A/N: This is the first of what I hope to be many collaborations between That-Hamster-Wheel and me. Thank you for sharing this the work on this wonderful piece with me. The idea was a Jamko classic and I am so honored that you have permitted me to share a by line with you. Please read and review.
Steady Heart by That-Hamster-Wheel and BlueBlood82
Before Eddie met Jamie her life was a mess and she was just trying to put the pieces together. After she met Jamie she realized her heart could be whole again, that it could be steady. One thing for sure was that Jamie was good for her and she never wanted to let him go.
They hadn't expressed their feelings yet. It was just them still being good friends. She wanted more, God knows she wanted more, but Jamie didn't. He had made it clear after they shared their kiss and again by dating Jen, that stupid doctor. That was probably an oxymoron.
That particular day she was feeling down. Her Mom would have turned sixty that day but instead she was laying flowers on a cold marble stone. Martina Marie Janko, loving wife and mother. That was her legacy.
Her phone rang, and Jamie's name flashed on the screen. "Hey, Eddie. Where are you? Roll call is coming up in a few minutes."
"Yeah, actually, I banged in sick, I'm not going to be there today, Jamie," Eddie replied. "I just need a day to myself."
"A day to yourself?" Jamie asked. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I just needed to take a day, that's all. Listen, if you want we can do pizza and beers after your tour. I'll be home."
Jamie promised to come over later to talk, he was worried about her. She'd been so quiet lately on tour, she wasn't eating her huge crazy meals, and today she needed a day to herself. He got in the car to ride his tour solo thinking about this as he passed out summonses and nabbed cell phone users behind the wheel of their cars.
A half hour after tour ended Jamie arrived at Eddie's apartment with a six pack, a pizza, and a small white bag. She let him, her hair was askew, her clothes were clearly meant to only be worn inside the house, but what disturbed Jamie was her eyes. They were black underneath, swelled up, and red as if she's been crying for hours.
"Eddie what?" he asked fighting the urge to take her into his arms, hold her tight, and absorb whatever it was that made her this way.
"I'm okay…I'm just tired," Eddie replied. "Thanks for coming, I really needed to see you today but I would have been distracted on the job. That's never good."
Jamie agreed that was true. "So you hungry?" he asked as he started to put out plates and napkins. He knew her kitchen as well as his own.
"I could eat," Eddie replied more interested in a beer. She took a good long sip. Eddie took the slice and sat down on the couch facing her partner. Today was the day she decided to tell him everything.
"It's my mom's birthday today," Eddie said after eating in silence.
"Oh, did you go see her? Did she give you a hard time or something?" Jamie asked. "I know something is wrong because you've been crying."
"My mom died," Eddie confessed. "She's been gone a while. Since I was 18, it's just been me and my Dad. Until he. I went to her grave, she's buried upstate and I drove up to see her. I just felt like I had to be there and not here, I hope that's okay."
Jamie put his pizza down, "Is that what's been eating at you the last couple days? You could have told me that Eddie."
"It wasn't just that," Eddie replied. "Yeah I was sad and thinking about her, but your mom is gone too. It's more than that…It's because if I told you then you'd have wanted to come and worse I would want you to come."
"What would be so wrong with that?" Jamie asked a little annoyed and a lot hurt. "I'm your partner, we're supposed to be best friends."
"We are," Eddie replied quickly. "It's just that since everything went down with my dad a few weeks again and the shooting before that, I've come to rely on you way too much. You know that every day, when it's time to get my weapon on my heart pounds?"
"Yeah, that's normal for a long time after a shoot," Jamie comforted moving closer only to have Eddie get up to avoid him.
"My heart pounds, Jamie, until I see you. Until I hear your voice and then…it's steady…" Eddie blushed and looked down at the ground. "You ground me, Jamie. You calm me, you steady me like no one ever has and I have come to count on it so much that when I lose it…I think I'll go out of my mind."
"When?" Jamie said confused. "Eddie, you are not ever going to lose that okay? We are best friends, we are partners; that is a bond forever. It will never go away."
"You will get married one day, Jamie," Eddie reminded him. "You'll have a family. You won't always be part of me, it won't always be like this. You have had girlfriends already since we met, one is going to stick. I can't ask you to be with me when you have a family."
"I'm not looking for that now," Jamie insisted. "And yes, I'd expect my wife to understand when my partner was in trouble on the job or somewhere else that I had to, absolutely had to, go to her aid. If she didn't, I'd find another wife."
Eddie looked down, "Jamie…The truth is I'm not brave. I'm not strong. I feel so alone most of the time especially since my mom died and my dad got arrested. I have no one else, no one until you. When we met and became so close, it was like you slowed me down inside from where I was revved up. You made me strong, you made me brave. I can't rely on you for that or anything else."
Jamie was getting angry and frustrated. "Well what if I want you to?" he asked sharply. "What if what you are saying I am to you is what you are to me too, huh? What if I want to be all those things for you like you are for me? What then?"
Jamie's words took Eddie back. She looked at him like he was from Mars. "Jamie you can't mean that."
Jamie closed the gap between them, "I do mean it. With every fiber in me, I mean it. When I lost Joe, part of me died too. I was just learning to trust again when Vinny was killed. Then here you come, all five feet of you, with you wavy blonde hair, your pretty smile, your slick fast car and faster tongue. And my heart started to beat again for the first time since I suffered all the loss. "
Eddie looked up at Jamie whose face was close to her own. "I never knew, I never dared dream…What does all this really mean Jamie?"
"I think it means we need new partners, Janko," Jamie laughed cupping her cheek with his hand then sliding both palms down her arms. Jamie took her hand in his and place it on his heart, "Nice and steady and it always will be. I promise you that from this day on I will be there to steady your heart." With that Jamie bent his head and took her lips in a kiss promising that from that moment on their hearts would beat as one.