Turn to Me

By Wonko

Part 8

Frank was pacing. He'd been pacing for at least five minutes and hadn't said a word since Natalia's quiet declaration. She was leaving him to it. She knew she owed him more than this, but it was getting harder and harder to want to give it to him with grace. She sighed. "Frank," she said at last, but he didn't let her continue.

"You know, this is so typical of Olivia," he muttered.

Nonplussed, Natalia's eyebrows raised and her lip curled in an unmistakably 'what the hell?' expression. "Uh..."

"She's always been selfish, you know?" He gestured towards the woman in the bed, a touch of contempt in his eyes. "But this really beats all."

"Frank? What are you talking about?"

He threw his hands up in frustration. "Her!" He was close to yelling. "Manipulating you, playing her 'oh I'm so sick, take care of me' game. Making you feel like you need to look after, making you feel obliged!"

Natalia was literally speechless. Had he heard nothing she'd just said? "I don't feel obliged," she finally managed to choke out, but Frank didn't seem to be listening.

"She can take care of herself, Natalia," he said. "You deserve to be free, to have your own life!"

"She is my life!"

He stopped in his tracks. "What?"

Natalia scraped her hands through her hair and grimaced. "I don't want to hurt you, Frank," she said. "I care for you, and I respect you. But you need to listen to me. Really listen."

Horror was beginning to dawn on Frank's face. "What are you saying Natalia?"

"I'm saying," she began steadily. "That I can't marry you because of Olivia. Not because I feel like I need to look after her. Not because she's manipulated me into thinking she needs me. Not because I'm obliged to her. Because I am in love with her."

Frank slumped against the wall, looking for all the world like someone had kicked him right in the stomach. "No," he moaned. "This is all wrong. You can't mean this..."

Natalia looked away. "I do, Frank," she whispered. "I do. I'm sorry that this hurts you, I am. But I can't pretend any more. I can't keep running from it. Because you know, I'm only running from myself."

Natalia closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to get her heart under control. She hated this, had always hated it, confronting people, disappointing them, hurting them. She had very nearly gone through with the wedding rather than face this moment. Her heart thudded in her ears. But no...not her heart. She looked up at Frank who was rhythmically banging his head against the wall.

"Frank," she gasped rushing to his side and trying to pull him away from the wall. "Stop, you're hurting yourself!"

He jerked away from her hands as if he'd been burned. "What do you care?" He cast a venomous look at Olivia. "She'll never love you, you know," he spat. "Olivia Spencer doesn't know the meaning of the word. She only cares about herself."

Natalia shook her head, her face hardening. "You're wrong," she said, her lips a tight line. "I know her. I know how she feels."

"I know her too, Natalia. I've known her a lot longer than you and let me tell you, she'll never change. She's a cheater and a manipulator. She'll break your heart, I guarantee it."

Natalia shook her head. "No, Frank. Listen to me, I-"

"Oh, just tell me why!"

She shook her head. "Wha- Why what?"

"Why her and not me?" he demanded. "I think you owe me that much."

Natalia looked down at her hands. "It's not as simple as that, Frank. I-"

"Just tell me why."

"I can-"

"WHY?"

"Because she sees me!" Natalia snapped, jerking her head up, eyes flashing with hurt and anger.

"I see you too!" Frank yelled instantly. Natalia almost laughed.

"No Frank," she explained, her voice hard. "You only think you do because she showed you."

He reeled back from her words as if struck. "Wha-?"

"You said it yourself," she reminded him. "She coached you. Helped you out a bit? Told you what I like, what I need, how to pretend to be the one for me? Didn't you ever wonder how she knew? Because she already was the person I needed, Frank."

He didn't speak. He looked lost, so unspeakably lost, that she felt all her anger draining away. "I'm sorry, Frank," she murmured. "I didn't plan this you know, it just...happened."

Frank shook his head. "I don't get it," he said softly. "I mean...what the hell does she have to offer that I don't? What has she ever given you?"

Natalia took a step back. "What has she given me?" she asked incredulously. "Well, she gave me a house last summer, for starters. And ten thousand dollars for Rafe's legal fees, before we were even friends."

Frank's lip curled. "I didn't think you were the type whose affections could be bought, Natalia."

Natalia straightened. "You're very close to saying something you can't take back, Frank," she warned.

He slumped a little. "Listen," he began, but she cut him off.

"No, you listen." Her voice was strong and clear. "What has she given me? A reason to go on living after Gus died. A chance to do a job I'm really good at, a job I never really believed I could do. A wonderful home and a life with the sweetest little girl in the world." She looked down at Olivia's sleeping face, and her voice softened. "She...challenges me," she said. "She always has, not that I always appreciated it. She pushes me, she spurs me on to do things I'd convinced myself I wasn't capable of. She sees more in me than just a mom or...or a waitress. She sees what I can be, not just what I am. And she helps me see it too." She looked up at him again. "What has she given me? Confidence. Self-respect. Friendship. And most of all - a love so pure, so...selfless...that she was willing to let me go just because she thought I'd be happy. She thought being married to you would make me happy. But it never could Frank, and I'm sorry. Because she is the one who makes me happy."

Frank's face made her heart ache but she knew he'd needed to hear everything she'd just said. She cursed herself for having been such a coward, for pushing her love for Olivia down so deep that she'd convinced herself that using this good, honourable man to run from her feelings was the best thing to do.

"I-" he choked, then swallowed, clearly fighting tears. "I have to go." She didn't try to halt his retreat. He was gone from the room in under five seconds, practically running to the exit.

Natalia sat down heavily, her breath coming out in one long rush. "So" she said to Olivia's unconscious form. "That went really, really well."