A/N: A bunch of you will be sad to see this chapter, but I really couldn't keep on writing this. However, this won't be the last you see of Jackie, as I have a new idea, which will inspire me to update more frequently!

Disclaimer: Somewhere, in an alternate universe, I own DBZ. Is this an alternate universe? Somewhere, in an alternate universe, this is an alternate universe….And somewhere, in an alternate universe, one of you is screaming at me to get on with it.

THE REAL DBZ: CELL

On the brisk fall morning, a trio of people appeared outside of the tiny studio. No one would have known that they were coming, especially if they knew what events had been taking place. Two of them, tall and lean, had hair the color of ravens. One wore it in a bun, traditional and perfected down to the smallest conceivable iota, and the other's was an extremely sharp contrast in comparison. Sticking up at odd angles, the man raised a hand nervously to ruffle it up, as if he didn't already know of the extreme discomfort that his wife, ChaCha Lady as the final member of the trio dubbed her, felt towards his behavior.

Frowning, Jackie Tanner glanced at the two of them from the corner of her eye, her petit little nose wrinkling in distaste. Her pale locks were still void of her favorite vivid blue, and because ChaCha Lady had insisted, they'd been grown out as well. Jackie's hair reached the middle of her back, little flowers put into it at the wacko lady's insistence; this punishment was not one that Jackie had been expecting. Neither had the itchy old dress of ChaCha's, serving to make Jackie feel less and less like herself. For a moment, Jackie wished that Glitter would have been able to come and rescue her, but at a glare for ChaCha Lady, she decided that the horrible human woman must have been telepathic as well.

"Well, Jacqueline, here is your reward for three months of good behavior. Now, try to be nice today," ChiChi paused, her nose up in the air already, "or Goku and I will have to adopt you. You have been warned, young lady."

Jackie's eyes widened considerably, the pale irises revealing fear for once, "You'll….what?!"

The Ox Princess frowned, hating having to repeat herself. Secretly, ChiChi was hoping that Jackie would continue on with The Real DBZ the same way she always had done. The idea of having a daughter, a human daughter, was quite enticing to the older woman. Really, ChiChi almost called up Cell herself, or perhaps those three girls that kept coming onto the show, to ensure that something evil would happen. If King Yemma found out that the Son Mother was thinking those thoughts, well, he would have another reason to feel like sending her down below. That is, if he wasn't scared to death of her. Each sane, and even insane, creature felt the same way about ChiChi. Except for that bumbling fool Goku, as there'd always been something a bit off about him…

"I said that Goku and I would have to adopt you," ChiChi stated slowly, already planning out the first of many shopping trips to drag her precious Jacqueline on. Oh, the joys of having a daughter!

A broad grin appeared on Goku's face, at the thought of having yet another training partner. He could see it now, waking up Jackie early in the morning, in which she bounded out of the bed the same way Gohan used to. Of course, she wouldn't be turning Super Saiyan in the process, but that type of logic seemed to escape the man. Perhaps it had to do with the rather crude return process, in which ChiChi used Jackie's connections to King Yemma to make her husband stop being foolish, and come back to Earth. One of his two brain cells may have stayed behind in the process, it seemed to Jackie.

"That's a great idea, ChiChi!" Goku bursts out, patting his wife on the back, which caused her to stumble forward, "Oops…Guess I still don't know my own strength! Hehe…"

"Look, you two…," Jackie seethed, pulling a flower out of her hair, "I am going to go film my show. Glitter is going to be taking me to her house for a sleepover. And there's nothing you can to do stop me!"

Inwardly, ChiChi had a happy dance as Jackie walked away briskly. Surely, this would be enough to qualify as acting up? She'd get a daughter after all! Grabbing her husband's arm, she motioned frantically, not quite being able to form words in her excitement. What would she do first? Ah, of course! Register Jackie for High School, same year as Gohan, as she was not going to let any child of hers be on the average track. No, she felt that the best spot for a fourteen year old would be with the senior class! Gohan had only been there for a week, and he already had a little pal, what was her name, Ville? Something like that, but ChiChi paid it no mind, having successfully formed the words she wanted to say. In an hour, the life of Jackie Tanner would change forever.

"Thank Kami they're gone…," Jackie muttered under her breath, opening the door to the studio, "I thought they'd never leave."

Candles lit the place, the exact way that Jackie had told Glitter to do, in case she would return. Her manager, or as she preferred to be called, or the Mistress of Fabulousness as she preferred to be called, had followed her instructions to the smallest detail. Jackie smiled smugly to herself, knowing that this is exactly why Glitter had become her friend, instead of just one of her many followers. Whom, upon her second mysterious disappearance, had scoured the country in outrage, and even managed to shave the mustache off of the Saiyan Prince, Vegeta. Or as Jackie fondly called him, Vegetable Number Two.

"JT!" a pink haired blur squealed, running towards Jackie with incredible speed, "It's been, like, months! Did you, like, get caught again, and like, finally, like, escape?"

Stumbling backwards, Jackie had to peel her friend, Glitter, off of her. A small part of her was thankful that Goten lived in the Son Home, as she'd had much practice with this during her various exiles. It took a moment or two to do so, but eventually, Jackie managed to breathe again. However, she couldn't help but be a bit irked that Glitter hadn't even properly messed up ChiChi's dress; it still looked as…motherly…as it always had.

"Those people are insane, Glitz," she muttered under her breath, slowly walking towards her desk, "Anyways, onto important business. Old Cell-y boy still there? Camera crew ready?"

Glitter nodded, throwing a hooded jacket and hair extensions for Jackie, promising that they'd only film from the waist up today, "He arrived here about three months ago. Yemma put some, like, wacky dacky spell on him that, like, prevents him from leading without your, like, say-so. Fabs, isn't it, JT?"

Jackie nodded, pulling on the jacket, and clipping in the hair pieces. Neon blue. Brilliant. Perching down on her desk, she motioned towards Arthur, who had literally glued himself to the camera. Hopefully he hadn't been there too long, but yet Jackie could never be too sure; she'd been cut off from civilization for months! In fact, she didn't even remember who she was supposed to tor-interview next! Sighing slightly at that horrible fact, Jackie signaled to Glitter, ready to get this show on the road. She didn't even know where ChiChi had gone, but she also found that she didn't care at all.

"Welcome back to another episode of The Real DBZ!" Jackie cheered, smiling evilly for the camera, "As always, I'm your host…Jackie Tanner! Today, we've got a living terror to speak with…Bad joke, sorry. Let's bring him out, though!"

Dramatic music began to play, all on Glitter's bubbly cues that she'd been giving out to the small crew of three. Most of their money went towards paying the television station to air their show, ever since they'd lost their old producer, who was a pro at negotiating contracts like that. Jackie had already sent a memo off to the girls, in hopes that they would make him pay for ditching her show. Besides, Jackie hadn't even read the Hunger Games, and yet, everyone seemed to be freaking out about it. Could it really be that much better than her show?

Could Yamcha stop being a wimp? Of course not, she decided, chuckling to herself as her guest blasted down her door. Once again, Jackie sighed, as if something terrible was pressing down against her. Shaking her head slightly, Jackie forced herself to smirk, to watch and to decide what questions to ask, as Cell himself entered the room.

"Take a seat, will ya?" Jackie requested, smiling falsely, "I understand Yemma wants you back…quickly."

Cell snorted, and yet complied. The chair had been painted neon blue, ever since Vegeta had ruined it during his turn on the show. In fact, the improvements for it had just arrived last week, and had been installed during Arthur with Glitter breathing down his neck. In fact, you can still see where she stood, as some of her foundation dripped off during the heat. Since then, Glitter had been forced to cut down the amount of makeup that she chose to wear each day…Or suffer the embarrassing consequences that not even Lord Frieza could laugh about. Speaking of which, rumor had it he's been terrorizing dead cosmetic business owners, on search for a new stick of lipstick…

...Which Jackie may or may not have fed to Goten.

"Understand the rules of the show, right Cell-y?" Jackie said, smirking slightly as the Vegeta proof rope encircled her latest victim, "Speak truthfully. Otherwise, we'll be having fried insect for supper…Doubt anyone would be able to tell the difference, too."

Cell narrowed his eyes, chewing on the tip of his tail from nerves. He'd heard about the horrors that Jackie had done to Frieza, in fact, he'd been forced to comfort the quivering little lump after the occasion. It hadn't done wonders for his reputation either, after the entire human race knew that he'd been defeated by that slug; so what if it wasn't true? To Cell, it felt as if it was the fact that Mr. Satan claimed it to be.

"So Cell…," Jackie pondered, before voicing her first question, "According to the latest edition of HFIL magazine, you've been spotted dating none other than Frieza. Thoughts?"

Somehow, Cell managed to turn a rather delicate shade of red, "Er…I…um…You see…"

Jackie raised an eyebrow, pressing down the first button on her remote. From Glitter's mischievous grin, which startlingly resembled her own, Jackie figured that the punishment system was finally up and running again. And from the sick sizzling sound, followed by a girlish scream, Jackie grinned, knowing that she was right.

"Let's try that again, shall we?" Jackie asked innocently, grinning slyly at the same time, "Are you or are you not dating Frieza?"

Cell dejectedly looked downwards, not aware of the couple that had just appeared outside of the studio. Of the adoption papers that ChiChi now held in her hands, or the fact, that he might be the luckiest person to ever go on The Real DBZ. Jackie, too, was clueless, grinning and laughing as Cell mumbled out responses, instead of mourning the life she didn't even knew she lost.

For in a matter of moments, The Real DBZ would come to an end.

Forever.