A/N: Every now and then, I will write a special for a certain amount of reviews. Sometimes I won't even tell you guys about it! This does NOT and I repeat NOT affect the story…
Ren Rika: Jackie says: They're pretty cool, especially Paprika. Basil reminds me of my little sister a bit while Danielle reminds me of my friend Cassie….she's in juvie… I'll keep that in mind…..*evil grin*
Arien Desol: Any ideas you have, I'm game for.
glittergirl73: CALM DOWN! I promise you that Android 17 is…..almost…..next in her agenda! You know, I might even bring on Mirai 17 as well….
sasukekun1997: That's a great idea!
Ferrice: I do try to be as original as possible…
Disclaimer: Fine, take them *passes characters over to mean lawyers* Wait….HEY! GIVE HER BACK! *grabs Jackie* SHE'S MINE, SO BUZZ OFF! *growls* AND YOU! *turns at reviewers* I ONLY OWN JACKIE, AND I AM NOT GIVING HER UP!
THE REAL DBZ: 25TH REVIEW SPECIAL
"All Rise, for the honorable Judge Dende of Earth!" Mr. Popo cried out.
Everyone in the pristine, white court room remained seated despite Mr. Popo's orders. Maybe they were freaked out that he didn't really have eyes. Perhaps McDonald's messed up their order that morning and only gave them three chicken nuggets instead of five. Maybe those videos scarred them for life. Or maybe they didn't want to stand for someone half their height….Whatever their reason was did not matter, all that did matter was that they remained firmly planted in their seats.
"Mr. Popo said to rise for the honorable Judge Dende of Earth," Mr. Popo said a little louder, thinking that the audience didn't hear him.
Instead of the sound of people pushing themselves out of their chairs, quieting their babies, dropping their phones, and fixing their hair like Mr. Popo expected, there was dead silence. Well, not completely silent since Gregory the Cricket…..Grasshopper…thing…was chirping in the back row. This made Mr. Popo a little bit vexed, and even Goku knows that you don't want to see Mr. Popo angry. He could give ChiChi a run for her money!
"Why are you all not rising for the honorable Judge Dende?" Mr. Popo questioned, hoping to get his answer.
"Simple," Android 18 replied. "He's not honorable."
"Oh," Mr. Popo said. "Rise for Judge Dende of Earth!"
There were a few grumbles and the odd complaint but everyone seemed okay with it, as Mr. Popo left out the honorable part. Dende walked inside the courtroom and flew up on top of the judge's podium, kicking his feet up.
"Let's get to business, Popo," Dende said carelessly as he sipped a strawberry banana smoothie, complete with a little pink umbrella.
"Yes, Dende," Mr. Popo said, looking at his script, "The Cast of Dragonball Z is suing Jackie Tanner and...a Miss Twenty Two."
Dende raised one of his invisible green eyebrows, "What kind of name is Twenty Two?" he asked rudely, ignoring the glare from Android 18 and her brother.
Mr. Popo was going to reply to the little guardian until he saw what Dende was reading. Mr. Popo wasn't too pleased to see that on the lap was something that belonged under Master Roshi's bed. Mr. Popo didn't even like to see it there. Quick as lighting, Mr. Popo stole the offensive magazine and ripped it into shreds, dropping them on top of Dende's podium one by one.
"HEY! I WAS READING THAT!" Dende said, his smoothie temporarily forgotten.
"Twenty Two is her alias." Mr. Popo explained, "We don't know her real name. Some call her Wisteria."
Dende took a particularly long sip of his smoothie before answering, "Then we'll call her Wisteria."
"Like I could not have come up with that!" A voice from the back called out. It sounded suspiciously like Freiza.
Dende narrowed his eyes and tried to ignore that comment. But it wasn't too hard, as the Ginyu Force decided to practice their poses in front of the brick walls they thought were mirrors. That was the last time they served alcohol before court started.
"Popo, bring them in," Dende commanded with a lazy wave of his green hand. "And get me a refill!"
Mr. Popo bowed respectfully to Dende before exiting the courtroom. When he returned he was carrying a chain with two teenage girls attached to it, both of them wearing prison orange. Everyone recognized the blonde haired girl as Jackie Tanner. Her eyes were narrow as she stared hatefully at each person in the courtroom.
Yamcha soiled himself from sheer terror.
The second girl was a little taller than Jackie, with bushy red hair that stopped at her shoulder. Even Goku knew who this girl was: she was none other than Wisteria. Her smile may have been friendly but she was sizing people up like she was going into a fight. Mr. Popo chained them to the Defendant's Table before refilling Dende's strawberry smoothie.
"Popo, we can't have the entire cast of Dragon Ball Z come up here!" Dende pointed out, "Do you know how big King Cold, King Yemma, and the Ox King are? I can only deal with two of them up here! Go have them pick some representatives."
"Yes, Dende," Mr. Popo said before turning to the audience. "I need two volunteers: one villain and one goody two shoes."
Almost immediately, Frieza's hand shot up in the air. Deciding that he needed to be higher up, he stood on the shoulders of the Ginyu Force while waving frantically. But he wasn't the only one who wanted to speak. Someone else wanted to. Upon seeing who it was, most of the people there were a little surprised to see her raise her hand. They had never thought that she would be volunteering for this, as she usually was the one telling them to not do something. Now she was volunteering to do this herself.
"Would Freiza and Son ChiChi, please come on up?" Mr. Popo asked politely. "And take a seat at the vacant table."
The proud mother of two walked up to the table, zeroing in on her victims. Jackie shivered. Was this how her victims felt? No wonder they were mentally scarred! Wisteria looked interestedly at Chi Chi, as if she was hiding a deep dark secret. Frieza strutted up, wearing a tuxedo so the smaller children didn't see him naked….
"Would Freiza please read the charges?" Dende requested.
"Gladly, we, the cast of Dragon Ball Z, find that Miss Jackie Tanner and Miss Twenty Two are guilty of bullying and threats against our well being," Freiza read. "We also find Miss Tanner guilty of first degree lipstick theft."
Dende sipped his smoothie. Mr. Popo checked his nails, making sure they were black as always. ChiChi smirked proudly, like no one could defeat her. Gohan cowered since he could see the tip of the frying pan sticking out of Chi Chi's pocket.
"Prosecution, you're up. I choose Freiza to go first," Dende said slightly slurred.
"Hey! Why can't I go up?" ChiChi protested, mad that she had not gotten to do anything in the first three minutes of the case.
"Because of what your name means in Spanish," Dende winked. "That's why."
Chi Chi banged her fists on the table before sitting down, pouting as she stabbed an effigy of Dende with a small needle. Then she burned it with a lighter and then danced on the ashes. After this was done, ChiChi pulled out another effigy and started all over again.
"I call Jackie Tanner to the stand!" Freiza said.
"I'd love to, sadly, I'm a little tied up," Jackie said, "Besides, we don't have enough money to afford a stand. It's all spent on iTunes cards."
"HEY! Bubblegum Cyber is a good song!" Wisteria defended, looking a little irritated at Jackie. "How could you betray me? WHY! WHY MUST IT END LIKE THIS?"
Dende looked shocked as Wisteria cried with her head on her chains since she couldn't get her hands close enough. Her tear stained face was nearly as red as her hair. It seemed like all of the happiness was being sucked from the room. Jackie didn't even seem to be able to resist that level of sadness. It was happening slowly, but surely: Jackie was learning to be empathetic.
"I'm sorry, Wisteria. I didn't mean it, honest," Jackie said soothingly. "You're going to be fine. I'll buy you a gift card,"
Wisteria took her head off of the desk and grinned like a Cheshire cat, "You're all such pushovers! I can't believe you fell for that!" she said while laughing her head off.
"If you are quite finished, I want to sue you for everything you've got!" Frieza seethed.
Wisteria laughed and laughed and laughed...
"Ok, now I'm done," Wisteria said calmly after a far too long period of time, giving Freiza her utmost attention.
"Thank you, Miss Wisteria," Freiza said, "Now back-"
"You're welcome," Wisteria interrupted, enjoying how annoying she was being to Freiza.
"Any more interruptions, Miss Twenty Two?" Freiza said, stressing her last name.
Wisteria looked up at the ceiling like she was thinking of each action she was going to do. She must have had a very long list because she was sitting like that for a good half an hour with the occasional mumble before she smiled at Freiza.
"I don't think so," Wisteria said, "But you never know….."
"AS I WAS SAYING BEFORE I WAS SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED BY THAT LITTLE SHE DEVIL!" Freiza said, jabbing his thumb towards Wisteria, "I would like to ask you a few questions, Miss Tanner. I expect you will answer them truthfully or…I WILL KILL YOU!"
Jackie rolled her head, working a few kinks in her neck out, "All right, I'm game," she said confidently, despite the high stakes for lying.
"What is…," Freiza paused, "Your favorite lipstick shade?"
"Black," Jackie answered without thinking.
"What is my favorite lipstick shade?" Freiza asked, his eyes overflowing with confidence.
Wisteria would have called him a peacock. She would have said he was the cockiest peacock of them all. But she would be lying. She knew someone who was far cockier than any Dragon Ball Z character. His name was Edward, but she called him Elf. Who likes the name Edward anyways? It only reminded her of that Twilight Garbage!
"Violet with a dash of auburn," Jackie said mindlessly. "Where do you buy that anyways?"
"Walmart, of course. It's the only store that has a location in HFIL!" Freiza answered. "I'm done questioning you now."
"You are?" Wisteria asked.
"I wasn't talking to you!" Freiza snapped, "I was talking to THE Jackie Tanner! How can you not know that? Shouldn't you be paying attention to your own trial?!"
Wisteria paused to think for a moment. Perhaps she should have been listening to Freiza's monologue, but it was all these people seemed capable of doing. They just talk forever about pointless things while warming up for a fight. Sometimes, they even just stand there, thinking about someone who needs them there as soon as possible, instead of flying!
"Aww…..You have a little crush on Jackie! Don't you Freiza Weiza!" Wisteria said in a cute little baby voice, pinching Freiza's cheeks mentally.
"How can I? I don't know what my own gender is!" Freiza turned to face Akira in the crowd. "Why couldn't you decide on a gender for me?! Do you have any idea how confusing that is?"
Akira blinked at Freiza and then sipped his strawberry banana smoothie. "No comment," he said to the reporters that always followed him around, no matter what.
Freiza smacked his head with his hand. Akira would never understand the torture he had put them through. Freiza hadn't wanted to be a warrior until Akira needed at villain to destroy the Saiyan race. Freiza had wanted to be a run way model. Fake brown hair flowing behind him, dressed in the finest jewels in the galaxy, the adoring fans, the photographers, the awards! Akira had left him a hollow shell of his former self, forced to obey the plot lines like an adoring puppet.
"Prosecution calls Miss Twenty Two to the stand…..never mind, just stay where you are," Freiza said. "Why did you decide to torture us? ANSWER ME, GIRL!"
Wisteria looked at him with a bored expression. "Something to do," she said tiredly.
Freiza's eyebrows rose, "Are you sure it isn't because you have no social life?" he questioned.
Wisteria let out a small chuckle, "Says the guy whose father tried to replace him a minute after his death," she commented. "Though, I do say Mirai Trunks is an excellent choice…"
Mirai Trunks blushed. Vegeta was angry and amused that King Cold thought his future son would be an excellent replacement for Freiza's strength. Mirai Gohan and Mirai Bulma patted him on the back during a fit of giggles. Oh Dende, Mirai Trunks wished he was invisible….
"ENOUGH! BACK TO THE QUESTIONS!" Freiza roared. "NAME THREE BOOKS AND THEN MAYBE I'LL BELIEVE YOU!"
"Found by Margaret Peterson Haddix, The Lost Hero by Rick Riordan, the Silver chair by C.S. Lewis," Wisteria rattled off without even thinking about it.
Freiza looked proud of himself. He looked like he had just won the Nobel Prize. But from the look in his eyes, no one would fathom it being the Peace Prize. It just was not possible. Unless killing the Saiyan race qualified as an act of peace, it would never happen.
Vegeta would make sure of it.
"SEE!" Freiza demanded towards the judge. "She's a bookworm! And the very worst kind at that! She knows how to torture!"
Dende turned his smoothie glass upside down when finding no more of the delicious contents inside. Mr. Popo immediately brought Dende a fresh glass, giving him a little bow before moving out of the way. Jackie and Wisteria sighed in unison. They wanted smoothies too.
"That all you got to say, cherry lips?" Dende asked, picking at a scab on the back of his green godly hand.
Freiza nodded at Dende, a little ticked off about the cherry lips comment. It was all Akira's fault! He was going to be writing him a very nasty letter! And he would make sure Santa Claus heard about this! Akira wouldn't be getting any presents for Christmas for a long time!
"Jury, have you reached a verdict?" Dende asked.
Kami, Videl, Sharpner, Erasa, Lime, and Angel nodded their heads at the Judge. Videl snatched the paper away from Angela who had stood up to read the verdict. Angela began crying as Videl snarled barbarically at her, causing Angela to curl up in a ball near Erasa's feet. Kami sighed at this behavior. Who knew teenagers could be so…..violent?
"We find Miss Twenty Two guilty of all charges and Jackie Tanner guilty of all but first degree lipstick theft," Videl said. "We also find Miss Twenty Two guilty of having a weird name,"
"All right," Dende said. "Miss Jackie Tanner, I sentence you to talking in an odd accent or style for the next one or two interviews,"
"Can do, mate," Jackie said, lying back in her chair, somehow eating a pack of jellybeans.
Wisteria yawned like she was bored with the trial. It wasn't like they could sue her for everything she had and lock her up for years!
"Miss Twenty Two, I sentence you to telling us the origins of your weird name," Dende commanded.
Wisteria began to balance a pencil on her nose, when it feel of she just shrugged, "Easy. It's an alias, of course. Wisteria is the name of a character in a story I wrote. 22 is the number of the android I might have once been..."
"Case closed," Dende said, slamming his gavel down on the podium. "And good riddance to all of you!"