Dungeons and Stop It

by tmcanerin

Dungeons and Stop It, the adventureso f the worst DM and three players, none of whom know the rules or how character sheets work. THe thrilling adventure of a lifetime packed into one game Note: The writer of this story has not played D&D since age 5. As I learn more about the game, edits will be made to chapters as I catch things that make absolutely no sense. Thanks for reading!

2. Chapter 2

Lord Benel approaches the group. Ellen greets him.

Ellen: Good evening, Lord Banal.

It's Benel.

Ellen: Good evening, Lord Anal.

Close enough. Ellen bows, showing the deep curves of her inhumanly sized breasts. I should get extra point for diplomacy for that. No, this adds nothing to your diplomacy. Igvar bows along with Ellen. Can he flash his pecs? No.

Igvar: Oh high-lord-god Benel, I wouldst liketh tooth offereth thy meadeth.

Igvar holds up a bottle of mead to the Lord. Benel, not understanding, accepts it with lordly posture before getting back to the bloody campaign.

Lord Benel: Greetings, hero and heroine. Welcome to Ian's pimpin' pala- Sorry, I misspoke. Welcome to Sandalwood or something.

Lord Benel: I assume you've come here to help us with the undead problem, as I can see no other reason why two adventurers like you would visit here. The bounty is the same, 10,000 gold in return for clearing the nearby crypt. Do you accept the offer?

Ellen attempts to flash her size 38FF breasts at Lord Benel in an attempt at diplomacy to increase the amount that they would gain. DC required is 20. Ellen rolls a bloody 20. Ellen gets -10 on the persuasion check due to putting her attempt in one round. Persuasion fails, and Ellen is sent out of the barracks by the guards. So wait, the guards have no attraction to Ellen, or is it because you just don't want to admit that breasts are intimidating? Shut up, BJ.

Igvar: So, 10,001?

Lord Benel: Get the hell out.

Igvar gets himself AND HIS MEAD! thrown out of the barracks. Alright, finally, how did it take us half an hour to get halfway through one page?

Oh, right. Ian set the inn on fire. I'm not entirely certain when, but I've given up on any hopes of a normal campaign. Y'know what, screw it, fine. Ellen and Igvar go to save Jack the Stripper.