Life was a blur, and one she tried to ignore with all her willpower. The chill in the air made it harder.
Winter was starting to wrap its icy fingers around the city. The days were long and cold, and the nights were longer and colder.
It had been three days since Weiss had left. Ruby threw herself into her job like never before. She was cold and emotionless, responding to calls as fast as possible because the work kept her mind off of Weiss. She stayed up late writing incident report after incident report in as much detail as she could to tire herself out, but even that didn't work.
Sleep eluded her. Most nights she simply lay on the couch in the dark, staring up the ceiling and trying to quiet her restless mind. It didn't help. Nothing did. She felt empty inside, as empty as her apartment felt without Weiss. She had grown used to the other woman, to the way she made her apartment feel warm and full. The way she had made it feel like a home.
Now things were back to the way they used to be. It had occurred to her on the second night that Weiss had been like a shooting star. She had come in brilliant and clean, lighting up her world. Then she disappeared just as quickly as she came. She had only cried the first night. The second and the third she had squeezed her eyes shut and dug her fingernails into her palm until the pain made her lucid again. But even though it stopped her tears, it couldn't stop the ache in her chest. Deep down it felt like Weiss had abandoned her, just like mother had. She didn't consciously blame her; she knew that the other woman had her reasons, but the end result was the same. Just like before, she was left alone in the dark.
On top of everything else was the guilt. The guilt came because despite her best intentions, part of her was still furious at Penny. That irrational, emotional part of her blamed Penny for everything. If she hadn't asked for that dance, if Weiss hadn't seen them together in that room...
Maybe things would have been different. Maybe they wouldn't have. But part of her blamed Penny anyway. And the rest of her felt guilty for that, because deep down she knew it wasn't Penny's fault. Even still, she hadn't talked to the orange-haired woman since Weiss had left three days ago.
And it wasn't as if she was simply not talking to Penny; she was actively avoiding the other woman as well. They were on the same shift, so normally they would have helped eachother out on calls. But whenever Penny was on a case, Ruby went to a different one, even if it was further away. Whenever Ruby knew she needed help on an incident, she refused to call for backup when Penny was the closest officer.
Penny had even messaged her over the hardbox computers they used to monitor eachother and keep track of calls, asking her if she wanted to meet at Starbucks for coffee. Ruby had ignored her.
In fact, she was doing just that right now. Penny's message still blinked on the computer in her police cruiser. She ignored it.
Penny's voice came over the radio. "Dispatch this is five paul thirty-two. Requesting backup at my location."
"Copy that," came the reply. "Five paul seventeen, you're on assist."
Ruby took a sip of her coffee – the one she had bought at Starbucks when Penny had been away on a noise complaint call – and slowly drove down a dark street, listening to the conversation. It sounded like Penny was searching a neighborhood for a suspect involved in a robbery that had been called in over an hour ago. Mostly just busywork. Or at least it had been, until she had called for another officer.
"Now why would she need backup if she hasn't found the guy yet?" Ruby mused to herself.
Penny's voice came over the radio again, but this time Ruby perked up, because it sounded heavy and rushed. Almost as if Penny was running. Suddenly there was a gunshot over the radio.
"Code 998, code 998," Penny shouted. Code 998 meant an officer had fired their weapon. Why would Penny be firing at someone? Did they have a weapon too? "Chasing suspect to a gas station at the corner of Davis and 75th, requesting backup!"
"Copy that," dispatch's voice came back calmly. "All officers in the area respond."
Ruby hesitated. She was technically in the area; only a five minute's drive away, three if she rushed. But she still didn't want to even look at Penny. She didn't want to be reminded of what had happened. And when Penny inevitably tried to talk to her? She didn't want to say something she would later regret. She stopped at a red light. The light went green; there were no other cars at the intersection. It was only her in the darkness and the bitter glare of the streetlamps.
All she would have to do was drive straight for three minutes and then she would be at Penny's location. But that would mean talking to her, forgiving her. She knew she wouldn't be able to stay mad at Penny if they were face to face. But if she forgave Penny, that would mean she would have to accept that Weiss was truly gone. That would mean letting Weiss go. She didn't know if she could do that yet.
Another officer's voice came over the radio, breathing hard and fast. "Code 999! Code 999!"
She reacted without thinking, slamming on the gas and speeding down the road towards Penny's location. Code 999 was officer down.
The radio was alive with traffic.
"All units converge on five paul thirty-two's location. Repeat, all units converge on five paul thirty-two."
She was there in two minutes. Three other police cars and SUV's were already arranged in a cordon around a gas station with a high brick wall surrounding every side but the front. There was only one way in or out. Officers were pressed up against the vehicles on the sides opposite the gas station, using them as cover. Their sidearms were drawn. There was a man inside waving his arms. He had a pistol. And there was a blue-uniformed body on the ground by the middle police car. Another officer was beside it, trying to apply what appeared to be emergency first aid.
She took all of it in the space of two seconds, then swung her police cruiser into the far end of the cordon, adding to the blockade. She threw the door open, drew her sidearm, and crouch-walked along the line of vehicles until she was at the middle car. Flashing red and blue lights danced across her vision in the darkness of the starless night.
The officer crouched there looked up from the body with eyes filled with rage. Other officers were shouting at the man inside the gas station to come out with his hands behind his head, but Ruby didn't really hear any of it.
All she could do was stare into Penny's blank, lifeless eyes and try not to throw up.
Penny's funeral was five days later in the bitter chill of the autumn air. Just like that.
She only had one immediate family member attend: a man in a pressed white suit with stark black hair with a silver streak through it. He didn't appear remorseful, but Ruby could see the pain in his eyes. She knew that look all too well. She knew that same pain was reflected in her own.
The last rites were read, the chaplain gave a solemn benediction, and Ruby struggled to suppress the raging guilt she felt. The only person that came up and spoke about her was Sergeant Baker. He talked about her dedication to duty, her unwavering courage, and her singular sacrifice to the citizens she had sworn to protect.
In his words though, Ruby heard only accusation. She had never apologized to Penny. The last words she had spoken to her were ones of anger. She had actively ignored the orange-haired woman, convinced she would get the chance to talk to her sooner or later. But now she was gone. Penny had died without knowing that she was sorry for what had happened at the dance and what she had said afterwards. She had died without knowing her only real friend had forgiven her.
As orange, red, and golden leaves drifted and twirled around in the breeze, twenty-one guns rang out in a chorus of finality.
Twenty-one guns signaled the death of a fallen officer, a defender of the peace and a person who had given their life to protect the innocent. Penny hadn't deserved to bleed out in the dirty parking lot of a gas station on a starless night. She didn't deserve a short funeral on a chilly Sunday morning.
But a short funeral on a chilly Sunday morning was what she got.
Ruby looked up at the grey, rainless sky. What did anyone really deserve?
Another week passed. Life went on as it always did.
Sergeant Baker had offered her a few days of leave, but she had declined. She wanted to work. She needed to work. She needed to be on patrol, guarding the streets that Penny had given her life for. She owed her that much.
She felt dead inside. No emotion, no sadness, no happiness, no fear. She still hadn't touched the pelmeni Weiss had left in the fridge. She didn't even look at it when she reached for a jug of milk or a snack, but she knew it was there.
She was in the middle of a domestic assault call, and she was glad. Glad that it kept her from thinking about Weiss or Penny. It was almost midnight, and the night air was cool and refreshing on her skin. A crying woman in her late twenties sat on the sidewalk while Ruby banged on the door of the hotel room the woman had been sharing with her boyfriend. She said he had hit her after an argument. She said he was on meth. She said he had a knife. Ruby didn't particularly care about any of that. She didn't really care about anything.
She banged on the door again. "This is the police! Unlock the door and lay down on the floor with your hands above your head!"
"Shut the fuck up!" came a hoarse voice from inside. "I paid for this room! You can't come in! I'll fucking stab you if you come in I swear to god!"
Ruby sighed. She checked her taser and made sure it was in working order. She had backup on the way, but didn't want to wait. She only wanted to get this over with.
The hotel manager stood next to her, fumbling in her purse for a universal keycard to unlock the door. Ruby was glad it was a hotel: that meant she didn't need a warrant to enter the room, only the manager's permission.
"Shit shit shit," the manager - an overweight woman in her late-thirties - muttered. "Oh! Here it is!"
Ruby stared at her. "Unlock the door please."
"O-Oh. Yes, right away."
She moved to the door and inserted the keycard. Ruby drew her taser. "I'm coming in," she shouted. "If you don't lay down on the ground you will be subdued by force!"
"You come in here you're fucking dead!" came the answering shout.
"Rose!" a voice yelled from behind her. "Rose don't go in yet holy fuck!"
She turned and saw another officer running at her from his car. She moved back from the door. "Bransen," she greeted.
"The fuck were you thinking?" he asked, running up and covering the door with his own taser. "You weren't gonna wait for me?"
"I just wanna get this over with," Ruby sighed. "There's a male inside, six foot one, white, high on meth and apparently armed with a knife." She gestured with her free hand to the crying girl on the sidewalk. "At least that's what his girlfriend says. She's hysterical right now though. Probably making stuff up to get him in trouble."
Bransen eyed her, then the door. "Well whatever. Is it unlocked?"
"Yeap, ready when you are."
"And you got the okay to go in?"
Ruby pointed at the manger. "From the boss lady herself."
"Alright, good to go," he replied. "You wanna get this over with, let's do it then."
They took up position on either side of the door. Ruby held up three fingers, then two, then one. She opened the door.
"Police!" she yelled as she entered. "Down on the ground!"
The room appeared empty. She furrowed her brow in confusion. Suddenly a scream of rage sounded from her right and a man leapt at her from behind a large set of dresser drawers. She brought up her taser and fired, acting on instinct. He thrust at her with a wicked looking knife at the same time, but she saw the hooks of the taser go in before he could complete the thrust. He backed away from her and started convulsing, then fell to the floor. He immediately tried to rise again, shrugging off the effects of the taser the way only a person on meth or crack could. She moved to tackle him and hold him down. But her body wouldn't move.
Officer Bransen leapt on him and rolled him onto his chest, discharging the taser into the man's neck when he tried to rise again. He gurgled and convulsed as Brasen cuffed him in one smooth motion.
"Where's his knife?" Bransen muttered. "Fucking piece of shit. Rose, did you grab his knife?"
Ruby looked around the room. Her body felt strange, as if it wasn't responding to her commands as fast as it should have been. Bransen finally looked up at her. His eyes went wide.
"Oh christ," he muttered.
"What?" Ruby mumbled. Her speech was slurred. The world looked blurry.
"Shit," he whispered, giving the man on the ground one last look to make sure he was unconscious before scrambling to her side. "You're gonna be okay," he said. "It's gonna be alright."
Ruby frowned. "Whas gonna be okay?"
A gasp sounded from the open doorway and Ruby turned to see the manager with her hands over her mouth, staring at her chest. Ruby looked down at where the numbness spreading throughout her body seemed to be coming from. The knife was sticking out of her abdomen.
"Found the knife," she managed to laugh, stumbling backwards.
"Code 999, I repeat code 999 at my location. Any available units respond!" Bransen nearly shouted into his microphone.
Ruby fell backwards and slid down the wall. Bransen scrambled to catch her but was too late. Her body felt completely numb now, and her vision grew dark around the edges.
"You're gonna be alright," Bransen muttered. It sounded like he was a million miles away. "It's not even a bad wound, you'll be fine. Hey, stay with me Rose."
For some reason she thought of Weiss.
"Rose!"
And then everything went black.
"Miss Rose?"
Ruby looked up from a boring TV show in her cluttered hospital room. The doctor taking care of her was standing in the doorway.
It had been a week and a half since she had been taken to the ER after being stabbed. "Huh? Yeah?"
He moved and sat down in the chair by the doorway, then started going over the papers on his clipboard. "I said you're being discharged today."
She sighed, unsure whether to be happy or sad. At least she would get to work again. She moved her hand down to her stomach and felt the nasty scar on her abdomen. It still hurt. "Already?"
The doctor shifted in his chair. "You're lucky the blade missed anything vital. Obviously you won't be doing any gymnastics or anything for the next month or so, but I've already talked to your lieutenant and he says you'll be on paid leave until I determine you fit for duty."
"So I'll just be sitting in my house for a month?" Ruby asked, trying to keep panic out of her voice. The idea sounded horrifying.
"Well you don't have to stay in your house," he replied, shifting through the papers on his clipboard. "You can go out, see a movie, eat dinner, the like. I already checked you out one last time this morning and you're good to go, so all you need to is sign here, here and... here."
Ruby took the clipboard and signed the spots he marked, then handed it back. "So... I can leave?"
"Yes ma'am. You're free to go whenever you like." He stood up and moved to the door. "It's been a pleasure Miss Rose. Thank you for your service, I appreciate it. Oh, and one of the nurses said there's someone waiting for you in the lobby."
"Probably Sergeant Baker here to chew my ass out for getting stabbed on the job," Ruby replied in a dull monotone. "I'll be out in a minute. Thanks for patching me up doc."
"What are doctors for?" he laughed, then he turned the corner and disappeared.
"Huh, I didn't even remember his name," Ruby muttered to herself. "What was it? Rick?"
She let out a heavy sigh and stared up at the ceiling. She had had a lot of time to think over the past eleven days. She realized what she had done wrong around the fourth one. She didn't necessarily want to say she had rethought her life, but she had certainly rethought certain aspects of it.
When she had been on the case where she was stabbed, she hadn't been living. She had been dead inside, simply going through the motions and trying to ignore the hole Weiss and Penny had left in her. Trying to fill it with work or sleep, anything to keep her from thinking too much. But that wasn't the way she wanted to live. She wanted to smile, she wanted to laugh, to find enjoyment in things and taste good food again. She decided she would eat the pelmeni Weiss left in her fridge finally. If it was still good. On second thought it had probably gone bad a long time ago.
She frowned. She would have to throw it out.
Regardless, she realized she couldn't keep living like that. She had to forgive herself for what happened to Penny. There was nothing she could have done; she wasn't even the closest officer to the scene. The woman had given her life in service of the people she protected. She would have been happy with that.
She also realized she should have chased Weiss. It had been a mistake to let her go like that. But she hadn't counted on Weiss being able to leave. Her apartment was the only place she could have called home. The possibility that Weiss would have been able to run from that hadn't even occurred to her. But she had to accept that she was human, and humans made mistakes. What's done was done. The past was in the past, as her mother used to say.
She realized she had to rebuild, had to move on, had to find a reason for living that didn't depend completely upon another person. Maybe one day she would find someone and she would be able to live with them and even for them, but she wouldn't let herself live because of them. The differences were clear to her now. One meant a healthy, stable relationship with trust and understanding, the other was an unhealthy one-sided reliance.
It would take her a while to get over Weiss; she knew that.
But it would happen eventually.
She stood up, wincing slightly as her stomach muscles stretched and pulled on the newly healed skin on her abdomen. No, she would definitely not be doing gymnastics anytime soon.
She headed out into the hallway and followed the signs to the exit, avoiding the other patients, nurses, and doctors making their various ways to various destinations. The constant chatter between the three was something she had gotten used to long ago. Thankfully Officer Bransen had borrowed her keys from her and driven her car to the hospital a few days ago, so she wouldn't have to take a bus back to her apartment. She was looking forward to a nice drive, and then a long nap on her couch and maybe some Netflix. Now that she only had herself to support again she could afford to reactivate her subscription.
She spotted the sign for the lobby; it was just around the corner. She steeled herself for an ass-chewing from Sergeant Baker and turned it.
She stopped dead in her tracks. It wasn't Sergeant Baker.
It was Weiss.
The white-haired woman brushed some stray hair behind her ear, turned, and met her eyes.
They said nothing, only stared at eachother for several seconds.
Ruby raised her right hand in greeting, trying to ignore how her heart was pounding like a jackhammer. "Hi Weiss."
Weiss nodded. Was she shaking? "H-Hello Ruby. I came to... I heard you were hurt. I saw on news. Are you okay?"
Ruby grinned and rubbed the back of her neck. "Ah, it's no big deal. Just got stabbed, nothing serious. I'm alright now. Got about a month or so of bed rest before I can go back on duty though."
Weiss looked down at the floor. "Ah. That is good. How... How have you been?"
"Good. I've been good."
Weiss nodded. Ruby bit her bottom lip.
Several people in the waiting room were looking at them and they way they stood there, awkwardly facing eachother. Ruby found that she was unable to meet Weiss' eyes. She wanted to crush her in a hug and never let go. She wanted to yell at her and scream herself hoarse until Weiss finally understood the pain she had put her through. She wanted to ask her how she'd been getting money; her clothes looked freshly cleaned and she was even wearing a touch of eye shadow. She wanted to ask her where she'd been. And more than anything she wanted to ask her why she'd left.
"Hey Weiss?"
The white-haired woman looked up from the floor at her, perhaps a little too quickly. "Yes Ruby?"
"Do you wanna go back to my place for a bit? We can watch Netflix or order some pizza, maybe-"
"Yes!" Weiss shouted. She covered her mouth in shock immediately afterward. Most of the people in the room were staring at them now.
"G-Great," Ruby replied, already heading for the sliding glass doors leading to the parking lot. She grabbed Weiss' hand and pulled her along. "C'mon, let's get out of here."
The white-haired woman put up no resistance at all.
"Did you drive here or..." Ruby trailed off as they walked into the open air.
"No, I took public transportation. A bus."
"Cool," Ruby laughed, then caught herself and stopped. Why had she laughed? Weiss hadn't made a joke; that wasn't the right response. She didn't even know how to feel right now. "Well my car is here, so do you mind taking that?"
"No, I do not mind," Weiss replied. Her voice seemed to be growing shakier by the minute.
The sun was high and bright overhead, but the air still carried the bitter chill of encroaching autumn. A flock of geese flew high overhead in a 'v' formation, honking and squawking as they went. They approached Ruby's car in silence. She unlocked the door, slid inside, and started the engine. Weiss got into the passenger seat and buckled in as Ruby fiddled with the radio. Then she decided against it, realizing it would make conversation harder. She wanted to talk to Weiss. She just had no clue how to go about it.
She backed out of the parking lot and started driving; she knew the way home. Weiss looked out the window on her right, hiding her face.
Ruby swallowed hard and tried to think of something to say. Almost a minute passed in silence and they were on the freeway before she mustered the courage to speak.
"So... watcha been up to?"
Weiss glanced at her. "I found a job. I've been working and staying at cheap hotel."
"A job?" Ruby perked up. "That's great, doing what?"
Weiss hesitated before answering. "Waitress. I found place on other side of city that was hiring. I may not be best at talking to people, but I can take orders just fine. I suppose."
"Huh, yeah I can kinda see you as a waitress. What kinda place is it?"
"Italian. Not very fancy, but not... how you say, fast food?"
"Yeah, like an Olive Garden then."
"That is the place."
Ruby smiled. "You work at an Olive Garden now?"
"Yes. I like the black uniforms. They are nice."
"Yeah, you'd look real good in black." Ruby realized what she'd said and felt her cheeks heat up. "I mean like you know, black contrasts with your white hair and the two colors look awesome together so you got that whole black and white thing going on. You know?"
"Yes," Weiss replied.
Ruby coughed. "So um... you're staying at a motel then?"
"Yes. Cheap place. The manager is very nice lady. She let me stay at a reduced rate for a while until I have enough for down payment on apartment. It will still be something cheap though even then."
Ruby's stomach dropped and she fought the urge to frown. "That's good, that's good," she managed to lie. "Get your own place and all that. That's good."
"Yes."
Part of her had been hoping Weiss would move back in with her. The idea of being apart from Weiss again so soon after finding her left a bitter taste in her mouth. And she still didn't know why Weiss had left; the white-haired woman wasn't exactly being forthcoming. A bitter silence fell again, and this time Ruby didn't know how to break it.
Almost five minutes passed in total silence.
And then she heard something from Weiss: the tiniest of whimpers. Was she... crying?
She glanced at the white-haired woman, who was hiding her face and staring out the right-side window. "Are you okay?" she asked.
Weiss didn't answer, but her body started shaking. She was crying.
"Hey, it's okay," Ruby whispered. "I'm here. I'm fine."
Weiss suddenly reached out and grabbed her hand with a surprising force. The white-haired woman squeezed hard, and Ruby did her best to squeeze back. She had no idea what to say or what to do. Weiss turned away from the window and towards the front, and Ruby could see tears streaming down her face. Her heart leapt into her throat. It almost physically hurt to see Weiss cry like this and have no idea how to fix it. This wasn't something she knew how to deal with.
She squeezed Weiss' hand and stroked the back of it with her thumb. The white-haired woman sobbed the entire nerve-wracking way to the apartment.
When they arrived Ruby had to help her out of the car. Together they walked to the front door. She slid her key in and opened it.
It was dark and smelled musty. She hadn't been here in almost two weeks. She flipped the lights on and started moving into the living room when suddenly a heavy weight pressed her into the wall. She looked down and found Weiss clinging on to her with both arms, squeezing her like a vice and burying her face in her chest.
Ruby froze up for a second, but then wrapped her own arms around the shorter woman's shoulders.
"Are... are you okay?" she asked.
Weiss sniffed and nodded. "Now I am."
"Heh. Okay. Don't worry. I didn't die or anything. I'm right here."
Weiss nodded again.
"Hey... do you want dinner?"
"That would be nice," Weiss muttered.
Several minutes later she set down two steaming microwave dinners onto her sorry excuse for a dinner table. Weiss thanked her and peeled off the plastic wrap, staring at it uneasily. Her eyes were red and puffy, but the crying had stopped.
Ruby laughed. "I know it's not anything special, but I haven't had a chance to get groceries or anything. It tastes fine, don't worry."
Weiss poked what appeared to be a beef patty and mashed potatoes combo with her plastic fork. "Are you sure?"
Ruby took a bite of her own. Cheap, rubbery, and yet somehow surprisingly delicious. "Yeap, tashtes jusht fine."
"Talking with mouth full is impolite."
Ruby laughed and smiled, and something in her heart filled her with warmth and hope for the future. "It's good to have you back Weiss."
The snowy-haired woman smiled, blushed, and took a bite of her own food. She chewed it slowly for several seconds, then swallowed. "It is... acceptable."
Ruby laughed again; it felt good to laugh after so long. "As long as you're fine with it, that means I don't have to order pizza or anything. I can go out and buy groceries for us later."
She caught herself. Weiss wasn't living with her anymore. She had her own place now.
"I mean... if you want to come over from time to time and stuff. Do you- I mean do you plan on staying at that hotel?"
Weiss looked down at her food. "I don't know."
"Oh." Ruby bit her bottom lip. "I think it'd be nice for you to get your own place," she lied. "You could support yourself and everything."
Weiss only nodded. They finished the rest of the meal in silence. Ruby stood and picked up the plastic trays containing the remains of their food, then put them into the trash while Weiss stared down at the floor, fingering the hem of her skirt.
Ruby opened the fridge door to hide her face and let out a heavy sigh. She wanted to know why Weiss had left; the question was afflicting her mind like a gnawing, biting hunger. She had to know.
She shut the fridge door. "Hey Weiss, wanna watch some TV? Just like old times?"
The white-haired woman looked up at her and nodded. She looked sad for some reason. Was she planning on leaving again? This time, Ruby decided, she would chase Weiss to the ends of the Earth. She wouldn't let her get away again.
She strode over to the couch and sat down, grabbed the remote, and flipped the TV on. Weiss folded her skirt underneath her, then sat down next to her but still a comfortable distance away.
"Let's see what came out on Netflix while I was gone," Ruby muttered. Weiss didn't reply.
She settled on a show she had never seen before but heard good things about. In truth she wasn't entirely paying attention to the television. She was busy trying to watch Weiss out of the corner of her eye.
The silence persisted, hanging like a nameless weight above them. It was stifling.
They watched an entire hour of television in utter quiet, disturbed only by the noises and dialogue of the show she wasn't actually watching. The silence stretched and grew until it seemed to cover the room. She caught herself biting her nails and had to force herself to stop. She had to know why Weiss had left. She had to.
The show ended and Ruby was prompted to start the next episode. Her finger hovered over the button. She saw Weiss look at her out of the corner of her eye. She had to know.
She took a deep breath and set the remote down on the coffee table. Night was falling, and the living room was lit by a warm glow from the standing lamp in the corner. Ruby steeled herself.
She turned to Weiss. The white-haired woman met her gaze, seemingly unable to look away.
"Weiss?" she asked. "Why did you leave?"
Weiss was silent. She looked away. "I didn't want to," she whispered.
"Weiss," Ruby repeated, "why did you leave?"
"I had to."
"That's not an answer. Why. Did. You. Leave."
The white-haired woman looked almost panicked. She wasn't gripping the hem of her skirt; she was fingering it roughly, rubbing the fabric back and forth between her fingers.
Ruby softened her tone. "Weiss. Please just tell me."
"Because I love you!" Weiss shouted.
The silence returned. Ruby couldn't move. Weiss looked back to the front of the room, breathing heavily with wide eyes.
"B-Because... you love me?"
Weiss squeezed her eyes shut. "Yes. Yes. It's stupid I know. It's stupid. Yes."
Ruby pointed a finger at herself. "You had to leave... because you love me?"
"Yes," Weiss hissed again. "I could not stay here. I could not take advantage of hospitality when I had feelings for you. I could not bear to live with you when I felt that way about you. So I left. I had to."
Ruby was stunned. Was she dreaming? Was she still in the hospital bed? Maybe she was. Maybe this was just a really nice dream. Either way, she decided to live it out and see where it took her.
She had considered the possibility that maybe Weiss had harbored feelings for her as well, but never given them any serious thought. The girl was too proper, too refined, too downright aloof to ever love someone like her. She was clumsy and poor. Weiss had obviously come from a world that was the complete opposite of that. But there was no way Weiss was lying. Her heavy breathing, her nervous expression, her wide eyes: it had to be true. Ruby knew in her heart that she wasn't lying.
She was suddenly filled with the terrifying urge to kiss her. But she had to hear it one more time.
"You love me?"
Weiss turned and glared at her with the beginnings of tears in her eyes. "I already said so! Yes I love you, and it's stupid but-"
Ruby pushed her back against the couch and kissed her before she could continue. The white-haired woman's lips were chapped, rough, and yet the warmest, softest things she had ever felt. She squeezed her eyes shut and put all of her longing, all of her want, all of her affection for the other woman into it. She tried to convey months of longing through a simple touch of skin on skin.
Weiss didn't move. She was like a statue.
Ruby drew back slowly and wiped her lips. Weiss stared at her, wide-eyed and confused.
"Your lips..." Weiss whispered after several seconds.
"Y-Yeah?"
"Your lips hurt. They were rough. If we kiss again it would hurt even more."
As she spoke Weiss leaned closer and closer. Ruby found herself drawn to Weiss as well, almost as if by an invisible force. She couldn't pull away. She didn't want to.
"Another kiss would definitely hurt."
Weiss gently brushed her lips across her own, and Ruby squeezed her eyes shut and drew in a harsh breath. She had never kissed anyone before. She didn't know what she was doing. Weiss might have, but she was acting purely on instinct.
Weiss wrapped a hand around the back of her head and pulled her closer. "That hurt too."
Weiss kissed her again, this time holding her lips there for several seconds.
Ruby suddenly found herself breathing as heavily as Weiss was. "Did that one hurt too?" she whispered.
"Yes," Weiss whispered back, and then kissed her again.
Ruby wrapped her arms around Weiss' shoulders. Weiss tightened her grip on the back of her head and slid her fingers into her hair. They kissed again. And again. And again. Their lips eventually grew moist, and the kisses became easier and easier to give. Ruby squeezed her eyes shut and lost herself in bliss. She had never felt so warm before; the heat spreading from her chest to the rest of her body was incredible and overpowering. Weiss' fingers on her skin were beautiful, beautiful electricity, smooth brushes and tender caresses that made her want to stay like this forever.
She didn't think, didn't stop to wonder about what happened next. She simply poured her emotions into her lips and tried to give them to Weiss that way. The white-haired woman pushed her backwards on the couch until she was on her back and Weiss was on top of her. They continued kissing like that. Then she felt something new, something warm and soft. It was Weiss' tongue probing at her lips, she realized. It was pushing and prodding gently like it wanted something, so Ruby did the only thing she could think of and opened her lips.
Weiss' tongue slid inside, and Ruby found herself moaning into the kiss. The white-haired woman's tongue licked all around her mouth, stroking and twirling and tasting. Weiss' tongue found her own and coiled around it, and Ruby started doing her best to move her own like Weiss was. Weiss' hands were on her cheeks now, holding her head firmly. Her own arms were wrapped as tightly around Weiss' back as they possibly could be, gripping the fabric of her shirt and twisting the material in her fingers.
She felt something wet on her cheek. She peeked her eyes open and saw a trail of tears descending from Weiss' closed eyelids.
She gently pushed Weiss away so she could speak. "W-Weiss, are you crying?"
Weiss nodded. "Yes. Now shut up and kiss me again."
With that the slightly shorter woman pressed her back down against the soft, yielding fabric of the couch and pressed her lips to her own again. This time their tongues took turns, as Ruby explored the inside of Weiss' mouth with a gentle and nervous hesitation. Weiss let her though, coiling her fingers in Ruby's hair and letting out breathless moans that let Ruby know that whatever she was doing, she was doing right. They breathed through their noises in short bursts as they tried to maintain lip contact for as long as they could. They drew back from time to time, leaving a strand of saliva dangling in between their mouths. And then after a few short, hot breaths, they started kissing again.
Weiss cried the entire time. Tears ran in beautiful tracks down her cheeks to drip onto Ruby's face. She didn't care. They felt good somehow. They meant Weiss was trusting her with something she had never trusted her with before. She had never seen Weiss cry until today. She knew deep down that that meant something special.
She was warm. So warm; she had never felt this loved before, even with her mother. There was something different about the way Weiss loved. It was almost as if she thought that they would part soon, so she poured her heart and soul into these kisses. She loved with passionate abandonment. It was beautiful in its own way.
The kisses slowly changed pace, going from breathless and passionate to steady and gentle. They kissed luxuriously, taking their time and gazing into eachother's eyes for long moments before coming back together and kissing again.
Ruby completely lost track of time. It was fully dark outside. She had no idea how long she had been on the couch with Weiss. She didn't even care.
Several more minutes passed, full of breathless affection and tender caresses down still-clothed skin. Eventually Weiss drew back, sitting up and letting Ruby pull herself back up. As soon as they were sitting upright Weiss embraced her and squeezed her so tightly she felt she might burst.
"H-Hey," Ruby whispered. "It's fine. I'm here."
"Tell me to stay," Weiss muttered. "I want to stay. Tell me to stay."
Ruby giggled and kissed the top of Weiss' head. She had never been happier in her life.
"Stay here with me then. Don't leave. We'll move whatever stuff you have back in. It doesn't matter if you give up your new job, I've got enough to support us for a long time. Stay."
Weiss nodded into her shoulder and took a long breath. When she let it out, Ruby could almost hear her let out all of her anxieties and fears with it. "Yes. I will stay."
"Mmm. We're gonna have to have a long talk though. You're gonna have to tell me why you really left."
Weiss chuckled. "Yes. I will explain. But I did not lie. I left because I love you."
She grasped Weiss gently by the back of her head, tangled her fingers in her impossibly soft hair, and tilted her head up to kiss her again.
When she broke it off, she whispered: "I love you too."