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Chapter 39

Done

The note was a gamble. If Jessica read it, she would never make it to Eric's bar. If she knew that Bella was sending her to a life without heroin, she'd choose the street.

Bella folded the note in half once, then again, and taped it shut.

"Take this," she said, handing it to the girl.

"Don't open it. Don't read it. Just take it and give it to Ben." Jessica looked concerned.

"You sure?"

"Absolutely. Ben is a sweet guy, and his girlfriend Angela's wonderful. You're going to live with them, for a while at least. They've got a big black dog named Jake. He's a sweetheart. You'll love him."

"Where am I going to get a fix?" It hurt to lie to Jessica, but there was no choice. Bella looked into the girl's eyes and did her best.

"Ben will take care of that. He knows people. Do you trust me, Jessica?"

"Yes, Bella."

"Good. Give me a hug and then get the hell out of here." Jessica embraced her again, and Bella hugged back.

She hoped to make it through the dark days ahead, but knew it was unlikely. Jessica was redemption. Even if Bella failed and Carlisle destroyed her, Jessica at least was safe.

After a moment, they broke apart. Jessica was crying again when she said goodbye, but she moved resolutely toward the door. At its edge, Bella called to her.

"Hey, Jessica?" The girl turned around, cocked her head, and raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah?"

"Do you still pray every night?"

"I stopped. I didn't think God was listening."

"Maybe he was."

"Maybe I'll start again."

"Do that. And pray for me, okay?"

Bella lit a cigarette and leaned back, lost in thought. It hurt, seeing Jessica, but in that bittersweet way—as much pleasure as pain. Tan spoke up.

"Seems like a nice kid." Bella nodded.

"There's no fix waiting for her with this guy Ben, is there?"

"Of course not."

"Think she'll make it through?"

"God, I hope so."

"You forgot to tell her why she should pray for you." Bella gave Tan a bitter smile.

"No. I didn't forget." Tan stood up, stretched, walked over to the desk and looked Bella in the eyes.

"He's going to kill you, Bella. I'm sorry, but this is crazy." Bella shook her head.

"You can't talk me out of it, Tan."

"Too bad. I'm not going to stop trying. Will you bring Alice?"

"Yes."

"Will she fight him?"

"I don't know."

"What if he kills her too?" Bella smacked her hand down on the table and looked up at Tan, eyes flaring.

"Then he fucking kills us both. Alice's probably better off anyway. That was the decision. That was the plan. Kill Alice, Kill Rose, drop you in the city and run like hell. Carlisle just fucked it up." Tan took a step back, holding up her hands.

"Okay, Bella. I'm sorry. I know this is hard on you."

"No, we're beyond that. This is the easiest thing in my life, Tan. I have no choice." Tan shrugged, clearly unconvinced.

Bella dragged at her cigarette, blew smoke into the dark room, tried not to think about Edward. She didn't want to think of him until the next evening, until she was working herself up to a fever pitch of fury and hatred, ready to kill or be killed.

"If I live through it, do you want me to find you?" she asked.

"Hell yes."

"I don't have an apartment. Give me your address and phone number. Maybe I'll be in touch."

"Sure." Tan scribbled the information down. Bella stuck it in her back pocket and went back to staring out the window.

"Thanks for staying, Tan." She said finally. "I know you could've left a couple hours ago."

"It's okay. I spent the time thinking up excuses to explain to my friends where the hell I've been." Bella laughed a bit at that.

"I have no idea what I'll tell mine, if I see them. I'm not sure I could even face them, after all the shit I've lied to them about since I met Mike."

"I'm sure they'd forgive you."

"Yeah. Can I forgive myself? Don't know. Probably doesn't matter. Like you said … he's going to kill me."

"Right, but … What happens if you win?"

"Honestly, Tan? I don't think there's much point in worrying about what will happen if I win."

"Are there other vampires?"

"So I've been told."

"Will they come after you?" Bella smiled.

"Get out of here, Tan. Go home. Stop thinking about it. You're practically human. I can hear it in your voice. Another night and this will all seem like some bizarre dream."

"Yeah. Okay. Can't say it was nice meeting you, Bella – things were too fucked up to call any of it 'nice' – but I'm glad I know you, if that means anything."

"It means a lot." Tan looked around.

"I'm glad to leave. I don't know how you stood this place for so long."

"It's easier if you're high all the time." Tan headed for the door. When she reached it, she turned.

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"Goodbye. Good luck." Bella looked over at her, and smiled again.

"Bye, Tan. Thanks." Tan waved, turned and disappeared through the door.

Bella sat, Alice dozing behind her, and watched as smoke curled up into the darkness, lost in thought, lost in her plans for revenge.

Midnight shopping was easier in New York than anywhere else in the world, and Bella had little trouble finding the supplies she needed.

She already had Mike's gun and bullets to go with it, the extra clips found in a desk drawer. To these she added a machete, purchased at a hardware store, and even a few wooden stakes, although seeing them sitting in the car truly drove home how futile it all was.

Wooden stakes? For Carlisle? Bella drove from spot to spot, trying not to think about it, picking up things she thought she might need. Alice amused herself by playing with the various lit switches and dials inside the car.

Eventually the incessant noise of the radio flipping from station to station faded into the background. She and Alice fed on a homeless man under a bridge somewhere in Brooklyn, but Bella found her thirst waning early.

It was starting: she was becoming human again. They left the city around four in the morning, heading toward Binghamton. There she found a motel.

When the coming sun forced her into sleep, Bella was glad for it. She was ready for the end.

The drive was miserable, the walk worse. They ditched the car a few miles from the mansion, and made their way toward the house in a downpour that wanted to be snow, couldn't quite manage it, and settled for sleet instead.

Bella smoked, walked, saying nothing. The gun was jammed into the waistband of her pants. The machete hung in a sheath from her belt.

She hadn't even bothered to bring the stakes. Bella walked. Alice stumbled along behind her, insisting on walking but occasionally dropping to all fours to catch up.

The mansion emerged from the surrounding trees like a horror-movie haunted house. Huge, dark, lurking like a thing alive.

It seemed as if the evil of its owner, held back perhaps by Edward's presence, had engulfed it. She found herself losing her resolve.

Did she really want to be here? Surely this was madness. Hopeless. The fear pressed on her, taunting and shoving, trying to force her back to the car and away from the mansion.

Bella fought against it. She thought of Edward, forcing herself to contemplate the awful truth: he was gone, never coming back, and she would have to live without him.

She thought of all of the things they had meant to do together, of the time they had planned to spend, and it seemed her heart would break. The hurt brought anger.

The anger brought hate, and Bella looked up at the mansion with loathing in her eyes. Carlisle was up there, somewhere. He wouldn't know that she had returned. There might be some chance for surprise, some possibility of success.

"Coming for you, Carlisle. Going to cut out your heart, eat it in front of you, and then set you on fire." Bella snarled up at the mansion, and again moved forward.

The front entrance was lit. Too dangerous. Too obvious. Bella knelt next to Alice, whispered in her ear.

"Alice, I know you can understand me if you try. Please try. Do you know if there's a back door? A side entrance? Something?" Alice looked back at her, confused but wanting to help.

"See that? That's a door, but that one's bad, Alice. Is there a different door? Somewhere else?" Sudden understanding dawned in Alice's eyes, and she began to squirm about, excited to have the answer. She pointed at the side of the mansion, pulling at Bella's hand.

"Okay, Alice. Good. Thank you." They crept along, skirting the edge of the forest on the mansion's west end, keeping the shadows.

The lawn was soft and wet, muddy in spots. Freezing water sprayed up with each footstep. The sleet kept falling from the sky, and Bella and Alice both were both soon soaked and filthy.

A normal human might have been succumbing to hypothermia, but Bella was still mostly vampire, and barely felt the cold. Bella caught sight of an indentation in the wall to her right; a door, possibly a servant's entrance.

It was unlit and quiet. There was nothing between them and the entrance except wet grass and a few cultivated trees. Rotten crab-apples littered the ground, slowly returning to the soil.

Alice lead. Bella kept her eyes to the ground, afraid to look at the mansion. The sense of menace was palpable, like a wet cloth that wrapped them, stifling, suffocating.

Bella felt as if she could barely breathe. They were nearly there when Alice stopped short with a sudden yipping noise. Bella looked up, and at once felt her limbs go weak.

There before them was a shadow within the shadows, dark and looming, a presence so powerful it seemed to beat upon her like a physical force. Carlisle. There. Waiting.

"Hello Bella." Bella could not find words, could barely look. "You've come back to finish this, have you? And you've brought my daughter. How lovely. Alice, you have been a very bad girl. I thought we had trained you better than this." Sudden anger blazed in Bella, and she found her voice.

"Don't you talk to her like she's your fucking dog, Carlisle!" Carlisle turned his attention again to Bella, focusing his gaze on her.

She stood up to it as best she could, teeth clenched, and holding on to her hatred as an anchor, remembering Edward. It was the only way to keep from screaming under the onslaught of his gaze.

"I will talk to her, little girl, however I please." Calm turned suddenly to rage in his eyes, and Carlisle bent forward, eyes blazing, snarling at Alice.

She cried out first in fear, and then in pain. Carlisle never touched her. Alice thrashed on the ground, wailing, left finally lying on her side, shuddering and weeping pink vampire tears.

Bella heard herself screaming at Carlisle. Semi-words. Noises of rage and hate and terror. Carlisle ignored her.

"Now, Alice. Go!" he roared, and sudden strength seemed to flow into Alice's body. She leapt up and ran, reverting to all fours, pelting across the yard to the forest, yelping.

Bella felt tears on her cheeks, hot like branding irons against the cold and the slush. She was growling obscenities at Carlisle, over and over, unable to stop. Carlisle smiled at her, quiet, in control once again.

"You're a fascinating young woman, Bella, but too good. Too good. It is in many ways a shame to destroy you, but I think that were I to break you, I would destroy the same qualities that make you so intriguing."

"Fuck you."

"No, little girl, don't you remember? I'm possessed of no such abilities." Carlisle chuckled. The sound was like turning earth. Like scraping stones.

"I'm here to kill you, Carlisle."

"I know. Oh, I know. You might even have succeeded in surprising me. I must admit that this is the last place I had expected you ever to return. The very last. Yes, you might have come upon me unawares, and at least had that small satisfaction before your death. Alas, Bella, you have not. I have had some help." Bella knew it before he spoke her name.

Carlisle smiled. Moved aside. Gestured. "Is this not true, Tan?"

Bella turned to meet the eyes of her betrayer.