Chapter 4
Lula sat facing the lights of the stage. We took our seats next to her, drinks in hand.
"We were real lucky to get these seats; we're so close to the stage!" Lula shimmied her butt into her seat, and got comfortable.
Ernie Berger bought Trenton's most notorious club, 'The Snake Pit', Six months before. It had been a mud wrestling/dance hall kind of bar that I had frequented enough times to get to know most of the wrestlers and bartenders on first and last name basis. I knew way too much about what goes on in their private lives. Lots of bail jumpers worked at the Snake Pit at one time or another, and by the looks of it now, I had a feeling that would not change. The Snake Pit was now under new management. Ernie wanted to change the clubs reputation. Make it more classy. Instead of mud wrestling, on the weekends, it was now an all male strip club. Since the movie "Magic Mike", there has been a big draw for male strip clubs with sexy muscle-bound men.
During the week, he was going for more respectable events. Mondays was slotted for AA meetings, there was Bingo on Tuesdays and Thursdays, Wednesday and Friday would be open for event rentals.
Tonight, it was a charity event for The Fireman's Fund. A benefit to help with costs of medical bills and care for firemen when they were hurt on the job. The advertisement promised all the men from the 12 month "Trenton's Hottest Fireman" calendar, along with entertainment from the entire lineup of Trenton's version of Chippendale dancers. The place was solidly packed. I was pretty sure Ernie was in the back, counting his success in stacks of tens and twenties. I hadn't been in the place since he took it over. He had the place completely redone. Not even the bullet holes from the previous club's days of grandeur were there. A complete makeover like this probably cost Ernie a pretty penny.
Ernie was Connie's second cousin, twice removed. I didn't want to dig too deep into just how Ernie, who only made a car salesman's salary before this, could somehow now have enough money to revamp a club like this. These were questions you didn't ask. I just hope that the tide for Ernie was high, and stayed that way. I kinda liked him. He was a nice guy in a sea of sharks, if you asked me.
We were sitting center stage. Thanks to Connie. Front row. No matter what, I was determined to try to have a good time tonight. The place was filling up fast. People were jockeying for good seats. I could feel the excitement in the air, along with a lot of cheap perfume, hairspray, and a few whiffs of Ben-Gay. Apparently this was a big draw for the senior citizens. I think there must have been a tour bus that had dropped off most of them. If my grandmother got wind of this, she would be here every weekend. Would it be worse than the funerals I had to attend with her? I think not.
The lights dimmed, so did the sounds of the crowd. The speakers came alive as red and purple spotlights pulsated to the beat of the music. Connie squeezed my hand. "This is going to be great!"
I have a good feeling about tonight. We never had a girls night before. Maybe it could be our new thing. Go check out new stuff every couple weeks. I was about to nod my approval when a crowd of women shoved forward in anticipation.
We stood up with everyone else so we could see what was happening. Smoke began to slither from the floor, gathering in the corners before moving slowly towards the crowd. A man dressed in a full fire-suit walked onstage. He was shadowed by the lights behind him. In the foreground, a backdrop of a city on fire. The spotlights turned towards him, as sirens went off. Billowing smoke shot out of the buildings, creating the effect of a fire. He moved with the music, hypnotizing us with his swaying hips and grinding motions.
Two more muscle bound men came on stage. They mimicked the first man. The crowd moved with them. I found myself drawn into it. I was watching intently. With a quick tug, his whole shirt was off, revealing a bare oiled chest. rippled with muscles. Screams of excitement surged through the crowd, creating more of a stir in the already under-sexed over stimulated crowd. For some reason, images of Ranger danced in my head. Not that I would want him on stage, dancing, but I think I was a little motivated by the amount of sex and suggestions that flowed through this club, or maybe I had a little too much to drink. Whatever the reason, I was going with it. The music flowed, vibrating through me, I moved with it, thinking about Batman.
With another flick of his wrist, his pants dropped off, leaving him onstage with only a tiny g-string keeping it all in. It was all I could focus on. It was metallic silver with a little American flag sewn on. Of course, he still had on his hat and his boots. The audience was held in anticipation. The song picked up again. Changing, flowing into another pulsating crowd pleaser.
Silver G-string picked up a fire hose and positioned it between his legs, stroking it like it was his own, moving his hips, and rocking back and forth. I saw several women with dollar bills struggle towards the front of the stage, arms out; Waiting for their chance to touch the hypnotic man who was in front of them. My beer was knocked out of my hand from the elbow of an elderly woman with blue hair, as she pushed her way to the front of the stage. Both men behind Mr. silver g-string pulled off their shirts and pants showing us all black satin thongs that sparkled with the lights. They stepped in uniform rhythm to the beat; like 'The Backstreet Boys' in the raw. I was mesmerized by the dancing sacks. I had to take a drink of Lula's Margarita to help me process what was happening in front of me. Ernie had a good thing going here.
Lula and Connie were up on top of their chairs, so they could have a better view. I do not think they were entirely sober, and either was I, but I needed a better view. I climbed up on my chair. If I fell on my face tonight, at least I would have a good excuse. Lula was jiggling around, dancing as best she could on the tiny chair like a Go Go dancer. Even on the chair, I had to stand on my tip toes to see the stage. Mr. Silver G-string was on his knees, fire hose in hand, moving with the fast pace of the music.
Lula screamed out "Yeah baby, come on! We wanna see you make that hose explode!"
At that very moment, Mr. silver g-string turned the fire hose on. Water came out with force so powerful, that he lost control of it. It appeared that it was an accident by the shocked look on his face. I don't actually think it was supposed to be still attached to a working connection. Maybe he grabbed the real one, instead of the prop. He turned the hose on the crowd to find a way to turn it back off. The crowds of women in front of us were trying to get out-of-the-way as the hose came in contact.
The music kept pumping as the men on stage tried to finish the act and use the water as part of the show. The fire hose slipped out of silver g-strings grip when he turned the lever the wrong way, blasting us full force with water. I was launched off my chair and onto two women that were behind me. I grabbed for Connie, Connie grabbed for Lula, and we all tumbled onto the floor with a crash. All around us, people lost their battle with the fire hose gone wild. I don't think anyone realized there was a pressure gauge and a shut off valve on that nozzle. I had experience with a few fire hoses in the past. I learn fast. I scrambled to get up off the floor. The club was flooded with water. Emergency lights went on. G-string was still onstage, struggling to jump on top of the hose and get it under control, His silver loincloth flapped around giving anyone who cared, a full view of his undercarriage. The two men on stage with him, tried in vain to grab the hose and were washed off stage knocking into us; throwing us back down on top of each other. Lula pulled Connie to her feet, just as; Whoosh, the water came back around again knocking them back over and picking me up, throwing me across the room into the wall.
After that, I chose to stay down until real fireman came into the club and shut the water off. I shimmied up the wall and dripped out to the curb, ringing my shirt out. I pulled off my boots to pour water out. There were four fire trucks and five ambulances' pulled up in the parking lot. A crowd of people filed out of the doors of the club. Most were disheveled and soaking wet. It didn't take long to spot Connie and Lula. Connie was walking with a limp. She had the start of a decent black eye. Lula had only one high heel on and half her dress was missing. She had a towel wrapped around her waist in an attempt to hide what the good Lord had given her.
"What the hell happened in there?" Lula yelled towards me. "One minute we are all ready to see a real show, and then whoosh! Water everywhere. We're lucky we weren't killed! What were they thinking having a real fire hose go off in there? They'll be lucky if someone doesn't sue their ass over that crap!" Lula was trying to hold herself in the dress, but it wasn't working. There was just too much Lula, and not enough dress left.
One thing was clear, none of us wanted to go home just yet. It was still early. Connie was determined that we still needed girl time. We would meet at my place, after they picked up dry clothes.
Connie brought over Pino's, and Lula brought the beer. We sat contently on the couch eating. We pretended that this was all just a normal night. Maybe it was. Stuff like this was becoming normal.
Connie had a shiner the size of a baseball. "It was the black loincloth guy that elbowed me. Good thing he was cute". She said between bites. She turned her attention towards me.
"So, you gotta tell us what is going on with you. Last time I saw you, everything was kosher. Then, your MIA for a week, and next thing we know, you come in and make a deal with your creepy cousin to move to Arizona. I thought we were square with getting this bonds office thing up and running.
I started at the beginning, and told them everything, including Ranger's theory of a sniper, and how the people in the other car acted. I also told them about the dead guy in the back seat.
"So you think someone was shooting at you? I thought everyone you've pissed off was either dead or in prison." Connie said.
"I don't know who I could have pissed off this time." I said.
Connie's eyes got big. "You know, Tony the Tool is in town. Maybe it was him that shot at you!" She was nodding her head up and down, unknowingly scaring the hell out of me. "Or, maybe he was trying to shoot someone else and you got in the way. You could be an innocent bystander."
Lula and I looked at her sideways.
"It could happen. Right, Stephanie? I mean, how many times can someone shoot at you and miss?"
There was a moment of silence, as we contemplated that idea.
"Who is Tony the Tool?" I was really hoping he was a plumber or something. As much as I really did not want to know, at the same time, I needed to find out.
"What I wanna know," Lula piped in "Is why he is called "The Tool?"
Connie went on to tell us that 'Tony the Tool' was a hit man from New York. She didn't know why he was called "The Tool". She didn't want to find out, either. She also said he's only hired when there is a special "problem" that needs to be "fixed." She used air quotes to make her point.
I really hoped I was not that "special". Or a "problem" that needed to be "fixed".
I told them about what happened with Joe and his "walking disaster" comment. By the time I finished the story, even I was feeling like he may have had a point, especially reviewing the events of tonight. Even though things were usually not technically my fault, they still blew up all around me, and even on me. What kind of wife could I make for someone? I grew up traditional. You get married, you have kids, you have holiday parties and dinners for Christmas. You have a Christmas tree. Easter egg hunts. You do dishes, and cook. All those things, I just figured it would all come naturally. That these things would just happen. So far, they hadn't. I still cook everything in the microwave and have a running tab at the deli. Not exactly Betty Crocker.
Connie and Lula are my friends. But I think they must have found some truth in his statements. Or maybe I did. We were silently looking at the empty pizza box. I guess that maybe I had been a walking disaster after all. Shit.
"Stephanie, you are not a walking disaster, and even if you were, You don't go around telling people stuff like that. It could ruin their whole life. I think Joe is a real asshole for saying that to you, especially in a break up speech. I have a bone to pick with that guy."
She reached over, and hugged me. I appreciated the gesture, but I was still thinking that tonight only confirmed what he was saying.
"I think your fun." Lula said, getting up from the couch. "You are unique and quirky, and people like you. So what if things get a little out of hand sometimes. My life has become a lot more interesting since we became friends. I wouldn't have it any other way. When you decide to go looking for a good man, I got a pretty decent little black book full of real men. You can borrow it any time you want. There were some fine men in that book, and I sure as hell ain't gonna use it for a while. (Tank and Lula were getting pretty close).
I could take it. It was nice of her, but I didn't think that I wanted any book, black or otherwise.
I wanted Joe. I wanted to erase the last couple days. "Life would be more simple if there were do-over's."
"Maybe." Connie said. "But in your case, I am not so sure. "
We drank the rest of the night away. Tank picked up a very drunk Lula at 2am; Connie hitched a ride home with them. Rex and I stayed in rest of the night, wrapped up in Joe's T-shirt. I wasn't ready to face the fact that we were over. Not yet.
The middle of August in Trenton is nothing to sneeze at. It is hot and muggy. Uncomfortable to wear more than nothing. If we could all walk around nude, it wouldn't be so bad. I was getting good at lying low. Many nights I stayed at Mary Lou's house, some nights at my parents, I even spent a couple of nights at Lula's. I wasn't much company, and I was in a horrible mood. Ranger was in the wind. He was out of the country. I think he was keeping his distance from me. Maybe because I was now, and probably in the future, unattached to Morelli. Or maybe he actually was working, and it was a coincidence. I knew if I needed anyone or anything, I could call Tank. No one had tried to shoot at me, and Vinnie was personally taking all the apprehension work. I was helping just enough to keep my rent paid. Joe didn't call. I didn't call him either. I carefully avoided driving down his street, even though I wanted to. New Jersey was pulling itself through another summer; I was just floating along for the ride.
Vincent Plum Bail Bonds was moving to a two-story strip mall location on 4th avenue. Vinnie signed the papers to take over rent on an older building on the outskirts of downtown Scottsdale. We would be next to a laundromat, and a check cashing station. The first floor was a 900 square foot area, with a small office in the back. Stairs facing the back lot of the building go up to the second floor, where there was a studio apartment with 2 bedrooms. I couldn't believe I was going to be living in the same space as Vinnie, the family pervert. What was I thinking? Once we got there, I think there would be a good chance I would break out in hives.
Everything I owned was in storage. I had cleaned out my apartment. It held plenty of great memories, but also held some truly terrifying ones. Rex wasn't going with me. I didn't want him to have to travel across country. I asked Mary Lou if she would watch him for me while I was gone. She had two kids who would adore a little hamster. I would miss him, but I thought he would be happier in Jersey.
When I told my parents I was leaving for a while, my mother panicked. Moving was one thing, moving across country was completely crazy. She told me to call when I came to my senses and she would send me a bus ticket home. My Dad was concerned that I was putting too much faith in one of his relatives, but was secretly proud of me for getting out of Jersey and looking for something else. Hell, my sister lived in California for years. I could do this. The Police were concerned about the couple from the accident that had been in the other car. I guess they had left the police station when no one came in to talk to them for an hour. They hadn't been seen since. No bodies had washed up, so I wasn't too concerned. If the police left we waiting at the station for over an hour, i probably would have left, also
I hadn't seen Joe. I didn't know if he knew I was leaving, but he never called. I figured that was a pretty final goodbye. He was keeping his distance. I suppose it was the right thing to do when you have chosen to end a relationship for good.
I took a good look at my apartment for the last time, and shut the door. Locking it. Ranger was leaning against the wall in the hall, waiting for me. I hadn't seen him since the night he sat with me on the couch. His hair was longer than usual, falling just above his eyes. He had on his work clothes. Rangeman black. T-shirt, cargo pants, boots, gun strapped into his belt. I knew from working with him, he also carried a gun at his back and a knife in his boot. He appeared relaxed, but I know firsthand, relaxed Ranger was dangerous.
"Yo" I said. Finishing locking the door. "This is a surprise. I thought you were on some secret mission. Gone for weeks. At least that was what Tank told me."
Ranger's mouth twitched, and a little smile peeked out.
"I wasn't gone, I was unavailable. "
"As in unavailable for everyone, or unavailable for me?" I said
"Unavailable for you. Are you really going to Scottsdale? Or is it temporary insanity?"
"Unavailable for me?" I repeated, crossing my arms in front of me.
"I didn't think you needed me to get in the middle of whatever was happening between you and Morelli. So I stayed out of it."
"You let Tank lie to me? What if I needed something?" I was getting slightly irritated at his smug attitude. What, did he stay away because I was an emotional wreck? Okay, maybe he had a point.
Ranger's eyebrows rose. "Did you need something?"
"No." Maybe. "But, that's not the point!" I was having a difficult time explaining why I was pissed. Maybe I was angry because Ranger wouldn't let me forget about Joe by having lots of unbridled sex with him, which is exactly what I would have done, if he had been around. Okay, so maybe that would have made things more confusing.
Ranger was quietly waiting for me to get a grip, and figure everything out. He knew as well as I did, that using him to try to push Joe out of my head, wouldn't be healthy for either of us. Plus, I didn't want to use sex to make it go away. Actually, I wanted that very badly. I did a mental frustrated sigh, because knowing Ranger was usually right, really pissed me off. I had a hard time arguing with him. He always ended up making sense, and I always ended up looking like an idiot.
"Yes. I might be temporarily insane." I said, changing the subject. "When Vinnie brought it up, Scottsdale seemed like a good idea. No one knows me in Arizona."
"So, you think moving across the country will solve your problems?"
"No, but I can't be here now. All I want to do is hide in my apartment and cry. I wasn't expecting Joe to end our relationship like that. I can't sit here in Jersey, and watch him go on with his life. It hurts, and I don't think it's healthy. Maybe I do need to be alone for a while. Plus, there might still be a sniper out looking for ways to kill me. I'm getting tired of running, hiding, getting shot at, destroying cars, and buildings. None of those things happen to normal people. None of those things really ever even happen to you."
"I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you'll never be normal. Your way above normal. Trust me, it's a good trait. Keep it. Those things do happen to me. Just not as much."
"Not only that," I said. Getting more frustrated. "I'm tired of being on tape doing stupid shit. Being laughed at. I want to be good at something. If I leave I can concentrate on working on my skills, without someone calling my mother and telling her about it all the time."
Ranger came over to me, and slid his hands under my shirt wrapping them around my waist, pulling me to him.
"You think leaving will make you good at something?"
It was hard to keep a serious conversation about being an emotional flop, when he had his hands in my shirt.
I tried to concentrate. "Maybe, I could work on it better without an audience."
He pulled me close, and kissed me. He was good at a lot of things. This was one of them. I felt heat rush down my body, as he pulled me in closer. My fingers instinctively grasped at his shirt, and I pressed myself against him. If I could just get my key out of my back pocket. We didn't need a bed, right? I had vacuumed, the apartment was completely clean. All I needed was a wall, or a floor or even the kitchen counter.
He broke from the kiss. I was breathing hard. Trying to find which pocket I had the key in.
"What are you doing?" He said to me.
"Trying to find the fricken' key to the apartment, what do you think I'm doing?"
He smiled one of those killer smiles he held out for special occasions. "You want me bad."
Well, yeah I did, I was breaking a sweat!
"Tank is waiting for me in the car."
Are you kidding me?
"Then why the hell did you kiss me like that?"
Mrs. Griswaldi opened her door and looked out. "Are you almost finished out there? I really want to hear my program. Maury Povitch is on, and he is talking to Lesbians. I never get a chance to see them on T.V."
"Yes, we were just leaving." I said. Grabbing my bag off the floor and adjusting my shirt.
I hit the button for the elevator and waited with Ranger beside me. I supposed having goodbye gorilla sex with Ranger may have led me to not really want to go to Scottsdale at all. I could completely blow everything off. But then what? Get the apartment back? Have great sex all the time, maybe even constantly with a man who did not want more than that? It sounded good right now, but what about a week from now? OK. Be realistic here, what about a month from now? Or a year? Yeah, I think a year of constant great sex with Ranger would be about right before I started questioning our relationship.
I would really miss him. Not just the way he oozed sex appeal and innuendos. It was the walk, and his way of doing things. Ranger had been a really good confidant. A friend, and a gifted lover. If one thing could keep me in Trenton, It was definitely how I felt about him. He walked me out to big blue, and kissed me again.
"You are good at a lot of things, Babe. Don't think your problems are going to go away in Scottsdale. Call me if you need anything. I can't step foot into Arizona without red flags going off, but I have some people out there who can help if you need them too.
"Do you still think there might be someone taking shots at me?"
"We haven't picked up anything more than Connie's lead on 'The Tool' being in town, and that could mean a lot of things. It's been a while, nothing has come of it, so looks like you're in the clear."
He kissed me again, and got into the Mercedes with Tank. I waived at both of them, and got into the Buick and motored over to my parents house for a going away party.
It was Noon the next day when we left for Scottsdale. Rex was safe with Mary Lou, and I promised to come home for Christmas and see him. She promised to keep his cage clean and make sure he was happy. It was strange leaving. I had gone to college for a while, but never was I too far away to come home for the night if I needed too. Neither Ranger nor Joe came to say goodbye. Giving me the opportunity to just get out there, and jump off that roof again.