A/N: If you have a character or idea you want Jackie to use, just leave it in a review. Also, I meant to post this earlier but something was wrong with my document manager. Oh well; can't help that.
Ren Rika: He says it makes him feel free…..*shudders* Thanks for the zeni! I really appreciate it!
glittergirl73: Consider it done.
sasukekun1997: That's the second request I've had for him! He just got bumped up in the queue!
Disclaimer: I have good news and bad news. Good news: I have 4,600 zeni. Bad news: If I don't get the rest of the million zeni by the 25th review special, they will take me to jail! *holds up sign* Will Disclaim for food!
THE REAL DBZ: BULMA BREIFS
Jackie was sitting on the little black chair behind the desk today, working on her Algebra homework. This event had everyone in the studio shocked: the interns, the security guards, the fan girls, the fan boys, the on site psychiatrists in case of mental break down, and the makeup artists.
Jackie wasn't sitting on the desk.
"Let's pretend X is 3 so Y would be….." Jackie mumbled to herself. "24….I think."
Jackie used her blue mechanical pencil and quickly filled out the answer to the last question. Scanning the paper as fast as she could, she deemed the book unnecessary. Do you know what she does when something isn't needed? She chucks it.
"OW! MY FACE!" the cameraman screamed, falling to the ground in agony as he clutched his luscious, long, straight blonde hair.
Jackie looked up at this scream, usually Carl screamed in Chinese. Not a girlish scream that everyone could understand. Zooming in on where the cameramen always stand, Jackie saw that it was not Carl. This boy had puny muscles, a necklace that spelled I LOVE VIDEL and a bruise on the side of his face that somehow said "I HATE YOU, SHARPNER!"
"What are you doing here, Sharpner?" Jackie yelled. "No one requested you! Get out!"
The blonde ladies man of Orange Star High wouldn't take no for an answer. Everyone at his school knew that. Even the rats and flies knew that. Poor Jackie, he was about to use his secret weapon: his 'Hollywood' good looks.
"Hey mini babe, Videl isn't here right now. You wanna take a ride in my sweet new car?" Sharpner attempted to say persuasively, unfortunately, it repulsed Jackie to the point of throwing up.
"Get out, or I will make sure that you're on this show!" Jackie threatened. "And I'll be extra hard on you!"
Sharpner gulped and flew towards the victim's entrance, opened up the door, and crashed into a certain blue haired genius.
"HANDS OFF MY MATE!" Vegeta's pre-recorded voice echoed throughout the studio.
Sharpner paled even more as he heard a 'ghost' yell at him for touching someone. He then looked and discovered that he had bumped into the famous Bulma Briefs, now convinced that he was hallucinating…..or he was dead. But he was the top student of the almighty Mr. Satan, nothing could kill him! Bulma then smacked Sharpner since his hands were on her chest, and elbowed him out of the door before walking over to the chair.
"Sorry about that, Bulma," Jackie apologized. "I'll make sure to really punish him if he's on the show,"
"Don't worry Jackie," Bulma assured as the ropes securely wrapped around her. "Do you think you could untie me?"
Jackie's grin grew so big until she almost looked exactly like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. Her chocolate brown eyes seemed sinister, the only time you could describe chocolate as evil without being nuts. Her hair began to blow up from an invisible wind. Bulma thought she was turning Super Saiyan for a second.
"Why should I?" Jackie asked, "It's what you deserve for ruining Yamcha's reputation."
"What do you mean ruining his reputation?" Bulma questioned, her eyes narrowing dangerously. "He was the one that cheated on me, remember?"
Jackie almost felt sorry for the poor people she interviewed, almost, mind you. The lengths they would go up to hide their dirt, even from themselves. It must be terrifying to have your deepest secrets revealed for all to know on global television. National wasn't big enough for Jackie Tanner. Of course, Jackie would hopefully never know how that felt. She was the host, why would she torture herself?
"Bulma, there's no use in lying. You may have had others fooled but no one has ever been able to successfully lie to me. And if they did, the chair would shock them," Jackie pointed out. "Now, why don't you just admit that you were the one who cheated on Yamcha and not the other way around, like you led everyone to believe?"
Bulma opened her mouth to protest, but closed it upon remembering the evil powers of the chair. Her face turned fire engine red and you could hear the blood pumping in her ears until it stopped. The color retreated, not bothering to stop at her normal skin tone, and kept on going until she was as white as a sheet.
"Y-you know a-bout th-that?" She chattered, feeling the cold that her mini dress induced.
"I know everything. You always accused Yamcha of being a player when really, you were the player. I know that you dated each one of human Z fighters behind his back. You used to only order take out so you could let cute delivery boys have your number!" Jackie accused.
Bulma's jaw dropped even more before she sighed, "I admit it," she said. "I used to be the cheater: used to. I'm mated to Vegeta now, and I can't cheat. Besides, why would I want too? He's such a hunk!"
Jackie glanced at her list of facts on Bulma that she had written on her hand, mentally crossing off the first one. She was a little surprised that her victims had been admitting it so easily lately; she'd have to go to town on this one.
"You are the smartest scientist in the whole world, right?" Jackie asked.
"I sure am!" Bulma bragged, "I made the dragon ball radar when I was a teenager!"
"Then why can't you cook? If you can handle dangerous chemicals, can't you follow a recipe?" Jackie pressed, honestly wanting to know the answer to this one.
"Well….," Bulma paused. "It has to do with my dendrites. Cooking is more centered on the right side of your brain, the more artistic side. While inventions, chemicals, scientific reasoning is on the left side of your brain. I have tons of dendrites on the left side of my brain, making science a snap for me. The right side of my brain doesn't have nearly as many dendrites as the left side does. Fortunately, it hasn't affected my fashion sense!"
"In English for our simple minded viewers?" Jackie asked, understanding it herself, but not knowing if others could.
"Scientific matters come naturally to me. More artistic things do not," Bulma explained. "Can we go onto the next question? I left Trunks at home with Vegeta and the last time I did that, they blew up the Gravity Room!"
Jackie nodded at this explanation as she racked her brains for another question to torture her victim with. There was so many to choose from! If only this show had a long time slot, then she could really perfect her torturing methods! Alas, she would just have to use what she had. But no matter what, she was not making lemonade. When life gives her lemons, she squirts them in life's eye to see how life likes lemons then!
"Speaking of Trunks…..Why did you name him that? Do you have brain damage? Or are you a pervert?" Jackie asked the capsule corp. genius.
"I DO NOT HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE!" Bulma roared, "It's a family tradition! Besides, what kind of name is Jackie?"
Jackie narrowed her eyes and pressed the first button on her remote of doom.
"Sugar, spice, and everything nice, These were the ingredients chosen, To create the perfect little girls, But Professor Utonium accidentally, Added an extra ingredients to the concoction-Chemical X, Thus, The Powerpuff Girls were born, Using their ultra-super powers, Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup, Have dedicated their lives to fighting crime, And the forces of evil," played over and over again until Bulma was clutching her head in agony.
Bulma started to squirm in her chair until it fell over and began to roll around as she shrieked; the theme song was that bad. Jackie was very proud of her work. It didn't matter to her that it was horrible. She had become immune to annoying songs because her six year old step-sister Robin played them over and over and over again….
"MAKE IT STOP!" Bulma cried, tears running down her perfect face.
Jackie smirked. Today was a good day.