Turn to Me

By Wonko

Part 11

Olivia was floating in a haze of sleepy fuzz. Thoughts, ideas and memories smashed together like pool balls in her head. Pool? Why was that familiar? A fleeting image of...someone...bending over a pool table flashed briefly through her mind, and then was lost. She tried to hold onto it, knowing somehow that the someone was important, but only managing to retain the distinct impression that they had a nice ass.

She smiled, despite the throbbing and pounding behind her eyes. Maybe she'd managed to have a love life in the those missing seven months. She hadn't had a man in how long? One year, two? Two she decided, feeling faintly appalled. She barely recognised herself these days, and not just because a car had smashed into the side of her face.

"Hey," a voice said, snapping her out of her contemplation. It was a small, sad voice, and sounded very far away. She flicked open her eyes, blinking madly.

"Oh, it's you again," she groaned, covering her eyes with her hand. "What do you want?"

There was no reply for a long moment, only the sounds of a chair being pulled being pulled up to the bed filling the room. Then she felt her hand being enclosed between surprisingly soft fingers and she uncovered her eyes, looking over at Natalia warily. Natalia wasn't looking at her. She was looking down at their joined hands, blinking hard, seemingly trying not to cry. "I-" Natalia choked before her voice broke and she was forced to cough to clear her throat. "I came to talk to you about your recovery," she managed at last, still not meeting Olivia's eyes.

"Did Rick tell you how long I have to stay in this hellhole?" Olivia muttered.

"Till Tuesday," was Natalia's soft reply. "You can come...I mean go...home on Tuesday."

"Right." Her mind began to swim with all the alterations she'd have to make to her suite at The Beacon. A lower bed for sure, an easy chair, a seat for the shower... The very thought made her tired, and her eyes fluttered shut again. "I need to hire an assistant..." she slurred softly, slipping towards sleep.

Natalia squeezed her fingers. "Actually, you already have one," she said.

That was enough to drag her back from the cliff of unconsciousness. "I do?" She opened her eyes. "Who?"

Natalia shrugged and smiled slightly self-deprecatingly. "Well..."

"You?" Olivia's surprise could not have been more apparent.

"Uhm...yeah," Natalia replied. "Since October."

Olivia took a moment to absorb that information. "Right," she said at last. "Okay."

Natalia frowned. "That's it, just...okay?"

Olivia gave her a withering look. "If you weren't competent I'd have fired you by now," she said simply.

"Right...right. Good point."

Olivia went quiet again, closing her eyes. "Em..." she murmured softly.

"I've got her," Natalia reassured her instantly.

"Not that damn boarding house," Olivia began, but Natalia interrupted.

"No, no...I don't live there anymore." She took a deep breath. "I live at Cassie's farmhouse." Another deep breath. "With you."

That woke Olivia up. She snapped her eyes open and jerked her head towards Natalia who was, she suddenly realised, still holding her hand. How could she have failed to notice that? "What?" she demanded. "I live where with who now?"

Natalia shrugged with one shoulder. "Em and I are really looking forward to having you home," she said, trying to smile.

Olivia shook her head. "This is April, right? Is it April the first?"

Natalia looked down at their joined hands. "You've lived with me there since December," she said softly. "I can explain everything tomorrow, okay? I'll bring Emma. She really wants to see you."

"Oh, so you just drop a bomb on me like that and-" she cut herself off, pinching the bridge of her nose. Her head felt like a hard boiled egg someone had dropped on the pavement a few times. "You know what - fine," she said. "Come back tomorrow, bring Em, just stop talking now, okay? My brain's about to explode and decorate this hideous room a lovely shade of grey."

"Sleep," Natalia said, worry making her voice shake. "You're not even supposed to be awake yet - you need to rest."

"Yeah," she replied, pulling her hand away from Natalia's at last and closing her eyes. Images and thoughts swam before her eyes again, making her head spin. It was like the unpleasant stage of being drunk, amplified by ten. "You'll come back tomorrow, right?" She hadn't known she was going to speak before the words came out, and she was vaguely appalled by the weak and needy tone in her voice. She heard Natalia's soft intake of breath.

"I'll be here," the other woman said quietly. Olivia felt a hand in her hair suddenly, followed by the warm press of lips on her forehead. "Goodnight," Natalia whispered, and something else, but Olivia didn't catch it. She was sinking into sleep already as Natalia left, with the vague idea that something unutterably precious and important was dancing and fluttering in the back of her mind, just out of her reach.

Natalia wasn't sure what brought her there - she couldn't remember one moment of the car ride, other than repeatedly wiping away tears so she could see the road. But when she arrived she knew it was exactly where she needed to be.

The church was unlocked, but empty. She was glad of the solitude as she dipped her fingers into the holy water at the entrance and blessed herself. Her eyes fixed on the cross as she walked up the aisle - second time in as many days, her mind pointed out. She quashed the thought down as she genuflected and kneeled in the first pew.

"Okay..." she breathed. "This is a test, right? This has to be a test." Unsurprisingly, the heavens did not split or bathe her in miraculous light, nor did a bush start burning of its own accord. No signs manifested themselves at all. She had never felt so alone in a church before. "What do you want from me?" she muttered. "What have I done that's so awful that I deserve this?" She buried her head in her hands. "Whatever it is, just...punish me, okay? But let her get better. Please? You can do whatever you want to me. Just let Olivia be okay."

She sat there in the cold and near-dark for a long time, alternately staring at the cross and her hands. She might have sat there even longer if a sound from the back of the church hadn't woken her out of a sort of trance.

"Natalia?" Father Ray was frowning as he walked up the aisle to meet her. She shifted over slightly, allowing him to slip in beside her. "What's happened?"

Natalia found herself fighting back tears again. "Oh," she breathed, her voice trembling. "I've just been thinking about my life over the last year or so," she said. "You know, when I lived in Chicago everything was so simple. I worked. I looked after Rafe. I went to church. That was it. But since I've moved here..." She cleared her throat. "I've lost my son, and got him back. Made friends. Made money, lost it, made it again. Got married." A tear trickled soundlessly down her cheek. "Met the most maddening woman on Earth. Fought with her. Hurt her, got hurt. Lost my husband and gave her his heart." Her voice cracked. "Gave her my heart..." The last came out as a half-strangled wail as she turned into the priest's open arms and sobbed once, swallowing the rest of her tears painfully.

"What's happened?" Father Ray asked again, holding her head to his chest securely.

"Oh God..." she moaned. "I've lost her..."

"Oh..." the priest sighed, convinced by the heartbreak in her voice that Olivia had died. "Did she...did she regain consciousness before..."

Natalia sat up suddenly, wiping her eyes. "She's not dead," she said. "That's what's so selfish about all this."

Father Ray frowned. "Then what..."

"She doesn't remember," Natalia said wearily. "She doesn't remember...what we are to each other. She doesn't even remember us being friends." She buried her face in her hands. "I don't know what I'm going to do..." she breathed.

Father Ray sat in a silence for a few moments. "Do you know St Teresa of Avila?" he said at last.

Natalia shook her head tiredly. "No, I don't think so," she said.

Father Ray sat back in the pew. "She's famous for her writing," he said. "She wrote 'Christ has no body now but yours. No hands, no feet on Earth but yours. Yours are the eyes through which he looks compassion on this world'. I've always liked that."

Natalia felt like her mind was wrapped in cotton wool. "What are you trying to tell me, Father?"

"That God is at work in the world," he said. "Every moment of every day, whether you perceive him or not. We are his instruments."

Natalia frowned. "I don't understand..." she whispered.

Father Ray turned to her. "Christ has no hands but yours," he said. "It's up to you to do his will. You must channel his love, and trust in his plan."

Natalia looked down at her hands. "Is this just a longer way of saying everything happens for a reason?" she asked.

Father Ray smiled. "You've talked to me about Olivia before," he said. "You've said she's changed a lot since you first knew her. Your friendship, your love...they changed her."

Natalia hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "Yes..." she agreed.

He placed one of his hands over hers. "It was because you acted," he said. "You need to act again. Show her your friendship, your loyalty, your love. The woman you know is still there. You just need to entice her out."

Natalia didn't speak for a long moment. "I need to find her," she said at last. "Is that what you're saying? I can't just ask God to fix this for me. I need to be active. I need to fight for her."

Father Ray smiled and patted her hand as he stood. "I'll be locking up in a few minutes," he said. "Okay?"

"Okay..."

Natalia sat in the pew a couple of minutes more, thoughts whirling through her head. Then she stood and genuflected, her jaw tightening. She knew what she had to do.

If there was one thing Natalia Rivera knew it was how to fight for those she loved.