"What the hell is that…?"

"That, Haruhi, would be your new home."

"But I - "

"No need to thank us."

"I wasn't planning on it…" I said meekly, staring up incredulously at the enormous house, more like a castle, with rose bushes lining the limestone path to the front steps, trellises of hydrangeas blossoming up every clean white wall. I could hear a fountain splashing nearby, perhaps behind the large topiary of a peacock; I was surprised I hadn't seen a live peacock come sauntering by yet. The house looked even more expensive and extravagant than the school itself. Even the windows probably cost more than any ordinary person would earn in a week. I felt an odd lump rise in my throat at the idea of living here. "C-Can't I stay in my old house?"

"Certainly not," said Kyoya curtly, and I weakened a little more. "If you're going to be a member of our club, and hence our fraternity, it is required of you to live with us in the house provided for said fraternity."

"But I never wanted - "

"No more complaints out of you, please," the bespectacled boy said, walking past me and heading toward the front of the huge white house. The twins began to follow him, jolting me on either side as they went.

"Yeah, commoner," one said.

"You should be thankful that people like us are letting you live with us," the other said. I scowled at their backs as they walked away in perfect synchronisation with one another. Once again I felt Tamaki's exuberant hand clap about my shoulder.

"Come along, now!" he said brightly, starting to frog-march me after them. I cast a pleading look over my shoulder at the boy with black hair, trying to get his or anyone else's attention.

"Look, I - "

"I already said, you don't need to thank me," Tamaki interrupted, smiling cluelessly at me.

"No, it's just that - "

"It's alright, I know you're attracted to me, no need to be so nervous around me."

"As if I would ever - "

"Haruhi," Kyoya said sharply, and the way the sunlight glared off his glasses and turned them opaque and shining scared me into silence. "That's better - you were starting to give me a headache." Behind me, I heard the little blonde boy - who I had been informed was, in fact, twenty years old - giggle. I was about to look at him, when Kyoya fitted a little gold key into the lock and pulled open the excessively large double doors. I was ushered quickly inside, and it was as though I walked through a solid wall from crisp, spring air to the omnipresent aroma of perfume. Quite honestly, the very air inside that enormous entrance hall veritably reeked of roses - perhaps due to the ornate spiral staircase ascending against one round wall being decorated with colossal garlands of multicoloured blooms. I recognised them as the same kinds of roses sent to me in my gift basket. I supposed there was no mistaking it then; this really was the Host Club, and I hadn't accidentally met with a bunch of caffeinated circus performers with polygamist sex drives.

At the moment, I would probably have preferred the latter.

"Well, what do you think, Haru-chan?" the tiny twenty-year-old asked, beaming up at me as he hugged his fat pink rabbit. I was too stunned for words, taking a few awed steps forward and staring up at the ceiling that was so much higher than it had looked from the outside; due to the entrance hall being round, the entire circular ceiling was made up of a gargantuan glass clock, with the sunlight streaming through it like a skylight and illuminating where I stood. From the clock's centre hung a glittering chandelier, the light refracting from every little crystal and casting miniscule rainbows across every wall. I turned about slowly, taking in everything the vestibule had to offer - the blossoming vases lining the walls, the decorated doors leading on to never-ending rooms, the entire corridor of windows on the floor above, just masked by the rose-clad banister.

"I… I don't know what I think…"

"Obviously never been in a room this big before," one of the twins intoned.

"Let alone a house," muttered the other.

"No, I haven't," I said shortly, looking at them in annoyance, "And there's no shame in it, either."

"Quite," Tamaki affirmed, knocking them both on the back of the head. "And you two," he continued as they cried out in pain, "would do well to be nice to your new brother in arms."

"Actually - " I began, trying yet again to convince them that I was, in fact, female, but he held up a well-manicured hand to me and interrupted.

"Now, now, that's quite enough conflict for one day - I won't hear anymore about it," he remarked, clapping his hands and rubbing them together intently. He beamed, flashing his dazzlingly white teeth at me. "So, Haruhi, what do commoners like to do?" The question was so bizarre I was almost taken aback.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, since class time is over, and the day is still young," he began, watching me with interest as though I were an unexpected anomaly in some experiment, "as our newest member, you can decide what we do this afternoon." I felt all eyes fix on me in waiting.

"I really don't mind…" I said numbly, awkwardly folding my arms.

"How helpful," the two redheads uttered.

"Well," I began, then paused. I supposed that if I really was caught p in all this mess, I'd have to go along with being part of their club sooner or later. With a sigh I looked up at Tamaki, who waited expectantly for me to speak. "I guess it'd be useful for you guys to tell me what the Host Club is all about."

"So…" I said, frowning at the gleaming coffee table as I slumped back in the inordinately comfortable armchair, "you guys just ceaselessly flirt with girls for money?" Tamaki heaved a melodramatic sigh.

"We don't flirt, we entertain."

"But your description of entertainment is flirting."

"I don't think you're quite getting it, Haruhi."

"I don't think you are, either," I said bluntly, and the boys all looked at me, a little affronted but mostly curious; all, that is, save for the twins, who were instead playing some videogame on the sixty-inch 3D television in the background. "What you're doing is giving girls the wrong idea in that you're interested in or attached to them, and then you go and do exactly the same to her friend two minutes later. It's like cheating, but a… cheap, and somehow even more unkind version, because you're getting paid for it."

"You must misunderstand, Fujioka," interrupted Kyoya, setting down his teacup and looking at me over the tips of his closed fingers. "We are a group of young men who seek to entertain ladies who ask for such things; why else would we be the most popular club and fraternity? Why else would we have been granted such a house as this? Girls want to feel interested in and attached to."

"Well, I don't," I said without thinking, and within an instant I realised what an absolute idiot I had been. There was an odd sort of silence, and I prepared myself for the inevitable shouting match or whatever other kind of madness was soon to ensue. The boys exchanged confused glances, eyebrows furrowed.

"Obviously not, Haruhi," Tamaki said matter-of-factory, and I stared at him - how was he being so calm about this? "After all, you're not even a girl - such silly things you commoners say, it's positively adorable."

"Oh, I... I mean..." I started to mumble, but was interrupted by Kyoya clearing his throat.

"If your outburst is quite finished, I should like to continue my explanation for you, Haruhi." He raised his eyebrows at me and I nodded awkwardly. "Thank you. As I have stated, a majority of young women have a strong desire to be of interest to young, handsome men. As such, we, as young and handsome men, provide such an impression as to appease any woman's desires - hence things such as the Type System, which - "

"That's all very well, but it's so artificial," I responded.

"How argumentative you are," he acknowledged, and I raised an eyebrow, "Not only do you consistently counter me, but interruptions appear your forte. However, your last comment is heartily untrue; I think, in time, you will realise us all to be men of great affection." Tamaki smiled, similar to how the bunny boy beamed as he squeezed on said bunny. At the idea of such a conniving individual as Kyoya being 'affectionate' I had to suppress a sarcastic laugh. "The relationships we maintain with our young ladies are purely genuine - not in the romantic sense, due to the prerogative of the club itself we cannot afford true romance, though we uphold strong familiarity and friendship with every person who visits. Does that reassure you, somewhat?"

In truth, since such an explanation, it didn't seem quite so heartless (or too much like male prostitution, as had been my first impression of Tamaki saying 'young ladies come to us and we entertain them for a small fee'). I nodded slowly as I thought it all over.

"Okay…" I murmured, and the corner of Kyoya's lip cocked a thin smile. "I guess it isn't anything heartbreaking, or obscene. There's actually surprisingly little to fault."

"Are you trying to find fault with us, Haruhi?" the bespectacled boy asked wryly.

"Well, it's easy enough," I said.

"Is that so?" he inquired coolly.

"No thing, however excellent, can ever be perfect," I told him, "Hence, automatically, there is fault."

"And yet, do we not all strive for perfection, regardless?"

"The essence of being human is that we do not seek perfection."

"George Orwell," Kyoya commented, and I nodded. He smiled a little at me across the table. "I'll say one thing for you, Fujioka - you're naturally articulate. It's as if you enjoy arguing with me."

I opened my mouth to reply, but then Tamaki yawned and stretched extravagantly.

"Well, why should one seek perfection when you've already attained it?" he sighed, running a manicured hand through his sleek blonde hair. "Just look at me, for example." The boy with the rabbit giggled, and I watched as he began unwrapping a number of bright pink sweets. In fact, I'd been watching him throughout Tamaki's explanation of the Host Club and its ways; the tiny blonde, whose name I had learned was Mitskuni Haninozuka, seemed to have an unhealthy fascination with sugary things. Over the last hour or so I had witnessed him devour a whole two-layer strawberry cake, three bars of chocolate and was nearing the completion of a sixth box of hand-wrapped bonbons; the wastepaper basket resting beneath his feet, which barely even extended over the edge of the enormous sofa, was completely overflowing with discarded wrappers. "Wouldn't you agree, Haruhi?"

I jumped, not realising he had made his way round to me and was now leaning over the back of my chair.

"When I think of myself, I think of art," he continued, perfectly unaware of how uncomfortable he was making me, "For God truly made a masterpiece of my existence, did he not?"

"I - no, not really," I answered, and he seemed genuinely shocked that someone could think he was anything less than beauty incarnate. He fell into a catatonic state; by this I mean he peeled himself away from the sofa and shambled over to the corner, where he bent down and held his knees, staring sourly at the point at which the walls intersected.

"Wh-what's he doing?" I asked, looking confusedly at the boys who still sat around the coffee table.

"Don't worry," Kyoya replied, taking a sip of his tea, "At least now we'll have some peace and quiet for half an hour or so."

Later that night I was sat in my colossal new bedroom, feeling really rather queasy after having eaten perhaps too much of Tamaki's burnt cooking - he'd been so enthusiastic at my joining that he's been positively adamant that he and he alone should cook dinner, despite having about as much experience with a stove as I did at being a Host. I'd been told, quite expressly, by Kyoya that initially I would not be a fully fledged Host, but would instead help around by carrying tea sets and such until I learned the ropes. Not that I was any more keen than I already had been to 'learn the ropes' but I supposed I would have preferred to be on the sidelines than right at the centre, flirting with girl after girls. Though I guessed, being a girl myself, it'd be easier to talk to girls than with guys, so despite everything I needn't worry too much.

Still, as I looked at the bed - larger still than the absolute monster of a bed back in my old accommodation - I was rather worried that I'd disappear within its mattress and spend fifteen years in Narnia before managing to get out of it the next morning. As such, it was impossible to sleep on it - it was a lush I'd never experienced, and I practically sank a whole foot into it. It was so comfortable it became uncomfortable. I even began to miss the still-too-large bed at the little house on the other side of campus. Despite the incredible beauty and splendour of the fraternity house, it was all just too much for someone like me. Let alone the lack of privacy; I didn't know if it was a male thing, or just these incorrigible boys in particular, but it was near impossible to do anything without them dogging me and wanting to join in. Even when I'd requested a shower, Tamaki had burst in, asking what movie I wanted to watch, and I'd nearly fallen out of the bathtub in attempts to keep the shower curtain obstructing me from his view; he now had a lump on the back of his pretty blonde head where I'd thrown the shampoo bottle, and all through watching the film he'd been sniffling.

I missed the privacy of the old house, and its simplicity, and the fact that none of my things had been brought over yet, save for my schoolbag which I'd had on me as they'd marched me straight to this house directly after having broken that infernal vase. I just wanted to go back there. As lovely as this house was, with its fancy seven-dial shower and surround sound 3D television, I really only wanted and needed something simple and to myself. I wasn't especially sociable by default, hence why I had asked specifically for a single-bedroom accommodation house. While I was sure the Hosts were all very interesting people to share with, the fact I had to share at all wasn't favourable to me.

So, very quietly, as it neared two in the morning, I put on my shoes and slung my bag over my shoulder. I padded over to the door, and listened intently for a few seconds. All I could really hear was vague snoring from the rooms down the landing, and figured I was safe to go. I gently twisted the doorknob and pulled the door open, slipping out and closing it again very softly. On tiptoe I began toward the head of the spiral staircase, just beyond the door to Tamaki's room; I was thankful the house was so carefully renovated that not a single floorboard creaked. In passing Tamaki's room I paused for a few moments, hearing him muttering something in his sleep, before continuing. Feeling my heart pattering inside my chest, I made my way quietly down the stairs. I was on one of the last few steps when a door opened, and light flooded the entrance hall, traitorously illuminating me as I stared, wide-eyed, at the tall figure silhouetted in the doorway.

"Haruhi?"

"Mori-senpai?" I whispered. The figure started towards me, and I saw the enormous black haired boy in just a pair of sweatpants, beads of sweat rolling from his forehead and powerful arms; I hastily averted my eyes from him and his bare chest.

"What are you doing?"

"Ssh!" I put a finger to my lips, and he frowned a little. "I don't want to wake them…"

"But what are you doing?" he breathed, now standing directly before me. I made a point of keeping my eyes fixed upon his face.

"I can't sleep…"

"Me neither," he replied, "that's why I was in the gym." Typical, I thought to myself, the frat house even has a gym. "But you've got your bag - are you going somewhere?"

"I… I'm going to be honest - I can't stay here," I told him, running an aggravated hand through my hair. "I'm sure you guys are great and all that, but this house is just - and with the - I can't - "

"Haruhi," he interrupted me in a whisper, "It's okay. Go."

"Really?" I asked, surprised. He nodded.

"Go. And in the morning I'll act surprised to see you gone, as well."

I smiled fractionally, and he did too.

"Thank you. I really owe you one."

"Don't mention it," he replied, extending a large hand to shake. I complied, feeling how warm and surprisingly gentle his hold was. "I owed you for a few nights ago."

"You've already done mor than enough for me - just your thanks was enough, really."

"Even so, guys need to help eachother out." The sentiment would have been great if I were not actually female. I felt somewhat uncomfortable, and for some reason it were as though I were compelled to tell him.

"About that," I began, "Mori-senpai I'm not actually a - "

"Oh, don't bother with all that honorific crap," he told me, letting go of my hand. "We're at uni, not high school - you may as well just call me Takashi."

"O-okay…" I mumbled. He smiled momentarily, and clapped me on the shoulder as he made his way to pass me and go up the stairs to bed.

"Goodnight, Haruhi," he intoned.

"Goodnight," I replied, continuing on my way toward the front door. As I reached it, I realised I didn't quite know where to go for the Host Club. "Wait!" I called, in the loudest whisper I thought safe. He turned at the top of the staircase and looked at me. "Where do we actually Host?"

"Music Room 3," he said, and I nodded to show my acknowledgement. "Two o'clock."

"Thank you!" I whispered back, and I watched as he walked to his bedroom and closed the door behind him. "Thank you…" I opened the front door and felt a cool wave of night air wash over me, and for a moment my eyes lingered on his bedroom door, "Takashi."