Chapter 12

White trim and a painted lavender sign exclaiming "Vincent Plum Bail Bonds" was the only difference I could see in the details of the office that Connie and Lula had taken over more than a year ago. A younger version of Connie sat at the watch. Connie had worked for Vinnie since he opened the business. She was always at the desk in the front, usually blocking angry customers from getting too close to Vinnie. There was a semi-automatic in the top right hand drawer of the desk, and it was always loaded. The Connie look-alike was no more than twenty years old and had black curly hair that she wore in a sweep. A bottle of blood-red nail polish sat open on the desk in front of her and she was filing her nails furiously, paying no attention to the blinking lights of the calls on hold. They were no business of hers. A new desk and a dark brown leather couch replaced the worn desk and trampled vinyl couch that Vinnie had bought at auction. The second-hand feeling was gone, upgraded to slightly professional.

I couldn't see inside Vinnie's private office, but I was betting dollars to doughnuts that Connie and Lula were behind door number one. I smelled fresh doughnuts and coffee, and neither of those things were visible in the outer office.

"May I help you?" Connie Junior asked, smacking her gum between her teeth.

"I am looking for Connie Rosolli."

"Sure, she's always here. She is in the office in back."

She swiveled her chair. "Auntie Connie, someone's here to see you!" She yelled sarcastically.

She picked up the nail file making absolutely sure she hadn't missed anything.

"She'll be right out."

Lula stuck her head out the door of the office.

"Who's here?" Lula saw me. "Is that who think it is?"

Connie poked her head out around Lula's.

Lula looked like a changed woman. She had on a brown business suit with a short skirt that matched. Her hair was a color mix of blond, red, and black. It was pulled from her face with ringlets hanging down. Connie had on the same suit as she did, they were twins. Her hair was black and Jersey teased. They ran towards me, giving me hugs. I had missed them. Seeing them looking so professional was all the better.

Connie introduced me to Roxanne. She was Connie's niece, and a pity hire, sort of like I had been. Roxanne had wrecked her uncle's car; she was working for Connie in hopes to pay for the damage.

We walked in to the back office. A box of doughnuts from The Donut Depot sat open on the desk. The office itself hadn't changed much. Aside from the candle burning on the table, and the family pictures on the wall, the office was the same. The smell was different. Dirty locker room was replaced with Vanilla Cinnamon Swirl. I sat down on the desk and grabbed a doughnut. All I had eaten lately was food from the Rangeman kitchen. You can only eat so many healthy breakfasts before you wither away and die. Doughnuts were a gift from God, as far as I was concerned. A dozen doughnuts called my name.

Connie sat at the desk, and Lula lounged in a tall-back office chair. We quietly enjoyed the calorie laden doughnuts.

"I wondered when you would get your ass back to Jersey." Lula said. "I knew you couldn't stay away forever."

"We hang out in Vinnie's office now." Connie said. "It's so much better than working out front."

There was a stack of files on the corner of the desk near the computer keyboard. Post-it notes decorated the monitor. The desk layout was similar to how she had worked out in front. If I opened the top right hand drawer, I could guarantee her gun was there.

Lula was still eyeballing me as she ate. "You better have been sick. You've been back for days. No phone call, no nothing."

"Yeah, sick of getting shot at." Connie said. "You're still wearing your vest?"

I touched the Kevlar vest. "It feels safer to have it on."

"I couldn't wear one of those things." Lula said. "It would ruin my business look."

Lula had lost at least twenty pounds. She strutted across the office, showing off her new look.

"It's all this falling in love stuff. I don't want to eat. I could write a book about it. Fall in love, lose weight. It would be a best seller. You just need to find yourself someone to fall in love with. That's the tough part."

"Especially if you're already married." Connie added.

I finished off my doughnut, and went back to the box in search of another victim.

"So, Connie, how's business?" I didn't want to come off sounding desperate, but she had said that I could come back if I wanted to, and I needed to make some money. I would have a paycheck now from Rangeman, but I didn't know how I felt about Ranger and his company paying my way. It seemed too constricting. I still wanted my independence.

"Girl, you don't even know! We are doing great. I told you we had this business down. Vinnie has called, too. He is begging for the office back. Can you believe it? He wants to come back and buy us out. We celebrated our first quarter out of the red and almost in the black. We don't need his little weasel butt back here."

Connie cut in. "We probably will partner with him, though. He won't have control of the books anymore, they were a joke. He did pull in some high bond clients that won't call without him here."

Vinnie had installed a two-way mirror in his private office. It was a security feature that was very useful. Two men walked in. One had sandy brown hair. He was tall and thin, and he walked with a swagger that suggested he was trying too hard to be cool. He wore dark blue jeans over an old pair of cowboy boots. A utility gun belt held his Glock tight against his hip. Handcuffs were shoved in the back pocket of his jeans. I placed him at about thirty-six. He looked like he could have jumped right out of a television show about plain clothes cops. "Miami Vice" for the two thousands. His partner was shorter than he was, by about two inches. Instead of jeans, he wore army surplus cargo pants and boots. He didn't have the swagger. Instead, he moved with a relaxed saunter. He had dark brown hair, and had more of a Jersey attitude than Miami did. They stopped and talked to Roxanne.

"Who are those people out there?" I asked, watching them from the two-way.

"That is Santos and his partner Nick. Les Sebring let them know we needed some help. He sent them over. They don't have the numbers that You or Ranger had, but they are doing Ok."

Les Seabring was in direct competition with Vinnie's bonds office. He handled larger bonds and the new child protection bonds that were becoming popular. Jeanne Ellen worked for Les. Child protection was what she handled most. I had to go up against Jeanne a few years ago, she won. It was really no contest.

"You had a pretty high capture rate. I think it was seventy-five percent. That is big." Connie said.

"Yeah, but it means I lost twenty-five percent."

"Seventy-five percent is excellent, Stephanie. No joke. Those are good numbers."

"What about Ranger?" I asked. "What rate did he have?"

"He did ninety-eight percent."

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

"Look, Ranger is a primo bounty hunter. You came off the street after being laid off from pushing ladies underpants. The fact that you have a seventy-five percent capture rate is not lost to him, or to us. Plus, you still are better than any of those clowns." She said.

I sat there thinking about ninety-eight percent capture ratings, and my pretty damn good seventy-five percent. Connie picked up a coconut frosted chocolate. I glanced again at the files on the desk. They seemed to be like the elephant in the room, just sitting there. It was quiet in here, but out front, calls were on hold. Lula and Connie were hanging out, eating doughnuts. Nick and Santos sat down at one of the computers, doing some research.

Connie put the doughnut box on top of the files. I eyed it suspiciously.

It was too good to be true. Something wasn't right. Things were too perfect.

"Ok, what are you not telling me?"

Connie and Lula looked at each other. She sighed.

"Well, ok, fine." She said. "We can't find any of the skips. We had to hire those two clowns. They are both from out of town. So far, they haven't found anyone. Half of the bonds go through without a hitch, the other half are sitting in that pile right there." She picked up the box of doughnuts, and the pile seemed to grow. Making them appear larger and more profound than before.

"What do you mean; they haven't found any of them?" I said. "Not one?"

I was at a loss for words. My jaw dropped. I even put down the doughnut I was eating.

"How many have skipped?"

Connie looked at the files on her desk. "Well, I think we have close to fifty." She said, still eating her doughnut. There was no panic on her face, but denial, it was there. I knew what denial looked like. Vinnie would have our heads if there was that many FTA's out there.

FTA meant "Failure to Appear". That is exactly what all fifty of these clients were doing. They were skipping out on the bond agreements. Vinnie would be out of business. Lula and Connie would be on the street in less than a month if these people were not picked back up again.

"You have fifty skips?" I said. Thinking they must be pulling my chain. The bonds office needed to stay open; it was my shot at feeling halfway normal again. Connie stopped eating her doughnut when they saw the look on my face. "It's not as bad as it seems. Most people show up to court. We are just having bad luck."

"We were going with the honor code. Mostly it was working, till you pointed out the fifty on the desk." Lula said in a huff.

"Ok." I said, trying to keep a positive attitude as I paced the floor. I was positive they were up a creek without a paddle if this wasn't fixed, was more like it.

"We can do this, if you guys help me. FTA's are not coming in, because no one is making them. Give me the ones whose bonds are running out soonest. Lula, you are going to have to help me go after these people. Connie, you are going to call and see if Vinnie is back in town yet."

"He is." She said. "He called to let us know."

"Then tell him if he wants to partner up, he needs to get his ass over here and help." I looked out the two-way at Connie Junior. "I hate to tell you this, but you're going to have to fire Roxanne, unless she wants to work for free. I don't think you can afford extra employees."

"Ok, geez." Connie said as she started picking up the doughnut boxes, throwing them away.

We separated all the open files into three piles, putting the ones that needed to be taken care of first on the top. Vinnie would work with Nick and Santos. I would work with Lula; Connie would manage the office and the filing. The remaining pile would go to Rangeman. Vinnie's group would take twenty, we took twenty, and the last ten would be handed over to Ranger.

Twenty files were more than I ever had at once. I tried to separate the files evenly for both piles. We both had some bad guys, and we also had some easy captures.

"I called Vinnie." Connie said. He said he was ready to come back to work, anyway. He still needs to kiss and make up to Lucille's father, but his balls are no longer in danger. Lucille decided to forgive him, and she believes the story about the hooker wanting bail money for her brother. She's lonely, driving her father crazy. He practically begged Vinnie to move back in, so he didn't have to deal with her anymore.

"Tell him if that website isn't down by the end of the day, I am suing him."

"What website?" They both looked up from the stack of files, curiously.

"Just tell him. I'll explain later."

I grabbed my twenty files, and headed for the door. I turned and glanced at Lula. "You are helping me with these."

Lula grabbed her shoulder bag.

"If I am helping you, then we need to stop by my place. I need to change into my bounty hunting clothes. No way am I ruining these clothes. These are professional clothes. Plus, all my special apprehension paraphernalia is at the apartment."

"What paraphernalia?"

"Well, let's see. I have handcuffs, furry and regular. The furry ones are in case someone is cute. Plus I bought new running shoes, a new triple power tactical stun gun that is illegal in eight states, and has three extra battery packs. I also bought a pink pair of super spy binoculars with night vision."

I knew extra handcuffs were good, and the binoculars might come in handy, even if they were pink. I still was unclear as to what Lula would do with the furry handcuffs in an apprehension.

We drove over to her apartment, and my eyes cut to Lula.

"Fifty? You guys have fifty skips on the table and you were eating doughnuts?"

"Excuse me, we were eating breakfast. Plus, I tried to track them down, but they weren't cooperating!"

I tried to find fault in that statement, but I had trouble in the past trying to find people, Lula always helped. Without her pushing to go and find some of the FTA's, my percentage rate would have been a lot lower.

"We need to make them come in, or none of us are going to have Vinnie's bonds office to fall back on."

Lula came out of her apartment building wearing a bright yellow spandex shirt with dolphins on it and a slightly ass covering black mini skirt with a pair of black Reeboks. She got in and dropped her ten pound bag on the floor of the Jeep.
"I got everything, including the furry handcuffs."

We drove into the underground parking garage at Rangeman, and I used the key fob to open the gate. Lula looked at me out of the corner of her eye.

"There has got to be a good explanation for you picking up your things at Rangeman."

"Since I've been back, I haven't had a chance to look for an apartment. Everything is still here."

"Uh huh. This is going to be a good story, I can't wait."

I rolled my eyes. I knew I would have to tell her, eventually. Then I would have to talk about it, instead of just steadily moving toward something. I wasn't sure what that was, but it felt a whole hell of a lot like love. Oh boy.

My cell phone rang as I parked. It was Ranger.

"Are you downstairs with Lula?"

"Yep."

There was silence on the line.

"Hello?"

"Babe, you aren't bringing her upstairs are you?"

"We have an emergency. No one has been picking up the skips."

"Connie called. Tank is picking up the files for ten FTA's."

"We have twenty, Vinnie and two new guys have the other twenty."

"Don't let her look for my underwear."

He disconnected.

I left Lula downstairs, and thought I would like to have my apartment back sometime soon. Staying with Ranger was nice, but I needed to give him his space back. I opened the door to his apartment. Fresh flowers were there but things were still not right. The cleanup crew had left. Most of the evidence of Jeanne Ellen's rampage was now gone. There was still some missing furniture and the sheets were still off the bed.

I started looking for all my gear. In Scottsdale, I had a method. When there was a possibility someone would spit, piss, throw stuff, shoot, stun me, or make me run through garbage, it was a good idea to dress for it. I pulled on my black cargo pants, and a white t-shirt. I put the vest on, and holstered my gun in the utility belt. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail. I put my Bates boots on, pocketed the pepper spray, the handcuffs, zip cuffs, and extra ammo. I looked at myself in the mirror. Not too shabby, Stephanie. I was determined not to get hurt, or get on camera doing anything stupid. I picked up my pocket-book and headed back downstairs.

Lula gave me the stink eye when I got back in the Jeep, checking me out head to toe with a sideways glance.

"Girl, are you sleeping with that man? Um- um. Never mind. I already know you are. Look at you; you are all Rangered out. Accessorized in Rangeman equipment. You even have your own parking spot, and you look all relaxed. Don't tell me your not. I got a sixth sense about these things. You smell like him too."

"It's the shower gel." I said, defensively.

"No, it isn't. It's the attitude. You're all confident and shit."

"Okay, fine. I am sleeping with him." Geez, how did everyone always know?

"Umhum, I knew it. That man is all kinds of fine. I bet he is just as fine naked too."

I raised my eyebrows thinking about Ranger naked. It was not an unpleasant thought.

"I'm telling you, if I was in your shoes…" She trailed off, thinking about what she would do in my shoes. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what Lula would do in my shoes. I don't even know what I am doing in my shoes anymore.

"You better be careful, that boy's dangerous." She pointed to her head. "He's a little crazy."

I looked over at Ranger. I didn't think he was crazy, but I did think I was insane to believe he was normal.

I looked at the stack of files.

"Who's first?" I said, as we motored out of the underground garage.

Our first FTA was Bernie Horowitz. He lived in the same apartment complex as Grandma Mazur. We sat in the Jeep looking over at Shady Acres. I had parked under a tree on the opposite side of the street. I realized too late there was a good reason no one parked here. Bird poop splattered my windshield. Lula's eyes got big and she looked up. I turned my head, following her gaze, just in time for a bird to land a large white caked splat on my head. Lula grabbed the files, put them over her head, and ran from the Jeep into the clear. Away from the dangerous tree. I fired up the Jeep and whipped out of the parking space. I moved the Jeep up the street and tried to get the poop off me.

"Do you think bird poop might be good for your hair?" Lula asked.

I took a look in the mirror. One big glob ran down the side of my head, catching in my hair as its mass oozed down in greasy layers. Yuck. Another yellow and brown glob sat on my shirt. My jeep was covered with white splats. Lula had two more on her shirt. We tried in vain to wipe ourselves clean. A car drove by. Bernie Horowitz glanced over at us as he passed. I checked the file quickly. It was him. He pulled into the lot. He parked and walked fast towards the entrance and went inside. I called Grandma Mazur.

"Bernie Horowitz?" She said to me with a tone that sounded surprisingly false. Grandma's voice changed pitch, and she whispered, "Let me call you back."

She hung up on me.

That was strange. I looked at the file on Bernie. He had lived at Shady Acres for eight months. He resided on the second floor. He was arrested for assault. Bernie had punched his best friend, Carl Maddox in the nose after a heated argument over two women. Carl called the cops and had Bernie arrested. Two women? Uh Oh. The two witnesses to the assault were listed as no other than Edna Mazur and Bella Morelli.

Grandma called me back a few moments later. "I can't help you with Bernie. It would be a conflict of interest."

"A conflict of what interest?"

"Of our interest. Both Bella and I have been seeing Bernie, and we don't want him to go to jail. It would ruin everything."

"He needs to get a new court date. He is breaking the law by not taking care of this. You can have him back, after. I'm coming up. What apartment are you in?"

She hung up.

Lula looked at me. "Did your own Grandmother just hang up on you?"

"Yeah, twice!"

I told her what Grandma had said.

"Bernie is one crazy guy. Seeing both your Grandma and Bella? He's a wild one."

"We need to go get him. Just don't expect my Grandma to help."

According to my mother, Grandma lived on the second floor of "The Shady Acres Phase Two Apartments for Senior Living". I knocked on her door.

"Grandma, I know you're in there, open up."

I heard breathing on the other side of the door, and shuffling. The door opened a crack. A security chain was firmly in place. Grandma's nose poked out.

"He's here. He doesn't want to go to jail. He has a poker tournament tonight."

"If he didn't want to go to jail, why didn't he just show up for his court date? Ask him that."

"I don't need to." she said defiantly.

"He was here, with us. We told him we would take care of it, and make Carl drop the charges."

"And?"

"Carl said no. He is mad because Bernie stole his girl, and broke his nose. He wants him to pay for it. He needs to have it reset. Bernie needs to go to the tournament tonight to win the money to give to Carl. It's all set."

"What makes Bernie think he can win?"

"He's real good. He always wins. Come back tomorrow. Bernie will come with you. He promises."

I looked at Lula. She shrugged.

"Tomorrow's good with me."

I looked at Grandma, with her pink hair poking through the door.

"Tomorrow, he better be ready."

Two weeks later, Bernie Horowitz was still FTA, but Lula and I were feeling pretty damn good. We had picked up all but four of the twenty files we had been given. Vinnie's team had five left, and I was pretty sure Ranger's team had been done days before that. I was still having a hard time believing that Lula couldn't find some of these people by herself. Clearly her head was not in the game when it came to skip tracing. I was getting my old apartment back. I talked to Kenny. He said that because of its history, he was having trouble renting it out anyway. I could move back in anytime. It would be nice to have my own space. I was getting comfortable living with Ranger. It was too easy; I wasn't ready to move in without a commitment, and I never actually got any kind of green light from Ranger about living arrangements, anyway. Plus, what would my mother say? She would have a fit if she knew I was living there, and it felt like that's what was happening. Then, he would be required to come over for Sunday dinners. I didn't think that would go over well with Ranger, or his life.

We had our backs pressed to the wall of a solid brick and mortar building. Pauley Bostitch already fired a round through his front door in an attempt to scare us off. He was next on the list. If we didn't pick him up, Vinnie would be ahead of us in points. It was starting to become a high stakes game between us. My team consisted of Lula and yours truly. Vinnie had Santos and Nick. Three against two. So far, we had been pretty lucky and we were ahead by one. We had to make the capture. Vinnie called moments before telling us if all went right, they were bringing in number sixteen. Four more to go for them. We would be tied. The prize for who finished first was up to two hundred bucks. I wanted that two hundred big ones. Lula would get half. A hundred bucks would buy me some time with Mr. Alexander. He was the best hair stylist in Trenton. There was a month wait for an appointment with him, and if you didn't call him Mr. Alexander, you might as well forget your appointment all together. I was in dire need of some salon time. I had made the appointment already, in lieu of our cash prize. The Arizona heat fried my hair. I needed that appointment, and that hundred bucks.

"So, what now?" Lula whispered.

Pauley Bostitch had been arrested for attempted murder. He had accidentally given the wrong pills to Mrs. Kowalski, and she had broken into hives and filed charges against him. According to him, he was under a lot of pressure. Mrs. Kowalski had been screaming in his ear. He claimed temporary insanity and they arrested him. As the court date loomed closer, he probably feared the worst, thinking he was going to jail. Attempted murder was usually something that Ranger would have taken, but it somehow ended up in our pile. The bond was not high enough to warrant Ranger's team to go after him.

After someone tries to shoot at me, I usually leave, but Pauley is my pharmacist. I was hoping that when he saw it was me, that he wouldn't shoot. I was wrong not to give my name when I announced "recovery agents. " The lead from the attempt to shoot at us was still rolling around on the ground next to Stanley's destroyed front door.

"Mr. Bostitch, its Stephanie Plum. Don't shoot me."

"Hello, Stephanie. Um. How did the cream I gave your mother work?"

"It worked great, Mr. Bostitch. Thank you for recommending it."

"You know, there are all kinds of herbal medications out there. You just have to be careful of some of them. They are all located on isle six, you know. Right next to the antacids."

"Ok thanks, Mr. Bostitch. I'll remember that."

Lula was staring at me. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Mr. Bostitch, I need you to come down to the police station with me. We need to set a new court date."

Silence followed.

"Mr. Bostitch?"

"Mrs. Kowalski is a bitch. It was temporary insanity. She made me pick up the wrong bottle. She was yelling at me. It could have happened to anyone."

"You need to talk to your lawyer, Mr. Bostitch. I am sure you can get this worked out."

"I don't even have a real lawyer. The court gave me a name of a woman who won't even answer the phone."

"I know a good lawyer, Mr. Bostitch." Kind of.

"If you come down with me, I can send him to talk to you. Would that be ok?"

There was more silence.

"Ok. Sure. Can you call him now?"

"Sure. Sure, I can. Just drop the gun, and we will talk about it." I gave Lula a thumbs up.

We both heard the gun drop.

"Can you walk out here to us?" I said

Pauley walked out and lit a cigarette.

"I destroyed my door."

I looked at the damage.

"It's Ok. I'll send over your new lawyer, he will get you a new door too." Albert would do just about anything to get a client, including carpentry.

We handcuffed Pauley, got him in the Jeep and drove him over to the cop shop. Eddie Gazarra was at the desk. Since I had been back, I hadn't had to talk to him. I was still harboring ill will over his video. That one stupid move landed me in so many pots of hot water, I wasn't sure if I was out of them all yet. I plucked the body receipt out of his hands.

"Geez, nice to see you too, Stephanie."

I narrowed my eyes at him, and leaned on the counter.

"Don't think that I don't remember what you did to me, Eddie. That video of yours has you officially off my Christmas list forever."

"Stephanie, it was a stupid video. You're still pissed about that?"

I stood there in silence. I wanted to scream. I wanted to bite his head off. I wanted him to know just how much that one video had changed my entire existence.

The FBI is going to want to talk to you, Eddie. I hope you made a copy.

Eddie flushed.

"The FBI? What, because I shot a video of you?"

I put the receipt in my pocket and walked out. Vinnie was still behind us in captures. I pulled out my phone and made the call. We had bagged our seventeenth man.

To celebrate, we drove over to Cluck in a Bucket. Lula got a snack box of chicken and I got an apple pie.

While we ate, I looked at the file for the next person on our list. Sasha Blankowitz . We were saving her for last, but she lived the closest. She had a nice apartment in a complex off Main Street. She worked at a strip club called Shorty's off the turnpike. Sasha was twenty-five years old, with black hair and brown eyes. Six foot two inches tall, and weighed 170 pounds. She had attacked a neighbor with a knife. On three other occasions, she had done the same thing. Her bond was high, and I wasn't looking forward to going after her. I wondered about her profession.

"Does it say stripper or wrestler?" I asked Lula.

"Well, it doesn't really specify either. If you ask me, she looks a lot like those crazy bitches that attacked us at The Snake Pit."

I picked up the phone and called Mary Mason.

A few years back, we needed to find someone who had borrowed Mary Mason's car. She worked at The Snake Pit as a wrestler and we ended up in an altercation with her, and some of her pals in a giant vat of mud. Since then, Mary had ended her wrestling career and opened a mystery book store next door to the bonds office. I called the store. Mary picked up on the first ring. I told her who I was, and that I needed some help.

"Stephanie, I heard you were back in town. What can I do for you?"

"Sasha Blankowitz. You know her?"

There was a pause.

"She used to work at The Pit. She got fired because she wouldn't leave her knife at home." That sounded about right.

"Are you working for Vinnie again?"

"I am for now, just helping out. How well do you know Sasha? I need her to reschedule her court date."

I heard laughter through the phone.

"Good luck, Plum. I don't go anywhere near her, or her knives, but if you're looking for a book deal, or a way to market that website of yours, you should come to me first."

Stupid website! I hung up. That website was going down.

I looked at Lula. "She won't help."

"It's just one of those days. No one ever wants to help. What is the world coming to?" Lula said.

We were already in the neighborhood, so we headed over to see Sasha Blankowitz. I knocked on the door; a giant of a woman opened it. I took a step back. Sasha Blankowitz towered over both Lula and I. She had to be more than six-two. My cousin was six-foot two. Sasha had at least two inches on him. She was dressed in bright white workout clothes with a black stripe down the side of her pants and top. She was all muscle. Her biceps were almost as big around as Ranger's. I would put her more in the class of "weight trainer", than "mud wrestler".

"Yeeah, Can I help you ladies?" She looked at us out of the corner of her good eye. Her other eye was swollen shut. She had a cigarette dangling out of her mouth, the ashes dropping on the floor as she spoke. There was a cat in her arms; it was yowling and trying to get down.

"Sasha Blankowitz?" I said.

"That's my name."

"Hi, I'm Stephanie Plum." I extended my hand, and she shook it. "This is my partner, Lula."

"Nice to meet you both. It is not every day that you see an interracial couple."

That took me back a beat, and I looked back at Lula. She had crossed her arms and was about to say something, but I motioned for her to stop.

"We represent Plum Bail Bonds. You didn't show up for court. We need to take you in, and get you a new court date."

"Get me a new court date, really?"

She put the cat down,and closed the door behind her. She leaned back and folded her arms in front of her.

"So, you two are going to bring me in, and get me a new court date. Then I would be free to go, right?"

I hesitated. "Right."

"You're lying to me." Her eyes were turning beady, and a mean look furrowed her face.

I needed to do something fast. I decided, what the hell, and went for it. I cuffed both her wrists behind her back. She was surprised; it was such a quick move that I caught her off guard. I imagined I would be over the railing and in the pool any second, so I braced myself and kept moving, like a real professional. Maybe, if you don't give them a chance to think about it. Maybe that's the key.

"Wait!" She said. My apartment! I need my bag."

I had heard that one before, and fell for it countless times. I had also heard the bathroom one too. I handed her over to Lula. She held on to her tight, leaning into her. Lula was no match for her. Sasha started squirming. Lula put all her weight behind it and held on.

"You better just stand still woman, or I'll zap you with my stun gun."

Her eyes went wide, and she fainted. I looked at Lula.

"What happened?"

"I didn't touch her." Lula said, "I swear! She fainted."

"Shit. We are on the 3rd floor. See if she has a cart or something."

"Nope, no cart." Lula said, opening the apartment door and looking in. "Maybe I could call an ambulance. They got gurneys. Maybe she needs to be checked out anyway. It would save us some sweating and panting and some plain embarrassing situations if we just call them first."

I thought about that. She had a point. I called the ambulance, and I locked up her apartment.

We were learning.

"Hey." Lula said. "Maybe we could make training videos for other bounty hunter wanna-bes. I bet we could make money off that."

That was a thought. I think we would be showing people what "not to do" more than what "to do".

Lula and I waited for the ambulance. They came and took Sasha's vitals and loaded her into the van. I handcuffed her to the gurney, and told them that I would send a police officer down to pick her up.

"We haven't ruined our clothes, and we picked up number eighteen." Lula said, giving me a high-five.

We motored over to Pino's pizza. It had been a great day. We were ahead of Vinnie by two. We pulled into the parking lot. It was full. It was Monday night. We looked at each other.

Lula Offered."Monday Night Football?"

I guess it could have been, but I had been to Pino's for Monday Night Football. It was nothing like this.

"We're going to have to go someplace else." I said.

"My stomach's growling."

I knew that Lula didn't mess around when her stomach was growling, in love or not. We parked across the lot, and went in. I opened the door to Pino's, and walked in on Joe Morelli's engagement celebration. It was a tradition at the cop shop to celebrate engagement, marriage, babies, retirements, divorce, and death at Pino's.

I had no idea what we were walking into until I saw the banner on the wall, and the people in the room. Everybody turned and stared, one by one, hitting each other until everyone in the room stopped talking.

I panicked. "Um, sorry. I guess we will eat somewhere else."

I was hyperventilating. I couldn't breathe. I could deal with this. This was real life. This was happening, and I am going to be ok with it.

Lula grabbed my arm and turned me toward the door. We walked out quickly. I knew most everyone there, even Bella. Trisha was there, and of course, Joe was there.

The problem I was having is that the banner didn't say "Happy Engagement", did it Stephanie? I said to myself. No. It didn't. It said "Congratulations!" And there was a baby rattle on that sign.

I turned and threw up next to the door. It went everywhere, including my shoes. Lula walked me out to the curb, and I collapsed on to it.

"Shit." I said, looking at my vomit covered shoes. I took them off and threw them as hard as I could against the wall.

I felt like all the wind was knocked out of my sails. My life was falling, my confidence was faltering. My head was spinning. I kept thinking that was supposed to be me. Joe and me. It was, and I ruined it. My life is a joke. I couldn't catch my breath. I couldn't do anything; I think I needed that ambulance to come back and pick me up. I was going to die, right here. My heart was dead. This was it. It was over.

"Shit." I said again. I should have stayed in Scottsdale. Why the hell had I come back? This hurt way too much.

Lula sat down next to me, and I put my head between my knees. I was still dizzy. This was it. She was pregnant. There is no net; there is no going back ever, and making up with Joe. No matter what, I would have to deal with it.

I always operated with the notion that if things go bad, Joe still would rescue me. I don't know why, but it was inside my head. And now, that was gone. I was scared. For once I did not have backup. For once, it wasn't a "maybe someday" or "in a couple years." This was real. He was not only engaged, but now he was going to be a father, and not a father to my baby. I had been back three weeks, I was still lost.

"You know what?" Lula said.

"You need a drink of water. I'll be right back."

She walked back into the restaurant as someone plopped down next to me.

It was Joe. Lula had seen him walk up behind us. I didn't.

"Shit, Steph. I didn't want you to find out like this. The guys put this together before I knew what was happening. The whole squad is here."

I started to cry. I didn't want to. Not in front of Joe, but I did anyway. He put his arm around me.

"Cupcake, I always thought this moment would be ours, I never thought that I would be in love with someone else, but I am. I'm sorry that you walked in on it. This is my life, and I am happy. Bob is happy. Shit, I just found out I am going to be a father."

He kissed me on the forehead. "You know I will always love you, Stephanie. I hope you understand."He hugged me again, and got up and walked back inside to the party.

I watched him go.

I couldn't help, wanting to change places with her, but did I really? I wiped my eyes, and got to my feet. After seeing Joe, I realized that I didn't want the same things as he did, but it still hurt. I gave him back the key to his heart, but it didn't matter, he had already changed the locks.

Lula picked up my shoes, and put them in a bag.

"You want these?"

I nodded, no. She tossed them into the dumpster. They made a thunk with a squishy sound. There was a slight smell. I knew the smell. I looked at Lula. She looked inside the trash bin.

"Stephanie. Where's that picture of the last skip we have besides Bernie? I think I found him."

After all that went on, we found one of our skips dead in the dumpster, behind Pino's Pizza. I was not about to go back into the party, so I called 911 and reported it. The dispatcher informed me that seventy-five percent of the vice cops and detectives were in the same parking lot. I knew that.

Three minutes later, the entire party came outside. Three cop cars pulled up. Lula tried to leave, but she and I were informed that we needed to give statements to the investigators. We stood there in silence, waiting in the middle of the flashing lights and chaos.

Trisha and Joe were standing together, watching as the body was removed from the dumpster. I glanced over. She was glaring at me. Then, she let go of Joe's hand and stomped over to me.

"Uh-oh," Lula said. "Not good."

Trisha had her hands on her hips. Her face was red. She looked angry.

"Stephanie! Are you fricken crazy? The moment you stumble back into town, you find A DEAD body at my congratulations party? Is this real?" She turned to one of the police officers.

"I want her fingerprinted. She dumped that body here. I want her arrested. This woman is nothing but trouble."

Joe stood back, trying to stay out of it. He knew it was not my fault that dead guys and I had a relationship. I found dead guys all the time.

"Lula found Kevin Yukowski. Not me."

Lula looked like a deer in the headlights.

"Nuuh. No, I didn't. I am an innocent bystander. I didn't find shit. You're crazy. I need to get outta here. I've gotta pee. Excuse me."

Lula turned tail and took off fast for the entrance of Pino's. I thought it might be a good idea if I went into Pino's to check on her. We would wait inside for the detective to get our statements. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth for a good five minutes. Lula was sitting at one of the tables when I came out. It was a shame to just sit there without ordering. We were both still hungry. Lula couldn't stand it.

She ordered drinks and meatball subs for both of us. It could be an hour before we get to talk to anyone. I called Connie and told her about Kevin. With Kevin, we had picked up nineteen. One to go. We had picked up everyone except Bernie. She said Vinnie had two more he couldn't find, so we had a couple of days to pick him up,before he caught up to us. Ranger had come in to drop off the body receipts for his ten. She said something was different about him. She couldn't put her finger on it. He was nicer.

I told her about the disaster that was happening at Pino's, and that we had to wait for the police. We had ordered food. I asked if she wanted to come have some dinner with us. Pino's was pretty empty because everyone was outside. She said she would grab her bag and be right over.

Connie came through the back. She saw the banner and almost choked on her gum.

"Holy cow, someone threw up out back. It's really disgusting. They should hose that down before it gets worse."

"That was Stephanie." Lula said.

"You ok?" Connie asked.

The thing is, I think I was. I knew I wasn't ready for a baby, or to settle down and be a cop's wife. I think I was better than ok. I felt relieved.

We cleared off the "Congratulation" party favors and started eating our sandwiches. Pino's made the best meatball sandwiches in the entire state. I was feeling much better; confident that I was moving in the right direction. The party started coming back into the restaurant. Trisha came in first. She was talking and laughing. Then she stopped and looked over at us.

"You!" She said with a tone close to hysteria. "What are you still doing here?" She acted like she was going to blow a fuse. I had a meatball in my mouth. She shocked me with her outburst. I couldn't swallow. Standing next to Trisha was a pretty girl with dark hair. She put a hand on Trisha's shoulder.

"Trisha, I'll take care of this. Just go back out and look for Joe."

She sauntered over to our table and sat down.

Trisha went back outside to look for Joe. Probably to tell him that I was still here and that I should burn in hell.

She picked up a pickle that had dropped out of my sandwich, and ate it. "So, you're the notorious Stephanie Plum, huh?"

I had a mouthful of meatball sub. I was trying hard to chew fast, so I could speak, defend myself, or something. I had taken a ridiculously large bite. I tried to swallow it down, and choked. I coughed. She made me nervous. Marinara sauce shot out of my mouth getting Lula, Trisha's friend, and me with red sauce.

I started to laugh, swallowing the meatball as quick as I could. I couldn't help it.

Lula looked at her shirt; it had sauce all over it.

"Dang, Stephanie!" She started to laugh too, and picked up a meatball and threw it at me.

"Lula! That was an accident!"

"Well, accident this!" And she threw a pickle at me.

I couldn't believe this; I had pickle in my hair, marinara sauce down my shirt, and in my lap, a meatball.

Connie was trying to duck as I threw the meatball back at Lula. She deserved it. The meatball hit Trisha's friend instead.

"What the hell!" She said, and she threw my coke at me. It hit Connie, drenching her.

Connie took her sandwich, and threw it at her.

Lula grabbed her drink, and threw it on me. So I took Connie's ice water, and threw it on Lula. We were laughing hard. Mustard was running down my forehead. And I was soaked in ice water. Suddenly, I noticed we were being watched. We stopped to find the whole party staring at us. Trisha was out front, arms crossed. She came over to the table as everyone came back into the restaurant to find their food and drinks.

"Stephanie" She said. "I want to introduce you to Carmen Manoso."

Connie, Lula and I stared in shocked silence at Carmen. She had pickles in her hair, and her shirt was covered in what was left of Connie's sandwich. I put out my hand and tried to say, "Pleased to meet you." But I couldn't stop laughing.

She tried to be polite back, and shook my hand laughing with me saying "I've heard so much about you."

It looked to me like this only made Trisha more angry. She stomped off to join the rest of the party.

Connie and Lula went into the restroom to clean up and I walked out with Carmen. We stood outside together watching the police.

"I am really sorry about that." I said, trying to find words for what just happened.

"Look, I'm going to be blunt." She said. "Don't get me wrong, I am sure you are a great person, but Trisha and Joe seem happy together. I was going to ask if you could step back and let them be. Then I realized that you can't help it. Things just happen to you that end up involving everyone else. I don't think it's on purpose, I think it just happens that way."

She looked down at herself. "I haven't been in a food fight since summer camp. When Trisha told me about you, I hadn't realized what a train wreck you really were. No offense, but come on."

"Sheesh. Thanks."

A train wreck? Did she just say that? I was not a train wreck. I went from walking disaster to train wreck? Great. Wonderful. Fine!

She walked back in the restaurant, pulling stuff off her clothes. I didn't really appreciate the train wreck comment. I wondered if she knows I am sleeping with her brother. I smiled. That will be a fun moment.

Finally, we had a chance to give our statements to the investigator. We were free to go. Connie said Lula could ride back with her, as long as she put newspaper down on the seats. They both wanted to get home and change, and so did I. I wanted a shower. I got into the Jeep and I watched them leave. I turned the key. It wouldn't start. I popped the hood. My battery was missing. I had a feeling I knew who was responsible for this. Batteries cost at least sixty bucks that I didn't have at the moment. I called Ranger. This was his problem.

"Yo, you're at Pino's. Are you the one who found the dead body?"

"That would be me."

"Babe, you never disappoint."

"I'm curious." I said. "Could it be possible that Jeanne Ellen is still a little angry over what happened a few weeks ago?"

"Why?"

"My battery is gone."

Silence filled the air. "Give me five minutes, I'll pick you up."

Ranger had a tracker on my Jeep. He always knew where I was. I didn't need to tell him.

I saw him pull up. The parking lot was still full, but the party was starting to break up. Not many lookie-loos, since most of the people at this party lived and breathed crime scenes.

Ranger looked over at the cops and coroner and all the flashing lights, as he angled out of the Porsche.

"Glad to see you are still finding dead guys. I was beginning to wonder. It has been a while."

He walked over to me. A small smile lit the corners of his mouth.

"Babe, you have red sauce in your hair, and you have no shoes on."

He took a pickle out of my hair and tasted it, then pulled me to him and kissed me. "I really do enjoy having you back in Trenton."

Carmen was walking towards us. He saw her and let me go, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Well, look whose here, my little sister."

"Carlos." She said, as she walked over. "I didn't know you were back in town."

She was watching me, but talking to him.

"I've been back a couple of weeks." He paused. "You know about Edward?"

"I heard, I'm sorry." She was still staring at me.

"Stephanie, what are you still doing here? I thought you had finished doing damage tonight."

My eyes got wide. My skin started to prickle. I felt like my hair was on fire. That was it. I walked up and got in her face. I had enough of this crap.

"What the FUCK is your problem?" I asked. "Do you think I purposely made all this happen? Do you think I wanted to walk into Pino's and find out Joe was having a baby? Do you think I willed the dead body? All we wanted to do was get some food, celebrate for doing a good job today, and look what happens?" I waved my hands around. The Italian was coming out. I had no control of myself. "I have no car battery. I was ridiculed by some little girl who I really wanted to impress. I was called a fucking train wreck, and a walking disaster. Plus, I ruined a celebration by finding a dead body. FUCK! I want my apartment back. I want my hamster back. I want my fucking LIFE TO BE NORMAL! To make it worse, I am covered in marinara sauce and have meatballs in my hair!"

Ranger stood next to the Jeep, looking at his sister with contempt. She was still staring at me, her arms crossed in front of her.

"Carmen, you are going to need to figure out how to get along with Stephanie. I am probably going ask her to marry me. You and the rest of the family are going to need to deal with it."

Ranger turned his attention to me.

"You got in a food fight with my sister? I would have given my right arm to see that."

He turned and walked to the Porsche, getting out a battery and bringing it to the Jeep. He popped the hood and started hooking it up. I was standing there still huffing, but my eyes glazed over at the matter-of-fact statement that was just put out there. I looked at Carmen; she was clearly just as surprised as I.

"Whatever, Carlos." She said, then turned and walked away from us.

Ranger turned the key. The Jeep started up.

I was still in a state of "What the hell".

I looked at him in disbelief. "You're probably going to ask me to marry you?"

He kissed me on the forehead, but didn't respond to my question.

"If all she is doing is stealing car batteries, it's not so bad. Just inconvenient."

"I need to get back." He said. "Where are you going now?"

"Rangeman. I need a shower."

He smiled. "Sounds good to me."