A/N: If you have a character or idea you want Jackie to use, leave it in a review. I've felt really bad for not updating this, so my Hunger Games readers are going to have to wait a bit! I'll try to do a DBZ and Hunger Games on alternating days. Since it's been so long, I have absolutely no clue what I promised, so we're starting off fresh! Consider it a new season, if you will
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z. What do I own? The Real DBZ. The reason, you may ask? Jackie and I both agree on our opinion of Goku…3:) Now I must go find my Lord Vegeta! Oh, and the song "Finding Jackie," is from the Doctor Who Original Television Soundtrack if you want to listen along to it when it comes in.
THE REAL DBZ: LORD FRIEZA
Somewhere, in a land far, far away, Jackie Tanner reappeared into the public eye. People flocked to her, asking the furious blonde haired child where she had been all this time. They wanted to know what had happened to their favorite celebrity, where she had been for all that time. Some of the people thought that Son Goku had finally snapped, reverting to his Saiyan tendencies and squeezed the life out of the poor thing. Well, Jackie wasn't really poor, and she'd knock you senseless as could be if you ever chanced to ask her the question. In fact, our young heroine, if you could call her that, had been on a perilous journey. You see, Jackie Tanner's show had been canceled! All of the crew had left, including Carl who never did pronounce his love, still pretending to be a straight man. Ah, when will they learn? When the sky falls? When Vegeta shaves his mustache? When Goku grows a mustache? When Gohan plays with barbies? …The Kais may never know…
But a speck of hope rang out of the horizon, singing and calling for it to be free. Destiny itself proclaimed that The Real DBZ should prevail! Not even Hank Morgan, the so called Boss in King Arthur's Court, could have tricked the people into believing it wasn't so!
And since destiny itself decreed it to be so, Jackie Tanner exited the dark and dingy McDonalds in which she had spent her exile, scaring little kids by telling them the nasty things they put in the chicken nuggets. Of course, they probably should have already known that they put lighter fluid in them, yet peradventure the human teen should have held her tongue. But being there, it was quite comical, a scene no one could ever forget, especially when Jackie crushed the dreams of a single cat lover by telling her that Twilight was just a fancy name for something rather gruesome.
"HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP ME WAITING?" A feminine voice screamed, terminity obvious.
Turning her attention to her beloved door, the one that each one of her victims had stepped through, Jackie stopped reminiscing in the happy and unhappy memories. She'd already made sure that Suzanne Collins would pay, since her previous producer had left to go work on the Hunger Games. Why'd they want to do that, Jackie could never understand, as things were far more interesting on her show. Brushing her pale locks behind her ears, with not a trace of neon blue in sight, she grimaced upon remembering the horrible budget cuts. Those must have been someone's fault, certainly not hers, as in her opinion, she was perfectly perfect in each and every perfect way.
"Gosh, you're as bad as ChaCha lady! It was all, 'Jacqueline, go to school!' and 'Gohan, make sure Jacqueline does her homework!' How could anybody live with her? No wonder Son is so dumb…He must have killed off his brain cells in self defense!" Jackie growled, signaling to Arthur, her new camera man, to start the show in five.
This was it, the beginning of season two of The Real DBZ. Twelve new Victims, perhaps a special or two for the holidays, and then she'd be right back where she was. But Jackie didn't care, as long as she didn't have to go on hiatus with ChiChi, or ChaCha Lady, again. It had been horrible, so much so that all of her favorite clothing had been thrown out. Currently, Jackie wore a black undershirt, with pants of the same color. A green fighting tunic over top, belted as to give her a slight figure, had been all that ChaCha Lady had been able to give her. Musing upon this, Jackie had to admit it was better to wear part of Gohan's Saiyaman uniform than something out of ChaCha Lady's closet, or Kami forbid, Erasa's. Taking a deep breath, Jackie straightened the white boots she had "acquired" from Vegeta, and the white gloves she had "borrowed" from Future Trunks, or Mirai as she now called him. This was it. It was Jackie Tanner's time to shine, and time for her to bring the Lizard Lord down.
"Welcome back to The Real DBZ! As always, I'm you're host, Jackie Tanner! Today, we have someone that you're all very anxious to meet, a very important figure in the fashion world…Come on out," Jackie paused dramatically, smirking slightly, "Lord Frieza!"
Instantly, the song "Finding Jackie" started to spill from the speakers. Despite it being more orchestral music, it had seemed fitting to it to be featured in the first episode of season two. After all, so many of her fans had been trying to do just that, to find her. And so, the Lizard Lord had that for his fanfare, with his executioner, for his reputation at least, waiting behind Death's Door. Though Frieza had already been killed, more times than should have been needed in Jackie's book, so it really should have had no effect on him. The song only played for a total of fifty five seconds, but Glitter could feel the tension rising in the air, wishing that Danielle had been there to break up the fight that she was all too sure would ensue. In her mind, Jackie can talk the talk, walk the walk, but against a super powered lizard, she'd be toast. Ironic, isn't it? The one who had been able to best so many of the favored heroes, written off as a casualty from a lizard's rage. Yet Lord Frieza didn't find anything funny about it, his favorite shade of Revlon lip stick smackered across his lips, which had upturned into a cruel and unforgiving smile.
"Well, well, well, Jacqueline…," Frieza said, causing Jackie's left eye to twitch- ChaCha Lady had called her Jacqueline too many times for pleasure. "It seems that we will meet again."
"Don't you mean have?" Jackie snorted, rolling her sapphire blue eyes. "I thought you'd be smarter, but I guess you aren't, you oversized gecko…I saw your birth certificate by the way, so don't even try to deny it."
Frieza's eyes narrowed, marring the beautiful makeup that he had gone to professionals to apply. No one and that meant no one, was allowed to look at the royal birth certificate. Not even the person writing it, meaning that they had to awkwardly turn their gaze away, and hoping that it didn't come out as a load of scribbles. But it didn't matter if it did, as previously mentioned, that no one had ever been allowed to witness it. Frieza himself didn't even know if he had been born on a Tuesday or a Wednesday, as his mother had her memory removed shortly after- another royal custom. Today might have been his birthday, yet it could have been last week, next Friday, twenty seven hours and fifteen minutes ago, and he would not have had the slightest idea. Even Raditz, a wannabe rock star gone wrong, had at least known when he had been born. And in Frieza's mind, Jackie should not have been able to achieve something that the "most powerful person in the universe" could not have.
Frieza screeched, "How dare you-"
Miss Tanner gave him the ChiChi glare, which she had ever so perfectly perfected upon her imprisonment at the Son home. It had taken her hours, several hours, sets of sixty minutes, sets of three thousand six hundred seconds, sets of two hundred sixteen thousand milliseconds, or something along the lines of that. The real point of it was that it was a quite long period of time, so long that Goten had grown three beards, working on growing his fourth one at this very moment. But alas, it had been all too worth it, as Lord Frieza stood transfixed, as if someone had cast a deadly hex at the poor evil overlord.
"How dare I?" Jackie laughed, tossing back her head, "How about how dare you use Revlon? I know that shade, Ice Cream Friezy, and in fact, I believe I wore it first. So are you taking your fashion advice from me?"
Opening his mouth to bite a vicious reply, the fingers of his interviewer snapped, the ropes tying him securely into the chair. Smiling sweetly, Jackie made a motion towards her remote, the very remote which could give him unbearable pain at the moment. He had seen what had happened to Android 17, what with the getting married to a crazed earth girl and listening to the horrifying song. There was no way in the world that he, the king of the universe and all below, would want to be married to someone. That squealing blonde, the one who liked to call herself 'friend' towards the moody black haired female, would be the one Jackie would select for him, and he knew it. No doubt that all of the people here found him highly attractive, with several modeling agencies trying to get his numbers. It was a mere coincidence that they turned up to be dark alleys when he traveled to the address that they had given him, correct? Besides, Frieza knew that no one would want to mess with him, as he was a very scary and clearly all powerful person.
Considering his options, Frieza's voice came out shallow and weak, "I…I am confused…,"
"Confused?" she questioned, smiling slyly like a fox would.
"Yes," Frieza nodded, "It all started when I read Twilight. I…I cried when Edward left, skipping to the last pages to see if he was there. You may say that's when it all started…I guess I'll go on…Then when Jacob was there, and the Ginyu Force started shipping him with Bella, they laughed that I still liked Bedward. It just has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Bedward. I think I'll name a son of mine Bedward…But then it got worse, much much worse, when the Volturi were after Bella, wanting to kill her or change her, so much so that Zarbon had to become my teddy bear for a night…I…I…," he paused, wiping away a curiously purple tear, "I'm a TwiHard…Just like that Videl girl…,"
Somewhere, a mob formed to attack the studio. Knowing this, Jackie had to think quickly, otherwise risk millions of dollars of damages. There was no way she wanted her second season to end this soon, when she still hasn't even gotten to one of her person idles, Chibi Trunks. Jackie had heard the tales told about him, and had assisted him on her short stay at the Son Home. Reflecting upon this, Bulma had turned rather red upon learning that her bra was hanging at the National Mall in Washington D.C., accompanied with a sign that told just whose bra it was. As a note, it must be said that it was black, one of Vegeta's favorite colors…
"It's all right, Ice Cream Friezy, just repeat after me: Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away! Bella died, Jacob cried, Potter all the way!" Jackie instructed, looking incredibly serious for once.
Doing so, Frieza had happy tears in his eyes, "Thank you," he whispered.
Little did he know that Jackie had his lipstick in her pocket…