Naruto
I was shaking, not because of the fight really… okay yes because of the fight but also because I was scared really for Gaara. He seemed to be in a worse state… that I have ever seen him in. Was he having a panic attack? Like some of the ones I was having in that cell?
"Gaara… Gaara.. Gaara, come on listen to me." I tried to get his attention but he wasn't responding to me at all and he was just sitting against the cabinet shaking.
"It wasn't my fucking fault!" he yelled causing me to jump.
"Gaara…come on." At least I needed to get him in bed. Or maybe I should get him one of those pills. But I don't know… I don't want him angry but then again I think he should get angry because he needs to vent out.
"He… he… I want to KILL him!" he growled up and I shivered.
"Gaara, you have to calm down… okay?" I said kind of frightened. He had never been this… mad before.
"It's not fair…." He hid his face in his hands and began to sob… Why can't I be stronger or know what to do? I sat right next to him and pulled his head into my chest no matter what little pain it caused me because really I could care less about it when Gaara's in the pain that he is in now.
"Shh shh sh, it will be okay, I'm here okay?" I really don't know if I should of said it will be okay but I don't know if he would. I could only hope he would be.
"Why is life so unfair?" He sobbed in my chest. He was just angry as hell and wanted to kill and now hes sobbing into my chest while he grabs the back of my shirt in his fists.
"Naruto I love you so much" He cried.
"I love you too… please be okay." I bit my lip completely scared stiff on what to say or if it would hurt him more. Because really… he just learned something about his mom and if it was me I would be heartbroken as well. "Come on. Lets go to the bed okay?" I whispered to him, gently rubbing his scalp. He didn't say anything at all but stood up hanging on me till we were back in the bed. I wouldn't leave him till he was alright.
Why is everything happening like a chain of bad shit saga of Naruto and Gaara? Its like something is against us. And the year has just begun! I tucked us in before I cuddled with him… sort of scared that he was going to have a sudden mood swing and become angry again but I don't want to give him one of those pills that makes him a zombie. I really think that would make him feel worse than he already is.
Gaara
So many thoughts where parading through my head. Why did he hate me? Why me? Why would he lie to us? Do Temari and Kankuro know? What was I going to do about this? How did I get on my bed...?
"Naruto?"
"Mmm?" He said lifting his head lazily off the pillow. He must have drifted off to sleep while I was thinking. He needed sleep to heal his wounds. Plus he had two nights of sleep to catch up on. I didn't say anything more, and Naruto's breathing immediately fell back into a peaceful slumber type rhythm. I stared at the ceiling. I felt lost. I wanted someone to tell me what to do... how to react... what the fuck went on in this family?... I just need something constant in my life. I need one damned thing good and have it stay like that. I know what I need right now... but god I don't WANT to. I sat up and walked into the kitchen. I left a note for Naruto, even though I doubted he would wake up in the five minutes I would be gone. and I left it on the bed. I ran down the stairs and jumped in my car, then I sped to the gas station on the corner, picked up a pack of smokes and came back. I had thrown the last pack away, even though I had barely touched it. I came back and noticed Naruto still asleep.
I opened the window, the cold air started to fill the room. I didn't care. I sat on a chair I dragged into the bed room and sat with my head out the window, wanting most of the smoke to leave the room. And I sat here like this... and before I realized it, I'd went through half a pack. "Fuck." I said pulling out another one and lighting it.
Naruto
I knew I wasn't dreaming when my body was cold and I knew I wasn't dreaming when I smelt smoke. And I know I'm not dreaming when I knew that Gaara hadn't been in bed with me for while. But I didn't want to get up and stop him from doing anything.
Maybe I'm a coward for not being able to do anything for him. I feel worthless. How can I help him? I mean… he's already smoking. Should I go tell him to go get drunk with Deidara or something? Anything to get his mind of it. I just don't want him to end up hurting himself. What if he's better with Sasuke? He would know what to do wouldn't he?
"Fuck." I heard Gaara mutter again and I tried to keep my breathing at the regular tempo that It had been going, and pretend I was still sleeping. I have gotten good at that you know. Why cant I be of more use? I'm hopeless…
"Not fair…" He hit the back of his head on the side of the window and I just gnawed on my lower lip.
"Gaara…" I said finally opening my eyes. By my tone of voice he would of known that I was up and not groggy.
"Sorry if I woke you." He said expressionless. He is worse than I thought.
"No it's not that…"
"Want any pain meds?" he asked fretting over me already.
"Gaara, stop it. I'm fine I'm worried about you. I'm sorry… I feel worthless because I don't know what to do to help you." I said honestly sitting up.
"You saying that wont help me either." He said honestly.
"I know."
It got quiet as he finished another stick from his pack. How many would that be now? I don't even really want to know. All I do know is that it must be bad for him but I wouldn't bring that up.
"Go back to bed." He said gently to me but I shook my head.
"I cant go to sleep knowing your in pain…but I don't know how to help it. I'm so sorry about that. I just…don't." I said laying back down on the bed but not to fall asleep. And I didn't stop looking at him. "You can rant to me all you want because that seems to be the only way I know how to get out anger or distress. I will always be here for you to talk to or… even scream at. If smoking makes you feel better, which I suspect it does, it doesn't bother me. But also since I have total trust in you you can go and get drunk if you want… if that makes you feel better. I'm sorry but that's all I could do." I said to him without stuttering so I was serious.
Gaara
"I don't want to get drunk... Well I do but I'm not for two sensible reasons. one you already know and two: getting drunk takes your emotions and multiplies it. so ill become a big angry douche bag that can barely walk on two feet. I don't want to do that... I shouldn't be smoking either... I wonder if demons can get lung cancer." I said to myself.
"Gaara... are you going to be ok?" Naruto asked. I turned to look at him. I sighed, put my stick out and put the pack and lighter on a dresser. I walked into the bathroom an brushed my teeth, flossed, gargled and brushed them again. Then I went in the kitchen and chucked down a glass of water. I made my way back into the bed room, where Naruto was curled in on himself again. His head was looking in the direction I came in, which had me thinking he was listening to me in the kitchen.
"I'll be ok." I finally said. "It's just... a bit of a shock... I spent my entire life thinking what did I do wrong for him to hate me... and now that he told me what he did, I have to ask, what did I do wrong for the entire world to hate me? I always thought it was a personal issue... I don't know... What would you think?" I asked Naruto.
"I don't know... everything would be too confusing for me." Naruto admitted.
"The same as me. Its so confusing I don't what to think, I don't know if I could trust him. Everything is just... swarming inside my head." I told him.
"Well, just forget about it for now." Naruto said.
I sighed. "I'm sorry, with all my drama I haven't been paying attention to you much. Did you sleep well? have any dreams?" I asked. He shook his head.
"I knew you were gone for a while. I wasn't fully asleep." Naruto admitted.
"Right." I said to myself. "Do you think... Do you think dad told Temari and Kankuro?"
"I don't know." Naruto said.
"Should I... um... call maybe?" I asked.
Naruto shrugged. "It's up to you." Even though Naruto's answers were no help, just saying it out loud helped me to clear up the confusion and find some answers.
"I guess... you rest I'll be right back." I called my sister, I guess dad had told her and Kankuro first, and she kicked him out until he told me about it. I asked her what the hell was going through his head and she just told me that we need to all take a chill pill.
"So you want me to forgive him?" I asked.
"No, I just don't want you to go pick a fight with him. Ok?"
"Kay" I said and we hung up.
Naruto
Gaara still didn't look good. Well who would? "Did he?" I asked a bit curious when he walked back in the room. He sighed before he looked at the dresser to me, then to the dresser again until he finally walked back to the bed and sat on the edge, putting his face in his hands. I guess he really wanted a smoke but he didn't want to do it. I moved so I was sitting next to him on the edge of the bed and he turned to look at me.
"Yeah." He spoke a bit quietly.
"I really wish I could help you more." I said honestly.
"You being here does help me." He said, "I'm supposed to not fight with him the next time I see him. Not that hard to think though since I don't really want to see him and I don't plan on it." He said mostly to himself but I just took it in. "Do you think he told them today like he did me?"
"I don't know." I said honestly. And It sucked that I didn't know really, "but I think you should get some sleep." He did look terrible. Not that I would say that out loud seeing as how he felt terrible and… well you get it.
"I'll try if you want."
"It's more as in what you need than what I want." Gaara nodded and got up and walked around to his side of the bed and sunk into the sheets. I didn't really know if he would fall asleep I just hope he did. I mean… this whole fiasco would warp with his insomnia right?
"If you sleep you might feel better and you can think clearly…" I spoke to him before I lay down next to him.
Gaara
"Yep." I said into my pillow. Naruto rubbed my back. Eventually I rolled onto my side and tried to let sleep take me, but my brain wasn't working. It didn't want to shut down. I got up with a heavy sigh because my head started spinning from the stress. I stood up and started pacing for a bit, hoping to tire myself out. but it just made me think about stuff more. So I grabbed my ipod and turned it on, shoving the buds in my ears and turning up the volume to a point where I can feel the buds moving from the pressure. I hoped the noise didn't bother Naruto. At some point I fell asleep. A song changed, I grunted and jerked awake, turning off the player and chucking it on the bed side table next to me. Then I closed my eyes again.
My eyes cracked open only to find out it was already the next morning."I have never blacked out like that... I mean normally I have a dream or something... but it was just... bleh." I said to Naruto who was up before me.
"Yeah... I've had nights like that." Naruto said.
"Hungry?" I asked sitting up and stretching.
"Yeah" He smiled.
"What do you want?" I asked him. Hoping that today would be somewhat normal.
Naruto
I sincerely hoped that we could just forget the last 6 days and that today could be… normal. Well…I guess not anything is ever normal for us so it would be at least not stressful.
"I don't want you to cook a buffet. Just make something easy for the both of us or… I could cook for you." I hinted knowing that I actually really did want to cook for him since he puts up with my crap.
"Do you want to cook for me?"
"I'll clean up I promise!" I told him finally getting out of bed and stretching my back.
"And what are you going to cook?" He asked getting out of bed to and walked out of the room to sit at the table.
"Well... you know I don't cook a lot. And I'm sorry if whatever I cook may be poisonous…" I frowned.
"Don't say that, I bet anything you cook would taste lovely. I mean… I ate your cooking before."
"But that was either 2 minute cooking or instant ramen. Or that time when you were sick so your tasting was off and if it was bad you wouldn't know it." I told him pacing a bit in the kitchen.
"Sure you can say that if you want." He shrugged his shoulders and I gently hit it. I'm just glad were semi-better than the last few days. Plus I'm only feeling half the pain "What? I'm just agreeing with you."
"But your supposed to prove me wrong… know what never mind."
"So what are you going to cook milady?" He joked and I shot a glare at him. Again he showed me an innocent look.
"Well… I never tried it but I've seen Jiraiya cook it a million times! It's the only thing he can and its good." I said honesty and Gaara looked confused.
"And what is this mysterious breakfast?"
"Its not mysterious its French toast… I think I could make it without burning…I hope." I bit my lower lip, "And then theres eggs and… do you want bacon because I can only cook it in the microwave." I said honestly.
"I don't care. Whatever you cook will be good. And I don't care if you make a mess." He added. Oh yeah… I was most likely going to make a mess…