who had dressed him?) and managed to unlock the door. Darcy didn't even hesitate. From her position under her arm, she urged him forward into his rooms. It was a little strange for Bruce, since no one had been in here but him. He took his privacy very seriously.

"Stop worrying about it, Doc. Big Green wouldn't let me get hurt."

He remembered Betty dashing into the middle of a battlefield as a missile was launched. "He can't protect you from everything, Darcy. Just…just promise me that you'll be smart about it, okay? No dashing into the middle of a battlefield."

Her snort was inelegant. "I may act stupid sometimes, Moppy, but I'm really not. No battlefields for me."

Bruce's relief translated into a slump. "That's what I needed to hear."

The steadying arm around his waist squeezed hard. "Where do you want to go? Bed? Sofa?"

The evil portion of his mind suddenly supplied pictures of his bed, and what Bruce would like to be doing in it. The too tight, hazy green feeling that had struck him earlier was back. He stumbled a little, and tried to avoid Darcy's gaze.

"Um…the sofa will be fine."

She helped him there, and made sure he was sitting down safely before heading for his kitchen. "Water, Doc? Tea?" she called over her shoulder.

Watching the sway of her adorable ass, Bruce suddenly wanted alcohol in a powerful way. "Uh…tea, please."

She found the teapot with no help from him, and filled it with water. After slinging it onto his stove, she grabbed for a mug and the nearest tea tin. It was a domestic scene that he hadn't experienced in so long that it hurt just to think of. But she looked…right…as she sashayed around his kitchenette.

"Who dressed me?" he found himself asking, still wondering. Usually he woke up naked.

Darcy flashed him another grin as she prepared the mug. "I'm assuming it was someone in medical. Worried about your virtue, Bruce?"

"Around you? Always. You sure you didn't…help?"

Her laugh was like wind chimes in a light breeze. "Look at me, Bruce. Do you think I'm strong enough to manhandle your unconscious butt into clothes?"

Hmm…she had a point. "Did you peak while I was still out?"

"Nope! But I may have done some touching while you were laying on my 'pillows'."

Bruce felt a sudden, completely irrational jealousy of his unconscious self. "You like to touch, I've noticed."

"Oh Doc…you have no idea."

He twitched again. How she managed to sound so filthy was beyond him, but parts of him liked it a lot. "Tea ready yet?" he asked in a slightly strained voice. She had sifted through his cabinets, and he thought he had seen an odd assortment of things going into his mug.

"Soon," she promised.

Bruce occupied himself with quietly asking Jarvis how Tony, Steve and Thor were doing. They were all well, the AI reported back, but Tony and Thor were still unconscious. Steve was awake, but not yet moving around due to multiple rib fractures. They would take several hours to heal. Natasha and Clint were…occupied.

The blush in the AI's voice almost had Bruce blushing. He didn't need to be a genius to know what the AI was insinuating. Well…good for them. At least they could have fun.

He was a bit hesitant when Darcy plopped down beside him and handed him a steaming mug. Bruce lifted it to his face and inhaled, but couldn't identify all the assorted scents. "What did you put in it," he asked.

The young woman at his side smirked down at the floor, not meeting his eyes. "Oh, a little of this. A little of that. Enjoy!"

He lifted the warm, steaming mug and took a cautious sip. Oh…nice. There was an amazing blend of flavor in his tea. He couldn't identify even half of them, but wow.

"Amazing," he praised, after another sip. "Spiced tea?"

Darcy shrugged, finally looking up at him. "I was a college student not that long ago. Mixing drinks was a daily thing. It wasn't too hard to translate that into yummy tea."

Bruce found himself grinning. She was truly a unique individual. "Amazing," he praised again, after yet another sip. And slightly addictive, because he'd never been this eager to drink tea before.

"Glad you like it."

When everything began to relax, Bruce felt the warning bells go off in his head as he remembered the bottle of scotch Tony had gifted him with. He had tucked it into a cabinet since he had no intention of drinking it. Alcohol wasn't the best idea in the world when one had the ability to turn into a giant green rage monster.

"Darcy no. Tell me you didn't put any scotch into this?"

He watched her bite her bottom lip, and that was answer enough. Bruce sat the mug of tea down on the little table beside the sofa, and shook his head. It had been a long, long time since he felt this relaxed, and that was never good.

"You should go," he suggested softly. "Alcohol lowers my control levels."

He wasn't prepared for her to sling herself onto his lap, straddling him and effectively pinning him where he was. Bruce stared up at her in shock, feeling a flush of heat move through him. He couldn't tell if it was the alcohol or not, but certain parts of his body didn't care.

"Darcy." His voice was strained. "You should go."

She reached up to run her hands through his hair. "Are you kidding? I finally have you at my mercy, Dr. Banner."

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to feel the growing pressure in his pants. Trying really hard not to feel the desire that swam through his entire body, lighting up every nerve until they were screaming for more.

The soft press of her mouth against his nearly undid him. Bruce groaned, but slid his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. She was warm and soft against him, and it had been so long…He plundered her mouth, barely hearing her soft gasps over the growing thunder in his ears. She was…she was grinding down on him softly, and he couldn't stop the small lunges his hips made into the air, pressing them together.

His hands moved of their own volition, sliding up her back under her shirt, garnering a pleased gasp from the woman on his lap. Bruce opened his eyes, but the world had a green haze and he really couldn't see anything. He didn't need to though. He could feel her against him, hear her soft gasps, taste her sweet mouth…

"Darcy," he gasped against her mouth. "It's not safe…he's right there…"

She wrenched her mouth from his and seized his head in both hands. "You know I love seeing you, Big Green," she spoke breathlessly, directly to the demon inside him. "But I love seeing Bruce too, and right now, I need to keep seeing him. Do you understand? You don't need to protect him right now. Bruce is safe with me. Do you understand?"

The angry green presence within him now felt like confusion. Any time this much adrenalin flooded Bruce's system, there was usually trouble. But the Other Guy trusted Darcy more than anyone other than Tony. She was telling him that Bruce was safe with her, and that she wanted to keep Bruce with her for now.

Bruce blinked, and the green haze retreated, leaving him with a lapful of soft, willing Darcy. She was smiling down at him, still doing a soft grind that was driving him crazy.

"Oh Doc…I think life is about to get very interesting," she whispered, bending forward to claim his mouth again.

As unbridled lust roared through him, Bruce couldn't agree more.

Don't hate me for ending there. Please?