Sophie stretches and opens her eyes, realizing she just had the best sleep she had in years. She looks at her phone which tells her it's mid-morning and too early for her to be this awake. But her heart starts racing as soon as memories from the previous night fill her head.
They were memories…right? Suddenly Sophie panics. Was last night only a dream? She had hundreds of dreams before where Sian came back to her, but none of them felt that real.
Sophie quickly unlocks her phone and searches for proof that she had not dreamt the best date of her life. She's sighs, extremely relieved, when she finds a selfie of her and Sian from the ferris wheel last night. The picture captures both girls' radiant happiness with Sophie's arm laid gently around Sian's neck and Sian's hand resting on Sophie's knee. Sophie smiles and decides to send Sian a "good morning" message. Sophie never had the heart to delete Sian's number from her phone, holding onto that tiny bit of hope she would call her one day. So Sophie pulled up a new text message to Sian and wrote "Good morning (:". She hit the send button before she had the chance to rethink her own words. Was the smiley face too much? Too formal? Too informal? Does she even still have my number? What if she thinks I'm some creepy stalker? Sophie's mind ran wild with questions until she decided there was no use in worrying as it was already sent. And read according to her phone.
Sophie eagerly waited for Sian's response, attempting not to look at her phone every 7 seconds but failing. After 10 minutes Sophie started to worry but figured Sian probably saw the text and fell back to sleep. She would talk to her later. After all, Sian was the one who asked to see Sophie the next day.
Sophie made herself breakfast and then busied herself with errands for half of the afternoon. She tried not to overthink Sian's lack of response but a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach told her something wasn't right. She pulled out her phone and typed out "How was your morning?" sending the text to Sian.
By the time Sophie had bought groceries and dropped them off at home, it was mid-afternoon and she still had not heard from Sian. Her stomach clenched when she looked at her phone one last time to find no new notifications, so Sophie ran out the door and headed straight for Rosie's .
Sophie pounded on the door relentlessly until a highly annoyed Rosie came into view.
"What the hell are you doing, Sophie?!"
"Is Sian here?"
"No, she said she had to go somewhere and then left almost an hour ago."
"Did she say when she'd be back?" Sophie was starting to get nervous.
"She didn't say, Soph" Rosie replied, starting to hear the worry in her sister's voice.
"Soph, I wouldn't worry too much. When she got home last night it was like she was love drunk. I asked her about the date and she explained everything. She was so happy. I'm sure she'll be back soon. Do you want to come in and relax until she gets back?"
"Sure, thanks Rosie." As much as a pain her sister can be, Sophie is thankful for Rosie knowing just how to calm her down.
Sophie walks into Rosie's living room and notices everything has been straightened up. Blankets have been neatly folded on the couch, the pillows are placed neatly at either end of the couch, and any trace of food has vanished.
"Oh, you shouldn't have cleaned for little ol' me!" Sophie joked to her sister. This comment surprised Rosie as she hadn't even noticed the new condition of the room.
"Very funny. You know Sundays are my cleaning days and I never do this good of a job! Sian must have tidied things up," Rosie said simply.
Sophie smiled, knowing how adamant Sian would get about being neat. Sophie walked past the guest room to head to the bathroom when something caught her eye. Or rather, nothing caught her eye. Sophie took a couple steps back and looked into the guestroom where Sian had been staying and it was immaculate. It could have been used as a model room for the a hotel. But looking around the room, Sophie noticed that there was no trace of Sian being there. Whatsoever.
"Um Rosie, did Sian bring any clothes or anything with her here?" Sian asked slightly nervous.
"Yeah of course, they're right over—" Rosie points to a corner of the room where Sian had kept her suitcase for the past few days but it wasn't there.
"Maybe she moved it into another room while she was fixing up…" Rosie hopefully replies. She sees the wheels turning in Sophie's head and can't help but start to worry herself.
Sophie immediately checks every foot of the flat for any trace of Sian, but finds nothing.
"She could have moved back into her dad's place for the night. You know, since it's her last night here and everything," Rosie offers, but Sophie knows that's not the case. Besides the fact that Sian had avoided her dad's place the entire time she had been there, Sophie finally understood the sick feeling in her stomach that had been torturing her all day. Sian had run.
Sophie turns around to face Rosie who almost breaks out into her own tears at the look on Sophie's face. A look of realization combined with confusion, sadness, and immense pain grace Sophie's face and it's enough to make any grown man shed a tear. Rosie doesn't even get two words out before Sophie runs out of the house, heading straight for the train station.
Sophie is immediately relieved when she sees Sian sitting on the bench with some piece of paper in her hand. Obviously she hadn't left yet. But as soon as the relief hits her, Sophie's anger and sadness take ahold of her emotions and march her up the steps in front of Sian.
Sian doesn't see Sophie coming; she continues to stare at the ground until she sees a shadow in front of her.
When Sian looks up, Sophie's pained look forces out a sob from Sian and her tears start falling faster.
"Why?" is all Sophie can mutter in barely a whisper.
"Because I love you!" Sian sobs. She puts her face in her hands and her cries become slightly muffled. Sophie's heart stopped. She has waited to hear those three words again for 10 years. But it's not right. It doesn't make sense. Why would Sian be crying in front of the train station with what she assumes is a ticket in her hands because she loves Sophie? Beyond confused and highly annoyed at Sian's answer, Sophie yells.
"What the fuck, Sian?" Sian looks up, stunned by Sophie's blunt words.
"Don't fucking lie to me, Sian!" Sophie warns. She can't understand how they got here.
"I'm not lying, Sophie…" Sian tries to defend herself but it sounds weak in the midst of her tears.
"Bullshit. If you loved me you would have answered my bloody message this morning. You wouldn't have forced me to come chase you, almost sending me into a panic attack thinking you left. So why are you here Sian?"
"I didn't lie!" Sian's tone is desperate. "I…it's all just too much, Sophie. I didn't expect to see you again. I didn't expect to talk to you, nevermind go on a bloody date with you! A bloody perfect, romantic, amazing date, one I've been dreaming about for years. And I didn't expect to fall back in love with you, Sophie!"
"What's your point Sian?" Sophie retorts, annoyed that she still hasn't really explained herself.
"The point is that I'm scared! Okay?! I'm fucking scared to death. I didn't want all this to happen. Well…I did, I guess, subconsciously, but I wasn't prepared for it. I have a nice life in London. I have a job I love, great friends… and I could finally carry on with my life without the constant reminder of you everywhere I looked. I knew no one would compare to you but I finally got to the point where I could at least try to find someone. And then you come barging into my life again, ruining all of my progress, taking the last 10 years of my life away… And I'm just supposed to accept it?"
"Yes!" Sophie yells, not caring it was meant to be a rhetorical question.
Sian rolls her eyes but Sophie continues. "You're not the only one who is completely messed up by all this, Sian! And you're not the only one who's scared. I'm bloody terrified! And confused. And everything you are. But the one thing that scares me more than getting you back is pushing you away again."
Sian knows Sophie is right. This is hard on Sophie too, and she can't deny that. Sian lets Sophie's last words linger in the air for a few moments while she decides what to say.
"You're right." It's barely a whisper and Sophie isn't sure she hears it correctly.
"Huh?"
"You're right," Sian says slightly louder and Sophie silently cheers. "But you're brave, Soph." Sophie's face drops at Sian's words, sensing where this is going. "You're brave and strong and you never give up. And you could probably move on if something happened again…but I can't. I'm not brave like you…I wouldn't be okay if we picked up where we left off and then we broke up again. I just…I don't think it's worth the risk."
Sophie's heart shattered. In this moment she felt more pain than she had in the last 10 years. She was so close to getting Sian back…
Sophie tries to will her tears to retreat but it's no use. Sian's words stung too badly. Sophie looks at Sian, pleading with her eyes to reconsider and just give them a chance, but she knows it's no use. Sian made her decision: Sophie isn't worth it.
Sophie prepares herself to stand up and walk away when she sees the ticket that Sian is ruffling in her hands.
"Why do you still have that?" Sian hadn't realized she still had the expired train ticket in her hands.
"I missed the train…" Sian replied weakly.
"Why?" Sophie could see the time on the ticket was shortly before Sophie got to the train station. So why hadn't Sian gotten on the train?
"I…I don't know." She honestly didn't. Sian bought her ticket and sat confidently on the bench until her boarding call. But when she was supposed to leave, she couldn't move. She watched the train slowly pass by, leaving her behind. And she couldn't give a reason as to why she wasn't on that train.
Sophie recognized Sian's uncertainty and knew this was her chance.
"Sian, look at me." Thankfully, Sian didn't argue; she looked up directly into Sophie's bright blue eyes. "I know you're scared. And honestly, you have every right to be. But you are brave. Way braver than me. You came back for your dad. And you knew fully well that there was a good chance we'd run into each other. You gave a beautiful speech at your dad's funeral. You started letting me back in after all this time. And you conquered your fear of heights on the ferris wheel. You are strong. And brave. And you didn't get on that train because of that. You knew that this could work…" Sophie takes Sian's hands in her own. "We are worth the risk Sian…please…I promise I will spend the rest of my life proving that to you. Please, just… be brave one more time," Sophie pleads desperately. She sees the struggle written on Sian's face in the moments that pass and Sophie silently prays she is enough.
"Okay." Sian whispers, hesitantly.
"Okay?" Sophie needs to hear Sian say it again so she knows she's not imagining things.
"Okay," Sian says a little more confidently.
Sophie breaks out into a smile and she lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Sian mimics Sophie's smile as she feels a huge weight lifted off her chest. She feels free.
Sophie immediately wraps her arms around Sian's neck and pulls her in for a hug.
"Thank you, Sian. Thank you," Sophie sniffles, trying to compose herself. Sian stays silent but smiles and squeezes Sophie tighter.
When they pull apart Sian wipes the tears out of her eyes and laughs to herself. She didn't think the day would end like this. She's overwhelmed to say the least. But she's happy. And that is one thing she definitely did not expect.
"So…what does this mean?" Sian asks, slightly nervous as to the finality of the answer.
"Well… I think it means you can answer my message now," Sophie jokes, earning a laugh from Sian.
"I think you're right," Sian agrees.
Sophie smiles back. "I love you, Sian."
"I love you too, Soph." Sophie would never get tired of hearing those words.