Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King.
A/N: You must have finished the manga before continuing. May contain spoilers. You've been warned =p
Chapter 18
Anna.
"What will you do if Yoh doesn't get to be the Shaman King?" she asked suddenly while helping Anna prepare the ritual grounds.
"I'll still be by his side," Anna answered simply.
"Even if your life won't be the easy one you've wanted?" She moved in front of Anna, looking at her intently.
"That's not the life I want," Anna answered, not returning the stare.
"Yeah. That's right." A life with him. She smiled before going back to observing Anna in her work. At least she doesn't need to worry about those two.
"What about you?" Rue looked at Anna – a little longer than normal – trying to figure out what she meant.
"What about me?" she answered, finally.
"Have you decided what to do after this?" she asked casually, without looking up.
Sometimes she gets jealous at how Anna can have that strong grip of the future; whereas she never had a clear view of the time past the shaman fight. "I'm a ghost. I don't have much of a choice don't I?" That's right, she never saw herself part of that future.
"You know they won't have that," she answered in that Anna-tone that Rue couldn't decide whether she was stating a fact, or was concerned.
"I don't know the future Anna. What I have a grip of is the present. It's what I need to think about; otherwise, you may not have a future to look forward to." To think about the fight ending and her not being able to go back with all of her friends was saddening, but she tells herself that maybe that's how it should be; then, maybe she could accept it… eventually.
"You sound like somebody who'd already given up."
She rolled her eyes, why doesn't she stop? "I've never really had anything else, except for this – it turns out, it's been like that since two lifetimes ago. Maybe this is just the end for me. Maybe this is just how it should be. Anyway, I might finally get peace, don't you think?"
"And you're satisfied with how you've lived, I suppose?" This time, Anna looked at her and crossed her arms as she waited for an answer.
Sighing audibly, Rue looked back at Anna. She found herself unable to respond; it had crossed her mind – multiple times. She had been depressed, bitter, lonely, angry, and back again – silently suffering. All because of that – especially after she learned the truth about her past. It was all too much for someone like her; that she'd thought about, too. But hearing Anna ask – hearing the question out loud – it reopened wounds she'd forcefully closed.
"It makes me sad, no… it makes my heart clench painfully like never before. There! I said it. But it's no longer a choice for me. All I can do is accept it. And I don't want them to hope for anything else and end up failing. Anna just…" she stopped to compose herself, I can't lose it now, she tells herself before continuing, "you and Yoh, take care of each other, okay?" she said, hoping that Anna would not push it further. Despite what she told Ren, she, herself, is only starting to accept what's happening. And it wasn't helping that all of them were still carried hope. It only makes her heart cling to life pathetically.
Yoh…
"I heard your conversation with Anna," Yoh said, as they were waiting for Jun to arrive. Yoh was the first to receive his elemental spirit.
She sighed before speaking. "How much of it did you hear?" Rue asked, narrowing her eyes at him.
"Everything…" he looked away, nervously, before he continued, "Ren, too." She was about to shout at him – as she put on a mental note to do the same to Ren. But she didn't have a chance, as Yoh continued, "Rue, he's just worried, too – and frustrated. It's because of how you're acting, Rue. It's feels like you're not giving us a chance to help you."
She was stopped, his words warming her heart – but at the same time, clenching it tighter. "But you are helping me," she answered, brushing off those feelings, "we're going to stop Hao, right?" She tried to smile, but she knows it wasn't any helpful. Just by looking at Yoh's worried face confirms it.
"I meant helping you live," she looked away, not really happy with the confrontation, even if it was Yoh. She heard him sigh, probably figuring out she doesn't want to talk about it, "you know he won't let it go."
Troublesome. She was thankful Jun came in, ending their conversation. But he was right, the other won't let it go easily.
Yoh remembered the conversation from last night.
"Of course, I haven't been only running after him all those years. I've learned some things off of that book," she explains to them the night before.
Jun gives them the gems they've collected from Hell.
"One of those things was how to properly control the elemental spirits. But the knowledge alone was not enough," even then, Yoh can tell she was frustrated by it.
"But this time is different. We have stronger allies with us," Rue continued.
"Preparations were needed to be made, and of course, the selection of the elemental warriors," it was Lady Sati's turn to explain.
"We had the Gandhara help us out with that. The rest of the way after tomorrow, would be up to you," Rue said.
"Please carry our wishes with you," Jun added. The women of their side were amazing, after all.
Each of the warriors, aside from Lyserg, were instructed to come one by one to the ritual grounds Anna will set up in the morning.
It was Rue's turn now. "So did you teach Jun-san how to do it?" He asked, hoping to distract her from the seriousness of their previous conversation.
"Oh! I couldn't possibly… it's a very complicated process. It's mainly why only Hao Asakura can do it," Jun answered, a bit embarrassed.
"Then, how…?"
Rue smirked at him, "have you forgotten, Yoh? My name is Rue Asakura."
"Hyoi Gattai…" Jun announced just as Rue's spirit condensed to a ball into the older woman's hand and merged with hers.
"What we'll do is to make sure you use your furyoku on their power rather than waste a large amount of it on controlling them," Rue continued her explAnnation, this time, while integrated with Jun.
"Stand there!" "Hold your gem!" "Hold it tightly!"
"Hey, hey. I was curious how being joined with Jun-san would turn out, but it seems it's just all Rue, huh?" Yoh commented in between Rue's commands.
"Eh?" A tick mark showed on Jun's face.
This indeed is a weird sight, Yoh thought as he shivered in fear.
"Rue…" a calmer voice interrupted, by this time, Yoh was sure who was who. "Fine, we'll start. Yoh! Make sure you hold on, no matter what," the commanding tone was back.
He was silently observing what Rue, or Jun, was doing, when he felt the gem become hotter in his hands. Hold on, he remembers the last thing Rue shouted at him. He lifted his left arm – the one just dangling a few seconds ago – to tightly grip his right wrist. It turned out to be the right move as he felt the pressure around him build up. He could barely keep both his eyes open. What a struggle… It feels like I'm being sucked in.
"It's not your enemy, Yoh. It's going to be your ally. Don't fight it," he heard Jun say – but he couldn't differentiate who it was that time. Don't fight… She just said I should hold on.
At the first sign of the pressure letting off, he raised his head to release his breath. After a blink of an eye, he was lying on the ground.
"Ah!" he said in shock.
"You did well, Yoh. I knew you would get it," Rue congratulated him. This time, he was sure for the spirit fusion was over. It was Rue's face hovering over him.
He just grinned as a response, ah, I feel better.
As expected, it was Yoh who had finished faster. "His personality makes it easier for him," Rue explains to Jun while waiting for the next warrior.
Chocolove…
"Stop! Stop, Chocolove. I told you to focus, idiot!"
Rue couldn't figure out what was wrong, he wasn't fighting, and he wasn't failing to hold on either. But the assimilation just wouldn't work.
"What's distracting you, Chocolove-san?" Jun's milder voice came out.
Chocolove scratched his head, looking embarrassed, before answering, "well, I couldn't think of…"
"Don't tell me it's a gag?!" Rue said in horror.
"…old hag?" He even went as far as dressing as one with a cane in his hand.
Horohoro jumped in shock, when he was greeted by a flying – beaten up – Chocolove as he was walking towards where Jun and Rue are. Then, he was faced with a sight he never wanted to see – Jun-san's deathly glare.
Ah! "R-Rue?"
"We'll resume when he's awake. Your turn, Horohoro!" she was walking back, but turned her head to him, only to speak in a low voice, "And don't you dare play games with me."
"H-Hai!"
Horohoro…
"Damn it! Work with me already!" He shouted at the gem in frustration, when, once again, Rue had to stop the ritual.
"Idiot!" he couldn't stop his body flinch as he heard Jun-san's – though the tone was definitely Rue's – shout. "Cool your head off, first."
"Take your time, Horohoro. It's fine," ah, Jun-san really sounded encouraging. He flinched, yet again, when her expression changed to that of a glare. Did she get what I was thinking?!
"You speak so opposite of each other, it give me the creeps since it's coming from one person," he complained as he was resting.
"Heh?!*darkly*" Definitely Rue.
"You're the first one to actually say that aloud," Jun-san said, possibly after appeasing Rue.
"Again!" As if it wasn't hard already.
Ren…
It was Ren's turn next. He was last to receive his spirit – aside from Lyserg, whose spirit is yet to be obtained.
"I heard your talk with Anna," he didn't even wait for them to greet him when he arrived. He marched, with a foul mood, Rue noted, towards her.
"Of course you did," she tried to act indifferent, "Jun-nee let's start?"
"Wait! I have something to say," but he was brushed off.
"Stand there, in the middle of the circle, Ren," Rue pointed as she floated closer to Jun, preparing for the fusion.
"I said…" he wanted to complain, but was stopped short.
"We're all tired, Ren. Jun-nee needs her rest, too," Rue cut him off, but it was her reaction that stopped him – it was like she was pleading him to stop.
"I'm okay…" Jun attempted to comment, but Rue continued. "You understand, right? Let's get this over with." He doubted his own eyes, then, because she was still being cold.
He scrunched up his face more in irritation, but eventually followed. She's only once looked directly at him since he stepped in. He wasn't even sure if that was him imagining things, either; leaving him more frustrated.
The ritual was clear in his mind – well, thanks to Yoh's hints, too. It finished quickly, earning him a praise from his sister, of course he knew who it was talking to him. It's obvious; these two are…
He cut his own thought off; he just stared intently at his sister – to be more precise, at Rue.
"Talk with him, please," Jun told her when she was still inside the older Tao's body.
"What made you think I'd be willing to talk about this?" she asked as soon as Jun left the two of them.
"I didn't," he still seemed to the stubborn brat he was a while ago.
She was wondering where this conversation would go. She waited, but he didn't look like he was going to talk, "so what was it, the thing you wanted to say?"
He was only looking at her for a long time, to her confusion. She thought he'd be reprimanding her for the things she told Anna, which he, of course, heard. She thought he'd be convincing her to let them help her. But she didn't hear anything. It's because this is how it's meant to be; there's no other way. She thought sadly; the pain, surprisingly duller – from all the talking, she supposed.
But what was surprising was his next words, "I-I don't care what you think! I won't let you go!" he huffed as he finished, and then marched out loudly.
Dumbstruck, she let him disappear from her sight without even moving; just unblinkingly staring at his trail.
Wh…
Wh-What…
What… a stubborn brat!
As she recovered from shock, she let herself grin. His words didn't made her hope, but it made her feel lighter – happy, even.
Ah, as I thought…
.
.
.
I love you, Ren…
.
.
But I must never tell you that.