In which I screw with the before Steven/after Steven format of the first few chapters in order to bring you the Pearl and Rose angst hour. You're welcome.

"The meaning of life is that it stops." – Franz Kafka

at first

Pearl wanted to love the creature growing inside Rose. She wanted to love him as much as the others already did. But the thought frightened her, because Greg's hairline really was receding.

They all teased him about it, of course. "I hope that Steven doesn't inherit that from you," Garnet said with a grin.

"I hope he doesn't inherit much from you," Pearl murmured under her breath.

"Yeah, 'cuz you're ugly!" Amethyst burst out. She giggled and dodged when Greg reached over to rumple her hair.

But only Pearl seemed to be truly distressed by this phenomenon. They had known Greg for just a small fraction of his lifespan, and already he was wearing down. Oh, sure, he claimed that the balding was premature, but there was no denying that his metabolism had slowed and begun to pad his abdomen with squishy places. And he may have still kept up the routine of wild headbanging at all of his concerts, but Pearl couldn't have been the only one to notice his new habit of swallowing painkillers immediately afterwards. However the others tried to ignore it, it made Pearl's heart ache to watch.

And she could hardly say she liked Greg. She couldn't imagine how it would hurt to love a human being that practically came prepackaged with an expiration date.

She had to know about the baby.

It was a rarity to catch Rose sitting up by the lighthouse alone that night. Pearl seldom saw her overlooking the sea without Greg since that first night she had declined Pearl's offer to carry him back to the van. Rose had spent the past several months of her pregnancy submersing herself completely in the human world. But now she looked down over the wild ocean in a silence so pensive that Pearl hesitated to approach her.

"Rose, do you need anything?" Pearl asked. "Can I get you something to eat?"

The fetus required food and water to grow, and Rose had been utterly delighted to feel her first genuine pangs of hunger and thirst. It frightened Pearl, but what didn't, these days? At her insistence, the temple had a fridge stocked with the essentials now.

Rose shook her head. "I only need company. Sit with me, Pearl."

Pearl sat on the cliff side, dangling her feet over the edge. The stars were beginning to peek out through the cloud cover overhead. In the blink of an eye, it would be morning again. She had to ask.

"Do you know if Steven will age?" Pearl hoped her tone was casual. "As a human, I mean?"

"I don't," Rose admitted. "There's a lot we can't know about Steven yet."

"I see," Pearl said. "I just think it would be difficult. To watch him grow up and..." She cleared her throat. "It'd be difficult for me. But I'm sure it's nothing you can't handle. You'll love to watch him grow, won't you?"

A troubled look crossed Rose's face. She laid a hand over her swollen belly. "Pearl, there's something I want to show you. Here."

She reached out and took Pearl's hand, guiding it over to her baby bump. Pearl hesitantly touched Rose's gem, blushing even as she tried to avoid it. She had already felt the baby kick and didn't particularly want to witness such a senseless act of aggression ever again.

But there was no real movement under her palm- just a slight vibration from the rose quartz gem. A steady hum could be heard when they were both silent. The gem was awake and glowing faintly, though Rose was perfectly still.

"He's doing that," Rose whispered, to Pearl's questioning look.

"What is he using your gem for?"

"Just to exist," Rose explained quietly. "It's sustaining him."

"What- what does that mean?" Pearl asked, though she feared she already knew.

"He won't be able to live without it."

Pearl pulled her hand away and watched the surface of the gem flicker. "Are you certain?"

"As certain as I can be of anything," Rose said. Her smile was weak.

"Oh, Rose, I'm sorry," Pearl murmured. "I'm so sorry."

She was. As little as Pearl understood it, Rose seemed desperate to experience the world as a human did, to the point where she was willing to let one inhabit her body. She took such joy in nurturing him, sustaining him with food and drink. But there was only much she could give him.

And hers wasn't the only dream to die. For goodness' sake, Greg had given up enough dreams so far in his short life, hadn't he? As enthusiastic as he was about raising this child, somehow Pearl doubted that this would be the thing that drove him away. But still she broke the silence.

"Does Greg know?"

"Yes, he's known for a little while now." Rose stroked the grass with a faraway look. "Greg is devastated."

So he hadn't disappeared to mourn his hair, then. Pearl waited for Rose to amend her simple statement with something a little more hopeful. Rose only added, "But I believe that in time, he'll begin to understand why I decided as I did."

"Do I have permission to speak freely, Rose?" Pearl asked cautiously.

Rose frowned at her. "You always do."

Pearl hesitated, choosing her words carefully. "I'm sure it's difficult for Greg to comprehend a lot of things about us. But surely he must realize that you cannot give him a normal human life. You've always been… so much more than that. And if having human children is what matters most to him-"

Rose held up a hand, clearly troubled. "Oh, I'm afraid I wasn't clear. I'm going to have Steven."

Pearl frowned. "You said he wouldn't be able to live on his own."

"Not without my gem. But I've had this gem for a long time," Rose patted her swollen stomach, her gaze distant. "It's his turn now."

"I don't understand." Anxiety punctured Pearl like a knife. "What will happen to you?"

"Only one of us can keep a physical form. And it's going to be him."

"You mean you'll die when it's born?"

"It's not exactly a death. I'll be alive in the gem. And even though I won't be physically present here…" She paused, concerned. "Pearl, please try to stay calm."

At Rose's request, Pearl tried not to tremble visibly. "Well, what about when it dies? It will die, won't it?"

It was funny how the thought that had been so painful before was now Pearl's last shred of hope. No. Funny wasn't the right word.

Rose hesitated just a moment too long with her answer. "There's still so much we don't know."

Pearl was not staying calm. She cradled her head, an uncontrollable fit of laughter bubbling in her throat even though she felt ill. "Oh, this is madness," she whispered into her hands.

"But please trust me when I say what I do is best. If you could see the life that Steven is going to live-"

"No. This is wrong. You're wrong." Pearl had never spoken that set of words to that face before. Not like this. "P-permission to speak freely?"

Rose nodded. Her expression betrayed little surprise, and so Pearl stammered on.

"You're wrong if you think your halfbreed child will be better for the world than you are. Nothing could be. Rose, we all need you more than you need to- to sacrifice yourself for the sake of some sentimental human experience..." She forced back tears, not wanting anything to undermine the logic of her argument. Her argument was sound. "You are not human, Rose. You are not meant to feel and do such things."

"But he is."

Oh, not this.

"Pearl, you know I tell you things that I cannot confide in anyone else. I'm frightened, too," Rose admitted quietly.

"Well, of course you are, Rose! This makes no sense!" Pearl burst out. "You say you love this child, and you'd really leave it alone here, on this hell hole of a planet?"

"Earth is not a hell hole."

"It would be if you weren't here!" There were more words she'd never spoken. Pearl put her head in her hands, gasping. "Oh, this is madness…"

"Steven wouldn't be alone," Rose continued. "Greg is far more capable than we've given him credit for. His capacity to love astounds me. It's even greater than his capacity for pain."

Pearl hardly heard her. "You'd leave us alone, then?"

"Pearl. Oh, Pearl, I feared this would cut you deeply. But you and Garnet and Amethyst will have Steven as well. He'll need you to teach him what Greg can't. Steven will have the powers of the rose quartz gem. I am confident that the three of you will be able to help him grow into them."

That was nonsense. Rose's face softened when Pearl couldn't even begin to form a response.

"I know I ask you to do hard things. I know I ask the impossible. But you've never let me down. Pearl, there's no one I trust more."

"Permission to speak freely, Rose," she pleaded.

"Don't ask me that again."

"I don't want to raise your child. I don't want any part of this crazy experiment," Pearl stammered. "Rose, I- I want you."

And there was yet another set of words she had never said aloud. Again, Rose's expression betrayed no surprise, only a quiet sort of pity.

"I know," she whispered, reaching for Pearl's hand. "But Pearl-"

Pearl drew her hand back. There was the reason she had never said these things. Rose knew, but. She knew, but it just didn't make a difference in the end.

Not even when it could save her.

Pearl stood abruptly. "I hope Greg does grow to understand, Rose, because I never will." She spoke calmly. But she was sure Rose knew better.

"Garnet!" Pearl hammered on the door wildly. "Garnet, I need to speak with you! It can't wait. Please. You've got to help me reason with her!"

The door of the temple opened a crack, and Pearl jammed her spear inside and forced it open wider. She stormed into the Burning Room, waving smoke away from her face.

"Keep your voice down, Pearl." Garnet stepped out from around one of the stone pillars in the room. "Amethyst doesn't know yet. And she shouldn't find out like this."

"But you knew!" Pearl poked the taller Gem in the chest. "How could you not have warned her?"

"How could you think I didn't?" There was a rare twinge of pain in Garnet's voice. "I told her from the beginning that this could happen. But Pearl, I think she knew before I did. She doesn't just want to keep her kid from dying. She wants him to live."

Pearl turned and swung her spear into a pillar of rock. It was all just semantics.

"Listen to me. You have the rest of your life to be angry and confused," Garnet said quietly, as Pearl sent another spray of pebbles raining down on them. "You have the rest of hers to show your support."

Pearl stopped swinging. The energy seeped away the moment she quit fighting, and she wobbled on her feet.

"I can't."

but then

Pearl had done the impossible for her before.

So in the end, she drew her sword and held it out in front of them. Greg took an instinctive step back before hastily excusing himself. Pearl stabbed the point into the grassy hill and took one knee, lowering her head as she leaned on the hilt.

"Rose Quartz, I seek your forgiveness," she said, eyes trained on the ground. "I have forgotten my place."

"Pearl, you haven't-"

"I swore my allegiance to you on the eve of the rebellion. I swore to fight beside you until the end, and to trust all of your decisions. It has always been the very least I could do." Pearl swallowed hard. "I swore to let no harm befall you. And now I swear to let no harm befall your child. Whatever sort of creature he is. However long he walks this Earth, I swear to protect him. I swear this on the seven glittering lakes on our Homeworld. I swear on the seven moons in the night sky. I swear-"

"Pearl, stand up," Rose cut her off. She sounded almost dismissive.

Pearl's words faltered. She was only partway through the very long speech she had prepared. But she slowly stood and risked a glance upward.

There were tears streaming down Rose's face. She opened her arms for an embrace. "You know your place."

The sword slipped out of Pearl's hand. She rushed forward and broke down in ugly sobs against Rose's shoulder.

She had never loved anyone with an expiration date before.

I probably should have posted this as a separate fic, because anyone who was looking for a serious story probably left after Greg puked on Pearl in chapter 2. But it'll be thematically relevant in the end, maybe, so I hope some of y'all out there have enjoyed.

Reviews make my world go round. :)