AN: Hello, my lovely readers! Thank you for reading this oneshot! I just want to repeat what I said in the summary: there will be a major character death so if you don't like that please don't read this. It's very sad so I'm sorry if I make you cry at any point. But that's also kind of my goal so I'm sorry I'm such a mean person.
I also want to say that I am not done with Smile: A Sequel to Attractive. I just had this story pop into my mind out of no where and I couldn't get anything done until I wrote this. The next chapter of Smile will be much, much happier than this one!
I also apologize if there are any medical discrepancies in this story. I think everything is fine but I'm not 1,000% sure.
Also, I don't own GMW or the Zac Brown Band!
Favorite & review!
1.
Riley hadn't been feeling all that great for the past few weeks. It felt weird. It didn't feel like a cold or a flu that was suddenly coming on either so she had asked her mother to make an appointment for her. Topanga had done so gladly but told her seventeen year old daughter she would have to go by herself since both her parents had to work. Riley had gone to plenty doctor's appointments by herself before so this wasn't anything new.
What was new was she was referred to a different section of the hospital after meeting with her doctor. They had done several ultrasounds, taken blood, taken a urine sample and any other sample they could possibly take from Riley, she was sure. All of this testing was starting to make her nervous. There was no way she could walk out of here and there be nothing wrong with her.
She was right.
There was something wrong with her and it was one of the worst kinds of wrong that could ever happen to a person, especially one as young and fragile as Riley Matthews. Everything about it made her nervous but she didn't know anyone who would be diagnosed with this and think that everything was going to be okay. Riley was naive but not that naive.
She had cancer. And she was going to die at age seventeen.
2.
It had been two days since she found out and she hadn't told a soul. She was too afraid what their reactions would be. That's not to say she just snapped back into her normal happy, bubbly self. She could tell her friends and family were worried about her and she felt bad but not as bad as she would feel when she finally told them.
She hated thinking like this but she knew she was going to have to tell them soon. They would notice if she stopped breathing. But Riley never wanted to make anybody sad. That was her worst fear; making somebody cry.
Her parents would be so disappointed. Not in her, because how could she have possibly caused this? No, they'd be disappointed at nothing. When they had her, they had hoped she would go to school, fall in love, have a career, make a name for herself. She had only gone to school thus far and just barely finishing your junior year of high school was barely an accomplishment. Certainly not one Cory and Topanga had in mind for their incredible daughter.
Maya would be sad. How could she live without her best friend? Riley knew if the situation was reversed then Riley would just want to die with her. What world was there without Maya to Riley? What world was there without Riley to Maya? None. It would be as dark, as small, as cold, as lonely as pluto.
Lucas would be furious. Like her parents, not at her but at nothing. Riley hated seeing Lucas get upset. It was one of the major factors as to why they never got together. Riley was afraid she would screw up and Lucas would blow a top. She hated that side of him and now Riley had screwed up royally. She could only imagine how upset he could possibly be.
Zay would be in pieces. Sure, he joked a lot of the time but that was just because he was really a sensitive guy. He would ball and sob just as hard as Maya, even though Maya would probably take it a bit harder.
Farkle was the wildcard. Riley could see him getting upset like Lucas, sobbing like Zay or isolating himself from the rest of the world like Maya or doing something completely different. Riley thought he would remain strong but when he would have to be strong for Maya, Lucas, Zay, Cory, Topanga and Auggie, he would surely crack soon. Riley never wanted to see Farkle crack because he was always the most cool and collected of the group. He cared about his friends and family but never got all that worked up about anything. But Riley had never seen him deal with the death of a friend before.
She had to remind herself she wouldn't have to. She couldn't if she wanted to.
This was the one problem her friends and family were going to face that she couldn't help them with.
She hated it.
3.
Riley was sitting alone in a booth at a sports dive in the city staring blankly at the results of all of her testing. It was like she hoped if she stared at it long enough the results would change and she could go back to being happy, healthy, cancer- free Riley.
She had decided she was going to tell her friends and family soon. When she finally got the nerve to get up out of this booth and ride the subway home, she would tell her parents. There could be no stalling, no "how was your day?", just ripping the band-aid right off. She would invite Maya over later that night and she would tell her then. Farkle would come over in the morning for school and she could tell him then. Riley and Zay were both on the cheer team together and they had practice after school so she could tell him after that was over. When would she tell Lucas? She really had no idea. All she knew was she was going to have to prepare herself for that one. She knew he would hate hearing this but she was honestly terrified to tell him her news.
"Riley?"
Riley looked up to see who had called her name. Standing in front of her was none other than Lucas Friar himself. Behind him, the rest of the high school baseball team was shuffling in the restaurant. Right, they had a game tonight. Riley had no idea this was where they came after the game was over.
"Riley, are you okay? We've all been really worried about you." Lucas asked and stated.
Riley just continued to stare at him. She had been silently crying in this booth since school had gotten out a few hours ago. She was sure her cheeks were tear stained and her eyes were bright red. She could lie and say she was fine but she knew she couldn't say it with enough conviction for a stranger to believe her, let alone one of her best friends for years. She remained silent not knowing what to say. She didn't know when she was going to tell Lucas but right now was not a good time. He had just come back from a baseball game they had probably won since they have one of the best teams in the state. He should celebrate with his teammates, not get angry because she was hurting.
"What's that?" Lucas asked pointing to the table.
Riley's head slowly followed his finger back to the table and saw her results were still out in the open. Riley didn't want Lucas to see this because it confirmed her cancer. Lucas seemed to read her mind because he snatched it off the table before she could grab it herself. He looked at the piece of paper for a moment before he gave up on what it was supposed to mean. It was all complicated medical mumbo jumbo to him.
"Riley, what is this?" Lucas asked.
"A tumor." Riley answered in a small voice as a tear leaked out of her left eye.
Lucas' head snapped up from the paper to stare at the small girl sitting in front of him. A tumor? She had a tumor? But that means…
"Riles…" Lucas' voice involuntarily cracked.
"I have cancer." Riley said as her eyes finally met his.
Lucas blacked out for a moment. When he finally came to, he realized he had dropped the paper that was in his hands and Riley was openly sobbing in her booth. He had to blink a few times to fix his blurry vision his tears were creating but he could hardly care about anything other than the girl sitting in front of him.
"Why didn't you tell me about this?" Lucas asked as quietly and as gently as he could.
"You're the first person I've told." Riley answered. "Not even my parents know."
She was really keeping this a secret and he understood why. This wasn't the time of news you bragged about at any age, but especially not at seventeen.
"And to be truthful, I was a bit nervous as to how you would take it." Riley confessed. "This is the type of news that would make me scared of you."
Lucas felt like she had killed him. He hated that he possessed the ability to make Riley terrified of him. He would do anything to get rid of it but it appeared that wasn't going to happen.
Riley was still crying and Lucas figured he shouldn't just stand there. He took the seat beside her and wrapped his arms around her. They stayed where they were for who knows how long. One of Lucas' teammates came over and asked if he was leaving with them but he said no. A waitress came over much later and told them they were closing. They agreed to leave, Lucas walked Riley home and helped her up the fire escape.
He wanted to say something as he left but he had no idea what to say. It would be a lie if he told her he loved her. He had feelings for her but he wasn't sure he'd call it love. It would be a lie to say everything would be all right because even if she did live, she would have to go through so many horrors people her age should not experience. Instead he just left with a "good night" and a gentle kiss on her forehead. Riley gave him a small smile for the first time in days. It made him feel better but it couldn't cure what he now knew.
He rushed back to his house to avoid a break down in the middle of the city but let everything out once he got home.
4.
It had been a couple of weeks since Riley's family and friends had all heard about her news. She cried with all of them and hoped against all odds that she would survive but knew her chances were probably minimal.
Riley was laying in her bed one day after school reading a book when she realized she didn't want to waste a moment anymore. Life was precious and she always thought she was going to live until she was 120. There were so many things she wanted to do before she died. She knew some of them would be impossible but she could make some of them happen right now.
Riley went to school, loved everybody, even the ones who refused to touch her because they didn't want to "catch the cancer". She wanted to go to Paris but that wasn't going to happen. She wanted to see Pluto become a planet again but that wasn't going to happen either. But there was one thing she could do that she had wanted to do since Maya had told her about it.
Maya lost her virginity at the end of last year to a football player she had been dating since the year before. They had since broken up but Maya told Riley almost every detail and how much she loved it. That was something Riley wanted to experience at least once in her life, having sex.
The old Riley would have been very nervous about having sex and fear getting pregnant or a STD or something like that but this Riley knew even if those things did happen, it would be the cancer that killed her.
The problem was Riley wasn't in love with anybody. But then again, she didn't really have time to fall in love, did she? She was just going to have to do the best she could. The only guys she really trusted with this were Lucas and Farkle. Zay was also one of her closest friends but she had no desire to get anywhere near that intimate with him. Sometimes, just hugging him would be awkward.
It didn't take long for Riley to decide who she wanted to give her virginity to. She loved Farkle but he was like a brother to her. Despite her fear of him, she and Lucas had always had a connection so she invited him over to her place after school. Her dad had to observe detention after school and her mom always worked at the courthouse until at least five o'clock everyday. If she could manage to convince Lucas to have sex with her within the next two hours, she would be happy.
Riley was clear with her intentions the second Lucas appeared in her window. She told him she understood if he didn't want to do it but she was going to die soon so she wanted to experience it at least once in her life. Lucas didn't like hearing her talk like this and tried to argue that some people defeated this disease but Riley argued some people didn't.
He wasn't quite sure how it happened, but the next thing he knew, Lucas was laying under the sheets of Riley's bed with her naked body pressed again his. She had somehow managed to convince him to have sex with her but it was unlike anything he had ever experienced, just not in a good way. He didn't love Riley, he still didn't even though Riley was not the only one to lose her virginity tonight. Nothing about their sexual experience deepened Lucas' feelings for Riley. Heightened? Yes, but not deepened. He felt bad that this was his first time but he felt worse that this was her first time. He felt bad they didn't love each other but they still engaged in an event some people refer to as 'making love'. He felt bad that they didn't have to worry about protection because it didn't matter to them. He felt bad about the whole thing but the thing that made him feel the worst was a person as bright and optimistic as Riley Matthews had to settle for this being her first and possibly last time ever.
He felt bad because a princess should never have to settle.
5.
Riley had managed to get Maya to drive her to the drug store a few hours earlier. It had been nearly two months since she and Lucas had engaged in sex for the first time. They hadn't done it since but one time was all it took to have something like this happen to Riley.
She had missed her period. She wasn't sure if this was a common symptom of the cancer since her doctor hadn't brought that up but she had known for a while that missing a period was a sign that you might be pregnant.
Now, Riley was sitting on her toilet seat while Maya was slouched against the wall, patiently waiting with her friend to see her results. It only seemed like a few seconds for Maya but an eternity for Riley.
The three little plus signs said it all.
6.
Lucas was beyond upset when he found out. She told him when they were alone in her bedroom. She kept apologizing to him and telling him that she wished this didn't have to happen but it was a handling fact now.
Lucas was mad but he knew that when he got mad, he scared Riley a lot. He hated scaring her so he left without saying a word. He knew it would hurt her but not as much as it would if he stayed.
When Lucas got home, he punched the walls of his bedroom as hard as he could. He screwed up big time and now Riley Matthews was carrying his baby. A girl he didn't even love was carrying his child. She was already going to have to deal with so much with just the cancer alone, but now to be pregnant on top of that? Lucas knew this was all his fault. Sure, Riley asked him to have sex with her but he agreed to it. If he had said no, she wouldn't have to deal with this. He didn't love her but the last thing he wanted to do was make her suffer.
He got to thinking what would happen to his life if Riley lived and defeated the cancer. They would have a child together. A child they would have to share because Lucas doubted Riley was the one for him.
He got to thinking what would happen if she had the child but then died of the cancer later on. He would have a baby to raise by himself.
He got to thinking what would happen if Riley died before the baby was born. He would have to say goodbye to one of his best friends and his child at the same time.
Lucas couldn't come up with much but he knew one thing; whatever the outcome of this situation was, it wasn't going to be good.
7.
Lucas decided to distance himself from Riley. What was the point of getting even closer to her if she was just going to leave you soon anyway? It would just be more painful. But more so, Lucas was distancing himself from her because he didn't want to risk falling in love with their child because he knew that could happen easily. If Riley didn't live, neither would their baby and that might just kill Lucas right then.
Lucas still had several classes with her so he could see her growing bigger everyday. He wished that he could apologize for the way he had been acting recently and ask her if she would have him back. He knew he would only be torturing himself if he did but be was also torturing himself now.
He had distanced himself from her so he wouldn't fall in love with their baby but Lucas realized it was too late when he was sitting in his room doing homework when he got a text from Riley. She always texted him updates on their baby when she would go to doctor's appointments and he hated it. She found out something new every time and every little thing she texted him made their child more and more real to him. But of course it was real. How naive could Lucas get?
She had sent him texts before like 'Heard the heartbeat today. Doctors say it sounds good!' or 'Saw it today. It's beautiful.', but what she had texted him that night was what made their baby most human to him because he could no longer refer to it as an 'it'.
'It's a girl!'
Riley had attached a picture with the text. It was the first time Lucas laid eyes on his daughter and even though she was just a fuzzy, black & white image, he could already tell she was going to be beautiful.
He just hoped she had a chance.
8.
Lucas was snapped back into reality when he got a text from Farkle in the middle of the night. It was, of course, about Riley. Farkle had been encouraging Lucas to at least talk to Riley since he had started avoiding her but he wouldn't listen, until now.
'Riley's in the ER. Something with the baby. Get down here now!'
Lucas flew out of his bed like a shot. He put on some clothes as quickly as he could, ran out of his apartment without giving any kind of explanation to his parents and caught a taxi. He didn't take a moment to think about how this could be it for both Riley and their daughter. He didn't take a moment to think that he might be witnessing something horrible that he had been trying to avoid for the past couple of months. He didn't take a moment to think that this would only mean that he would fall in love with his daughter. He realized that was a battle he had lost a long time ago. He loved her now and it was too late to resit. He just hoped Riley could make it long enough for her to be born.
Lucas knew he loved his daughter but in the back of the cab he questioned if he might have fallen in love with Riley too. It honestly wouldn't surprise him. She was beautiful, smart, funny and the most positive and selfless person he had ever met in his life. He hoped he would fall in love with her one day but since she had been diagnosed, everything felt so rushed. Maybe falling in love with her in this short amount of time would be plausible since everything else seemed to be rushed too.
By the time Lucas arrived at the hospital, Riley, her family and Farkle were already leaving. Lucas wasn't surprised to see neither Zay or Maya were there. Zay would probably have been there if this had happened during the day but his Texan friend could sleep through the world's largest tornado. Maya, like Lucas, had been distancing herself from Riley because she didn't want to be there when something happened to her. Maya knew it was selfish and that it was bothering Riley but she couldn't bring herself to be by her side.
Riley looked pretty surprised to see Lucas here and as flushed as he looked.
"Lucas?" She asked. "What are you doing here?"
"Is everything okay?" He panted out. "Farkle texted me."
"Yeah, everything's fine now." Riley said with a soothing voice and a small smile. "It was just Braxton-Hicks contractions. Some women feel them, some don't but everything's fine now."
"Okay, good." Lucas mumbled as he tried to wrap his head around the fact that everything was fine for now. "Thank God."
Riley noticed as he tried to catch his breath and saw that he really cared. The fact that he had been avoiding her made her think that he wanted nothing to do with their baby. It made her think that he didn't care when she texted him updates after doctor's appointments she went to with her mother and he didn't text back. But seeing him break down like this made her realize how much he did care. She didn't quite understand why he was avoiding her and why he never texted back be she could tell that he wanted to be involved now. Who was she to keep him from their daughter?
Riley glanced up at her father with puppy dog eyes, hoping he would understand what she was asking. He glanced at Lucas, who still looked to be calming himself down, then back to Riley and gave her a quick nod.
Riley stepped over to Lucas and placed a gentle hand on his back. He finally looked up to meet eyes with her.
"Do you want to come home with us tonight?" Riley asked.
"Yeah," Lucas nodded. "That would probably make me feel better."
They ended up getting two cabs because the six of them would be quite cramped in one. Lucas, Farkle and Riley rode in one and Cory, Topanaga and Auggie took the next one. The cab driver dropped Farkle off at his place and he said his quick goodbyes to Riley and Lucas before heading home. Once he was gone, Lucas grabbed Riley's hand in his and held it all the way back to her apartment. Once they arrived, Lucas noticed Riley had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He smiled before gently nudging her awake and helping her into the apartment.
Lucas and Riley walked up to her bedroom and sat at the bay window. They certainly had a lot to talk about.
Riley told him about the baby. She had seen it for the first time many months ago and had several pictures to show him. Lucas could hardly see the little baby in the first photo but got to see her more and more visibly as the pictures progressed. Riley said she was currently about the size of her fist. Riley also told Lucas how he thought she didn't care and how that made her upset. She told him that she gave up a lot for this pregnancy. Her doctor said that she couldn't undergo chemotherapy while she was pregnant so she chose the baby. She chose their baby over her own health.
"She has a future." Riley had said. "I'm not sure I do."
Lucas explained to her why he had been avoiding her and how it hurt him that he had done this to her. How a part of him wished he could take it back but another part wished everything and happened the way it did, minus the cancer. He told her how crushed he felt every time he saw her in class and how he just wanted to say he was sorry and go back with her. He knew he wanted to be here now and he wasn't about to let that opportunity slip by.
"I want to be a apart of your life." Lucas said. "Of her life." He pointed to the small bump on Riley's stomach. "If you'll let me."
Lucas looked down at his shoes until he felt a pair of fingers sneak underneath his chin and pull his head back up. He was forced to look at Riley this time.
"Of course I will." She said.
Lucas showed a teary smile and before he could stop himself, he leaned in to kiss her. He didn't know why he did it but she kissed him back so it couldn't have been the worst thing he had ever done.
Suddenly, Riley pushed him off. It made Lucas second guess everything he had done and if she was questioning just letting him back into her life.
"Riley-"
She quickly shushed him and grabbed his hand. She placed it on her protruding stomach and Lucas finally understood why she did that. Underneath his hand, he felt the softest flutter. A big, goofy grin stretched across his face.
"She kicked." He said.
"Yeah," Riley breathed out. "She's been doing that a lot as of late."
"Well done," Lucas whispered and he leaned down closer to Riley's stomach. He was completely overcome with emotion so he grabbed Riley in another passionate kiss. She didn't stop it this time.
That night Lucas got two hours of sleep but it was with the girl he possibly loved and their baby between him and that beat a year's worth of sleep in his book.
9.
"What should we name her?"
Riley and Lucas were in her bedroom as they usually were after school hours. The poor ray of sunshine had taken a toll since the last time we had heard from her. A combination of losing strength due to the cancer and gaining weight due to the pregnancy left her bedridden. Lucas felt awful but Riley was always so optimistic. He loved having out with her now. It just always reassured him that everything was all right with his princess and princess-to-be.
Lucas had given his parents quite a scare when he left his apartment to go to the ER with Riley. They said they understood the situation but were still worried that this situation would affect Lucas' school work. He argued that nothing was more important than Riley and his daughter at the moment but his parents wanted to make sure he balanced both and the Matthews agreed. They eventually came to an agreement that Lucas could spend as much time with Riley as he wanted to on the weekdays as long as he was at home by nine o'clock every night. On the weekends he could spend the days and nights at Riley's. Lucas was at Riley's house from three to nine nearly every night. Riley couldn't go to school so he came over every day with the work they did and did his best to teach it to her. He was good at science and math but not so great with history and English. Luckily, Riley's best subject was English and her dad was their history teacher.
Riley was laying in bed and Lucas was sitting at her bay window, both doing their homework when Riley asked the question. They only had about three months until their daughter would be born if everything went according to plan. Maybe picking a name would be a good idea.
"I don't know." Lucas said. "Do you have anything in mind?"
"I like Ella." Riley said after contemplating for a minute.
"Ella?" Lucas asked, a small frown on his face. It wasn't the worst name he ever heard but it still was a bit ancient.
"Yeah," Riley said. "If I die at some point, you'll need a new princess and it would probably be her, right?"
"Probably." Lucas responded. He hated to admit it but he was turning into one of those cheesy fathers-to-be. He would get excited every time she kicked, he was very cautious of Riley before she was bedridden and he would even talk to the baby when Riley fell asleep. Yeah, his plan of not falling in love with her was clearly not working anymore.
"I just think Ella is a very princess-y name, that's all." Riley said.
"I guess," Lucas said. "I mean it's okay but I'm not sure about it."
"Okay." Riley brushed it off and their daughter remained nameless for another day.
10.
Two months had passed and school was out for the summer. Lucas had basically moved in with the Matthews by this time since he didn't have to be at school anymore. He was searching for a job but one had yet to float his way.
They were laying in bed one night when Riley shook him awake and told him it was time. He rushed into her parents' room and told them the news. Cory and Lucas helped Riley walk while Topanga hailed a cab. The group of four stuffed in and rode to the hospital.
It had been nearly four hours of labor and as much as Lucas wanted to grab a cup of coffee or catch a five minute nap, he stayed awake because he knew Riley probably wanted to do all of those things too but she couldn't. Instead, he stayed by her side and let her squeeze the life out of his hand so maybe he could feel a little bit of her pain.
Every moment was scaring Lucas. Riley looked deathly pale and he could tell she was losing her concentration bit by bit. The doctors said they was really nothing they could do until the baby was in the right position. Her doctors had decided very early on that due to the cancer, Riley was going to have to have a c-section.
Only a few minutes after the four hour mark, the doctors announced Riley was ready to move to delivery. They unhooked as many things as they could and wheeled her into a delivery room with Lucas in tow. They wheeled past her friends and family and Lucas would never forget the horrid looks on their faces. If Cory and Topanga, two people who had been in this situation before, saw this and were scared by it, he knew something was going wrong. He knew she shouldn't be that pale. He knew she shouldn't be that out of it.
He ignored his worries as he followed the doctors into the delivery room. They put up a big, open box over Riley's abdomen. He could hear practically everything that was happening but he had no desire to see this. He could deal with it on animals but not humans and certainly not Riley.
Finally, one of the doctors pulled out a tiny, blood covered baby that Lucas recognized as his daughter. He let a smile stretch across his face and cut the umbilical cord. She was even more beautiful than he expected her to be even though she was still covered in blood.
He looked down to Riley to see her reaction but what he saw nearly scared him to death. She was somehow even whiter than the sheet behind her and her eyes were struggling to stay open.
"So beautiful." Riley rasped out.
"Yeah, she is." Lucas said as he felt several tears leak out of his eyes.
"I love you." Riley said before her breath hitched. "Both."
"I love you, too."
Doctors flooded around Riley and Lucas was eventually kicked out of the room. He did his best to tell her friends and family what had happened but he struggled. That couldn't have been it. This wasn't how RileyandLucas were supposed to end. Could she live? Maybe.
But only a few minutes later, the doctors confirmed his worst fear.
It was ironic to think this whole time, everybody thought the cancer was going to kill her. Instead, she died in child birth.
11.
The funeral was sad, or so Lucas had heard. He couldn't bring himself to go. He felt too bad because he had convinced himself that he had killed her. If he hadn't agreed to have sex with her she might still be here. He couldn't bring himself to go the funeral but he also couldn't bring himself to get out of bed most mornings. His parents were worried about him. His friends were worried about him. Farkle, Zay and even Charlie had come to try to cheer him up. Maya had not made a trip over yet because she was apparently in even worse shape than he was. He understood and didn't expect to see her any time soon.
He hadn't seen their daughter yet either. Without knowing what on earth possessed him, he had left the hospital right after Riley had passed away without taking his daughter with him. Luckily, Cory and Topanga had both taken her home with them. They had reached out to him through his parents and said that they would watch her for as long as he needed but he would have to make a decision as to whether or not he would keep her or set her up for adoption. Lucas said he needed time to think about it. Right now, he wanted to give her up for adoption but Lucas wasn't making the brightest decisions as of late. He decided to binge eat one night and had a combination of string cheese, chocolate, pickles and black olives. Needless to say his stomach didn't appreciate him much the next day.
Farkle was trying to convince Lucas to keep her and Zay and Charlie were trying to convince him to give her up for adoption. All three had their reasonings and they all made good points but Farkle made a point that made his decision.
"If you give her up, you'll be giving up the last trace of Riley."
12.
"Lucas?"
Topanga Matthews had answered the knocks on her door almost three months after her daughter's death. The nearly forty year old woman was now holding her granddaughter in her arm as she answered the door. Never in a million years did Topanga think she was going to be a grandmother before she turned forty.
She was a bit surprised to see Lucas Friar, the father of her grandchild standing behind the door. Besides Riley's family and her lifetime best friend Maya Hart, Lucas had been taking this the hardest. She hadn't heard from him in nearly three months and now here he was, his eyes locked on his daughter. Topanga had to remind herself that his was the first time Lucas had seen his daughter since she was born.
"H-Hi, Mrs. Matthews." Lucas said as he finally tore his eyes away from the little girl in Topanga's arms. She had grown so much in just three months.
"Is there something I can help you with, Lucas?" She asked.
"Yeah," he responded. "I was just wondering… Is there anyway…" He couldn't finish a sentence but he kept gesturing to the baby in her arms.
Topanga gave him a small smile. "Do you want to hold her?" She asked.
Lucas just nodded then looked at the floor. Topanga began to hold the baby out for him and he smiled as he took his daughter into his arms for the first time. The little girl gave out a loud laugh and that laugh alone almost brought Lucas to tears. She was about even with his face and she began touching every inch of it while Lucas just laughed at her.
"That's funny, when Cory or I pick her up, she usually cries for a while." Topanga said. "She must remember you."
"Maybe." Lucas said, not wanting to admit the sappy things he used to do when Riley was pregnant.
"Not to pressure you or anything, but have you made a decision regarding her?" Topanga asked.
"Um, yeah," Lucas responded. "I think I have but I was wondering if the both of us could hang out here for a while. I have no idea what I'm doing with this father thing."
Topanga smiled at him. She was happy he was going to keep her granddaughter.
"Lucas, nobody knows what they are doing when they become a parent. You just learn along the way." Topanga said. "But I supposed I could help you with some things."
"Thank you so much, Mrs. Matthews." Lucas said.
Lucas spent the entire day with Topanga cleaning up puke, changing diapers, feeding a baby that didn't want to eat and calming her when she cried. It sounded awful but it was one of the best days of Lucas' life.
13.
Lucas had lived with the Matthews for a few months now. He wasn't sure how on earth he could pay them back for everything they had done. Today was proving to be one of the scariest days of his life. Today he would be moving into a studio apartment with his daughter as the only other occupant. It would be terrifying to just be the two of them.
In no time at all, Lucas' moving truck had showed up, he had driven over to the new apartment and entered the tiny closet of a space with his little girl in his arms.
"Well, this is it." Lucas said.
They would be starting their lives over, right here, right now. Lucas hoped that he would have more time with this princess than his other.
14.
It was December 8. Need I say more?
Today would have been Riley's eighteenth birthday. Her life would have been much different than your average eighteen year old though. She probably would have defeated the cancer if she were still alive. She would have a daughter and a boyfriend, Lucas was certain or possibly a fiancé or a husband. He had given it a lot of thought and he honestly didn't know if he would have worked up the courage to ask her to marry him if she was still alive.
There was a big memorial service that was going to be held at Riley's grave site by their high school today and Lucas was asked to come and bring their daughter. However, Lucas didn't feel comfortable parading his daughter around like she was some object. Besides, they couldn't expel him because he didn't go to school there anymore. Shortly after he had moved into his apartment, he received his GED. He had plans to go to college afterwards too since his dreams of being a vet were still as strong as ever. He hoped NYU would accept him.
Lucas looked at his daughter as she stood herself up using the edge of his bed. She had begun walking a few weeks ago and she was proving to be a bit of a nightmare. She would often run into things and fall down, just like her mother. Lucas was left with no other choice than to baby proof the apartment. She wasn't speaking yet but she did jabber from time to time in her own baby language.
Lucas was memorized by her every single day. She had his tan skin but every other physical feature reminded him of her mother. Her brown, curly hair, her chocolate brown eyes, her wide smile. He wasn't sure how he knew this but he knew she was going to be as bright and optimistic as her one day too.
The small timer in the kitchen went off letting Lucas know that his dinner was ready. He moved to the other side of his bed to pick up the little girl and sit her in her high chair so he could feed her while he ate.
"Come on, princess." Lucas said as he held out his arms for her.
The girl looked up to her father with a big, toothy grin on her face and exclaimed, "Dada!"
Lucas was a bit taken aback. Did his daughter just call him "dada"? Did she just say her first word? And that first word was "dada"?
"What did you just call me?" Lucas asked. She didn't repeat herself but giggled at her father's reaction. Lucas smiled just as wide as he swooped her up and flew her to her high chair.
Maybe tonight wasn't going to be so solemn after all.
15.
"Daddy!"
A little girl with curly brown hair came running into her residence to meet her father, her grandfather behind her. She had tears streaming down her face as she ran into Lucas and buried her head in his shoulder.
"Hey, it's okay." Lucas tried to soothe her but she wouldn't stop crying. Lucas picked her up and walked over to the door where Cory Matthews was still standing.
"What's wrong?" Lucas asked, softly.
"I don't know," Cory said. "She wouldn't tell me. She cried the whole time home too."
Lucas let out a low sigh as he thanked Cory for picking his daughter up from kindergarten as the older man left.
"It's okay, princess. It's okay." He tried to soothe as he walked back over to his bed and sat on the edge with her still in his lap. "Now, what's the matter?"
"Daddy, where's my mommy?" She asked. She wore she same look of determination Riley did all those years ago and Lucas knew he had to tell her the truth.
"Princess, we've already talked about this but you don't have a mommy." Lucas said.
"Yes, I do!" She argued back.
"No, you don't." Lucas said. "I'm sorry but that's just the way it is. Why are you asking?"
"Today at school, we were getting ready for our Mother's Day party and Billy asked me if my mommy was coming and I told him I don't have a mommy but he said everybody has a mommy so where is my mommy?" The little girl exclaimed. It was almost as if Lucas was hiding her mother ransom and she had to get to her.
"Okay, it's okay." Lucas soothed as a new bout of tears washed over his daughter. "I'll tell you the truth, okay? But you have to be a big girl, do you understand?"
"Okay," she said as she wiped her big, puffy red cheeks with her back of her tiny hand.
"You had a mommy." Lucas said. "But she's not here anymore."
"Where is she?" the girl asked.
"She's…" Lucas started but didn't quite know where to go with this. How on earth was he going to explain death to his five year old daughter? She wasn't going to understand it, not most five year olds did. Lucas sighed as he finally gave her an answer.
"She's in a place we can't visit right now." Lucas said.
"When can we visit her?" she asked.
"Not for a long time." Lucas said. "Although, we can go to where she is but we can't go inside. Would you like to do that?"
"Yes, Daddy!" she exclaimed as she started bouncing up and down, making her curls go with her.
"Okay," Lucas said. "Let me just put on my jacket."
Soon the father- daughter pair were in a car driving through uptown New York until they arrived at a cemetery. Lucas let his daughter out of the back seat and she began to fly around the area like it was a playground. Lucas yelled for her to stay close as he read the map the Matthews had given him a long time ago. Finally, he came across her headstone.
"Hey, Riles." He said as he knelt before her. "I brought our daughter here to see you for the first time. She was asking about you today, wondering where you were. She's five now and she's beautiful. She looks just like you. I wish you could see her. I wish you could see us. But then again I know you can."
"Daddy!" he heard a little voice behind him.
"Hey, princess." Lucas said as she came up beside him. "This is where mommy lives."
"Hey, that's my name!" She said after a while, pointing to the gray stone.
"That's your middle name, yes." Lucas said.
"Riley." The little girl said with a huge grin on her face.
Before Lucas really knew what was happening, his little girl was hugging the gray tombstone with all of her might. After a few minutes she kissed the edge of the boulder and said "I love you, mommy. I can't wait to meet you one day."
Lucas smiled at his daughter. She was very smart and observant for her age but he didn't think she realized how many times she completely took his breath away. This was one of those times. This was one of those moments he would remember forever.
Oh, did I forget to mention their daughter's name? After all this time? Well, shame on me.
"Come on, Ella." Lucas said as he reached out for his little girl. "It's time to go home."
"Okay, daddy." Ella said. "Daddy?"
"Yes, princess?"
"Can we come see mommy some other times?"
"I think she would like that." Lucas responded.
After he had strapped Ella into her carseat and closed her door, he gently spoke into the air.
"I love you, Riles."
"I love you. Both."
Lucas turned around at the sound of her voice. Those were her last words. Standing by her tombstone was a girl, no older than seventeen with long, brown wavy hair and chocolate brown eyes. She was wearing a long white dress and looked almost heavenly. She raised her hand and waved at him. As soon as she appeared, she was gone.
I'm with your ghost again
It's a shame about the weather
But I know soon we'll be together
And I can't wait 'til then
I can't wait 'til then
- "Colder Weather" by the Zac Brown Band