Disclaimer: I don't own VA, only own the plot and a few characters.

Chapter 18

I sat on one of the public chairs in the park watching…waiting. For a sign, perhaps, or a life changing experience. Anything? And yet whenever I get into these moods – these depressed, worthless moods – nothing changes. Nothing at all.

I feel as if I'm constantly trapped between evil and good. I'm naturally evil, it runs through my veins – and yet when I find a group of Strigoi stalking Moroi I become Nanny Hathaway and kill them before they can make an even bigger disturbance to the watchful, too-curious-for-their-own-good humans. Saving the Moroi is a known as a 'good' thing and yet I kill two Moroi per week to sate my inner addiction for their blood. I'm the bag guy in the scenario; always have been, but good always makes its way back into my life.

While I'm torn between good and evil, it's come to my attention that I was beyond lonely. I wanted to share my apartment with another Strigoi with similar problems to me so we can relate. But the chances of that occurring are slim.

I bit my lip as a happy couple walked comfortably passed me, gazing at into each other's eyes completely inlove. After giving the woman a squeeze, he softly poked her on the nose making her giggle. After being pleased by her reaction, he leaned in and kissed her forehead.

It was like a stab to the heart.

I shuddered violently. My hand was itching to my pocketknife, wanting to throw it at them for being so perfect. For finding love and for securing a position in each other's future. What did I have? All I had was my weapons and an apartment. I had no one. I was tempted to buy a pet and bite it, seeing if it'd turn Strigoi, but what are the chances of that actually working? Don't ask.

It's been seven years. Seven years since I last saw Raiden. I remember that night clear as day, a memory that won't be easily forgotten. I now lived in Paris, worked at a pet store and am considered to be the loneliest person in the beautiful city.

"I don't understand you," Anna, my manager, had said breathlessly, after placing a heavy box down in the aisle I was in. I briefly looked up from stacking products in the shelves.

"Many people don't."

She scratched the back of her head, looking over at me with a raised eyebrow. "You're drop dead," I had to hide my smile at her words," gorgeous and yet you turn down all the boys that come in here."

"Not interested," I said dully.

"In love?" she inquired, her voice teasing.

She knew nothing about love.

I gritted my teeth. "Love is the last thing boys that come in here want from me," I said, and left it at that, not wanting to continue on such a revolting subject.

I zoomed back into reality and looked around the park at all the couples. I usually come here, eyeing the moon - and perhaps some of the stray cats, wondering if my idea would work.

I sighed and leaned back on the chair, relaxing my shoulders.

Nothing has changed. I've waited so long for my life to take on a different course. I've wanted to call Sonya so many times I've lost count.

No, I always forced myself to obey. It's not worth risking her life. But then a thought occurred to me. She'd never know it was me. All I had to do was simply ring her number and hear her voice. Her tone would determine she was fine. If she barked a hello everything was simply normal. But if she sounded desperate – as if wishing it was me who called – then obviously she was troubled.

A low growl rumbled in my throat. The choices were a pain in the ass to decide between, but I found my body had already made up its mind. Without further notice, I stood up and my feet made their way to the nearest phone booth.

When I got there I picked up the telephone – and my mind went blank.

My mouth became dry. Why was I going to say? Something on the lines of, "Oh, hey, Sonya! Long time no see," awkward pause, "Uh, was just calling…to check up on things…yeah…"

Oh god, I'm starting to sound like Avery.

I smashed my fist into the wall next to the payphone. The glass shattered. Oops.

Sucking up every little nerve I managed to get a hold of, I punched in Sonya's numbers after receiving a few coins from my pocket.

The line was dead.

My dead heart felt like it stopped. How ironic.

Sonya, in no way shape or form, would ever change her number in case of the slight chance I'd contact her. Something must have happened. Something bad must have occurred. And I wasn't there. I wasn't there to help them.

Hold up. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe her phone was dead? Maybe a rabid squirrel stole her phone and managed to rip the battery out?

Another wall shattered.

I left the booth before I did any more damage.

"Rabid squirrel," I muttered. "Pfft."

As I strolled down the old streets of Paris, I eyed the alleyways for a stray cat every so often. It was now close to midnight, a potentially crucial hour to be curled away at home in bed, not walking the streets in case of being robbed or worse. However, doing this almost every night, I'm used to the crude comments of lonely men walking by. The ones that dared touch me were never heard or seen again.

A tall brunette wearing a skimpy outfit strutted towards me. I barely spared her a glance. About two seconds after she walked by, she muttered, "My ass is better."

I pulled a shotgun out from my coat and without looking around; I pointed at her and fired. I heard her body collapse to the ground.

"It isn't now."

After another hour of pointless walking with nothing exciting to do passed, I made my way back to my apartment. I grabbed my passport and a few belongings, and then strolled to the nearest bus station to take me to the airport. My family would smell my scent if I got close, but by the time that'd happen, I'd already be gone.

Just one little looksie to make sure they're ok, and then I'll be off.

The stolen car I 'borrowed' slowed to a stop at the start of my old street. I'd do the rest on foot, even though my family would have already heard my car from all the way over here. The street was gloomy, the streetlights were off, and suddenly a cat ran across the road. I slowly took out my knife, proceeding onwards on foot.

There was a faint a taste in the air. Fire. It smelt as if a fire had occurred here. My pace quickened. My heart rate sounded like a pounding drum when I saw the front gates open. They were never open. As it is, it was electric and we hardly used it. I tripped over something and just stopped myself from staggered to the ground. In a huff, I whipped around to find out what it was and my heart stopped. My breath was knocked out of me and my body shuddered uncontrollably.

It was a toy bunny.

A memory flashed before me. Raiden walked leisurely into our room, carrying baby Hope. He held a wrapped box in his other hand. I met him half way, stealing Hope away and attacking her with kisses. She giggled hysterically.

When I pulled away, I grinned widely at Raiden to see an unhappy expression.

He pouted. "Why don't I get kisses like dwat," he cooed.

I had just grinned.

He held up the box and lifted it up for Hope to see. "Look what I got my girl-" I abruptly cleared my throat, "- one of my girls today," he said quickly, giving me a cheeky grin.

Hope clapped excitedly as Raiden began unwrapping the present. When the box was removed and Raiden took out a pink bunny Hope squealed high-pitched.

I squinted my eyes before saying, "There goes my hearing."

Raiden chuckled as he gave the bunny to Hope, who gladly took it from him. She stared at it as if it was gold.

Hope's bright little eyes connected with Raiden's before she reached one hand towards him. He stepped forward and lowered his face so she could kiss his cheek. These kinds of moments were to die for.

When I came back to reality and saw the bunny there on the road, not to mention with its head missing, I knew something was wrong. My eyes narrowed. I did smell the faint odor of fire-

I spun around and ran into the estate, ignoring the gate.

In a way, I wish I didn't. I really do.

There wasn't a house standing there anymore. There were no white columns at the front, there was no rare and expensive cars Ray and Owen liked to collect. The swimming pool that was made for Hope was gone. Everything was gone. All that was visibly is the damage the fire did. The house – or what's left- was alight with fire in some places. All Sonya's books, all Aleena and Jade's clothes…. gone.

My knees gave in and I collapsed in the dirt as I started helplessly at it all.

My fault. It was my fault. I wasn't here. I didn't try to stop this. I did nothing.

There once stood a beautiful house – on its way of being a mansion. Now there was nothing. And my family… were they all here when this tragedy happened?

I don't know how long I stayed liked that. I hunched over, dry sobbing till I couldn't no more. So instead, I whimpered. It was pathetic. It was a sign of weakness. But that's what family is. It's your weakness and no matter how annoying Joe and Scott were to me, we were family.

After awhile, I realized I hadn't looked around the estate to see if I could find something – anything. A clue to make me believe that a few had escaped. But when I tried to stand, my legs gave in and I crashed to the ground again.

I jumped when I heard Michelle's annoying crazy frog ring tone. Even now, I gritted my teeth at the sound – then suddenly sat up straight. Maybe it was one of them! Maybe it was my family!

I hurriedly crawled to where the tone was coming from before picking up her phone. How it had survived from being blown up, I have no idea. It was a Nokia after all. I wiped all the dust off before I answered it.

"Hello?" I croaked. "Sonya? Is that you?"

On the other side of the line, a menacing laugh boomed.

I froze, unable to even breathe. I've heard that laugh before. It was something I wanted to permanently erase from my memory.

It was Raiden.

"Well, I think it's safe for you to know that you won't be hearing from her again." Another booming laugh.

He sounded different. Almost crazed. I gulped loudly.

"Where are you, my darling?" Raiden said, in a mocking tone. "Oh wait, I no longer have to ask that, considering I have spies on you constantly."

I jumped to my feet –with difficulty- and scanned the area with wide, frantic eyes. He had spies on me? For how long?

"Don't bother look for them. They're better at hiding than we ever were."

"What do you want?" I growled viciously.

"You. All I want is you," he sighed. "I want to see you suffer as I did. With no one to help you."

He was talking about the night we were attacked by ferocious sharks.

"What else was I supposed to do, Raiden?"

"You could have helped me! Just as I helped you! I fucking saved you, Rose!" he bellowed. I winced from his tone.

"They're all dead, Rose."

"What?" I asked, but my heart already knew what he was talking about.

There was rubble and pieces of rubbish everywhere. Burnt out cars lay in a heap near the back of the estate. I could make out a few columns under the house debris. The clothes and mats would have been burnt out, the plates and wine glasses would be smashed. Every CD and DVD would be broken. All of Hope's toys-

"Eliminating them all was classical. All I had to do was simply say I was coming home and wanted everyone to be there. After I was sure everyone was inside, well let your imagination take over from there," he said smoothly, and I could even hear the smile playing on his lips.

My mouth was dry but unbelievably I was still able to form words. "I don't believe you."

He spat out another cruel laugh. "Thought you would have said that. That's why I'm going to explain what happened in full to you. I arrived with ten of my best men – three whom are watching you now by the way. Before everyone got home, my men planted dynamite in every corner of the house and once everyone was inside, well after that all I can really remember is hearing a loud boom. Oh, and hearing the screams coming from Michelle and Aleena along with Levina. They all burned to death. Even little Hope. I made sure of it."

My eyes traveled back to the debris. Could she really be in there? Could my little Hope really be in under that?

"And now they're coming for you."

My breaths came out sharp and before I knew it, I was hyperventilating. The phone fell from my grip, my hands opened and grabbed fistful of dirt. My body was shuddering. I could still faintly hear his voice but now I was beyond able to slightly calm down.

I heard them before I could see them. Raiden said there were three of them hear and yet I knew there was more. He was always shit at maths. I looked up, looking at one square in the eyes. They all wore black and even had a black bandana over their nose and covered half of their face.

To my left was a steel shard. My hand clasped around it.

I sprang forward toward to closest one, twisting my body and delivering the blow to his eye. The shard pierced through his skull. Twisting around, I beheaded three more until spinning around to see the last one carrying a gun. He held it up and receptively fired but it did nothing. I didn't feel it. All I felt was the fire behind my blazing glare capturing his eyes and my feet moving on their own accord stalking towards him. The bullets did nothing. My body was numb with hate and wanting retribution to sate the burning desire in the pit of my stomach. Nothing could sate it until they were all dead at my feet.

They killed my family. Believe me, even I thought this was an unjustly way to end them. They deserved much worse.

By the time he ran out of bullets I stood infront of him. Strigoi to Strigoi. And I found that he was young and was a turned-human. Maybe seventeen. A year younger than me. I slightly felt sorry for him but that faded away quickly enough. I severed his arms first, then legs. I don't remember much after that; only hearing his screams echo through my ears. They all lay dead at my feet drenched in their own blood. Rain poured down and soaked everything in its path. My fringe clung to my forehead and within minutes I was drenched to the bone and still all I felt was numbness. My thoughts were all over the show, never really concentrating on one thing in particular but a range of things; like what the hell am I going to do now? Did any of them survive – although I've semi-convinced myself that none of them did and that's what has hit me the most.

And Hope, so young and brave was in the middle of that charade –

I couldn't stand being here any more. I stiffly walked back to the front gate, raindrops leaking down my face like non-existent tears washing away my mascara. I walked out of the gate and instantly my eyes fell onto the bunny. I bundled it up and hid it in my jacket even though I couldn't save it from getting soaked. I don't know why I did it. I don't know why I bothered picking the bunny up when I wasn't even sure if Hope was alive or the fact that it had no head so it looked beyond disturbing.

I sighed and a few raindrops fell into my mouth. I looked up at the sky and ignored the uncomfortable feeling of rain pounding into my eyes. I stared at the sky for a few moments before I looked away. Was Hope watching me from Heaven? Or was she still alive and wanting me to save her. If so, she was waiting for her protector which is what I swore to be when she first arrived to me.

I guess the only thing to do now was going back to my apartment and plan my next move from there.

The next few days were a blur with me breaking down and trashing my apartment and failing to create an undead cat. I almost set my own apartment alight twice, the first being an accident. The second time I knocked over a candle and watched the flames illuminate the room. All too quickly the flame was out and again I found myself breaking another fork in half. I'm no use to my family dead without avenging them first is how I went about things. Day by day I got more and more miserable. I've gone without blood for a week now and was slowly loosing my mind.

Putting in my irritating blue contacts, I grabbed ten dollars and went out the door and walked to the nearest discount store. After grabbing a packet of sowing needles and thread, I went into the plushy aisle and grabbed the most decent looking bunny. After purchasing it all, I went back home and tore the head off. Within ten minutes the bunny looked new. Gritting my teeth, I threw it across the room. What's the point in fixing it when there was a huge possibility that Hope wasn't alive?

A knock on the door sprang me out of my musings. I lifted my noise up and sniffed. Well, it was a woman. An overly perfumed woman.

I gritted my teeth when I sniffed again. It was a moroi. Time for dinner.

I walked to the door, unlocked the five locks, sprung the door open, grabbed the woman and brought her inside, smashed her against the wall, brushed her hair off her neck and-

"Wait!"

My fangs were extended and I was about a centimeter from her neck. Her wailing didn't stop me. It was her voice. I recognized it.

My mood darkened as I moved back and looked her in the eyes. My eyes blazed a with fury beyond comprehension. Her jade eyes looked at me with fear.

"Lissa," I said as a matter-of-factly.

Her hand clutched mine which was around her neck.

"Rose-"

"Shh," I pressed my finger against her lips. With my free hand, I grabbed my dagger and just as the other moroi came into the door, I flung it at him.

He dropped to his knees, clutching the dagger and that's when I got a good look at his face.

"Mother fu-"

"Adrian!" Lissa screamed.

I dropped my hand and she flew to his side.

I sighed and smashed my fist into the wall. Could this seriously get any worse?