As you've all no doubt guessed this is just a fun crackfic I update when I'm feeling down and out, just had a tooth extraction (insert screams of pain, constant headaches, and exasperation) so I focused on this rather then the new hole in my head. As always please review, next time I update will get us past Ragnoraks failure and Lelouch's ascension.
Kallen stared at the drunken Prince's cheeky grin so prominently displayed on the monitor for a few moments before blinking owlishly at his question,
"THAT'S your idea of a proposal?" Looking briefly offended Lelouch took a sip from a large pitcher that probably, most likely, contained more alcohol before clearing his throat to reply,
"Of course not, this is the pre-proposal," Xingke pinched the bridge of his nose sighing while the Tianze looked like she wanted to burst out laughing, Kaguya just kept shifting her gaze between the ace pilot and exile Prince with a look of contemplative scheming on her face.
"What, exactly is a pre-proposal?" Xinkge asked in a tired tone while in honest fear that the answer had a decent chance of damaging his sanity, Lelouch took another sip from his straw then responded,
"See the thing is I'm pretty sure I love Kallen, and I'm fairly certain she loves me too, we're kinda like celestial bodies that are forever drawn to each other, always in orbit even if out of sight," Tianze squealed quietly while whispering about how romantic that sounded. Lelouch of course had to ruin the effect.
"That being said, Kallen is also the only person in the world who is as likely to shag as shoot me, and honestly I deserve her ire. So, in the spirit of self interest I wanna find out if she's even inclined to accept without the option of me getting shot in the spleen being on the table, I'm rather fond of it, doing it's...spleen thing..."
Lelouch looked confused for a moment before turning his head to look off camera, "Rolo what does the spleen do again?" There was a brief sigh before the younger boy responded,
"Filters out old blood and toxins brother," Lelouch tapped his chin a moment then nodded,
"That include alcohol?" A snorted laugh was quickly followed with,
"You'd better hope so considering I'm fairly certain you've destroyed your liver," Lelouch just waved the statement off with a flippant hand,
"Just toughening it up is all, anyway where was I?" Xingke looked to be on the threshold of bursting into tears as he gritted out,
"Pre-Proposal..." Lelouch sipped his drink again while giving a thumbs up,
"Thanks big guy, anyway Kallen?" Kallen rubbed her temples slowly as she willed the sake to work faster, seeing his expectant and hopeful eyes she finally relented,
"I...will definitely consider accepting a proper and ROMANTIC proposal, what about a bride price?" She threw the last bit out as a joke but his smirking scoff caught her off guard,
"What, an Empire spanning more then half the world not good enough for you? Fine fine, you can choose the weddings venue and I'll even let you invite the traitors who tried to assassinate me, but they will be searched for weapons. Also they don't get a gift bag...wankers..." Shaking her head ruefully her response was cut off by Lady Kaguya clearing her throat quietly,
"Master Zero...Lelouch, if you're to become Emperor would you not be taking multiple wives? I know our initial marriage was nothing more but political but I guarantee I'd make an amazing second wife," Lelouch and Kallen just stared at her, the former in irritation, the latter in shock, Xingke and Tianze simply exchanged knowing smirks. Lelouch eventually sighed and pulled out his wallet, plucking out twenty quid he handed it off camera followed by Rolo's snickering,
"How did you know she'd go that route?" Lelouch stated in annoyance, Rolo's voice took on an incredulous tone a moment later,
"Are you serious brother? Milly had me run interference on your fanclub for the better part of six months, I know how obsessed women can get over their 'Effeminate Ice Prince,' always felt like a trademark should follow that statement..." Lelouch decided he didn't want to know any more about that facet of his school life and turned back to the camera,
"Right, anyway Kaguya do you have any idea how many stepmoms I have?" She looked confused but managed to shake her head in the negative, "107, 107 stepmoms of which I could probably name off six, I have literally hundreds of siblings I've never met and every one of them wants the throne. Which, in retrospect makes sense considering the Emperor's fixation on social Darwinism, don't set a successor and let them duke it out, that's...kinda how we ended up here. So I'm sorry dear, I am, but I will most certainly not take multiple wives and muddy up a potential line of inheritance, the world doesn't deserve that, nor does Kallen." Kaguya looked crestfallen, Xingke and Tianze impressed, while Kallen herself was in a bit of awe.
"I...I understand Lelouch," Kaguya sniffed a bit at this, "I know I must seem unappealing, I just wish-" Lelouch cut her off with a snort at that,
"Oh don't get me wrong babe I'd still wreck you like a Burai but I couldn't do that to Kallen she's been there for me through thick and thin and I'm not that kinda guy," Kaguya perked up at that while throwing Kallen a concerning toothy grin,
"And if I could get her to agree to oh I don't know...a threesome, you'd be agreeable?" Kallen meeped as her face turned as bright red as her hair, Lelouch for his part just facepalmed as he pulled his wallet out for a second time and once again handed his laughing brother a wad of pound notes,
"Yeah...sure...good luck with that, *sigh* Xingke you're in charge with these three ladies while I go do my killing dad thing, I feel like I'm losing my buzz so I'm going to take off, love you Kallen, bye!" With that he cut the connection, Xingke and Tianze shared a weary look before they turned back to the two Japanese women the taller of which was being dragged away by the younger,
"Kaguya what are you doing?!" Grinning evily she stood on her tip toes and kissed Kallen full on the mouth earning her a shocked groan, breaking the kiss she began dragging the redhead out the door once again,
"Why, I'm going to show you why allowing me in your bedroom with Master Zero is an...amazing idea," as the door slammed behind them Xingke let out a weezing groan as he slumped in his chair cradling his face in both open hands.
"Teenagers...damn hormonal teenagers," Tianze patted her friends shoulder gently in understanding, after a few moments he shot her a whithering glare that paused her actions, "You aren't...going to try and get in on this, are you?" The waif of a woman averted her red eyes as she worried her lip,
"Noooo, not yet at least, I'll let Kaguya figure out if it's feesible, an Empress shouldn't do all the heavy lifting now should she?" Groaning again Xingke reached across the table for Kallen's unfinished bottle of sake, sipping it and wincing at the taste he stood and made for the door,
"Teenagers..."
If you lot like gender benders go give my story Nil Desperandum a shot, it's significantly more serious then this but it's been quite fun to write, more unstable fem!Lelouch (Luluka) reliving his life and inducing chaos for its own sake, good times. Anyway, please review!