A/N: If you have an idea or character you want Jackie to use, leave it in a review. Don't own the Song Monster Mash….
Babie-Dollie: Lol, see you tomorrow! Can't believe you called Frieza a chick! I totally agree with you! Wish you didn't die laughing though….
Arien Desol: Thanks again for your review! Your ideas inspire even more ideas. By the way, a certain male android is next….*laughs evilly*
Ferrice: I can and I can tell you, it's not pretty.
glittergirl73: Yes! Let us celebrate!
Ren Rika: *pats back soothingly* don't worry, I had a backup plan. If they were going to kill me I would just beg Goku for protection, if he showed Freiza mercy then he'd have to protect me. I don't know if I'll ever write about 22….
Pika-Chan: Interesting idea….Mind if I tweak it a bit?
Disclaimer: Greg rode down the long long hill, it was a hill and it was long. Since Greg's name is Greg and he is riding down a very long long hill, we can assume that DBZ is not owned by me because of the long long hill.
THE REAL DBZ: LAUNCH
A short girl with black and white hair began to dance on top of Jackie's desk, her white animal print jacket with red lining whipping around her as she swayed in time to the song. The song, of course, was none other than the Monster Mash.
The girl picked up a hair brush, beginning to bellow the chorus into it.
The entire studio was decked out in orange a black balloons, streamers, skeletons, spider webs, and a live bat flying around the ceiling. Jackie's desk had been spray painted black with little skulls strewn across the top. The lighting had been replaced with an old fashioned chandelier that creaked each time someone moved.
The girl jumped off of the desk, continuing to bellow into her improvised microphone.
The mini Cruella Deville began to kick her legs up high into the air, dancing her way towards the victim door. There were only a couple things on the mind of the crew: "Where was Jackie?" "Who is this girl?" "I can't wait to go trick or treating!"
The mini Cruella turned towards the camera and smiled, her freshly applied lipstick and white face paint shining from the light.
"Velcome back to The Real DBZ," she said in a dark voice with a slight lisp, the kind of tone people use when pretending to be monsters. "My personal favorite character vill be joining me, Jackie Tanner, today on October 31st,"
Smoke spilled out from behind the door, bathing the room in an unnatural fog. The brass door knob slowly turned, creaking noisily as a howling wind appeared from out of nowhere. Pounding could be heard from the distance as Carl the Cameraman screamed like a little girl.
Jackie was positively delighted. This was payback. Next time the cast of DBZ inquired to the crew about her whereabouts, hobbies, personality they better not recommend lawyers. Even if she only had to talk in the odd, ghoulish accent for 1-2 shows she didn't like the bad reviews she received. Even Fifteen, Jackie's favorite magazine, had shown her in an ill light in their latest issue. To make a long story short, she wasn't exactly happy with the crew. She was vexed.
A sweet, dark blue haired woman with a red bow skipped out from behind the victim door. Good Launch smiled affectionately at Jackie before ruffling her hair.
"Aww!" She squealed. "You are such a cutie! I wish Tien and I had a daughter as sweet as you!"
Jackie's eye twitched as she grabbed an orange and black feather out of nowhere. Jackie just reached her hand out and poof a feather was there. It seemed like some sort of evil magic-perhaps Dende was in charge at the moment.
The Cruella Deville look alike then slapped Launch in the face, causing the pretty blue haired woman to gasp in shock. No one had ever hit Launch before, as Good Launch's life was all lollipops and rainbows. Oh, and of course, it was filled with plenty of magical ponies as well.
It was a crime to forget those.
Jackie then proceeded to tickle Launch in the nose with the feather, not even bothering to be sneaky or tricky about it. She just wanted to meet her idol. The one woman that inspired a majority of her torture ideas, the person who single handedly defeated the gingerbread boy, the real murderer in the three little pigs.
Good Launch began to inhale little puffs of air, indicating a sneeze coming on. Jackie was positive that the blue hair would turn to blonde in only a matter of seconds, it was just too easy. Launch sniffed repeatedly, inhaling as much air as possible. There was no way Good Launch wanted Bad Launch to take over. Even she wasn't that naïve to not understand the dangers of Bad Launch.
She did not sneeze. Launch had finally done it; she had conquered the treacherous villain known as her nose. Never again, mark her words, would she black out and wake up in a jail cell. Never again would she have to remember to keep money in her pocket for bail, never again would she wake up in Yamcha's bed. Never.
Good Launch triumphantly took a step forward, hitting her shoes on the dusty red carpet. Not bothering to stop the sneeze, it became too late for her. The dust had traveled up through the air, entered her nose, and was being repelled out by her nose hairs. Every muscle in her body tensed, though it was all too late. Her fate was sealed.
She sneezed.
The blue curls turned blonde as Jackie's face turned giddy with anticipation. Finally, all of her not so hard planning had payed off. Jackie had accomplished one of her goals in life: Meet Bad Launch. But in her mind, Bad Launch wasn't really bad. It would be like calling Jackie some sort of Angel sent from the depths of HFIL, her only task to torture the members of DBZ. No one would EVER call Jackie anything like that….Oh wait, yes they would.
"WHERE IN HFIL AM I YOU LITTLE IDIOT?!" Bad Launch cursed, pointing a rifle at Jackie's heart: her black, almost stone cold, heart.
Jackie pulled off her Cruella Deville wig and outfit, dressed in all black as usual.
"I know vho the strongest is," she said, her face expressionless as she stared deeply into Bad Launch's eyes.
Bad Launch dropped into the same emotionless mask as Jackie, "Kakarot will not triumph as he stands by," she recited.
"Vegeta, the strongest Saiyan in the universe and beyond!" Bad Launch and Jackie said in unison.
Bad Launch smiled at Jackie before walking calmly over to the victim chair. She knew Jackie wouldn't try and hurt her; they were both part of the B.A.D.G.U.Y.S. organization. They needed to stick together since they lost so many members to G.O.O.D.Y.T.W.O.S.H.O.E.S. and D.O.G.O.O.D.I.E.S. But the worst organization, the one that really got under B.A.D.G.U.Y.S. members' skin was none other than….. G.O.K.U.F.O.R.E.V.E.R.
"So, Bad Launch," Jackie paused. "I have a very interesting piece of information right here, vaiting vithin my grasp,"
Bad Launch raised one blonde eyebrow. Surely, Jackie was joking. There was no way that one B.A.D.G.U.Y. member would torture another. They did have some moral views. Not a lot mind you, but just enough to get parole…and escape the death penalty for some of the more major crimes….
"According to this, your name isn't really Launch," Jackie said. "Vhy don't you tell me your real name, eh Launch?"
"You have no proof," Launch said smugly. "What are you gonna do now, sista?"
Jackie pressed the third…..no second…was it fourth…perhaps it was the fifth….twenty seventh….button on her remote. The TV lowered down, decorated orange and black with MORBID HALLOWEEN written on the back in loopy cursive letters.
Launch and Bulma stood side by side, only six years old. Bulma waves a long peacock feather in Launch's face in an attempt to get her Irene dolly back. Bulma had idolized Irene for as long as she could remember, in fact, Irene was her very first word. Her parents could not have been more horrified. Launch shoves the feather out of her face, clinging hard on to the dolly as she sneezed.
Launch's blue curls remained blue as she and her sister burst out laughing. Launch then dragged Bulma over towards the counter and took out a small silver needle.
"This chemical is gonna make me grown up," Launch said. "But mommy won't like that,"
"So?" Bulma asked as she tugged on one of her pigtails. "You never got along with mommy,"
Launch nodded at Bulma, mouthed sorry, then turned and jabbed the needle into Bulma's arm. Smiling as Bulma curled up on the floor; she took out a second vial and shot the contents into her own arm. Launch then began to shriek, not from pain, but from delight. Bulma watched with wide eyes as her twin sister's hair turned blonde then blue then blonde then blue before finally settling on blonde.
"You are Bulma Briefs, you have no sister," Launch said slowly.
"But your name is Bulma!" Bulma protested, her eyes becoming unfocused.
"Your name is Bulma Briefs, you have no sister," Launch repeated. "My name is Launch, you do not know me,"
"My name is Bulma, I have no sister," Bulma muttered. "Your name is Launch, I do not know you,"
"Good, now what is your name?" Launch asked, hoping that it was beginning to sink in.
"My name is Bulma, I have no sister," Bulma said as if she was in a trance. "My name is Bulma, I have no sister. My name is Bulma, I have no sister. Your name is Launch, I do not know you. Your name is Launch, I do not know you. My name is Bulma, I have no sister. My name is Bulma, I do not know you,"
Launch nodded before snapping her fingers, right in front of Bulma's eyes. Bulma swayed before hitting the floor with a thud; she was out like a light.
"Your name is Bulma, you have no sister,"
Jackie shivered, slowly backing away from Launch. "That was supposed to be you performing on Barney," she muttered, still fearfully inching towards her desk.
Lightning flashed, illuminating Launch's blue eyes in an eerie light. If Jackie wasn't scared before, she was definitely scared now. Ah, now that was something for the history books…
If only she made it out of there alive….