A/N: If you have an idea or character for Jackie to use, leave it in a review. Part of this was co-written by Ren Rika, it's the Goku vs. Vegeta part.
Ren Rika: If only you saw my mental image of Jackie, then you could realize why that comment cracks me up. But since you can't see it, I can only describe it: a mini Android 18 with brown eyes.
Arien Desol: Aww shucks, that made my day…..or night…I guess torture just comes naturally to me. Though, my friend Babie-Dollie did give me one little idea last chapter. I love your ideas!
glittergirl73: YAY! THE TORTURE SHALL CONTINUE!
Chibi Princess 48: Aye aye, captain!
Jumpshot25: THANK YOU! I HAVE ENOUGH!
Ferrice:…..How do you know they're not real…*looks around nervously*
Disclaimer: 10,703,600 zeni! I can pay Akira! I can afford to buy Jackie a co-host! I can buy her a hearing aid! The 25th Review Special is coming up soon…..Did I forget something…..I hope it wasn't important…..
THE REAL DBZ: MR. POPO
Jackie glanced to the left, then to the right, then up, the up again, and finally she looked down. Each time she saw a shadow she jumped like Freiza was breathing on her neck, asking if he could borrow some lipstick. Not that she would mind, Glitter gave her too much lipstick for her birthday every year. Glitter just didn't understand that all she wanted was the acclaimed magazine Torture Monthly. But that wasn't why Jackie was looking around. For the longest time, it seemed that she was interrupted before she could start the show. The coast was clear: she would be able to start the show on time!
"Welcome back to The Real DBZ," Jackie greeted. "I'm your host, Jackie Tanner. Have you ever noticed days when you just got lucky? That means that Dende wasn't watching over Earth, and today, we have the guy responsible for your good luck! Will Mr. Popo please come on out?"
The door opened as a heavenly choir began to sing, illuminating the studio with a brilliant golden glow. Soft, green grass carpeted the studio floor as the black genie skipped out of the waiting room as he sung the Fairly Odd Parents theme song. Despite the fact that the victim chair wasn't that far from the door, it felt like it took Mr. Popo hours to take a single step. Fed up with this waste of time, Jackie literally pulled the plug on this little nightmare/paradise.
The green grass, choir, birds, and money falling from the sky were all animation so they disappeared. This left Mr. Popo singing as he still didn't realize what had happened to his entrance décor. Mr. Popo wasn't the greatest at singing, but he finished his song, slightly off key, and started to drift off as he sat down in the victim chair.
The old, withered, slightly beat up chair seemed to lighten up as the genie sat on it. The wood that it was constructed of looked fresher and it seemed to be smiling at the world. Nonetheless, Jackie was scared and annoyed at this. One third of her wanted to smack him and that chair as hard as she could, another third wanted to get this over with. The last third wanted to torture him until he cried.
Surely, it was obvious as to which third Jackie decided to listen to.
"Let's get started," Jackie said as she tried to get Mr. Popo to look her in the eye. "Hello, I'm over here!"
Mr. Popo nodded. "Mr. Popo can see that," he said as his eyes looked in a completely different direction than Jackie.
"What? Do you have stickers for eyes?" Jackie asked, annoyed because she thought he wasn't paying attention to her.
Mr. Popo began to chuckle at that comment which only made Jackie angrier. No one laughed at THE Jackie Tanner and got away with it. Or at least, that's what she claimed.
"WHATS SO FUNNY YOU PYSCHOPATH?" she shouted at the beloved Mr. Popo, adding in a few choice curse words.
"Jackie," he said soothingly. "Mr. Popo is laughing because Mr. Popo's eyes are stickers. Mr. Popo doesn't really have eyes; Mr. Popo uses his genie powers to see."
No wonder his eyes are so…..creepy. Jackie was shocked that she didn't recognize those as stickers from the very beginning! It was a dead giveaway since the corner of the left eye was peeling off. How could no one have noticed that? Jackie shuddered from the cold, disturbing feeling she got from staring at Mr. Popo's face. The sooner this interview was done with, the healthier mentally she would be.
"You are a genie, correct?" Jackie clarified, already knowing that the answer was yes.
"Mr. Popo is an immortal genie," he said, "who serves the Guardians of Earth."
Jackie nodded at the odd genie. She had been slowly getting too used to him talking in the third person. Even if it was kind of scary…What kind of normal person talks like that? But Mr. Popo isn't normal. Otherwise, he wouldn't be Mr. Popo.
"Then why don't you grant wishes? And if you do grant wishes, why haven't you used them to bring people back to life?" Jackie pointed out. "Bulma, Krillen, and Gohan would have never need to go to Planet Namek."
Mr. Popo frowned at Jackie, his odd red lips turned blue when that happened. Jackie already knew that she preferred him with his happy red lips than those freaky blue ones. It was almost as scary as the idea of Android 17 and Freiza fusing….Or maybe Goten and Mr. Satan…
"Mr. Popo cannot grant wishes because Mr. Popo dropped out of genie school," Mr. Popo said. "I was very lucky that the Elder Guardian took me on, if he did not then I would be trapped inside of a lamp. Mr. Popo is afraid of lamps, they are dark and cold. Like Raditz's soul…."
"Are you going to protest at anything?" Jackie asked. "Quite frankly, this is kind of boring,"
"My apologies, Jackie," Mr. Popo said. "Mr. Popo cannot protest the truth. It is not in Mr. Popo's nature to."
Jackie sighed, if she wanted to get good rating for the show they needed to see insanity. Madness, drunken rage, tantrums, Hello Kitty, tensions rising, and blood pressure increasing in each second. She would need to use her back up plan….again, it had worked so well with Mr. Satan that it just might work with Mr. Popo, too. After all, they both loved showing off their chests.
Jackie took out her little remote with x amount of buttons on it, and pressed the fourth button. The TV once again lowered from the ceiling, but it seemed more excited to come down then it was yesterday. Maybe it was that new channel upgrade Jackie bought it with the money her producer gave her, Maybe the TV was a Mr. Popo fan; or maybe, it couldn't wait to ruin someone's day.
Goku is standing in front of a computer defensively, like he is defending it from certain doom. In this case he was, since Vegeta was extending his hand towards it, ready to fire a ki blast as soon as the coast was clear.
"NOT THE CARROT COLORS! ANYTHING BUT THE CARROT COLORS!" Goku yelled, hoping that it would convince Vegeta to spare the carrot colors.
Vegeta smirks in Super Saiyan state, "GET OUT OF THE WAY, KAKAROT! YOU CAN'T PROTECT THE CARROT COLORS!"
"YOU CAN'T DESTROY THE CARROT COLORS! THEY'RE A PART OF MY NAME!" Goku points out.
Vegeta rolls his eyes at the younger Saiyan warrior, as if to say 'I'm so far above you that I can't bear looking at you'. Though, he probably would say that…
"Kakarot, you idiot! You don't use that name any more!" Vegeta informs him.
A look of understanding dawns upon Goku's face, "Oh….But it's not nice to hurt carrots! They have feelings too!" He said, sticking his bottom lip out.
"Feelings, hmph! I'm going to blast them to HFIL," Vegeta says darkly, laughing a bit at the end.
Goku somehow got closer to the computer, tensing his muscles to fight at a moment's notice. "No, I'm not gonna let you," he says like a child.
"Stop acting like a child, Kakarot. We're warriors!" Vegeta protested, powering up his deadly ki blast even more.
"Oh! Oh! I know that word! ChiChi taught it to me yesterday!" Goku said proudly, puffing out his chest. "It means Ugly Beef Heads who have no concern for a child's education and abandon their families for long periods of time, not even bothering to give their sons advice on how to get a girlfriend and make some grand babies!"
Jackie blushed."Wrong button," she explained before pressing the right video of Goku and Vegeta stopped and was replaced by another video.
"Mr. Popo, I'm going to see a movie with Gohan," Dende's voice called from off screen.
"Have fun, Dende," Mr. Popo called as he dug through his closet.
He threw numerous sashes, belts, vests, and the occasional bra out of his closet until he stopped. There, in all its glory, was an orange and blue gee. Grinning to himself at his success, Mr. Popo grabbed it and slid it over his head. Mr. Popo looked at himself in the mirror and realized something was missing: something important.
He took off his turban, letting his long silky blonde hair fall to his shoulders. Mr. Popo used hair gel to spike it upwards towards the ceiling; by the time he was done, the full bottle had been emptied.
"Mr. Popo's name is Goku and this is his home!" Mr. Popo said, forgetting that Goku did not talk in the first person.
Mr. Popo then jumped up into the air and began doing some weak kamehamehas at a manikin he had taped a picture of Freiza onto. The picture was taken completely by surprise as 'Goku' obliterated it!
"Freiza cannot defeat Goku!" Mr. Popo said, "He is the strongest ever!"
That's when the paper came for a comeback and flew right into Mr. Popo's face.
"Oh no! Goku cannot see! This paper blocks his genie powers!" Mr. Popo cried, dropping onto the floor as he tried to remove the deadly paper.
"FREIZA!" Mr. Popo yelled from the victim chair, "MR. POPO WILL GET YOU! AND YOUR LITTLE PAPER, TOO!"
Jackie blinked, "What are you on?"
"HE IS THE STRONGEST EVER! YOU CANNOT DEFEAT HIM!"
"Seriously," Jackie repeated. "What are you on?"
"NEVER, AND HE MEANS NEVER, FREIZA!"