The next few days passed in a blur of morphine and lessening pain until the doctor finally released him. His uniform had been battered enough that the Shinra medical staff had incinerated it, so Rude pulled on the new one that had been laid out for him, its cloth still crisp with starch. His battered cell phone had been lying next to it, and now the big man flipped it open, punching in Reno's number. He'd heard no word from his red-haired lover in all the days he'd been lying in bed. At first he'd been annoyed, but now he was just worried.

The phone rang and rang, finally rolling over to voicemail until Rude cut the call and headed back to his apartment, still a little stiff and sore, the morning sun hurting his eyes. The staff hadn't seen it as important to replace his shattered sunglasses, and the brightness made his head pound.

Rude paused outside Reno's door. His apartment was dark, but that meant nothing, so he tried the knob, opening the door quietly and stepping inside.

"Reno?"

There was movement in the dark across the room and Rude could just make out Reno's form in the shadows, leaning against the doorway to his bedroom. His shirt was unbuttoned and hanging open, a bottle dangling from one hand. Rude couldn't make out his expression; his face was still in shadows.

"You're okay," came Reno's voice, slightly raspy, as though his throat hurt.

"You would've known that if you'd visited me," Rude said mildly, hands in his pockets.

"Yeah, well." Reno raised the bottle to his mouth and took a swallow.

Rude moved forward into the dim living room. "You gonna tell me why you disappeared?"

Reno took a couple staggering steps forward and stumbled. Rude caught him in his arms, wrinkling his nose a little at his partner's rather ripe smell of sweat, alcohol, and something that almost smelled like blood. Rude hauled him to the couch and hit the light switch, blinking at the brightness as Reno moaned, shielding his eyes with one hand.

"Turn off the fuckin' sun," the redhead murmured, and Rude finally caught sight of what the darkness had shielded from him.

Reno looked battered, for lack of a better word. There was a nasty cut on his forehead that had splashed now-dried blood over half his face, his nose had been bloodied, and his lip was split.

"I thought they patched you up," Rude said, feeling gently over Reno's face to make sure nothing was broken.

"It's jus' from a bar fight," the redhead slurred. "Where's m'booze?"

"Soaking into the carpet, where it belongs," Rude told him. He brushed some blood-caked hair out of Reno's face and leaned down to rest his lips on his forehead, watching the fevered blue-green eyes slip closed. The redhead nuzzled into Rude's neck, and the bigger man felt his teeth nibble gently. "Reno," he admonished. "We need to talk."

Reno slipped a leg over Rude, moving to straddle his lap. "I don't want to talk," he growled, pressing his lips to Rude's roughly.

Rude let out a breath. He'd missed feeling Reno's body against his so badly that the strength left his limbs for a minute, and his partner took advantage of the opening to press closer and kiss harder, his hands running over Rude's shoulders and chest, pulling his shirt open to get at the warm brown skin underneath. The kiss had become all tongues, hot and wet and tasting thickly of alcohol.

"Rude…" Reno moaned, arching into him, rubbing his groin sensually against Rude's. "Fuck me," he panted. "I know y'want to."

The slur that was still in his voice made Rude pull back. "I'm not fucking you when you're drunk," he said harshly.

Reno stilled, looking down in what seemed to be shame, and fell silent. Rude's anger softened, and he got to his feet, pulling Reno with him. He'd lost weight; the redhead's lithe body was light enough that it didn't cause him much pain to half-carry him to the bathroom. Rude didn't think he could stand and hold Reno long enough to save him from drowning in the shower, so he started running a bath. He stripped Reno quickly and efficiently, then himself, but there no feeling of arousal as he looked over his lover's bruised and bloody body, only worry. Reno was still quiet, refusing to look at him as Rude helped him into the bathtub, settling in behind him as Reno pulled his knees to his chest, huddling into a ball. Rude soaked a washcloth in the steaming water and took the redhead's face in his hand, sponging away the dried blood caking it. Reno flinched as Rude carefully pressed the cloth to the cut on his forehead, which had started to ooze a little.

The silence was deafening as Rude started to wash the rest of Reno's body, his partner as limp and unresponsive as a puppet. He untied his long hair, letting the scarlet strands spill into the water and working shampoo through them. At last Reno let out a sound, a little hum of pleasure as Rude massaged his scalp gently.

"You feel like talking yet?" Rude asked mildly, continuing to wash Reno's hair as the redhead let out a few more sighs of contentment. The water was turning an unpleasant color, one of rust-red blood and dirt. "Because normally I have trouble getting you to stay quiet." He heard Reno's breath hitch a little, and with a little jolt, Rude realized that the noises he was making no longer sounded happy. One glance around Reno's shoulder showed him that he redhead had his mouth pressed to his arm to muffle himself, and his beautiful eyes had filled with tears that spilled over, streaking his face. His shoulders were shaking, wracked with sobs that he was desperately trying not to let out.

Reno didn't cry. Not like this, with sobs tearing from his throat roughly, hard and painful-sounding. If he let a few tears go, it was brief and unexplained, like it had been the night Rude had told him about Tessa.

Something almost like panic came over Rude, but Rude didn't panic, so that couldn't be right. Nevertheless, his heart was pounding, his hands were shaking, and his mouth was dry as he pulled Reno to his chest, cradling him as though he were a child. He wove his fingers through Reno's wet hair as his partner shuddered against him, his arms creeping up to curl around Rude's back, digging in hard enough to make him grimace.

"Reno," he murmured, closing his eyes and pressing his lips to his partner's head, stroking back the flaming red hair gently. "Talk to me."

For several long moments there was only the harsh sound of sobbing as Reno cried into his chest. Rude's hand was warm and steady on his bare back, and under its heavy weight the redhead quieted a little until there was only the occasional sniffle.

"You were right," Reno finally croaked, pressing hands to his sore eyes. "Office relationships make you sloppy." He drew in a shuddering breath. "You never really said it, but I know it was one of the reasons you kept shoving me away."

"You were right, too," Rude told him, still holding the redhead's head to his chest and carefully stroking his hair. "Denying yourself only makes it worse."

"I don't know," Reno said. "I don't know if that's right. Would I have gone against direct orders to help you if we weren't…whatever we are?"

"You would've done all that and more," Rude murmured against his forehead. "Just for the chance to try to get me to sleep with you again."

Reno gave a watery chuckle. "Maybe," he rasped out. "I just—I can't remember being that scared before. Ever. When Tseng told me you'd been captured and I had no idea if you were dead or being tortured or what—" He broke off, hands over his face. "I was ready to throw down with Tseng, even though he was coughin' up blood."

Rude sighed. "Everything turned out okay," he pointed out.

"You call being tortured okay?" Reno snapped. "Lookit your nose, partner. It's kinda crooked now, because you got it smashed by some over-juiced wannabe assassins!"

"Was bound to happen sooner or later," Rude said mildly. He shoved his right hand under Reno's nose, showing him the knuckle that was slightly larger than the others and a little out of place. "I broke this beating in someone's face six years ago. It goes both ways, Reno. You know the risks of our job."

"That's not the fucking point," Reno muttered. "I should have been there!" His voice broke again. "I'm your partner. I always have your back, and the one time I didn't you almost died."

"Why are you blaming yourself?" Rude asked quietly. "We were ordered apart. It wasn't like you chose to let me get captured. You can blame yourself until the end of time, for everything you've ever done, but that's no way to live." He carefully pulled Reno to his feet and stepped out of the bathtub, yanking a towel free from the rack and toweling off his partner, then himself. Reno swayed, the sudden rush of blood to his head dizzying. "You're still drunk," Rude observed critically.

"Drank more these past few days than I think I have in my entire life," Reno muttered, and then he was falling to his knees in front of the toilet and vomiting up the little that was in his stomach. In a flash, Rude was crouching by him, holding his head steady and pulling back the long wet strands of hair. The redhead's hand found Rude's bare thigh, fingers digging into the thick muscle there as he heaved, gasping for air. He rested his forehead on the rim of the toilet, and Rude fetched him a glass of water, which he took in a trembling hand, rinsing out his mouth shakily. "I'm sorry," Reno said quietly, so quietly it was almost inaudible. "I'm sorry I let you get hurt." He leaned back against Rude's chest, turning a little to tuck his head under his chin. "I'm sorry I'm so fucked up."

Rude just held him, offering his presence as he always did, and when Reno stopped shaking so much, he pulled him to his feet and led them to the bedroom. "When was the last time you slept? Or ate?"

"Don' remember," Reno mumbled, and Rude started to pull away.

"Let me get you something." He had no idea what; there probably wasn't enough food for a mouse in Reno's apartment.

The redhead's arms tightened around him. "Later," he said quietly, curling against Rude's chest.

Rude smoothed a hand over his hair again, leaning back onto the bed and holding Reno closely but gently, still mindful of his bruises and the injuries on his face. He traced the cut on his forehead with a careful finger. "Bar fighting?" he asked, almost incredulously.

Reno gave a hoarse little laugh. "I was plastered, man. It's been a shitty few days."

"How many?"

"Days? I dunno."

"No, people you fought."

"Oh. Um…maybe eight? It's kinda hazy."

"Not at Lockheart's place?"

"Nah, she woulda just called Tseng after she threw me out. Some dive down in South Edge." He stretched a little and groaned. "I feel like shit."

"Can't imagine why."

"Fuck you, partner," Reno shot back lazily. "I ain't known for my good decisions."

"Wouldn't be you without the bad ones." Rude tipped up Reno's face and caught his lips in a gentle kiss. Reno let out a little mewling noise and pressed closer, his leg slipping over Rude's to rub against him. Rude pulled back a little with a grimace. "You taste like booze and puke."

Reno snorted out a laugh, laying his head on Rude's chest. "Too tired to do anything anyways." Within a minute his breath had evened out.

It took a couple days for Reno's body to detox from the copious amounts of alcohol he'd put into his body, which meant a couple days of moaning, complaining, vomiting, and all-around babying.

"You know, I'm the one who was supposed to be resting up," Rude told him once as he was holding Reno's hair out of the way as he vomited yet again.

"Fuck off," was all Reno moaned, holding his stomach. He'd had the shakes all morning, so badly he couldn't even hold a spoon, and Rude had fed him soup like a baby, though the redhead had protested and complained the entire time. Now the food was coming up again, and Rude was slightly irritated he'd even bothered.

Back in bed, Rude pulled Reno's shaking body against him, tucking his fevered face against his neck. "Feel better?"

"Mostly," Reno answered, still shivering, though his skin against Rude's felt like it was burning through the undershirts they were both wearing.

"Tseng know you're taking time off?"

With a snort, Reno replied, "He called while you were still in the hospital. Told me to stay the fuck away until he figures out what to do with me."

"Can't be anything really bad. You're too good at your job."

Reno rolled onto his back, suddenly unbearably hot. "You didn't see his face, man. We really went at it when he told me we weren't going back for you right away." He flinched away from Rude's hand as it reached over to stroke his back. "Too hot, man."

"You need anything for the fever?"

Reno shook his head, wiping away sweat from his face. "Already been runnin' ya ragged, partner. I'll be fine."

It was as close to a thank you that Rude would ever get, and he knew it. "Don't worry about it," he grunted, wincing a little as he shifted on the bed. His body had mostly stopped aching, but every so often he flashed back to being tied to that chair, settling into a trance as the ex-SOLDIERs, with surgical precision, broke his bones and carved up his flesh. Every time it happened he felt pain bloom in one of his rapidly healing injuries, and he couldn't tell if it was real or just phantom pain.

Reno groaned next to him on the bed, holding his middle. "Fuck, man, talk to me about something. Get my mind off it."

Rude thought this request somewhat ridiculous, considering how laconic he normally was, but they both could use some type of distraction from their battered bodies. "Don't know what to talk about," he hedged.

"What'dja do before being a Turk?" Reno asked him, looking over into his eyes.

"Construction."

Reno pushed himself up on his elbows a little. "Seriously?" He tried to picture Rude in a construction worker's uniform, but came up short. "No wonder ya had to borrow money. Notoriously shitty job, partner."

"Quickest I could get with the amount of schooling I had," Rude answered. "What about you?"

Reno leaned back on the bed. "I'm younger than you, y'know? I was seventeen when Veld hauled me outta juvenile jail to join the Turks."

"What'd you do?"

"Beat my old man to death, partner. He used to slap me an' my mom around, and one day he slapped her too hard. Strangled me half to death before I smashed his head in."

"So that's why?" Rude left the rest of the question hanging, but Reno knew what he meant. That's why you can't stand not breathing?

"Yeah, that's why."

"Sorry."

"He was a bastard anyway," Reno said dismissively. "Anyway, before that I used to do odd jobs to get outta the house. Ended up getting hooked on Wave like half the poor assholes under the plate eventually."

Rude winced. Reno had named a dangerous upper that was popular in the slums because of its cheap price, but had the unfortunate side effect of killing about thirty percent of the people who were addicted to it. "Familiar with this then?" he asked, nodding at Reno's body, which was shivering again. The redhead choked out a laugh, curling closer for warmth.

"Detoxed in juvie, and off Wave it's ten times worse, partner. This ain't nothing." He laughed again. "I'm just outta practice."

"Veld picked me up in jail too," Rude mused.

"He had a sixth sense for that sorta thing," Reno agreed. "Don't know how he picked people like us outta all those criminals." He dug in the nightstand and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

"That really the best thing right now?" Rude asked, nodding at them.

"Helps with the shakes," Reno answered absently. "You want one?"

"Yeah, sure."

Reno stuck two cigarettes in his mouth and lit them, inhaling deeply before handing one over and setting the ashtray down on Rude's chest. "It'll fall off if it's on mine," he said by way of explanation, pointing to his quivering body.

"Think this is worse than guard duty," Rude muttered. "Wouldn't mind time off if we could actually go somewhere."

"Wouldn't mind the beach," Reno agreed. "Then I get an excuse to eye-fuck you half naked in public," he added with a grin.

"Might want to focus more on not burning," Rude shot back with a little smile. The last time they'd been to Costa del Sol, Reno had forgotten to reapply his sunscreen and had ended up as red as his hair.

"Fuck you and your dark skin," Reno muttered.

"Tseng might let us all have a vacation now that SOLDIER-X is gone." Rude dared to hope. He wouldn't say it, but he wouldn't mind seeing Reno in nothing but swim trunks all day either.

"Still can't believe he's gonna punish me for that," Reno said bitterly. "I did Rufus a damn favor, honestly. Now he ain't gonna be torn apart by human porcupines."

"He has to," Rude reminded him. "No one will respect him if he doesn't come down hard. He won't fire you or have you killed though. We talked before I got released."

"Oh, good," Reno muttered sarcastically. "He just doesn't want to deal with you pissed off about me dying; he already had to deal with me." Rude was quiet, and Reno looked up at him. "You would be pissed off, right?" he asked with a grin.

"To put it mildly."

"You say such sweet things," Reno teased, taking a drag from his cigarette. "Best boyfriend I could ask for." They looked at each other for a moment, and then Reno said, "I'm never calling us boyfriends again."

"Yuck," Rude agreed.

"What are we, then?" Reno pressed, sobering.

"I dunno," Rude replied, stubbing out his cigarette. "We're just…us. What we've always been."

"We just have sex now," Reno added, grinning. He dropped his cigarette butt in the ashtray and leaned up to kiss Rude.

The sweet way Reno's lips pressed against his made Rude sigh a little. There's definitely more than sex here, he thought, but instead of trying to put what he was feeling into words he teased Reno's mouth open and slid his tongue in. Reno tasted like smoke now, which was a large improvement over vomit, and his tongue was as dexterous as ever, curling around Rude's with sensual strokes.

"You stopped shaking," Rude observed quietly when they pulled apart to breathe.

"Feeling better," Reno breathed, nuzzling his neck and tugging at the rings in his ear with his teeth. "Are you healed up enough to get down and dirty, partner?"

Rude thought about it, and as much as he wanted to pound Reno into the mattress, he didn't think his body could handle it right then. "Probably shouldn't push it," he said regretfully, and Reno made an unhappy noise.

"How 'bout I just jerk us off, then?" he suggested after a moment, running a hand up under the wifebeater Rude was wearing.

His cock jumped a little at Reno's words. "Gods, yes," Rude groaned, pressing their groins together, and in half a second Reno's hands were fumbling at his pants, pulling the zipper down and then opening his own. He eased Rude's half-hard erection out of his boxers and felt Rude do the same to him as he leaned in again to capture Reno's lips in a wet, messy kiss. Reno sighed a little as Rude moved to trail kisses from his lips to his jaw, his facial hair scratching pleasantly. Slowly they stroked each other to hardness, and then Reno squirmed closer, pressing their erections together and wrapping a hand around them.

Reno gave a little cry as he started to stroke them, the feeling of his cock rubbing against Rude's dizzying, particularly in conjunction with the way Rude was curling his tongue around his earlobe, tugging the ring in it much the way Reno often did to him. "Unh! Rude," he panted as one of Rude's hands crawled up his shirt, nails dragging against his skin gently before pinching his nipple to make it harden to a stiff peak. He brought up his other hand to wrap around their erections as well, settling over Reno's. His bigger hand smoothed out the rhythm, squeezing them together gently while Reno moaned into his neck. He swiped his thumb over the heads of their cocks, smearing the fluid there together and down for extra lubrication.

Reno arched against him and Rude's eyes slipped shut, his lips slightly parted. The redhead kissed the middle of his chest, his hand under Rude's speeding up, the muscles in his arm flexing and burning. "Oh, gods, baby, I wish you were inside me right now," Reno panted, sinking his teeth into Rude right where his neck met his shoulder.

It was either the pain from Reno's bite or his words that did it for Rude, or maybe even both. He let out a sharp moan and stiffened, spilling over their clasped hands. It took Reno a couple more quick jerks, but soon he was gasping out his orgasm as well, shuddering against Rude's chest and splattering his shirt with cum.

"Oops," Reno said lazily when he regained his breath, nodding to Rude's damp shirt. "Better take that off." Before Rude could say anything the redhead was pulling his shirt over his head, using it to wipe off their sticky hands.

"You just want to see me shirtless," the bigger man accused.

Reno grinned his foxlike grin. "That too. Do I need an excuse though?"

"I guess not," Rude grumbled, slumping back on the bed. "Hey, quit it." Reno had started playing with his nipple rings.

"But they're sexy. I just wanna touch 'em," Reno whined.

"You'll just turn me on again," Rude muttered, smacking Reno's hands away.

"And that's bad because?"

"Because my fingers are only newly unbroken and probably can't take much more."

"You'd think they'd do ya a solid and fix your bum knuckle while they had their Cure materia out," Reno snorted, running a finger over Rude's right hand. Rude held it up to study the knuckle he'd broken so many years before.

"It's not a bum knuckle," he said defensively. "It works fine. Just looks funny." Reno's hand came up to lace their fingers together and the redhead pressed a kiss to the off-center knuckle. Rude raised an eyebrow at the uncharacteristically romantic gesture, and Reno balked a little.

"Shut up," he muttered, trying to work his hand free, a red flush rising in his cheeks. Rude just chuckled and held on tightly, not letting him pull away.