It was very different to see Shinji's school from this height. He'd spoken eye-to-eye with Shinji before, turning the cat form into another human form to play with him, but Tabris had never dared to take the form of Kaworu in Tokyo-3. He'd never visited Shinji's old schools in human form, either, no matter how many times he'd gone there in the form of a cat.

This place and these people felt both very familiar, since they were something he'd seen every day for weeks now, and not. He hoped habit wouldn't betray him. For instance, he shouldn't go over to hug Hikari hello, nor would she pick him up if he did so. Nor were Touji and Suzuhara likely to feed him the vegetables they didn't want unless he found some justification for asking for them.

Perhaps he was more on edge because everything had gone so well so far. Misato had insisted on taking him into her Home For Wayward Pilots without either him or Shinji needing to figure out a way to ask, much less arrange anything. She hadn't even consulted Shinji, just said that of course he would be willing to share his room, right? He barely had anything in it, and Kaworu hadn't brought any personal possessions with him either. It wasn't as though he kept a packed suitcase with a toothbrush inside his Eva, and he'd launched himself down to earth in the middle of a battle.

So it was probably the most convenient option Misato had to have him over for the night and pick up necessary supplies on the way home, instead of having to assign him someone else as a minder and personal shopper.

Then SEELE decided that since he was down here, he might as well stay down here, in case another angel attacked while his EVA was being shipped back up to the moon. Repeatedly sending it up would be very wasteful of time, fuel and money.

Obedient as he was… most of the time, Kaworu Nagisa and his EVA stayed where they were put. It took a couple of days for him to acquire enough clothing and other supplies for an extended stay, and then to ask if he should accompany the other pilots to where they went all day. It turned out Misato had already filed all the paperwork, since even though Kaworu's (home-schooled) level of education was equivalent to Asuka's, the Captain hadn't gotten to where she was today by turning down free babysitting. Also, if she hadn't sent him, Asuka would have pointed out that she was also absurdly overqualified for the place.

"Do you always gawk like that?" Asuka demanded as he paused in the school's entryway.

"No, not at home, but I've never been inside a school like this before." There were no records of Kaworu Nagisa riding on any of the shuttles to the moonbase. There were no records of Kaworu Nagisa at all, bar a clean bill of health, testimony that he was well-educated and so on.

"This is the first time he's been around people his own age before," Shinji reminded them, even though he knew Tabris was much older than that.

"Well, stop acting like a tourist! It's embarrassing!" Asuka demanded. What if they judged her by this space cadet?

"I will do my best," Kaworu said truthfully. He didn't try to apologize to stave off her wrath because he'd already seen that was worse than useless with Asuka. Her drive to prove herself made her try to aggressively prove herself to others, seeking acknowledgement and companionship. Yet the warped standards of behavior she tried to live up to were therefore the ones she judged others by, so she could only respect someone who either fought or demonstrated that they had the confidence to think it was cute.

Kaworu wasn't going to act like Mr. Kaji. For one thing, he didn't think he could. Still, since trying to placate Asuka would do no good, it was best not to play along and instead act oddly yet confidently enough that she would instead try to figure him out. Hopefully that would make her realize that not everyone was like her, and even she didn't need to be the way she acted in order to be appreciated and loved.

She was standoffish with Tabby when others were present, ('What kind of name is that? He's not even a tabby!'), but she'd kidnapped him to her room enough times that he knew she was a much kinder person under the façade than she pretended to be. The trouble was that it was her desire to love and be loved in return that made her so aggressive, since it was the only way she knew to get approval.

Again, it was a pity that he couldn't give her a hug in human form. He would sleep in her bed tonight, he decided. He knew she felt touched when Tabby chose her over Stupid Shinji.

They had arrived at school a little early and led him to the office where he did a little final paperwork and was introduced to their teacher while the others waited outside. This school was used to students transferring in and out, since its true purpose was to evaluate EVA pilot candidates, according to the report he'd received from SEELE after Misato registered him here. The report warned him that he would be under observation while there, but he had replied that it would be, essentially, as good a way as any to waste time until the appointed day came.

"Kaworu Nagisa?" the teacher asked.

"Yes," he answered. The man had been sent his photo, yes? How many grey-haired, red-eyed children were there in Tokyo-3? His hair was too dark for him to be an albino, although the light of his AT field shining through the thin strands made it appear white when he wanted to make it obvious that he was calling on his power.

The Lilim looked around the room nervously, but all the other teachers left when Kaworu came in. Kaworu doubted this was a coincidence: it would be known that he was the pilot of the Eva that descended on the city a few days ago, and that meant he and the teacher would be discussing classified information. "Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Anything at all."

Hmm? This couldn't be simply because he was a pilot: Shinji certainly hadn't received this sort of almost-fawning respect. Ah. Of course. This explained how often their teacher dwelled on the concept that the good days were over, that the world would never recover from Second Impact, which implied that these children didn't really have any future. Odd behavior for someone supposed to groom them to fight for this world. Not odd at all for an agent of SEELE. "Simply treat me as you would any other student," he told the Lilim. "I wish to experience their isolation alongside them, and ease their pain as much as I can with words alone."

The man practically swooned from the combination of those words and a pitying smile: he didn't know that he was the one Kaworu pitied. How many of this type had Kaworu met, these people finding any excuse they could to justify the visit the moonbase to pay homage to a true angel? To the vessel of Adam, to the hope of complementation. Proof of mankind's eventual perfection and immortality.

Savior and destroyer, who would save them by destroying this corrupt and ruined world.

Shinji had noted once that Kaworu probably got more attention than Adam's embryo and the captured third angel because Kaworu was handsome, verging on pretty. Shinji was more right than he knew, even though Shinji was too used to Kaworu to realize how creepy he and Rei could look to others. There was no more chance involved in how he looked than how Rei did: Rei was Yui's ghost and Kaworu was SEELE's holy child. Lorenz had put such a pretty face on humanity's doom.

The worship directed at him was worship of death, the death of worlds. The polar opposite of what he had truly been created for, of the reason his kind existed. It made him sick, it made him pity them to see such madness, and he didn't know what else to do but be kind. He didn't have the skill with words to get through to a fanatic, he didn't know how to help these people. All he could think to do was be kind, all he could do was tell them to live, to believe in their promised day if that was the only thing that could make them happy, that might keep them from seeking death. Even though they were working for the end of the world, it wasn't their fault: it was his, for assuming that the others would be harmless in stasis, for not going to another planet a safe distance away. His pity for how their world had suffered came across as pity for a Lilim's tainted existence all too easily. His hope that this world could still have a bright future came across as a desire to give them Instrumentality.

Which played right into Lorenz's hands, of course, but sadly that was for the best. If Lorenz thought he was also a true believer? And why wouldn't he be? When supposedly Adam's mind had been influencing him since birth, when he had identified himself as an angel instead of a Lilim since the beginning, never rebelled against his purpose in any way Lorenz knew of (he hoped)?

If he hadn't had Shinji's company, if he hadn't known that there was something he could do, someone he could help? If he'd been trapped there with nothing but such madness, would he have been infected by it? Would he just want it to stop? He was no killer, he held to that, but if he had no options other than to kill a world or die himself would he come to prefer his own death and finally to long for it as an escape from the pain of knowing how terribly he had failed?

Though no one else noticed anything when Kaworu came into the classroom, Shinji gave him a puzzled look: what was wrong? Kaworu still didn't know how Shinji could tell no matter what form Kaworu was in, but it was actually pretty simple: usually Kaworu, Tabby or not, leaned towards others, was focused on them and willing to be close, unlike most people who stayed away out of fear of being hurt. When Kaworu was withdrawn, that meant he wanted to keep something to himself, didn't want to bother Shinji with it.

Kaworu knew it was foolish of him to think that he'd left this behind with the moon. Of course SEELE would still be watching him. Even if they didn't suspect him, he was still important to them.

As much as the true believers, as opposed to those who were only involved in this because they feared death or craved divinity, horrified him, he also worried about them. They were symptoms, were they not, of what this world had endured? They weren't innocents, not when they aided and abetted SEELE's crimes, but they were the victims of Lorenz and those like him, just like everyone that had died in Second Impact. They were being betrayed by their leaders, those they trusted.

"Class, we have another transfer student joining us today. Kaworu Nagisa, please come forward and introduce yourself."

And he was plotting to betray their hopes in turn.

"Hello," he said, and smiled. "My name is Kaworu Nagisa. I was trained as a pilot on the moonbase for rapid deployment, but since almost all the angel attacks have occurred here, I've been stationed in Tokyo-3 as of a few days ago. I look forward to getting to know you," even though I already do, "and I hope you'll be patient with me, since this is my first time attending a school."

"Thank you, Mr. Nagisa. Please take your seat," the teacher said, and he did.

Farther from Shinji than he would have liked, but he knew these people as well, or at least Tabby did.

Kaworu's serenity and cheer in ep. 24 has a couple simple explanations if you know psychology: if a depressed person suddenly becomes cheerful and seems to get a whole lot better, that's often a sign they've decided to commit suicide. When one is living under the weight of constant pain and misery, the thought of finally being free of it can be a tremendous relief, and Kaworu does talk about death as the only way he can be free (although he's talking about free from the destiny to destroy humanity). Either way, when someone who knows they don't have long to live one way or another acts that serene, that can mean they've accepted death to the point they're looking forward to it, if only to no longer be living in dread of it. Since the writer of the series was dealing with depression at the time, it's not surprising that the happiest character in there would be the one who has a more than good enough reason to die. So it's interesting that Kaworu and Rei end up representing the two reasons Shinji has to reject instrumentality and return to life, despite the fact that life is pain.