A/N:

I am the eggman/ they are the eggmen/ I am the walrus. (Or: Chapter title is from the Beatles song, "I am the Walrus".) So many beautiful pronouns. *sniffle*

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I am He as You are He as You are Me (and We are all Together)

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At the bookstore, Buffy reached up high for a textbook, and accidentally knocked over the entire pile of texts. As the books fell, the girls heard, "Ow! Ow ow ow!" accompanying the thumps on the other side of the book rack.

Buffy and Willow peeked around the corner, and Buffy winced at the sight of the tall blond man squatting on the floor, head in hand. "Did the falling books cause pain?" Buffy said. "Sorry! An accident. The books were just too high, and then everything was bad."

"Not a problem," said the man, rubbing at a lump with a wince.

Willow frowned in sympathy, then perked up. "A solution can be had. Please allow to help!" Willow reached forward and placed a hand on the man's head.

Buffy, sensing the magic about to happen, grabbed Willow's other hand. "Willow, no! Magic bad, especially with other curses already in the mix! Stop!"

Too late. A puff of smoke accompanied Willow's, "Sano." Buffy gasped, then fell to the floor at the same time as the blond man, unconscious.

"Oh no!" Willow said. "Maybe Buffy was right and a problem has been caused." Willow looked around, frantic. "A solution must be found, but what solution?"

To Willow's relief, Buffy groaned and sat up. "That knock on the head must've been harder than appearances would have the participants in this accident believe. Unconsciousness was not an expectation."

"Buffy? Feeling okay now?"

Buffy looked at Willow. "Buffy is a person unknown to – " Buffy stopped speaking and looked down, surprised, examining the body the voice was issuing from. "Holy smokes. This body is not the body expected to be seen." Buffy tried to say other words, got stuck, and then tapped Buffy's chest and said, "Riley. Not Buffy." Buffy pointed at the man on the ground, eyes wide. "Uh-oh! Riley!" Buffy pointed back and forth to the man on the ground and to Buffy's chest. "Riley in this body! Not Buffy!"

Willow's eyes widened too. "Switched?" Willow tapped Buffy's arm. "Name is Riley?"

"Yes!" Buffy said.

No, not Buffy, Willow thought. Riley.

"Then Buffy...?" Willow said.

Riley-in-Buffy shrugged, and pointed to the man on the floor. "Maybe?"

"Probably," Willow agreed. "Oh, poop!" Willow felt guilty, and raised a hand to cover a wide-open mouth.

"How did this switch happen?" Riley-in-Buffy said, starting to look panicked now.

Before Willow could answer, the man on the floor groaned and sat up, and engaged in a vigorous eye-rubbing. "That hurt! Did the man get angry and punchy?"

"Hey," Riley-in-Buffy said. "Pronoun usage! Is the female friend not affected?"

"The female friend is affected," Willow said. "But the curse only works on persons aware of speaking pronouns. If unclear a word is a pronoun, the person is unaffected."

"Oh," Riley-in-Buffy said. "Understood."

Meanwhile, Buffy was not-so-quietly panicking. "Something's wrong here! These hands are not Buffy-hands! This voice is not Buffy-voice! Willow, has something happened to Buffy?" Buffy-in-Riley looked up and spotted Riley-in-Buffy. "That body! That face! It's –" Buffy got stuck on the possessive pronoun and made gasping sounds, unable to find another way to word the sentence.

Willow made an apologetic face. "Switched."

"Switched?" Buffy-in-Riley said, turning Riley's deep rumble into an anxious squeak. "Fix now!"

"Don't know how," Willow said. "To Giles?"

"To Giles now!" Buffy said, jumping up and grabbing the Buffy-body's arm with dismay. Buffy looked down at the person now much, much shorter than this tall body Buffy was inhabiting. "Name?"

"Riley," the person said with Buffy's voice, and Buffy shuddered at the weirdness. Buffy turned to Willow. "Hurry!"

"Hurrying." Grabbing Riley-in-Buffy's other arm, Willow added to Riley, "Follow closely and don't get lost."

"Don't understand how a switch could happen," Riley said. "Switching bodies is like... magic. Not possible. Magic is not real!"

"Discuss possible and real after fixed," Willow said. "Lack of ability to use pronouns should also be impossible, no?" Willow noticed Buffy had fallen behind and was talking to another student. "Buffy!" Willow called. "Catch up!"

"Hold on," Buffy called back. "First, this shirt must be acquired and cherished."

"Huh?" Willow said, hurrying back to Buffy-in-Riley and towing Riley-in-Buffy along. "Confusion rising."

"Listen," Buffy said to the other student, reaching to grasp the shirt. "Must have! Will die without!"

"No," the student said while backing away. "The shirt is a personal possession and will not be given away!"

"But Notre Dame! Fighting Irish! Tiny leprechaun with raised fists! A-dor-able and necessary to life! Must have!"

"Crazy person!" the student yelled and began to run.

Buffy-in-Riley gave chase. "Come back! Please!"

Willow grabbed Buffy's arm, and was towed along in the wake of Buffy's new oversized body. "Buffy, stop! To Giles, remember?"

"But Buffy want that shirt," Buffy pouted.

"Willow will get a Fighting Irish shirt for Buffy later," Willow said, still confused but trying to play along. "Come to Giles' house now."

"Okay," Buffy said, still pouting. "But first, a stop to purchase Lucky Charms. Buffy is hungry! Must be this giant body."

"Hey!" Riley said. "Not giant! Just manly!"

"Whatever. By the way, a warning. Tampon needs to be changed soon. Looks like it's up to Riley to take of it."

Riley-in-Buffy turned green. Willow turned a little green too. Buffy-in-Riley walked ahead, unconcerned and blithely humming "Sunday, Bloody Sunday."

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