Word Prompt: Glide
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Something True
Glide
This Winter
Bella didn't volunteer the information about her mother to her dad. It was he who came to find her a few days later. Under the bright porch light, out on the back patio where she sat in a deck chair drawing their snow-covered yard, he asked about her visit.
When she told him, she tried to gauge his expression, but to no avail. He didn't look sad, angry, or satisfied. He looked blank. And that—blankness—was something Bella could relate to.
Some emotions are built of too many different feelings to describe. A pyramid of feelings that preserves everything in its center but leaves almost nothing at the top.
It's going on two weeks since Bella has spent any significant time with Edward. The time they have spent together has felt charged but changed. Bella tried to ignore the air that had become like an electric wall between them.
Last weekend, the weekend after the trip to see her mother in Port Angeles, Edward was in Seattle again for the closing of the play.
He hadn't asked Bella to watch Biter, though Bella got to see Biter when she hung out with Rose.
In his room, Edward removes his phone from his back pocket and tosses it on his bed before sitting at the piano bench to play Bella his newest song. Bella loves when he plays his music like this, at its most raw—the way he pauses and laughs in between certain keys when he discovers something that sounds wrong to him or that he doesn't like. She likes it all.
He turns around and asks her what she thinks. She moves to the piano and bends to kiss him. There's his answer.
He lifts his hand to meet her jaw. "That good?"
"Mm-hmm." She glides her fingertips down the side of his face and neck. "I have something to show you."
Over by the bedroom door, she unzips her backpack and pulls out her acceptance letters for University of Washington and Florida State.
She hands them to Edward. "Nothing from the California schools yet."
He stares at one letter for some time, his eyebrows knitting. "Which one is your number one?" He holds the letters out to her, his eyebrows still tense.
His vibrating phone steals their attention. On his comforter it's lit up with Angela's picture. Edward and Bella look at each other. Edward's eyes are wide. Bella motions to the phone as it vibrates again.
"Gonna get that?"
"N-no."
Bella doesn't take her eyes off his as he leaves the piano bench to pick up the phone, hiding it in his back pocket.
"She still..." Bella swallows. Her skin is heating, her heart pounding.
He looks reluctant, but nods. "Sometimes. Not, I mean, not a lot."
"Because... about the play? But it's over. Is there another play?" Bella knows she's grasping at straws.
"No."
"So then, why does she call?" Bella slips her thumbnail between her lips.
"I wouldn't know. I don't answer."
"No messages?"
"Just to call her back. But I don't." The last three words tumble out too fast, like he's on the defensive and it just makes Bella more anxious.
"Why didn't you tell me your ex-girlfriend still calls you?" Her nerves tighten into anger. "She is your ex, right?"
He tilts his head. "Bella."
"Okay." Bella puts her coat on and stuffs her letters into her backpack."I have to go."
"No." Edward's already moved to block the doorway.
"No?"
"I hardly get to see you. You're not leaving just because Angela called. The calls mean nothing."
"To you?"
"Yeah. They mean nothing to me."
"But they mean something to her," Bella says. "And to me."
Bella tugs at his shoulder until he moves out of her way. She heads toward the front door where Edward steps in front of her again.
"It's my fault she calls me?"
"Let me go."
He looks at her for a while and then opens the door for her. She walks out.
Minutes later she can hear Edward and Biter behind her. She keeps walking and they keep their distance. At her house, Edward calls her name.
She turns around.
"You don't trust me? Not even with a phone call?"
"How many phone calls?"
"I don't count them. Not that many."
If there was a need to count them, there must have been more than a few.
"What about New Year's Eve?"
"No."
"No, what?"
"I didn't spend New Year's with her."
"Did you talk to her?"
"She was in the play."
"So...?"
"So I said 'Hi' to her, 'how are you,' that kind of thing. That's it, Bella."
She wants to believe him. It kills her that she doesn't. It makes tears meet her eyes.
"Shit." He takes a step closer. "I swear to you, Bella. God. I swear. Nothing more than 'how are you.' Is this all about Angela's call?"
"And the Biter thing."
"What Biter thing?"
"You didn't ask me to watch him and I don't know why. And after that thing with my mom, you've been different."
"Different, how?"
"Like distant. Disconnected."
"You were distant. I was following your lead. I was trying not to make things worse for you."
She closes her eyes to keep the tears back.
Warm fingers meet her cheek. A quiet voice. "Bella? I've been thinking that maybe—are you not ready for this?"
"For what?"
"A boyfriend. Me. With an ex-girlfriend I have no control over."
Bella opens her eyes and glares at him. The first time he calls himself her boyfriend and it's to let her go. "Oh, okay." She steps away from his touch. "I know how this goes."
"You know how this goes?"
"Yeah."
"How does it go?"
"You dump me for my own good."
"Nobody's dumping anybody."
"No, because you'll wait for me." Her hands are shaking and she hides them behind her back.
"If you want me to wait for you, I'll wait for you."
"Yeah. We're not breaking up. We're just on pause, right? Until the next pretty girl crosses your path."
"What? All right. Are you talking to me right now?" This time he takes a step back. Two steps, as he leans forward and points to himself.
"You're standing in front of me, aren't you?"
"But this is about him. Not me. Are you even hearing me? Or are you hearing him? Listen to me. I want you, Bella," he says, and it sounds angry. "Whether or not you believe it, I want you. Not her. You." He comes closer again holding her face in both of his hands. "You," he says softer.
He presses his lips to her forehead and then turns and walks away with Biter.
...
Edward on her mind, she hardly sleeps. She sees him in those last few seconds before he kissed her forehead and walked away. She hears his voice—harsh and then soft—and what he said.
She's been so unfair to him. She is not the only one of the two of them who has been hurt, yet he trusts Bella. When the sun finally begins to rise and light up her bedroom on Sunday morning, Bella is relieved. She showers, dresses, and heads to Edward's. She'll make it up to Mrs. Cameron later for missing their knitting session.
Edward also appears as if he hasn't slept. He's in the same jeans and T-shirt he wore last night. His hair looks soft, but like the wind has been whipping at it.
Biter gets up from his spot in the kitchen and pants over to Bella. He spreads out in a heap at her feet.
"Worn out," Edward says. "Just ran him down playing fetch."
"This early?"
Edward shrugs. He tucks his fingertips into the front pockets of his jeans. "So, you're here," he says.
Taking off her coat, she walks over to the couch and deposits it on a cushion. Biter follows, lying at her feet again. "I haven't been fair to you. And after what Angela did to you, you at least deserve fair."
"Hey, you have nothing to do with Angela."
"Just... last night, what happened. It's not your fault. It's me. It's the liars in my life. Me, my mom, Riley. He tricked me bad, Edward. He was so nice to me at first. Sometimes as nice as you are. But then he was the opposite. And now I - I'm so scared all the time."
"Scared of me?"
"Yes." She nods.
"Afraid I'm lying to you?"
"Sometimes. When I think too much. Yeah."
"Tell me what to do so you're not scared. You're so closed off." Placing his hands on her shoulders, he ducks his head to her level, eyes locking with hers. "Let me in."
She looks down at Biter who's still breathing heavy even in his sleep. "I need you to tell me things without me asking you," she says. "When I have to ask, it makes me feel like any answer I get is not the truth, but just like... you being nice, not wanting to hurt my feelings or something."
He rubs his fingers over his eyes. "Okay, that's... expressing myself with music is easy, but I'm not that good at talking. That's why I write you songs, you know? I might not say the right thing and I don't know what you want to hear and what you don't want to hear. You gotta help me with that, Bella."
"I just want what's true. Every bit of the truth. About you, about us. About what you want from all of this." She gestures between herself and Edward. "Because when the truth finds me on its own it makes me doubt everything. And if all you want is something temporary or if you aren't sure, tell me that, too. I need to know."
He tugs on her T-shirt at her waist. "You want to know what I want from this? I told you last night and it was the truth. I want you. I want you to be my girl. Not temporarily. You want to get away from this place, you talk to me about college, but I don't want you to go any farther than Seattle. You going far away scares me."
Her tears blur him up and her throat swells. He wraps his arms around her waist drawing her close. After a second he pulls back and looks down at her. "Okay..."
She watches his throat swallow.
"Here's the whole truth. I love you, Bella. Do you believe me?"
She buries her forehead in his chest. He threads his fingers through the back of her hair. "Believe me," he says and kisses the top of her head.
"How do you know for sure?"
He sighs. Fingers at her jaw, he raises her face to meet his eyes. "I don't know how to explain it. You're in my gut. Okay? When you're close, I want you closer. I look at you and think she's with me." He places his hand on his chest. "You talk about getting away from here and I think of you leaving, going far away, and it crushes me." He scrunches his eyes tight, his eyelids creasing like he's being crushed at this very moment. With eyes still closed he kisses her. He whispers, "I know I love you because you—your voice—your breath is like the same thing as my heartbeat." His forehead falls to rest on hers.
Warm tears drip down her cheeks. She lifts to kiss his face, his lips next, and their kisses grow fast and strong as she tries to breathe. "Edward."
"Why are you crying?" He thumbs under her eyes, wiping tears. "Happy, I hope."
She nods though she can't even smile. "I don't know how to - where to - how to do this." She grabs on to the neck of his shirt.
"All you have to do is let me love you. You let me in. I let you in. And everyone else from the past is out. Nobody here's a liar."
"Okay."
He takes her top lip between his. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
His mouth opens on hers and he kisses deeper, pulling her hips into him.
Nobody here's a liar.
A sob runs through her and then she's kissing him as deeply as he's kissing her, lifting her hands to his cheeks. He's holding her body to his and she's holding his face to hers. And it's right.
It's true.