DEAR READERS
First of all, please allow me to apologise ONCE AGAIN for abruptly abandoning this story and going on a hiatus that was totally uncalled for. I really don't know what to say, and I don't think there's anything I CAN say to excuse my irresponsibility and sorry-excuse-of-a-drive as an author. Not only am I ashamed, but also tremendously guilty over letting myself procrastinate to this extent over a story that meant so much to me at the beginning— and even more so now, before the ending. Between Guitarstrings And Dice is a story that I started off writing solely for myself, as a coping mechanism more than anything, to escape and retreat from the harshness of reality when life was at an all time low at one point (which explains why the OC is what she is, but I'll cringe and laugh in embarrassment about that later). This fanfic is dear to me on a personal level and I'm sure that nobody can truly understand how I feel when I say that it makes me IMMENSELY happy that I've been getting such positive feedback from anyone who's ever decided to leave a review. My day has been made many a times because of this, so thank you all so much! You all are wonderful people and I'm just really lucky to have such nice readers.
It makes me shy. And proud. But mostly shy to read some of the things you guys say sometimes, and I feel a need to acknowledge this because it is because of the few recent reviews that have finally urged me to come out of the shadows to speak up again. They mean everything to me, you have no idea.
Have I ever mentioned that I love long reviews? If I did, I'll say it again. Because I adore long reviews, especially the ones that give me something to read about, explaining to me what exactly it is that people like about the story. Not to say I don't appreciate the shorter reviews since they can make me smile just as much, 'course! I make sure to look at each and every review no matter the length.
I, however, want to thank the anonymous Kirsten for taking the time to piece together some really inspiring words a while ago to try and help encourage me to keep on writing. I know they wrote it some time back and I didn't respond right away, but I just wanted to say now that that was really one of the sweetest things that anyone's ever said to me in my entire life. You've basically told me everything an author would kill to hear, and I'm not worthy of such kind praises! It's people like you that make me want to improve and strive to become even better at what I do, because I always feel like I'm never enough. I write for people like you, if not for myself, and I genuinely hope that this gets to you so you know how much your encouragement means to me. I am not exaggerating or being dramatic. This has to be said even if I struggle with coming up with a good way to say it. Thank you so much again for touching me.
Another reviewer that I'd like to mention would be The Darkness That Follows You, who left me a nice chunk of text more recently with some very good advice in it. Again, you flatter me as well and I died upon receiving your review. Thank you for putting a skip in my step on the day that I read your message, and thank you for reminding me of the possibility that there are people out there who are still interested in seeing the continuation of this humble little fic of mine even now, as surprised as that makes me. You motivate me and you're the final trigger of why I'm writing all of this (at 2am in the morning, no less).
Okay. Well. Enough of all of that. Let me get to the bottom line of what's going on with this fic.
In regards to some of the things that have been brought up, it is tricky writing about a character such as Near. Some days, writing about him comes easily to me, while it no doubt comes harder to me on others. It is the biggest compliment ever when someone says that they enjoy my portrayal of him, but I have to say that after going through the story again... I am suddenly overcome with the strongest desire to re-write a good bulk of the chapters. I've been thinking about this decision for days, and I'm torn with wanting to and not wanting to at the same time. Here are my reasons why.
Most of this writing is considered old now that some time has passed and I'd like to think that I've gone through some improvement in that time span since I find some of the things I've written so far quite gag-worthy. I take my writing very seriously and my self-esteem is very unfortunately fickle. I'm convinced I can do better. It's a sign that my writing style may or may not have changed. And while I'm certain that a revision of the previous chapters would be nice, I'm hesitant to actually do it because in some ways, maybe my old writing has got it's own... charm. (I, er, guess.) It'll be cool to just keep everything as how it is and work on improving as I go along instead so I can see how much my work's evolved. Not to mention that I don't want it to be a pain for me to re-write the selected chapters and make everyone re-read them since I'm probably going to change some things here and there as well as correct some minor flaws that have been bugging me like crazy. I'm also partially wondering if it would be a good idea to start writing some of the chapters in Michelle's point of view instead of strictly keeping it in Near's and a third person's narrative. (Head says yes, but obsessive compulsive disorder says no. SIGH. What's a poor girl to do?)
Other than that, what is the verdict of this rant? The verdict, dear reader, is that you'd be glad to know that a draft of chapter 11 is sitting pretty somewhere in my documents and that I'm going to TRY and give it a shot to work on it AGAIN. I'll try not to run this time, I promise. I just don't know if I should consider fixing the older chapters first before I concentrate on moving forward.
In any case, I think that's pretty much all of what I wanted/needed to say. I'd love to hear what you guys think about all that jazz while I ponder about this for a bit! So I'll be keeping this author's note up until further notice. I love you all.
SORRY FOR TAKING UP ALL OF YOUR TIME. AND I'M SO SORRY THIS WASN'T A CHAPTER UPDATE INSTEAD.
Yours sincerely,
Summer.