Halo, I'm, like, Poland!

So it was, like, World War II and all, which was TOTALLY a bummer, especially for me. Germany's crazy boss had it in for me! Why? Well, maybe because I'm, like, Jewish and stuff, and so he had me locked up in this really gnarly concentration camp!

What's even more uncool, Prussia came along (like, seriously? I thought he, like, totally wasn't a country anymore!) and he freaking CASTRATED me!

And it really, REALLY hurt! I cried for, like, an entire day!

But he totally would have, like, completely slaughtered me if I wasn't blond.

Or if he knew that blond isn't my natural hair color!

Anyway, I was stuck in this jail cell, with nothing to eat but crappy German wurst. I wanted kielbasa!

I missed my home with my stables full of ponies and all that other cool shit that I like!

And I, like, totally missed having Lithuania at my beck and call!

Oh, well. I trusted that one day I will rise from this like a PHOENIX!

"Kesese, package for a Mr. Feliks? From a Mr. Toris."

YAY! Lithuania sent me some goodies! Prussia shoved the box through my jail bars.

Prussia is, like, so totally STUPID! It could have been, like, a bomb or something to help me bust my way out of this hellhole, and he didn't even check to make sure that it wasn't!

I ripped open the package as fast as I can. I was all, like, I hope it's Prince Polo bars! Man, I, like, totally LOOOVE Prince Polo!

I squealed like a little girl when I saw what's inside.

A My Little Pony Pinkie Pie!

I, like, totally LOOOVE My Little Pony! I even loved them back before Friendship is Magic came out, back before it was cool to be a Brony, back when everybody thought My Little Pony was for little girls!

I have a collection of, like, EVERY My Little Pony in existence! I had Lithuania go on treasure hunts to find them for me. I have them all displayed in my special collection room!

But this Pinkie Pie looked like a new model. OMIGOSH! I was, like, TOTALLY missing out on the new collection of My Little Ponies that they released while I got put in concentration camp!

Thank you Lithuania!

Oh, my gosh, I, like TOTALLY wanted to fuck Lithuania right now! I don't know how I could still have a sex drive without having my jądra anymore...

I guessed I was going to have to settle for Pinkie Pie. Lithuania did, after all, pick it out for me, pay for it out of his own pockets, touch it with his own hands...

I'm getting hard thinking about it, my sexy Lithuania touching this...

My sexy Lithuania TOUCHED THIS!

Like, OMIGOD!

I sat on Pinkie Pie like I would one of my own ponies. I used to get loads of happy time humping around on my own horsies as I rode them! It's like, totally fun because you can masturbate in public and nobody will be none the wiser!

I humped up and down on the pony and said, "WHEE-EE-EE-EE-EEEE!"

Pinkie was getting, like, all wet and dribbly! Her hair was, like, totally going to be ruined!

I was like, wow, I'm, like, jacking off preseminal fluid without having any balls! Like, how totally cool is that?

And my penis was, like, all hard and stuff! Is that, like, even possible if you don't have any balls?

"YAYAYA..." I made Pinkie Pie gallop around on my penis. I made her whinny and go neigh and talk like Pinkie Pie in the cartoon.

This Pinkie Pie has an open mouth! Like, totally SWEET!

I put her to the tip of my dick and made her nibble on it! YAAAAY it was my little pony giving me a nibbly little blowjob!

And then I was, like, now, pony, we shall play a little rougher, just for the fun of it!

I whacked Pinkie Pie with my penis again and again, laughing. Sometimes I whip my real ponies for fun like this! Not hard enough to hurt them, you know, so don't go calling PETA, because I treat my horsies TOTALLY good!

"HAHAHA... OK, Pinkie Pie, now you're going to make me even MORE happy!"

OK, I would never, like, do ANY of this next stuff to my real ponies. I'll hump 'em, but that's as far as I'll go. I'm like, NOT an animal pedophile like Germany!

I RAMMED my rod HARD into Pinkie Pie! Haha I was, like, I'm going to tear a hole in her ass! I was, like, totally going to regret tearing up my precious Pinkie Pie later, but at the moment I was tooo hot and horny to care.

And then I, like, TOTALLY ripped it into her plastic ass! And I came, like, instantly! I filled her up with goopy spermies and stuff!

Like, how is that even possible? I think I'm like, growing a new pair!

My jądra are, like, phoenixes too!

And then when my penis got soft, it like, began to HURT, like I had been circumcised again! OUCH!

It had, like, a sharp cut in it from where I jammed it in!

I looked inside Pinkie Pie and I found out why:

Lithuania, like, somehow managed to magically put a file inside Pinkie Pie!

You know, like the kind that you use to file your nails with?

YAAAY! I was, like, TOTALLY due for a manicure!