Chapter 15
Golden Apple
"I thought I had told you to go."
"As you can see, I didn't listen." He replied silkily, grinning at her as he moved from the shadows and in to the light.
"I want you to leave." She told him hollowly, "Now."
"I don't' want to." He replied sleekly, eyes dancing, moving forward to further compound his point,
"That's enough Ronald." She snapped, holding out a hand, "I'm calling the police and you are going right back where you came from."
"We've been here Sara." He told her playfully, "You're not calling the shots anymore. I am. And I say. No."
"Well as you're the one out on bail for murder and have broken half a dozen of your conditions by coming here, Ronald," she told him tightly, "I'd say you don't have a leg to stand on."
"And I'd say that you've got something else I don't have." He murmured vindictively,
"And what's that?" she demanded irritably, sligtly surprised by this observation,
"Weakness." He whispered, "You have so many weaknesses. So many things that I could destroy, one by one and watch as your world crumbles…"
She froze. Sure that he was going where she thought he was and sure that she did not want him to.
"What are you-"she began tautly.
He did not let her finish before he had smoothly taken over, moving towards her as he said evenly,
"I thought I told you. You don't talk to them. You don't tell them. I wasn't doing this to be horrible Sara; I was doing this for your own good. I was warning you what would happen if you tried to cross me and you did. Nick spent the night did he not? And what did you really hope to gain from that?"
"I didn't want him to." She choked; suddenly terrified that he had somehow gotten to Nick, because of her, "I asked him to go."
"And that." He told her softly, "Is the only reason he's still alive."
"You won't hurt them Ronald. That's a promise." She told him hollowly, staring right at him and holding his foul gaze in her own.
"No." he hissed playfully, "I won't." he agreed softly before tilting his head slightly and adding a musical lilt to his voice, making it teasing and almost childish, "You will." He told her sleekly, smiling broadly, "Because you'll be the one that got them involved. You'll be the one that dragged them in to this." He leaned in closer, pressing his lips against her ear as she stood frozen in place, breathing slowly and deliberately, weighing each word heavily on his tongue before allowing it to slip past his poisonous lips, "You'll be the one who puts a bullet in them."
He turned away from her, giggling madly to himself as he did so, grinning to himself as he revelled in her agony.
"Leave them out of this Ronald." She breathed hollowly, pointing threateningly at him, her voice dropping to a low undertone, "I don't care what you do to me but you stay away from them."
"That's the thing though isn't it?" he said, suddenly darting towards her, like a snake, suddenly springing forward and giving no warning, bobbing and weaving around in front of her, seeming to draw her in as his nostrils snatched at the air around them, "You can't have both. Because I'm not hurting them, not intentionally anyway, they are merely a means to hurt you, so whichever way you look at it-"
"No. I don't give a damn which way you look at this, but you stay away from them. They're off limits Ronald, do you hear me?" she snarled shakily, unable to bear even the thought of any of them being hurt because of her, "You leave them out of this, it has nothing to do with them, and this is between you and me. I won't play your games with them involved Ronald, do you hear what I'm saying?"
"I hear you." He whispered, tilting his head sideways, eyes dancing maliciously, taking pleasure in every single, delicious second of her pain, "Loud and clear." His lips contorted in to a venemous sneer, "Off-limits says you?" he breathed, dancing closer to her, his breath whispering on her neck, casuing an involuntary tremour to run through her as he whispered maliciously, "Forbidden fruit says I…"
"Back off." She snapped, eyes widening threateningly, reagardless of the fact that he was the one with the gun, with the control, with the bargaining chips in this conversation.
"From what?" he asked, smirking jovially, "From your friends? Your family? " he continued, baring his teeth and stalking towards her, gun held loosely, almost casually in his hand, drawing her eye, "Nick and Greg, your brothers in arms, and more besides?" he began, raising a malicious eyebrow,
"This has nothing to do with them." She began quietly,
"This has everything to do with them." He spat, "Because they are special to you. They mean something to you. They matter. And even then they could never matter half as much as she mattered to me." His voice began strong, full of confidence and anger and trailed off as he began to speak again of Edie, dwindling away to nothing once more, with something of a childish quality to it, showcasing his dependence and the depth of his reliance on her, as well as his mental instability.
The long months since her death had done nothing to quell his obsession. He may have replaced his fixation and his purpose in life but he had not replaced her. She could not believe how long the young woman had managed to go on with him breathing down her neck every single second of every single day. Just hearing him talk about her was enough to convince any sane person that the 'relationship' he had fabricated between them was anything but healthy.
"She wasn't anything like what Nick and Greg are to me." Sara breathed, deciding that if he could push buttons she could push back, at the vulnerable nerve he left constantly fraying and exposed, the chink in the armour, the soft underside in the belly of the beast, "Because you were nothing to her. They care about me in a way that she never cared about you. She was terrified of you Ronald; she hated you."
"No." he spat, "No she loved me. We were going to be married."
"She wouldn't have married you if you had held a gun to her head." Sara pressed, walking forwards,
"She would have. But you, you courrputed her, you posioned her against me, you made her scared, you made her hate me it was you." He snarled, suddenly advancing on h er, pushing her back against the wall, pressing her in to the cool concrete surface and leaving her no where to go. Literally backed in to a corner with a deranged, gun-wielding psycho on the other side, gun pressed against her temple, one hand crossed over her chest, pinning her arms to her side, surprisingly strong.
"Would you like me to pin you down Sara?" he whispered softly, his tone and the now twisted memory sending shivers up her spine and destroying any hold she had had over him, "Like he did?" he pressed, forcing the connection. He pressed his lips to her ear again as she instinctively turned her head, "Do not test me." He whispered, "I have friends in places you wouldn't believe. I have eyes and ears everywhere Sara. The walls whisper secrets to me if I ask them nicely. I know things about you that you've forgottten, do not, test me."
He released her, walking away, opening his arms out expansively as if he had never stopped, as though she had never interrupted him, finding his way back to the conversation he had so obviously planned,
"And then there's Morgan. Sweet. Innocent. Disposable little Morgan…"he told her in a sing-song voice, once again pitching back to face her, eyes dancing madly.
It was the way in which he seeded these little hints. The sinister wolf set among the sheep disguised as a lamb. Innocent subtle and utterly deadly.
"And Mr. Russell." He said, with a tone that suggested the thought had simply come to him, "Your friend. The one who was there for you, you understood you and what you wanted. Who would never push you or press you but was there and knew just what to say to get from you what you needed. Someone you could connect with. Someone who understood what you were going through because he has what you had, someone who was married, and how is that going for you these days?"
The conversation ebbed and flowed without any need of input from her. All she had to do was what she was doing; standing dumbstruck in the middle of the room as his foul whisperings fluttered from his lips and pierced her heart with more surity than any blade. He was hitting her where it hurt, and he knew it.
"And then of course there is the tenacious Ms Finlay…" he continued tauntingly, dancing around her grinning as he watched the colour drain slowly from her face with every word he spoke, loving this, making all those months of pain and all those weeks of effort, finding and studying and learning and changing and adapting and growing all worth it. Worth it for the beautiful look of pain and disgust that now twisted her pretty features, "Usually so full of spirit and life. Feisty." He smirked before turning to her and adding, "Not so fesity now is she? Injured. In hospital. Vulnerable, would you say? Because you know, that hospital just lets anyone walk in and walk all over the people you care about, including your mother if you remem-"
"Stop it Ronald." She snarled, taking a step towards him,
"Ah, ah, ah…." He said cautioningly, eyes widening as she attempted to tip the balance of the conversation towards herself for a moment, carefully following her with the gun, the black hole following her like the blind eye of some strange and terrifying creature, poised and ready for use, "Get back…." He whispered, flicking the gun at her, "Good…." He whispered, eyes narrowing and dancing once more as she obediently returned to her previous position, "And now we ask ourselves why? Why was poor Finlay put in that position? And I think you will find that the answer stares back at you whenever you glance across a mirror. It was you."
"I…I had nothing to do with what happened to Finn." Sara choked, shocked,
"Oh but you did…" he told her playfullly, smirking at her, "Just think about it Sara, you're good at that I know." He paused, grinning at her still, "It was you that had to go to that house. Running in all guns blazing as per usual. She wanted to wait for back-up; she didn't want to go in there. She went for you. To protect you. Because she cares about you. Now don't you see?" he whispered, "Don't you see what you do to people? You are poison. You are dangerous. You hurt them; every which way you turn, without even trying. Asbestos. The silent killer that sneaks in to their lungs on a breath and hides there, harbouring away the pain until they're weak until they're vulnerable, until there's too much in there for them to let go of and they end up hurting because of you." He paused here, watching with delight as her eyes clouded over and the faint outline of her slender body began to tremble in response to his teasing words, "A regular 'Queen Midas' so you are. With opposite effects. You poison everything you touch. And you don't tell them until it's too late. Because you know. You know that thay'll get hurt. That they always have. That ever since you were a child you've lived with pain and suffering and tragedy and trauma so much so that there's nothing left. That they can't possibly be around you and not be subject to at least some of the demons that plague you. That at least one of the devils they see dancing in those deep dark eyes will try and snatch at their soul and turn them too because you must. Because you've seen it so many times. That you just leave a trail of agony and destruction and ash in your wake. The echoes of your presence found wherever there is darkness and wherever there is pain in the lives you've been in."
"Why are you doing this?" she whispered, her whole body going rigid, tensing up and breaking down all at once in response to his brutal words,
"To teach you a lesson." He breathed, "To try and offer you what you offered me. A few painful home truths that hurt, don't they? You told me what you thought I had done to contribute to Edie's death, I'm just paying you back in kind and showing you how you've destroyed the lives of the people you claim to love."
"I do love them Ronald." She snapped, "And I won't let you hurt them."
"I've already said, I won't have to-"he began sleekly,
"I won't let anything or anyone hurt them." She snapped, advancing on him,
"Haven't I made that clear?" he breathed, "You don't have to try, and you just do." He told her, grinning and walking towards her, "Anyone you let get close gets hurt. It's just the way you work, as fundamental as any of the laws of nature. Even the people you try to love and try to protect get hurt by you. Grissom. Remember him? Remember how you sent him away? Because I told you what would happen otherwise. I was trying to save him from the car crash relationship he's been having with you for the last fifteen years. I was doing what you should have done years ago if you really loved him I was letting him go. Because how much have you hurt him Sara? Hmm? How much pain have you caused him over your time together?"
"I love Gil." She told him, voice choked with emotion, "There's nothing you can say or do that will change that."
"I don't want to chagne the way you feel about him Sara, perish the thought. Feelings aren't just things that you can rummage around in, that you can just play with, try them and take them off like you're a child with a dressing up box, they don't work that way, I know that. I'm doing what you CSIs do. I'm taking the evidence with a pair of fresh eyes and I'm giving you a new way to look at it."
He smiled, circling her, mouth twitching at the corners as he began to pad around her in a meticulous cricle. Each step practiced and precise meaning that he never had to take his eyes from her. His glittering and gleaming like those that lodged in the skull of a rabid wolf, fixating on the little rabbit in his sights, her eyes wide, full of emotion and thinly veiled fear, stalking his prey, walking around her, tightening the circle, winding the spring, turning the screws before he struck.
"Think about it. You've been suffocating him all these years. Silently dictating every move he's made for years."
"What?" she demanded, "He danced around me for years, he kept reeling me in and then holding me at arm's length…If I had been dictating the terms of our relationship we'd been have been together and married years before we actually were." She said, not paying any heed to the honey-laced trap he was setting for her, blindly walking in to it because, as he well knew, she was blind to almost every aspect of her life where Gil Grissom was concerned.
Smiling sleekly, he continued, voice vibrating in a low purr, "No, no. He only did that, for you. He pulled you in because he needed you, because you were the drug that he could never clear from his system and yet always craved more of, the one of which there would never be enough. In that respect he was selfish. As we all are when it comes to the things we lust after, we're allowed to be. We're human after all aren't we? But he did everything he did to protect you. To make you happy. You drove him to be alone, to be in pain, in order to spare yourself."
"Stop it Ronald." She choked, "You're twisting things that you don't understand, that never happened."
"I think it did." He told her venemously, "And in your world that's enough. It was enough to destroy mine. When you told me it was my fault she died. That was just what you thought."
"The truth hurts Ronald." She spat vindictively at him, not caring that she might push him too far, just wanting him to feel a little of what she felt, never missing the opportunity to bite back.
"Yes. It does." He sneered, "So it should hurt you to know that you never really loved him. That you were just using him for your own selfish ends. That he was just another excuse to do what you do best. To fall apart and watch as he rushes to pick up the broken pieces-"
"Stop it."
"To break down and wait for him to come and hold you like he always would-"
"I said stop it."
"To scream and cry in your sleep so you could wake him up to share your pain and have him there to comfort you-"
"That's enough."
"To self-destruct and see how many you can destroy in the fallout."
"I said stop it Ronald." She growled, advancing on him, eyes blazing.
"You stay where you are and listen." He snarled, holding the gun out and deliberately placing it over her chest, voice catching and champing down on the last word, mashing it and grating it and spitting it out between furious lips in a hungry snarl, "I know you don't want to. Because I know why. The truth hurts doesn't it Sara?" he breathed softly, "Listening is something you're not very good at you know. And it's cost you dearly. Not listening you could say, has cost you everything. Because you never listen do you? You didn't listen to me when I told you not to push me. When I told you that you were making a big mistake. That you had taken her away from me, that it was your fault, you didn't listen then…You told me that it was mine. That I had taken her away. That I was the reason she was dead. And now just look at the mess you're in." he said. His voice pitched between a low, threatening rasp, a thunderous growl that tumbled from beneath his black eyes, to being suddenly light and airy, like soft snow falling gently from white clouds, "You didn't listen to your husband. When he tried to tell you that it wasn't working. That he wasn't happy. That neither of you were. That you weren't making each other happy. That you couldn't make each other happy. You stopped listening to him because you didn't want to hear what he had to say. You switched off your phone, disabled your voicemail, started avoiding as calls as often as you avoided your colleague's concerned inquiries in to your welfare. You don't listen when don't want to hear it because you don't want to hear the truth about yourself. You don't want to know what other people think about you. You don't want them to point out all of the flaws that you know you have. Because the truth. Hurts." He continued, advancing on her slightly, the gun trembling as his hand shook violently, his eyes wide and unblinking, never leaving hers, "And you hurt me. When you told me the truth about my Edie. When you told me that she was dead and you just said it. You hurt me then Sara. And that was very, very stupid of you…" he added, his head dipping to one side again, like a puppet whose master had fallen asleep at the helm, allowing it to droop and loll madly, utterly out of control, "Because you know what they say, don't you? Keep your friends close and your enemies' closer?" he murmured, leaning towards her again, "Well now you don't have any friends. Because they're not friends anymore. They're liabilities. They're weaknesses. They are things that I will use to get to you and I don't care what I have to do to them to make that happen. You only have me. And you better start getting used to having me close Sara, because I'm not going anywhere." He paused again, leaning in towards her and continuing in a low foul hiss, his breath washing over her face and seeming to seep through her pores, making its way in to her bloodstream, causing her nerves to ignite and her brain to freeze simultaneously as she shuddered and trembled before him, "I'll be here tonight, watching you while you sleep, or while you try to. I'll be here tomorrow as well, as you get undressed, and showered anc changed to go to work. I'll be there too. While you put a brave face and you tell them all it's 'fine', when youi push them away because that's what you do, because you know, it's better to be alone with your demons. Because your demons hurt them. . Because you've always known that, I'm just reinforcing the point you've lived with all your life. It is better for you to be alone. But don't worry, you'll have me. In your darkest moments, when you cry to yourself, when you scream and you curse that the world isn't fair. When the walls come tumbling down and you're forced to drop your guard because the effort of keeping it up there, even for my benefit, is just exhausting. When you think you can be weak, and vulnerable, because there's no-one there to see it, you keep in the back of your mind that I'll be watching you. All those times you falter and fail, and all those times you reach for the bottle to be your crutch again, I'll see, and I'll know about, even if no-one else does. You can hide from strangers at work or on the street. You can hide from your neighbours. You can hide from your friends, from your family. You can hide from the world Sara. But you can't hide from me…I will be there. Always." He leant in and brushed his lips against her cheek before murmuring, "And if I ever have to leave, it will cost you. If you make me go I'll take someone with me. Remember what happened to the last woman who said no to me, one too many times…"
A/N: Alright, can I first apologise for my horrendous update 'schedule' recently, damn exams and whoever created them! Now that they are over, I am going to try and start updating properly again but I have a lot going on just now so I make no promises! Secondly, may I apologise for the potentially jumpy nature of this chapter, I wrote it in random segments and then stitched them all together. That was the plan anyway! enough of my waffle, I hope you enjoyed, leave a review if you can and let me know! :)