Bonjour everybody! I am France, and let me tell you about my epic pleasure parties!

Well, you see, I used to have the most awesome orgies. I invited the entire world to them, and I had a hot time getting rough and tumble with the world's hottest men - and women, for that matter!

But then one day nobody showed up. Perhaps my appetite was too great for them, that's all.

Hmm, there has to be some way to get all those beautiful countries back in my house...

Aha! Instead of an orgy, I could host a PLEASURE PARTY!

That's like an orgy, only you play with yourself instead of with the others.

I included the full description in the invites. State-of-the-art sex toys! Dildos galore! Magnifique music to masturbate to!

I asked everybody on the invites to Respondez S'il Vous Plait, and here are the ones that did:

Spain:

"Hola amigo, sorry, I cannot be there. I am having a tomato party with Romano. Hasta luego!"

Darn, and I had even thought to bring tomatoes here too!

Prussia:

"Hey, France, I'm a little busy conquering other kingdoms and being just plain AWESOME at the moment, so I can't make it to your party, which I'm probably too awesome for anyway. Auf wiedersehen!"

Sacre dieu! I thought for sure that my fellow Bad Touchers would be there. Oh well, hopefully I can get Austria in my house this time - I have had my eye on that beautiful bastard for a long time, but he refused to attend my orgies, but I thought a pleasure party might be more his style.

Austria:

"Dear Mister Bonnefoy,

I am terribly sorry, but I must insist on declining your invitation. You see, in my opinion, masturbation is a vulgar habit, especially to do in public, such as at one of your parties. I hope you understand.

Cheers,

Roderich Edelstein"

Pity. No wonder Monsieur Edelstein is so high-strung all the time.

I check everybody else's invitations. England is still mad at me for painfully buttraping him during my last orgy, and America feels that he is not ready to show off his flabby body in public anytime soon. Russia claims to be snowbound, and China is celebrating some Chinese holiday on that date. Japan is too busy working, Germany is too depressed about his economy, Italy says he'd rather check out Spain and Romano's tomato party, Poland is playing chess with Lithuania (SURE he is!) and all of the other countries failed to Respondez S'il Vous Plait.

I feel like crying! NOBODY wants to come to my first-ever pleasure party!

But then I realize... I am in a room filled with dildos, lube, and other erotic and fun objects!

And luckily, I happen to have some pictures of my favorite sex targets!

I put up some photos of Spain, Prussia and I having a threesome together, of England running around naked in his house while pretending to be surrounded by fairies, of Italy sleeping with Germany, and all those espionage photos I took of Austria (just pictures of him brushing his teeth and sleeping, the sexiest I could find was one of him in his boxers - man really is a prude). All of these sexy pictures are REALLY turning me on!

I take the multicolored dildos and write names on them - the dark blue one is Prussia, the red one is Spain, the pink one is Poland, the green one is England, the black one is Germany, and the purple one is Austria.

Just one thing is missing - MUSIC. I turn on French Affair's "Sexy".

I lip sing it: "You're so... sexy sexy sexy!" using Prussia as a microphone while sticking Spain up my ass. I stared at the picture of the Bad Touch threesome - ooh la la!

And then I switch Prussia to the ass and Spain to the microphone. An erection - Ooh la la! I stick Spain into a tomato and stick him into my mouth. Spain, you're missing out...

I dip Prussia into the custard and suck on him a little as well. Oopsie, I almost forgot my triple crown!

It's like a cock ring but it goes on your balls as well.

Ohhh, ENGLAND...

I smooch the picture of his magnifique body while waggling my cock around. I imagine that the tightness of my cock and balls being squeezed is the tightness of England's ass.

I put the penis sleeve on little England and coat it with lube to shove up my ass. I stop lip singing and shriek, "OOH LAA LAAAAAAAAAA!"

But I haven't come yet. Apparently I need a little stimulation from one reluctant party...

The pretty sparkly pictures of Austria... he is SOOO photogenic! Prussia is always going on and on about how good he is... I wish he were here to spank me, I brought a riding crop to this party for that exact purpose!

Perhaps I can play the female here! I put on a wig that looks like Hungary's hair and attach an artificial vagina to my cock. I then put a French tickler (heehee) over little Austria and stick him into the fake vagina.

"Ahhh... Oh, Austria, you're so... what a pleasure for you to play the seme for once! You are mad at me for spying on you again, aren't you? Well I deserve it... I've been a naughty boy..."

I stick the riding crop up my ass.

"Yeouwch! Augh, that was uncalled for... extremely pleasurable, though but uncalled for... YEOWCH! sob... QUIT IT! You know hurting me makes me CUM!"

And it did. I came all over the photo of him sleeping that had fallen on the floor. VICTORY!

I suddenly got the feeling that somebody was spying on me... WHO?