Darthemius: At last! You hear this fucking voice once again, which means… Exactly! "Way of the Rattlesnake" has been updated once again!
Naruto: No! This is not "Way of the Rattlesnake"!
Darthemius: Eh? Then what is it?
Naruto: This is SPARTA!
Darthemius: …
DING! DONG.
Darthemius: … (Walking to the door) Who is it?
?: Pizza delivery!
Darthemius (Sighing): Yeah, come in… (Opening the door) I'm sorry, I… Trish?
Trish: Oh! Well if it isn't Darthy! How have you been?
Darthemius: I'm fine… But why are you working as a pizza boy… girl?
Trish (shrugging): Well, a girl needs money for her activities. But Dante is doing nothing but train his ass off to make a better appearance in EHD 2. I worked as a stripper at first, but I uh… Well I shot some guy because I thought he was a demon.
Darthemius: Why?
Trish: His dick was almost as big as yours.
Darthemius: Ah, I see… WHAT? Wait, are you implying that I'm a demon?
Trish (Checking Darthemius out): I still have my doubts.
Darthemius (Slapping his face): Right… Say, would you mind doing me a favor?
Trish (Shrugging): Depends on the favor.
Darthemius: Well you see… It looks like Naruto has… kind of… for the lack of better word… Okay, he has lost it.
Trish: Oh?
Darthemius: Yeah, switching personalities from EHD to WOTR did not end well for him. So could you please set his mind straight?
Trish (Taking a thinking pose): Well, this is gonna cost you…
Darthemius: I'll bring you back in EHD 2.
Trish (Smiing happily): Sold! Hey, Naruto! Look what I've got!
Darthemius (Sighing again): Well, that settles it. Okay, time to say something about the damn story.
First of all, I'd like to comment what one of my readers said about Naruto. What he said was "He's not right in the head". Well, I'm sorry to disappoint, but Naruto is not just "not right" in his head… HE'S ABSOLUTELY WRONG THERE! You will see many flashes of anger out of him again.
Then… Sigh… Please, people, stop asking me to make Naruto fuck his mother. I just don't see it happening. And believe me when I say that when it's all said and done, you'll agree with me. Just wait until the ending.
Finally for everyone who asks about "Where the hell is cola?" I'll tell you, cola is right here. And I'm gonna drink all of it right now, so I don't really have any to add in the story.
Also, thanks for all the stories you people suggested. I didn't know so many would respond, so… I actually have another question to ask. Are any of you, my good readers, good at drawing? You see, I had this insane idea about having the visual image of EHD Naruto. So I'm asking you, can any of you draw my version of Naruto, A.K.A. EHD Naruto? Just PM me if you want.
And may the force be with you…
...
Chapter six: I don't really care…
"Shin-ne!" – talks.
'Nah.' – thoughts.
...
Konohagakure no sato. Hokage's office…
"Sigh… Well, at least it didn't end in another massacre…" Yondaime Hokage summarized, after receiving team seven's report. "Alright, all of you are dismissed… except for you, Kakashi."
"Hai, Hokage-sama." Six people responded and five of them left.
"What is your wish, sensei?" Masked jounin asked.
"Is there anything you wish to add, Kakashi?"
"You mean about Kisaragi, right?"
"Yes."
Kakashi thought for a moment. "Well, I must say that his reputation is very much deserved, but…"
"But?" Hokage's eyes narrowed.
"He's hiding something…"
"That I can say for myself, thank you very much." Minato replied in slight anger. "Tell me something I don't know…"
"I… I think he has some hidden motive for joining Konoha." Kakashi stated.
"What do you think it may be?"
"Maybe… he wants to get close to somebody?"
Minato's eyes widened. "Tsubaki!"
"A possibility…" Kakashi nodded. "What are your orders?"
The Hokage held a pause. "For now just keep a close eye on Tsubaki. If Kisaragi tries anything, I will deal with him myself!"
"Hai!"
"Very well, dismissed."
Konoha street…
"Uwaaaah!" Naruto yawned. 'I really should have some sleep…'
"So… whacha gonna do?" Anko asked as two of them still walked beside team seven.
"Sleep…" Naruto muttered.
"Let's go on a date, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura exclaimed happily.
"No."
"Oh, you're no fun!" Anko said to Naruto. "How about we go get something to eat?"
Tsubaki grinned. "Besides, you didn't eat anything in the morning, right?"
Naruto's stomach growled. "Tch, fine."
"Yay! Let's go!" Anko exclaimed happily.
"I know just the place!" Tsubaki added.
Ichiraku ramen stand…
"Just the place, huh?" Naruto muttered, placing his head in his hand.
"What? It's a nice place!" The red head stated.
"Yeah, right…" Anko commented sarcastically.
"They serve dango here." Tsubaki added.
"I agree with her completely, this is a nice place!" Anko said smiling happily.
Naruto rolled his eyes. "I'm sure they added them just for you…" He said. "What I don't understand, is why you two are still here?" The blonde asked Sasuke and Sakura. "I thought you have some important business you always have, Uchiha."
"Hn." Sasuke said in response, without moving any muscle.
Jin nodded. "Nice answer, short and simple… easy to remember…"
"So, are you going to order?" Old man behind the counter asked.
"Sure…" Naruto waved his hand. "Give me a fucking ramen…"
Teuchi raised an eyebrow. "Sorry, what ramen?"
"Don't care, any ramen…"
The cook nodded. "Okay. Anyone else?"
"Yeah! I'll have five plates of dango!" Anko shouted.
"Beef ramen." Sasuke said stoically.
"Diet ramen." Sakura replied.
"I'll have five bowls of miso ramen!" Tsubaki stated enthusiastically.
Everyone turned to her with raised eyebrow.
"What?"
"Aren't you on a diet, or something?" Naruto asked.
"No… you're implying that I'm fat?"
Jin shook his head. "Nah, but girls are always obsessed about their figure… aren't you?"
"I am!" Sakura stated.
"Well I'm not!" Tsubaki replied. "A good shinobi must have enough food…" She said just as five large bowls were placed in front of her.
"I think it's more than enough…" Naruto commented.
"Screw you." The girl exclaimed and began to eat.
"Oh, oh! May I?" Anko asked, raising her hand.
"May you what?" Jin asked.
"Screw you of course!"
"You pervert!" Sakura screamed, blushing furiously.
"I wasn't talking to you, banshee, so shut the fuck up!" Anko stated. "Please, Jin-kun?"
"Tch…" Naruto turned away from everyone and began to brood.
Suddenly Tsubaki started to laugh, almost choking on her noodles.
"What's so funny?" Anko asked.
"Hahaha…! Can't you see? He just did a Sasuke!" The red head stated, continuing to laugh, quickly followed by Anko.
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Is 'Sasuke' now a new insult?"
Uchiha scowled.
"Hey, don't scowl at me. I wasn't the one who said that."
"Ah, there you are!"
Everyone turned their heads.
"Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura exclaimed.
"Stop the damn shouts!" Naruto… shouted, clutching his head.
"Alcohol?" Kakashi asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I wish…" Naruto muttered.
"Well, enough fun, guys. Let's have a nice training session!"
"Awwww…" Team seven whined.
"Bwahahaha!" Naruto laughed.
"What are you laughing at?" Tsubaki asked.
"Duh, I'm not team seven. So I will think of you in my sleep. Have a good training!" Jin said, getting up and walking away.
"Tch…" Tsubaki scowled.
"Hey, wait for me!" Anko yelled, running after her student.
"He's sooo gonna get it." Hokage's daughter stated, getting up as well.
"But Kakashi-sensei! We just got back."
"Yes, Sakura, I know that." Masked jounin replied.
"Quit whining and get your lazy ass up!" Tsubaki commanded. "Shinobi shouldn't complain about everything connected with his work."
"Very good, Tsubaki-chan. Let's go…"
With Naruto and Anko…
"Mmm… pillow…" Jin muttered.
"Umm… we're still on the street, you know…" Anko commented.
"Don't interrupt my daydream!"
Suddenly…
"SCREECH!"
They stopped and looked up.
"Ups, I guess I have to go." Anko said. "Will you miss me?" She asked hopefully.
"Yeah, sure. Just wear that bikini…"
Anko looked at him strangely. "Excuse me, what?"
"Don't worry, I'm already sleeping…" Naruto said, walking away. "Have a nice meeting."
Hokage tower…
"As you already know…" Yondaime started. "It is that time once again. The chuunin exam is coming, and this time it will be held here in Konoha. Now, rookie team joinins step forward!"
Kakashi, Asuma, Kurenai and Anko did as they were told.
"Are there any students you wish to nominate for the chuunin exam participation?"
Kakashi started.
"I, Hatake Kakashi, jounin sensei of team seven nominate Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke and Namikaze Tsubaki for participation."
"I, Sarutobi Asuma, jounin sensei of team ten nominate Nara Shikamaru, Akimichi Chouji and Yamanaka Ino for participation."
"I, Yuhi Kurenai, jounin sensei of team eight nominate Hyuga Hinata, Inuzuka Kiba and Aburame Shino for participation."
The Hokage nodded. "Anko?"
Special jounin smiled sheepishly and scratched the back of her head.
"I, uh… don't really think it's a good idea…"
Minato tilted his head to the side. "Huh? Why?"
"Well… I think you should simply give him the rank."
"You know I can't do that…"
Anko shrugged. "Your loss. I, Mitarashi Anko, Jin Kisaragi's mentor nominate him as a participant."
"Hmm… but now we don't have enough participants…" Minato concluded.
"Umm, Hokage-sama?"
"Yes, Anko?"
"I, uh… I think you should just let him take that exam alone."
"What? Are you insane, Anko?" Kurenai asked.
"I think you're overestimating the kid…" Asuma added.
"No, she's not."
"Kakashi?" Minato asked.
"I saw his short encounter with Momochi Zabuza personally…" Masked jounin continued. "I think he will have no problems with entering this exam on his own."
"Hmm…" The Hokage thought for a moment. "Very well. Jin Kisaragi has the permission to participate in the chuunin exam on his own…"
Next morning… Scratch that, it's actually three in the afternoon…
"Uwaaaaaaaah!" Naruto stretched on his bed. "Now that's what I call a nap! Now where are my damn pants?"
He quickly put on his pants and went to refrigerator.
"Empty… No surprises here…" He said, closing refrigerator's door. "Well, I guess I'll just go and eat at some place…"
Outside…
"Hmm… hmmhmhm…" Jin walked down the street, humming to himself. "Hmhmhmmm… I've got the power!" He sang and threw Hishouken to the side.
"AAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Oppa, sorry…"
Suddenly…
"Hey, let go of me, you bully!"
Naruto rolled his eyes. 'Oh my god. Someone's bullying a kid. Can this village really sink any lower?' He thought walking around the corner. 'Oh, forget what I said…'
It was not someone from Konoha, rather someone from Suna.
Jin hid his presence and decided to observe.
"Please, let go of him." Sakura pleaded for Suna shinobi to release the kid. "It was my fault."
"Well, then I'll teach you a lesson as well." Sand ninja said… just before his hand was hit by a stone.
Naruto bit his lip and covered his mouth with both his hands in order to not laugh.
'Hahahahahaha! Oh my! Uchiha to the rescue!'
"Get lost." Sasuke said coolly, sitting on a tree. Then he crushed another small stone with his hand like it was something cool.
However…
"Wah! Sasuke-kun is so cool!" Sakura alongside another little girl yelled.
Jin rolled his eyes. 'Well, I guess we just have different definitions of the word cool…'
"Tough guy, huh?" Suna ninja said, taking off some… bandaged shit from behind his back.
"Wait, Kankurou! Are you going to use Karasu here?" Nearby standing girl asked.
'Karasu?' Naruto's eyes narrowed. 'A puppeteer then… Wait a second, I don't know the clown, but this girl looks somewhat familiar…'
"Stand down, Kankurou." Sudden dangerous voice said.
"G-Gaara… It was… they started it!" Kankurou tried to excuse himself.
"Shut up or I'll kill you." Gaara shunshined to the ground and Naruto's eyes lit up. "Apologies to you. Let's go." He and his team turned around.
"Wait, what is your name?" Sasuke asked.
"M-Me?" Temari replied shyly.
"No, the guy with the gourd."
Gaara turned around. "Sabaku no Gaara. I'm interested in your name as well."
"Uchiha Sasuke."
Then for some reason girl's eyes widened. "G-Gaara! Your sand, it's frozen!"
Now Gaara's eyes widened as well. "It's him! Where are you!" The red head shouted madly.
"Over here." Naruto said from behind. "Senshouzan!" He shouted, attempting to slice Gaara's head off…
CLANG.
…Only for his sword to be blocked by girl's fan.
"Rattlesnake!" Gaara stated angrily, taking several steps back from sudden threat.
"Not a smart move." Naruto replied, pushing the girl back. "I was not attacking you."
"Gh!" She grunted in response as ice started to spread across her fan.
"Move." Naruto said.
"N-No…"
"Hmm…" Naruto pressed for another two seconds and then removed his blade. "Very well. You are lucky your girl is protecting you."
Gaara's eyes narrowed. "I'm not as weak as you think! I trained hard since our last encounter."
"Wait, you know each other?" Sasuke asked.
"Hmhmhm…" Jin chuckled. "And someone calls him a genius."
"What are you doing here, Rattlesnake?" Gaara asked.
"Can't you see?" Jin pointed at his belt. "I'm a good Konoha shinobi now!" He stated, smiling beamingly.
"Bullshit." Gaara replied impassively. "You serve no one but yourself."
"Maybe, maybe not. Anyway, you shouldn't let people sneak on you like that."
The red head glared. "I'll keep that in mind."
"Well…" Naruto turned to girl. "What's your name by the way?"
"T-Temari…" She said, blushing slightly.
"Well, sorry, Temari, for almost slicing you in two."
"Umm…"
"Watch out, Kisaragi." Gaara warned. "Next time we meet, you might be the one who's surprised."
Jin smirked. "Next time we meet, you will be dead… or half-dead anyway. See ya." He said and his body crumbled into ice pieces.
"So, that was Jin Kisaragi?" Kankurou asked.
"Yes." Gaara said dangerously. "Uchiha, is it true what he said? Did he really join your village?"
"As far as I know, yes." Sasuke replied.
"Don't trust him." The red head said instantly. "He serves no one."
"I'll keep that in mind." Sasuke stated.
"Temari, Kankurou, let's go…"
With Naruto…
"Come out, now."
"Hehe, so you've seen through my disguise! A worthy rival indeed!"
Naruto tilted his head to the side. "You're that kid from behind. What the hell do you want?"
"Heh, I'm Konohamaru! And you will now be my teacher!" The kid stated.
Naruto glared. "I don't think so. Get lost, before I cut you down."
"You wouldn't dare!" Konohamaru exclaimed. "My grandfather was the Third Hokage!"
"Hahaha!" Jin laughed. "Oh really?"
"Yeah, really!"
"And where is he?"
"He's… at home."
Naruto mocked a thinking pose. "I see, but how then he's going to stop me from killing you if he's there, hm?"
The kid paled. "W-Well…"
"Exactly. Not everyone will respect you just because of your relatives." The blonde stated. "Now get lost!" He added, throwing in some killing intent.
Next moment the kid was gone.
"Stupid children, thinks being shinobi is a game." Naruto muttered, walking away. 'When I was his age, my hands were dyed in blood from my fingertips right down to my elbows! And here children are running around, throwing fake shuriken and thinking ninjas are cool, because they can do those flashy things they call jutsus! Pathetic… with attitude like that Konoha will get it in the end. Hmm… maybe I should look into it after Nii-san is dead…?'
"There you are!" Anko's voice interrupted his train of thoughts. "Where the hell have you been all day?"
"Duh, I was sleeping obviously."
"Well anyway, here. Sign this." She gave him a piece of paper.
"What the hell is this?"
"Your agreement to participate in the chuunin exam!" Anko stated, smiling beamingly.
Naruto returned it back to her. "I refuse."
Kunoichi's eyes bulged out of her head. "W-What?"
Jin shrugged. "I don't really care about being a chuunin. It's irrelevant to me."
"But… don't you want to show off your skills?"
He shook his head. "I'm not Uchiha. Showing your skills is stupid."
"W-Well…"
"You won't stop pestering me, won't you?"
"Nope!" Anko admitted.
"Fine, give me this shit." Naruto took the paper and signed it. "There, are you happy? Who are my teammates?"
Anko's smile widened. "That's the thing, no one! You can take this exam alone!"
"Hmm…" Naruto thought for a moment. "You know, this might not be so bad after all…"
"I knew you would like it! Be tomorrow at the academy at three in the afternoon!" She said and disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"She sure is enthusiastic… Now what the hell should I do until tomorrow?" Jin took a pause. "Hmm, let's go and get some money…"
Higurashi weapon shop…
"Yes, what can I do for you?" Man behind the counter asked.
"Umm… actually I was looking for Tenten…" Naruto admitted.
"Oh, sure…" The owner walked near the stairway. "Tenten! Someone's here to see you!"
"Coming, daddy!" Female voice replied.
"She just returned from her training with Gai-sensei… you know Gai-sensei?"
"No."
"Lucky you…"
"Hey, daddy! Who's here… Ah, Jin-kun!" Tenten exclaimed and blushed. "C-Can I do something for you?"
"Sure." Naruto stated. "I just wanted to know how much I can get for this…" With that he took out a sealing scroll.
PUFF.
"What the…?" Tenten's father asked in disbelief.
"SQUEEEEEEEEAL!" Tenten… squealed loudly and immediately ran to some poster on the wall.
"Umm… what's she doing?" Jin asked.
"Hmhmhm…" The owner chuckled. "That's her special edition of 'Greatest Shinobi Swordsmen' poster."
Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Is there such a thing?"
"There is."
"Done!" Tenten exclaimed happily. "You're number two now, only Kisame remains! Tell me, how did you kill Zabuza?"
"Well…" Naruto started, shouldering Zabuza's sword.
"Did you cut off his head?" Tenten interrupted. "Did you cut him in two? Did you stab him with that ice blade you showed me?"
Naruto nodded. "That one."
"Whoo hoo! I guessed it!"
The blonde sighed. "Anyway, how much will you give me for this thing?"
"Well…" Tenten's father began. "It's an exclusive weapon, and it belonged to a famous shinobi… I'd say thirty millions."
Naruto raised an eyebrow. "You have that kind of money?"
"Of course!" The man smiled proudly. "I'm the best weapon smith in the entire village!"
"I see… Well, here you go." Naruto placed Kubikiri Hochiro on the counter.
"A pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Kisaragi."
"Likewise, Mr…?"
"Tenzen."
"Yeah, nice to meet you. I should go…"
"Umm, Kisaragi-kun?"
"Hmm?"
Tenten blushed harder. "I was wondering if… if you would like… to go have lunch with m-me?"
Naruto thought for a second. "Actually I was on my way to get some food. Might as well get some company."
"Yay!" Tenten exclaimed happily. "Let's go, I know just the place!"
Akimichi's barbeque restaurant…
"Not bad…" Naruto commented.
"Yup!" Tenten nodded. "They serve good food as well!"
"Well, then let's get ourselves a table…" He said, walking further.
"Welcome." Middle aged woman with a… big bone problem greeted.
"Hi, Mrs. Akimichi!"
"Oh, it's Tenten!" The woman exclaimed. "Good to see you again. And who's your friend?"
Naruto smiled. "Jin Kisaragi, ma'am. A pleasure."
"What a gallant and charming young man! You are very lucky, Tenten!"
The girl blushed. "Can I have my usual table?"
"Sure, right this way…"
"Usual table?" Jin asked. "You eat here that often?"
"Nah." She shook her head. "It's just when I do, I always sit at this table. It's comfortable…"
"No doubt…" Naruto said, sitting down. "I like the atmosphere…"
"What can I get you?" Big boned woman asked.
"I'll have two barbeque plates." Tenten ordered.
"And you, young man?"
"Three." Jin replied simply.
"In a moment." Akimichi said and left.
"So…" Tenten started. "What do you think of Konoha so far?"
"Truly?"
She nodded.
"Careless… too careless."
She looked at him in confusion. "What?"
"It's children." He said, resting his head on his fist. "Have you been at the academy lately?"
"Umm, no…"
"Say, while you were there, did you think that being a shinobi was cool?"
Tenten made a thinking face. "Hmm… Maybe somewhat. But my father explained everything to me very clearly. We are ninjas, we kill people for money."
"Strange choice of words for a smith…"
"Well, it's because he understands it like no one else." The girl stated. "I mean, he creates weapons. He makes things that kill."
"I see your point. But look around…" They looked in the window and saw some children run around happily, throwing fake shurikens at each other. "See what I'm talking about?"
"I guess…"
"Here's your order. Enjoy."
"Thank you, Mrs. Akimichi."
"Mmm…" Naruto exclaimed, chewing on a barbeque piece. "Hm, it's good!"
"Told ya!" Tenten replied, beaming.
"Still, isn't it too much for you to eat? What about your figure?"
She waved him off. "Nah, my sensei will beat it out of me anyway. He's really an eccentric person."
"Oh, by the way, are you participating in tomorrow's exam?" Jin asked.
"Yep, are you?"
"Anko made me…"
"Great!" Tenten stated.
"Umm… why is it great?"
"Well, umm… We'll see each other there!" She stated.
Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Can't we see each other in some more pleasant place, like this one perhaps?"
"Umm…"
"My address is also not a great secret. You can visit me anytime you want."
Girl's eyes widened. "D-Do you really mean that?"
"Sure. Anyway, see you tomorrow…"
Next day. Academy building…
'Damn, Never thought I'll be returning to this place for any reason…' Jin thought, walking inside.
"Please, let us pass." He heard familiar voice.
'Tenten? I thought it was a second floor. Why is she…?' He looked around. 'I see, she's pretending. Well, let's not break her game then.'
But then…
"What the…?" He exclaimed, halting his advance up the stairs. "So he's already here. I thought he will show his sorry ass only in the finals…" Naruto whispered and shunshined away.
"Is that true, Kabuto?"
"Hai, Orochimaru-sama. Rattlesnake is here."
One of the legendary sannins glared. "Excellent. I will make that fool regret."
Naruto smirked behind his cover. 'Sure you will.'
"I'll kill him in the second portion of the exam…"
The blonde nodded. 'Thought as much…'
"…After I finish with Sasuke-kun!"
Naruto's smirk faded. 'So the fool is still obsessed with Sharingan…' He concluded. 'Well, it's a pain, but I can't let it happen. Have to keep an eye on that imbecile…'
Room 301…
"Hya, Sasuke-kun!" Ino yelled, launching herself onto Sasuke's back. "I missed you so much!"
"Hey, get off him, Ino-pig!" Sakura shouted.
"Damn you're loud!" Shikamaru stated, walking closer.
"I'm not with them." Tsubaki stated, pointing at her teammates.
"Ah, so you're here too!" Kiba exclaimed as he and his team walked over. "So all the rookies are here."
"N-Not all…" Hinata stuttered. "K-Kisaragi-kun is missing…"
"Yeah, true. Anyone saw him?"
"He doesn't have a team." Sasuke said. "Maybe he was left behind…"
"I guess you should consider being a little less loud."
Rookie genins turned their heads.
"And who might you be?"
"I'm Yakushi Kabuto. And I am a veteran of this exam." Shinobi in glasses stated.
"How many times you took it?" Sasuke asked.
"Umm, six. This will be the seventh one."
"Wow, you must know a lot, right?"
"Indeed, I gathered much information over the years…"
"Do you have information on certain individuals?" Uchiha asked.
"Sure, who do you have in mind?"
"Sabaku no Gaara, Jin Kisaragi and Uzumaki Naruto."
Kabuto raised an eyebrow. "Strange… well anyway…" He took out one of his nin-cards.
"Sabaku no Gaara. Eight C-rank missions and even one B-rank. Nothing much is known about his abilities, except that he returned from every appointment unharmed."
"Hmm." Sasuke's eyes narrowed.
"Next is Uzumaki Naruto. Even less is known about him. Only known facts are that he's a SSS-ranked nuke-nin, and no one has ever seen him after well, I don't need to tell you that, right?" Kabuto smirked at Sasuke.
"Tch…"
"And finally, Jin Kisaragi." Kabuto whistled. "Quite a file! He is known as one of the most famous bounty hunters in shinobi nations. Many countries have a price on his head. Recently he joined Hidden Leaf village."
"And he's also standing right behind you."
Kabuto's eyes widened as he looked at Jin, who grinned evilly at him.
'You're playing with fire, Kisaragi.'
Tsubaki smirked. "And here I thought you will miss it."
"Me? No way!" Naruto stated.
"Where's your team?" Sasuke asked.
"Nah, no team for me."
"But…"
Suddenly…
"Jin Kisaragi!" Several people were walking straight at him from the crowd. "You bastard!"
"Why? What did I ever do to you?"
"You killed my master!" One genin shouted.
"You robbed my family!" Another added.
"You destroyed my house!"
"You burned down our village!"
"You betrayed my father!"
"You raped my sister!"
"What?" Tsubaki screamed in rage.
Naruto paled. "Didn't do that one!"
"But you did everything else, huh?"
"Silence, you maggots!" Booming voice echoed through the room. "I am Morino Ibiki! And I'm your proctor for the first part of the chuunin exam!"
"Oh, a shame." Naruto whispered. "I was about to kill some people…"
"Now if you're ready, then hand over your paperwork. In return you each will be given a number. This number determines where you will sit. We'll start the written test once you're all seated."
Jin raised an eyebrow. "Written test?"
"That's what he said." Tsubaki replied.
'Damn, this village is useless…'
Timeskip. When all were seated…
'Stuuuuuuuuupid…' Naruto thought, looking over his test paper.
"Now I'll explain the rules." Ibiki continued. "Listen carefully, because I will not explain them again. In the beginning, each of you has ten points. For every unanswered or wrong answered question you will lose a point. Don't try to cheat. If these good men notice you're cheating, you will lose two points immediately. If someone loses all of his points, he fails and so is his team. Don't get caught, show that you are a real shinobi." He paused. "Oh, and if a team member gets a zero, he and his team fails. You have one hour. Begin!"
Yawning, Naruto looked at his test again. 'I don't know these questions for shit. If this is some kind of joke…' He glanced around. 'Ah, I see. So I have to cheat.'
To his right, some Hyuga was using byakugan. Yamanaka used her mind techniques, Inuzuka used his dog, Aburame – his bugs, Uchiha – his Sharingan…
'Wait a second! I have it too!' Naruto was about to activate his Sharingan, when he noticed that Ibiki was glaring directly in his eyes. 'What's his problem?'
Ibiki continued to glare.
'Shit, I can't use it like this… Well, fuck it! I'll just sit and do nothing then.' He concluded and leaned on the back of his chair.
And then a kunai flew past his face…
"Wha…?" Jin muttered.
"You have been spotted five times, you failed!" Ibiki stated.
Naruto glanced over his shoulder. "Oh… Was it really necessary to throw that thing so close to my face?"
"You were not permitted to talk, Kisaragi!" The proctor spat. "One more word and I will throw you out of here!"
Naruto shrugged and placed his hands behind his head.
Number 32 failed!
Number 63 and 47 failed!
Number 51 failed.
"You have no proof!" Someone screamed… which resulted in him getting his ass handed to him.
'Damn losers…' Naruto thought.
Failed numbers were called every second. Meanwhile, Jin was simply looking in the window, and Ibiki was looking at Jin.
"Alright…" The proctor started. "Forty five minutes have passed. It is time for the tenth question!"
'Eh? What about this question?' Naruto looked at his test paper. 'Yeah, it's empty… Was I so bored that I missed that part?'
"But first…" Ibiki continued. "A hopeless rule!"
"Another rule?" Someone exclaimed.
"Precisely. Now you have two choices. You must choose whether or not to take the tenth question."
"What happens if we choose not to take?"
"Then your points will be reduced to zero and you will fail!"
"Of course we take it then!"
"But, if you choose to take it and answer it wrong, you will never be allowed to take this exam again!"
"WHAT?"
"But there are people who were participating in previous exams!" Kiba shouted.
"Well, then you're just unlucky then! This year I am the rule!"
Naruto was still bored. 'Not being a chuunin? I could care less. It's not like I will remain in this village long enough…'
Someone raised their hand. "I… I can't! Sorry guys, I quit!"
His teammates stood up from their seats and left. Many people started to join them.
'Weaklings.' Jin thought. 'It's just a fucking question.'
"Anyone else?" Ibiki asked, glaring daggers at Jin.
Silence.
The proctor gritted his teeth. "Then all of you… passed." He added without any enthusiasm.
"What, passed? But…"
"I don't feel like explaining." Ibiki stated. "Think about it yourselves. Congratulations on completing the first portion of chuunin exam."
Suddenly one of the windows broke…
"No time to relax! I'm your second proctor – Mitarashi Anko!"
Naruto smirked. 'I like the second portion better already!'
"What's up, Ibiki? You're losing your touch?"
"Shut up, I'm not in the mood." Scarred man replied and left the room.
"No matter." Anko stated. "You brats have two hours to find training ground 44. Go!"
"Hey, Anko?" Naruto called, when everyone was leaving the classroom.
"Oh, it's Jin-kun! You passed!"
"Yeah, and I didn't even do a single thing. That guy is a moron." He said. "Anyway, I couldn't help but notice one thing… why was that scar face glaring at me the entire time?"
"You mean Ibiki?" Anko responded. "Don't you know? You killed his brother."
Naruto raised an eyebrow. "I did? When?"
Anko thought for a moment. "Y-Yeah, he was competing in some race. But one side decided to cheat and hired you to kill him. Well, at least it's what we were told."
Jin scratched his head. "Morino… Morino… Idate?"
"That's the one!" Anko nodded.
"Yeah, I remember him. Really pathetic sight." The blonde admitted. "Was clinging to some little knife… until I cut off his hand… and another hand… and legs… and head… and balls… Well okay, I lied about balls."
"That's my student!" The kunoichi exclaimed happily. "Now come on, let's go. We don't want to be the only ones who are late."
...
And that's all for today!
Next week, Naruto in the forest of death! Finally we are going to find out what happens when worlds' toughest son of a bitch meets worlds' biggest piece of trash!
And always remember, boys and girls, being straight is a good trait!
Fuck like hell and sleep well.
Darthemius.