Konichiwa, I am Japan.

I was at a world conference one time and America was annoying the entire world with some song he heard on the Internet.

"You know I love you more than the Japanese love tentacle porn so we all DANCE! DANCE! DANCE! To these stereotypes!"

I flushed in embarrassment. How did he know?

I had important matters to bring up that day, but I was too shy to bring them up. I just waited until I could get home and back to my hobbies.

But I now had tentacles on the brain, so before I went home I stopped at the adult store and I happened to find just what I was looking for - a giant toy octopus with realistic suction cups, and a penis sleeve with suction cups on it.

My bedroom had pictures of beautiful naked anime women being raped, grabbed, swallowed by giant cephalopods. I don't know about the other countries, but as for mine, it was frighteningly accurate, for I, as do many men in my country, actually do have a fetish for tentacle rape, or shokushu goukan.

First, I am going to play the uke to this toy octopus. I wrapped the tentacles around my penis, and then tried to pull the octopus off.

I screamed and pretended that it was real, and I was frightened, and that it was trying to swallow me. Trying to pull the suction cups off felt good on my penis and made it become hard.

I finally pulled the octopus off, and the suction cups made a loud SMACK! and precum flew everywhere.

But the octopus wasn't done yet. I made him stick his tentacles into my anus and swallow my penis up inside his mouth. I tried even harder to pull him off. The pressure of the suction inside my anus was quite an exciting feeling, especially when I made repeated jerks instead of just pulling it steadily, and the octopus's beak titillated my penis. The suction cups made a pleasurable scraping against my rectal walls for a bit until the suction cups finally smacked off and I orgasmed.

I looked down at myself. My penis was covered with hickeys from the suction cups, and marks from the beak that almost drew blood. The octopus was all covered in semen. I wanted to try the penis sleeve, but would have to wait until later.

So I waited until I felt horny again, and in the meantime I drew a beautiful shunga poster of my good friend Greece as a victim of shokushu goukan.

When I was done, I put the tentacle sleeve over my penis and squeezed it and pressed it to the wall. I imagined that my tentacle was up inside Greece's rectum, and that he tried, somewhat lazily, to struggle away from it. Darn I wish he would try harder!

So I pull the tentacle away from the wall and slap it hard into it, again and again, enjoying the intensified feelings of thrust that the pulling away from suction pressure gave me. It would be a challenge to push Greece out of his laziness, but all the hard work it would take would result in much pleasure, for it is my culture to embrace hard work.

I keep quiet even as the thrusts and pulls coax me to moan. I must be quiet to sense my imaginary surroundings, and to feel the pleasure more intensely.

Finally Greece was becoming genuinely scared in my head. I slapped my tentacle-penis into the picture, right where Greece's face was, and tore it away.

I tore the entire picture up this way. When I was done I removed my tentacle sleeve and it was filled with semen, which I poured ceremoniously over the torn fragments.

This erotic activity that I have just invented will likely become popular among the tentacle fetishists in my country.