She barely made it back to her quarters in time. Two minutes after she finished recording her broadcast, Shepard was hunched over her toilet, her throat burning as she vomited up the contents of her stomach. Her body still felt better than her conscience. Publically pledging allegiance to Cerberus and encouraging people to trust the monsters who'd twisted her body and kidnapped Jack made her sicker than any flu could.
When the heaving finally stopped, she rinsed out her mouth before stumbling to her desk and collapsing into the chair. There were dozens of new messages waiting on her terminal, but she couldn't bring herself to open them. Just looking at the names of the senders, she knew what they'd contain. Admiral Hackett, Councilor Anderson, some of her fellow Spectres, members of the press… they'd all either seen or heard about her video message and they wanted to see if she'd lost her mind.
There was nothing she could tell any of them. As long as the Illusive Man was watching her, her choices were limited to lying or staying silent, and she'd done enough lying for one day. The only thing alleviating her guilt was that Liara knew she hadn't meant what she'd said, that she'd only done it for Jack.
Jack… Jesus Christ. The reminder of her captured lover caused her guts to roil once more. She couldn't get their conversation from the night before the assault on the Collector Base out of her head.
Don't let them take me… Jack had insisted. You put a bullet in my goddamn head if you have to, but no matter what, you don't let me end up like that.
She'd promised she wouldn't. And then she broke that promise. She'd gone off to do that fucking assignment for Hackett and while she was gone, the people Jack feared and hated the most had gotten hold of her again. The mission had been a necessity, but she should've ignored the Alliance's instructions to leave her crew out of it. She should've been there for Jack. When frustration and shame had threatened to overwhelm her, Jack had rescued her and now she couldn't do the same.
She poured herself a tall glass of whisky from the bottle she kept by her desk, but though the burning liquid banished the taste of vomit from her mouth, her guilt wasn't so easily defeated. Even when she first came back from the dead, she hadn't felt this helpless. She couldn't fight the Illusive Man, couldn't tell her friends the truth, and couldn't save one of the two women she loved. All she could do was hope that the other one could do it for her and that they'd find a way to forgive her for her failures. She certainly wasn't about to forgive herself.
Ashley had only just gotten off of her ship when a pair of suited arms was wrapped around her torso.
"Ash!", Tali exclaimed, giving her friend an enthusiastic hug. "We're so glad to see you!"
From partway across the docking bay, Garrus was less demonstrative but also pleased. "Oh, absolutely," he agreed, "Target shooting competitions haven't been the same without you around. Going a few rounds with Legion doesn't really cut it."
"Legion?", she asked when Tali finally released her hold.
"A Geth who joined up with us." She gave Garrus a quizzical look and he shrugged. "It's a long story. Come on, we wouldn't want to keep the Shadow Broker waiting."
It was still hard to believe that could really mean the shy archeologist they had pulled out of a collapsing mine on Therum, but being here made it real. The ship that had been concealed by Hagalaz's lightning storm was a behemoth, and its docking bay was no different, a cavernous hold that could fit a ship many times the size of the small personal transport that had brought Ashley there.
"Have you two been here long?", she asked as they made their way to the bay's exit.
"No, we just arrived as well," Tali told her. "I guess you've seen the broadcast already."
"I did," she sighed before adding, "It looks like Cerberus really has her nuts in a vice." On Horizon, she'd been too quick to assume that her old CO really was in league with that scum. Now, seeing what Cerberus had done in order to make Shepard comply with their demands, she felt lousy about the presupposition.
"Her nuts?", Tali asked. "Why would she care if they had those?"
Ashley laughed. "Not the kind you eat. It's, uh, it's human slang for testicles."
"Well, Shepard doesn't have those," Garrus pointed out, "So that doesn't seem like a very effective threat either."
"Are you sure?", Ashley asked. "I mean they did give her a dick, so maybe she also has…"
She stopped mid-sentence when her two friends' heads whipped around like she'd said Saren was standing right behind them. "She has what now?", Garrus sputtered while Tali stared in disbelief.
"Oh shit," she realized, biting her lip. "I assumed the rest of the crew knew about this."
"We didn't know anything," Tali managed to gasp out. "How did you find out?"
"From Liara. She learned about it from the Shadow Broker's archives when she took over the job." She wasn't quite sure what Liara had seen in those files, and she wasn't certain she wanted to either.
"I think how you know about it is the least of the questions this raises," Garrus interjected. "Why would Cerberus would do something like that? Also, how did they do it, though I suspect only Mordin would understand that answer."
"I have no clue about the why," Ashley admitted. "But I still can't believe you didn't know. Didn't she have to shower?"
"Her cabin has it's own bathroom," Tali explained. "This does explain why she acted so differently when she came back to life. She seemed really uncomfortable, at least until she started seeing Jack."
Ashley shook her head. She wasn't sure what to think of any of this shit anymore. She was definitely in Liara's corner when it came to Jack, but at the same time, her friend had had a point; Shepard had been put in a hell of a spot and maybe Ashley shouldn't be too hard on her for how she'd reacted.
Before she could say more, Ashley picked out the sound of approaching footsteps, and she quieted her friends with a raised hand. She wasn't sure how much of this conversation Liara would want to hear, but as it turned out, it wasn't the Shadow Broker coming to meet them. A drell in a white and red coat rounded the corner instead. His walk was a little stiff, and there was something pained in his big, reflective eyes.
"Feron," Garrus greeted him, evidently aware of who they were meeting. "Glad to see you're up and about. I heard about what the old Shadow Broker did to you."
Feron simply nodded, not wanting to revisit the past. "Liara's in her office now, tracking down some leads for this operation. I'll take you there."
They walked the rest of the way without speaking, a silence broken only by the sound of their boots echoing through the empty corridors of the ship. The office was immense, filled with banks of servers and monitors, and once more Ashley found herself impressed by the scale of the operation her friend had inherited. Liara looked small in the midst all that space, but she also seemed at home behind her desk and at the center of the web. She stood up as they entered, smiling warmly at the three of them. "It's so good to see all of you," she began. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate that you've agreed to help."
"That video Shepard made wasn't exactly easy to ignore," Garrus pointed out in a dry tone.
"I can see why she made it though," Tali adds. "She can't let them kill Jack."
"She might have to," Ashley argued. "There's a limit to what Shepard can do for Cerberus, even to save Jack's life."
"There is," Liara agreed. "But we will not let things go that far." She paused and then added, "Before we proceed, you should know that it's not just Jack we need to save. She is pregnant with Shepard's child."
Ashley already knew, but even beneath the helmet, she could tell that Tali's glowing eyes were widening. "She's pregnant? Is that even possible?"
"They just found out about the penis thing," Ashley told Liara. "They're still adjusting."
"It is certainly surprising," Liara agreed. "But we have little time for our shock or much of anything else. The longer we take to act, the greater the chance that Shepard will be forced into a position where she will either have to do something terrible or let Jack be harmed."
Ashley was struck by how calm Liara seemed talking about the woman who had stolen her lover. When Liara had first been dumped, she'd pretended to accept it, but her pain had been obvious. Now, she seemed different, more at peace. Maybe it was because she was focused on the job they had to do, but Ashley couldn't shake the feeling that something else had happened.
"Well, we're here for her," Tali said, "After what those Cerberus bosh'tets did to her, we can't let them win."
"We won't," Liara agreed, "But for now, Feron will show you to your rooms. You should all get some food and rest. You've all had long trips, and we'll probably have to leave again as soon as I find our next destination."
"Our destination? Do you have a lead on Jack yet?", Ashley asked.
"No. But I'm tracking down the location of someone who may."
"Who's that?", Garrus inquired.
"Zaeed Massani."
Three Days Later
"What're you drinking, Zaeed?"
The old mercenary looked up, but he was more interested the speaker than the question. He hadn't expected to see anyone else from the Normandy again, and especially not here. Gramsci was the sort of port in the Terminus systems you went to if you wanted to avoid attention, rather like Omega if not quite so dangerous. He doubted it was an accident that Garrus was there on the small mining world.
"Whisky," he told the turian, "Or at least whatever swill they're passing off as whiskey in this shithole."
The drell behind the bar didn't blink at the description. He knew this was the kind of place where people came to plan jobs or pass the time in-between them, not some fancy asari joint like the one he'd taken Jack to on Ilium. That night still stung him a bit. He'd had his reasons for selling her out, but it didn't mean he'd enjoyed doing it.
"Get him another on me," Garrus told the bartender, "And I'll have a shot of turian brandy. A recent Jovius vintage if you've got it. Anything that doesn't taste like krogan piss if you don't."
Garrus sat down on the stool next to him and while he did, Zaeed glanced around the bar. There were a couple of batarians going shot for shot, another drell drinking alone, a scarred asari in a corner playing with a knife, and a pretty human brunette on her omni-tool, but none of the other Normandy crew seemed to be there. That boded well. If they knew what he'd done, they probably would have come in force. "So," he asked, "What brings you out here, Varkarian? Shepard kick you off her ship when she pledged allegiance to Cerberus? It's been all over the news feeds."
"Something like that," Garrus replied. "And I'm here looking for Jack. Nobody's seen her since that last shore leave on Ilium. EDI told me that she was going out drinking with you, so I figured we needed to talk."
"I'm surprised you followed me all the way out here to ask about her." His hand drifted down towards the pistol at his side, but he tried to keep the motion subtle. He knew his own skill in a fight, but he also knew Garrus.' Better to get out of here without the test. "Didn't think you two were that close."
If Garrus noticed the move, he gave no sign of it. "We weren't. But she was on the team, and I've got some free time on my hands just now."
Zaeed snorted. "I guess you do. So who tracked me down?"
"Does it matter?" Garrus' voice was flat and dangerous, and he threw back his shot without giving any indication what he thought of it. "Answer the question."
"Last time I saw the bird was in some joint on Ilium. Don't recall the name. I was more interested in this dark-skinned asari whore with a great rack. I left with her while Jack was closing the place down."
The last of the red sun coming in through the windows provided the only illumination in the room aside from a flickering bulb, but even in that light, he could tell the turian was suspicious. "I don't imagine you got her name."
"No luck there, but she had a tattoo of some asari flower on her bloody ass." He chortled. "Saw plenty of it that night. I suppose you could start there."
"I suppose I could."
Garrus reached, but Zaeed was ready for him. As the turian drew his gun, Zaeed smashed a shot glass across his head. The armored plates took most of the impact, but the blow bought Zaeed enough time to un-holster his pistol and swivel it towards Garrus. Before he got it in-line for a chest shot though, a taloned hand caught his wrist, wrenching it aside.
The grip was too strong to break easily and so Zaeed used his other hand to deliver a strike to the face that knocked Garrus off of his bar stool. As he fell though, his armored leg lashed out, hooking onto Zaeed's seat and sending the pair of them tumbling to the floor together.
He landed on top, so he tried to exploit his advantage by driving a knee into Garrus' armored midsection. His opponent winced slightly but even as Zaeed went for the knife at his belt to follow up, his left shoulder exploded. His body jerked and before he fell off of Garrus, the turian slammed a fist into his face, fracturing his orbital bone and knocking him to the ground.
Grunting in pain as his blood poured down onto the filthy floor, he desperately scanned the bar for the shooter. It was the brunette, carrying a heavy pistol as she walked towards him. He couldn't pay attention to her for long though, because his field of vision was rapidly filling up with a suit of blue combat armor.
"Like I said," Garrus told him, "We need to talk." A boot sped down towards his head and then everything crashed into blackness.