Finals are over... That'll free up a little bit of time for writing this month! ^_^ I'm not super happy with this chapter, but it's a setup for the future.
Quick shout-out to my lovely reviewers. I'll be the first to admit I often don't think to review a story, even one I absolutely love, while I'm reading it. But from a writer's perspective, reviews help me figure out what my readers like, what I need to fix, and how I'm doing with the story. I'll at least try to send one review for every story I read, and in turn I'm asking you all to try and do the same. :) I'd really appreciate it.
Wet Dog is going to come between 15-20K... I generally prefer (reading and writing) longer works but you can only take a fluff piece so far. I'm thinking about writing a series of 10K stories highlighting the relationship of Remus and Sirius, with this one being the start, and continuing through Remus's death. For obvious reasons they'd get a fair bit darker than this one, since I want to stick with canon as best I can. This'll be a project between other stories. Input, ideas, yay or nay?
If there was one thing that helped shake the flushing, jittery feeling that was almost everpresent in Sirius's stomach, it was Hope Lupin's record collection.
The Beatles, the Rolling Stones, ZZ Top, David Bowie, Hope Lupin had it all and Sirius Black loved every bit of it. While Lyall was at work, Hope and Sirius would jam out to new records every day, the woman singing along in her ethereal alto and the boy drinking in every note. Remus would curl up on the recliner and read, smiling softly to himself.
Home. That was the feeling that Sirius felt at the Potters'. The Lupin house didn't feel quite the same to Sirius, not as though the family had been waiting to welcome him in like the last piece of a puzzle. But it was comfort. He was welcome here, in a way he'd never felt in his own house.
Each morning-well, afternoon to be honest-the boys would wake up, talk across their beds for an hour or two (during which time Sirius felt alternately soft and warm, and unbearably flustered in a way he'd never been before), then go downstairs to wheedle brunch out of Hope. They'd complete their music-and-books routine for the majority of the afternoon, take a walk or play Exploding Snap or chess, then eat dinner when Lyall returned. Evenings were spent with Remus trying to cajole Sirius into doing some homework, which very rarely worked, then the boys retiring to the bedroom to talk some more before bed (or, not so occasionally, wrestle over the last bit of chocolate). The routine was comfortable, and all members of the house were happy.
Until the morning before the full moon.
Sirius was accustomed to the boy being irritable and tired, but it was another animal entirely to see it outside of Hogwarts. He put up no front, not with Sirius or his parents. The dark-haired boy hadn't realized just how much pain Remus went through on the day leading up to the moon.
He rolled over in bed that morning, earlier than usual, when he heard the bedroom door open. Lyall stood there carrying a tray.
"Remus? Remus, your mother made breakfast," he said gently. The werewolf only grunted.
Lyall crossed to Sirius, setting the tray on the top of his trunk. "See if you can get him to eat anything," he said quietly. "Sometimes he will and sometimes he won't."
"Thank you, sir," Sirius responded. "Usually we bring him food back from breakfast and lunch, but he'll only eat it about half the time. I know the moons are a little easier when there's something in his stomach."
The man smiled grimly. "That they are. I'm taking the day off work, so let us know if the two of you need anything. There's enough there for both of you, but of course feel free to come down and eat with us if Remus won't wake."
Without another word, the man left, shutting the door softly behind him.
Sirius stood, then sat on the edge of Remus's bed. The boy was still sleeping, flat on his back, his fists clenched over the worn covers and his chin caught in a grimace.
"Remus?" Sirius prodded gently. "Remus, wake up and eat a little." He lay a hand on Remus's shoulder.
The werewolf flinched at Sirius's touch, his eyes opening wide. "Sirius?" he panted. "God, it hurts."
"Does it always hurt this bad?" Oh, his heart ached.
"Yes," he sputtered. "Usually I-I pretend to be asleep so you lot don't see it. I don't want you to see me like this."
"You've nothing to hide," answered Sirius. "I see you in the worst agony right before each change. I just didn't know the hurt started this early. Why don't you try to eat something?"
Remus shook his head. "Can't."
Feeling hopeless and a little lost, Sirius did the only thing that came to mind: he walked over to the door and locked it before morphing himself into Padfoot. When he approached the tray loaded with bacon, sausages, eggs and toast, his human mind had to war with his doggie instinct. Ignoring the intense urge to gobble up every morsel, he took a piece of bacon gingerly between his teeth and carried it over to Remus's bed. He whined gently at the boy, who slowly reached over to scratch behind his left ear.
"Thank you," he said with a soft smile. He took the offered piece of bacon, broke off the slobbery end (which Sirius devoured greedily) and took a bite from it. "God," he said around a small mouthful of bacon, "I was hungrier than I'd thought. Could I ask you to...?"
Sirius allowed his body to grow back to its natural form, then reached over for the tray. He picked up a link of sausage and put it to Remus's lips.
It had to be wrong, somehow, to take such personal delight in the sandy-haired boy's smile. But he always had, hadn't he? Realizing that he had a... crush... on Remus didn't suddenly make it perverse for him to be happy to help, happy he had done any small thing to cause the boy to smile. You would do this for James if he needed it, he reminded himself. Or Peter.
"You don't have to hand-feed me, you know," said Remus with just a tinge of pink in his cheeks. "I appreciate it, but I'm not a total invalid." He made to sit up, grimaced again, and lay back down. When he reached for the tray, Sirius merely held it out of his reach and used the other hand to pop the rest of the sausage into Remus's mouth.
"Thank you," said Remus again after he'd swallowed.
"Don't mention it," he said. "Where am I right now?"
"Um... on my bed?"
Sirius rolled his eyes with a grin. "Well, probably technically. But where I really am is right here for you. Always will be. You're one of my best mates; I'd do anything for you."
Neither of the boys-nearly men-noticed the way each leaned toward the other, just slightly. But Sirius saw the way Remus bit his lip, hope and something he couldn't quite identify in his eyes.
"You're the best," Remus told Sirius. "I think that's all I can eat for now, thanks."
"All right, mate. Want to try and sleep again, or do something else?"
"I don't think I'll be able to sleep through this," Remus admitted.
"Is there anything that ever helps?" asked Sirius.
Remus bit his lip again, enchantingly, and a low flush rose over his cheeks. "Not really. Mum used to-to read to me before I went to Hogwarts, for a bit of a distraction. It was kind of an unspoken thing when she stopped, I think it hurts her too much to see me in pain. I don't see much of her the day before the moon. Not that she's not there for me," he defended quickly. "The day after, Dad usually goes back to work and she stays by my side the whole time. It's just easier for her because then there's something she can do and all, and please don't think she's just ignoring me or anything it's just-"
"Pick a book," Sirius interrupted, knowing that when Remus went on the defensive, he'd exhaust both parties before he finished.
"Are-are you sure? You don't have to," the werewolf said hurriedly. I do this every month, you know, and I'll make it through. You're free to go listen to records with Mum."
It was almost endearing, the way Remus fought with all he had (which, at the moment, was admittedly not much) to avoid inconveniencing others. And it was heartbreaking. Perhaps because of that, Sirius simply took the book from Remus's nightstand, opened it to the bookmarked page, and began to read. He stopped only for restroom breaks and, when Hope brought up supper, to take a few small bites.
At a half hour to sunset, Remus sat up in bed. "I've got to get down to the cellar," he said.
"All right. Do your parents know about me, or do I have to find a way to sneak in with you?"
"You can't," he protested. "They can't know you're an illegal Animagus, and the cellar is everything-proof. Can't Apparate into or out of it, even if you knew how."
"But Remus-"
"No. Please don't fight me on this one."
Sirius fought with his own anguish. He knew how much more it hurt Remus when he was alone, knew that he'd be riddled with gashes and bruises he might not have had if Remus were there. He nodded miserably, and helped the boy out of bed and down the stairs, then outside and through the doors of what looked like an underground bomb shelter. Through the waning light he could see nothing but concrete, stained with more blood than magic could hope to eliminate.
The Lupins hurried Sirius to the bedroom shortly after. "There's nothing you can do, and it's harder to hear him from upstairs," Hope had explained.
But Remus wasn't the only one with canine-enhanced hearing. In his dog form, he heard the crunch of Remus's bones shifting from two stories above and ten feet over, heard each agonizing moan, each pained howl.
He had thought that Remus's solo transformation would be easier for him to handle as a dog, when he could revert to the nonlingual thought processes and, perhaps, not dwell. It was useless; every fiber in Padfoot's being wanted to go down, to be with his packmate, to help.
Eventually he changed back and slipped downstairs for a cup of tea. There was no way he'd be sleeping tonight, so he may as well load up on caffeine. He felt useless, helpless. Itchy from the inside. Remus was hurting, and if he'd fought harder, he could be helping to ease that. Instead he waited, doing nothing, while sweet, cunning, brave Remus Lupin tore himself apart.
He was somehow surprised to find Lyall already in the kitchen, pulling a mug down from the cabinet. He looked more tired, more old, than Sirius had seen him yet.
Wordlessly, Lyall pulled down a second mug and filled it up. "Careful, it's hot," he warned.
"Thanks," said Sirius. "It's killing me, not being able to help like I want to."
"I know. Hope is outside, reading by flashlight-it's a kind of Muggle lantern that runs on electricity."
"It's bound to be worse, hearing him that close."
"It is," answered Lyall. "But it's as close as she can get to him, and that's all she can do. I wish there was something any of us could do to make this easier for him. We've tried Immobilizing him, but it simply goes away when he transforms. We've tried everything we can think of."
Remus had told Sirius that his parents weren't to know about his Animagus form. But damn it, his best friend was hurting.
There was nothing he could do this moon; as Remus had said, the cellar was "everything-proof" and there was no way for him to get inside tonight without placing the Lupins in great danger. But there was another full moon before Hogwarts term started, and could Sirius truly live with himself if he didn't help where he could?
The decision was made quickly. "Lyall," he said, "Remus made me promise not to tell you about this, but I have something that may help the next moon."
Lyall looked up sharply from the mug of tea he'd been brooding into. "What is it?" he asked, decade-old desperation haunting his features.
"Don't be mad that I didn't tell you this before," he begged, "and please don't tell anybody." He set his mug down on the counter and shifted.
Lyall gasped. "An Animagus? Sirius, but you're only sixteen!"
A now-human Sirius said, "I know. Which is why you can't tell anyone. We're sworn to secrecy, but if I'm here, I won't let Remus suffer through this pain on his own next time. He's calmer if he has a packmate there, and werewolf bites don't infect animals."
"What about the Trace?" he said. "You're underage."
"I think it's something to do with inherent, wandless magic," said Sirius with a shrug. "Remus has done the research; he'll tell you more about it. Anyway, one of the very few benefits to being a Black is that the sods at the Ministry turn a blind eye to things like underage magic."
Lyall blinked once, twice. Processed. "You've done this before?"
"The last few months," answered Sirius, stretching the truth a little. "It's so... different. We end up with cuts and bruises, sure, but nothing that's left a scar. Including on Remus. The transformation hurts him, but for the rest of the night... the best way I can describe it is play fighting. He's sore and exhausted the next day but it isn't nearly so bad. I swear it's perfectly safe." He carefully edited out mention of the other Marauders. On the off chance that Lyall decided to tell the Ministry, he'd go down for this one alone.
The man clapped a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Sirius," he said sincerely, "Remus is lucky to have a friend like you, and I'm truly thankful. If you're certain you'll be safe, and Hope will agree to it, I'd like for you to be with him next month."
Sirius nodded. "With all due respect, sir," he said, "I only didn't go down this month because Remus wouldn't let me; he didn't want you to find out, since I'm not strictly legal. But now the stopper's off the potion bottle, and after hearing how much pain he's in, you and Hope couldn't stop me going down next month if you tried."
A small, humourless chuckle and a nod. "Remus is lucky to have you indeed, Sirius."
The pair ventured to the sitting room, nursing their tea and waiting for dawn to come.
Author's Note Part Deux: Because I've kept you all waiting, and I'm not sure how long until the next chapter is published, here's a sneak peak at chapter 5:
Remus tears Sirius a new one over the Animagus issue but Remus is Notoriously Forgiving so it'll probably be okay!
Sirius decides to admit his feelings (but mostly doesn't)!
Sirius decides to go rock-and-roll (and doesn't do the best job but bless him, he tries)!
Sirius takes lunch with his biological family while wearing eyeliner!
All this and more, folks. ;) Review, subscribe and stick with me here!