Darthemius AN!
Darthemuis: Oh hell yeah! I'm finally done with this damn chapter!
Naruto: Took you a while.
Darthemius: I'd see how long it will take you if you were in my condition. Fuck, I need to get out of here, the walls are distracting me.
Naruto: Be thankful it's walls and not telletubies.
Darthemius: YEOW! Don't say that word!
Naruto (Smirking): What, telletubies?
Darthemius (Shuddering): Yes, that one! Fuck this, I'm out! (Leaving the apartment)
Naruto: Shit, and what am I supposed to do now? (Noticing the stack of paper on the table and grinning evilly) Well now! Maybe I can entertain myself a little after all!
Trish (From bathroom): Oi, Naruto! Care to help me with my back?
Naruto: Then again, why entertain myself when I have Trish! Coming, baby!
Silence…
Tifa Lockhart (Entering the apartment): Hello? Anybody here? Darth? Naruto?
Silence…
Tifa: Aww… Maybe I'll just wait for them right he… (Noticing the stack of paper on the table) Huh? What's this? Oh! A new "WOTR" chapter! Let's see… Wait, that won't do! It lacks romance whatsoever! Well not if I can help it!
Tifa's starting to write…
"…Naruto and Tsubaki suddenly met in the forest. Slowly they walked closer to each other, took each other's hands, briefly glanced at the full moon above them, stared in each other's eyes, leaned closer and…"
Tifa's cell phone: TRA-TA-TA-TA TA DA DA TA-DA!
Tifa (Picking up): Yeah? (Eyes widening in shock) Oh, hi Cloud! Where I am? I'm… Well… I uh… I'm in shop! What? Buy milk? Sure, on my way! (Leaving the apartment)
Silence…
Aizen (Opening the door): Darthemius, I need your help to… Huh?
Silence…
Aizen: He's not here, a shame. I guess I'll wait the… Oh! (Noticing WOTR chapter) How nice… Really lacks reality though. Well, I'd be a waste to leave it like that.
Aizen's starting to write…
"…Naruto and Tsubaki suddenly met in the forest. Slowly they walked closer to each other, took each other's hands, briefly glanced at the full moon above them, stared in each other's eyes, leaned closer and… Tore each other's clothes off and went right at it."
Aizen (Pleased with his work): There. Now it's much more fitting to be called Darthemius's work.
Aizen's cell phone: I'm a Barbie girl! In a Barbie wooooorld! Life in plastic! It's…!
Aizen (Quickly picking up and looking around to see if anyone heard that): "…?"
Silence…
Aizen (In relief): Whew… Gotta change my ringtone… (Into the phone) Yes? What? New Bleach arc? I thought I'm down and done… No? Of course I agree! When? On my way! (Leaving the apartment)
Silence…
Wekser (Entering the room): Hey, guys! Let's go drinking and…!
Silence…
Wesker (In disappointment): Shit, don't tell me they left without me. Well fuck, if that's how it is, then I'm gonna sit right here… (Sitting down on a couch) And when they come back, I'll give them a piece of my… (Noticing the stack of paper) Oh? Ha, a new chapter! Wait a moment! I can't believe Darth wrote that! It completely lacks sonovabitching! Well, have no fear! Uncle Wesker's here!
Wesker's starting to write…
"…Naruto and Tsubaki suddenly met in the forest. Slowly they walked closer to each other, took each other's hands, briefly glanced at the full moon above them, stared in each other's eyes, leaned closer and… Tore each other's clothes off and went right at it.
And at the most important moment Jiraiya jumps down from a tree waves his hand any yells 'HELLO!'"
Wekser: Well, now that really looks like something Darthemius could write!
Naruto (leaving the bathroom): Now that felt good… Oh, hey Al! What's up?
Wesker: Hey, Naruto. I just came in to offer to go and get our asses drunk… Actually I thought you were doing just that, only without me…"
Naruto (Waving his hand): Nah, Darth went out. (Pointing behind his back at the bathroom) And I went in.
Wesker: Trish's in there?
Naruto: Yep.
Wesker: Damn, missed… But hey, we can still go and get drunk!
Naruto: Sure, I'm on! (Leaving the apartment)
Silence…
Darthemius: (Opening the door): Whew, the weather is crap these days… Wha…?! (Noticing the state of his chapter) What the fuck?! Who wrote that cra… Hey, not half bad actually. Just change 'Jiraiya' to 'Tsunade' and we'll have a new chapter! A little short, but it'll do…
Trish (From bathroom): Hey, Darthy! Care to help me with my front?
Darthemius (Raising an eyebrow): Shouldn't it be your back?
Trish: Nah, Naruto already helped with my back. Now I need someone to do the front.
Darthemius: Sure thing, girl! Count me in. Be there in a few seconds…
Darthemius AN part 2!
Well hello, guys. It really took a while this time. Mostly it was because I got ill like shit. Fuck, constant coughing made my head hurt.
But no matter, I'm up and so is the new chapter.
By the way, is anyone playing "Star Wars: The Old Republic?" Yeah, it's not KOTOR, but I liked it. Got level 50 already, but the gear is crap, so no one takes me in operations. Sad…
Anyway, since you guys liked it so much last time… And since there are some who rightfully pointed that I forgot something… Here I present to your attention the continuation of…
DRATHEMIUS'S CLICHÉ CRAP LIST!
CLICHÉ CRAP NUMBER FIVE: Naruto is chosen by some random deity to be his/her/its champion! All because of being a pure innocent child… or something like that. Because of that he's granted SUPERPOWERS! Now he can move a mountain, fuck grown up women and even make your granny young again! Despite all that he still finds himself losing to guys like Itachi, Orochimaru and so on. But he has a solution to all his problems! He's just gonna gather all the girls he slept with, call them a harem and swarm the enemy!
SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD HERE.
Okay, not really different from having twenty seven bloodlines, but still leaves its own mark. For the creators of such stories gives their character a nearly godlike powers to the point where they can create their own DIMENSION. But he still manages to lose every so on. I understand, you can't create a story where the hero always wins. It won't be much of a story. If that's the case, you just need to adjust the power, or think of the plot before you actually start writing.
CLICHÉ CRAP NUMBER SIX: Naruto is banished from Konoha by a screeching Sakura and the village council for damaging Sasuke during their fight in the valley of the end. Being the good person that he is, and having no choice in the matter, he actually turns and leaves. Tsunade's angry, Hinata's devastated… But Naruto's not giving up! He will still never give up! Never leave his dream of being the Hokage! Never stop protecting the people that hate him! Never… Okay, I can't do this anymore.
SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD HERE.
Do I even need to comment on that?!
Alright. I think you've had enough of my ramblings for one chapter. Now here's what you actually came looking for. Enjoy!
...
Chapter twenty seven: Plan B.
"Shin-ne!" – talks.
'Nah.' – thoughts.
"You will." – demonic/jutsu.
...
Konohagakure no sato. Tsunade's office…
"Wait...!" Tsunade raised her hands. "Wait a goddamn second! That can't possibly be. I did the blood test myself!"
"Really?" Tsubaki's eyebrows rose. "What test did you do exactly?"
"Well. I compared Minato and Jin… Shit." The medic cursed. "But that's still impossible! You're using Hiraishin! And you can only use it if you're Minato's…"
"No." The younger girl shook her head. "Father had to recreate it completely for my usage."
Tsunade tilted her head to the side. "Excuse me, what?"
Tsubaki sighed. "Three years ago, a month before the finals of the chuunin exam." She began. "Father wanted real hard for me to use Hiraishin in the finals. But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't use it. A week before the finals father has finally had it, and decided to recreate Hiraishin just for my usage. Have you ever wondered why I always disappear in a red flash instead of yellow?"
"I did actually…" Tsunade stated. "But I thought it was because of some personal trait, like your hair color for example."
"It's not." Tsubaki stated. "Jin also disappears in yellow, and he uses father's kunais as well."
"Damn, that's… Damn." Tsunade paused. "Have you confronted anyone about it yet?"
"I told you I didn't."
"Right, right…" The legendary medic massaged her temples. "Sorry, it's just too much to take in."
"Actually it's good that you've learned. Now I can finally talk to someone about it." Tsubaki stated. "The fact that you're a medic helps as well."
"Really?" Tsunade asked in surprise. "Why is that?"
"Because there is something I must ask." The red haired girl answered. "Tell me, can a woman give birth to two children from two different fathers at the same time?"
Tsunade's eyes widened. "Now that is a question…" She paused in thought. "Well, I guess it's possible in theory. But in order for that to happen, both children must be conceived in a very short time. Two days at most. That leaves only two options. Either you're a god's child… or your mother loved having threesomes, and, by some miracle, got knocked up by two men at the same time."
Tsubaki closed her eyes sadly. "We both know it's not the former."
"Indeed." Tsunade frowned as well. "But whatever happened, I'm sure she must have a good reason for…"
"Please, Tsunade-sama." Tsubaki interrupted, raising her hand. "I just… Don't care about that anymore."
"Huh?!" The medic exclaimed in surprise. "How can you not care about something like that?! Don't you want to know who your real parents are?!"
"Do you think Jin cares?" The younger girl countered.
Tsunade took a pause. "No, he really doesn't. All he cares about is his revenge."
"Exactly." Tsubaki nodded. "And all I care about is saving him from it."
"You should stop." The blond woman sighed. "There is no stopping him…"
"You assume wrong, Tsunade-sama." Tsubaki interrupted. "I'm not going to stop him from taking vengeance. I just want to show him that it's not the only thing he has…" She looked down. "And I guess now I know how."
"But what about Minato and Kushina? They…!"
"Father will be devastated, yes. And mother… I guess I just don't want to know the truth." The red haired girl stated. "And I think it's best to leave everything as it is."
"And you're going to bear that burden alone?"
Tsubaki smiled in response. "Not if I can help it."
Unknown location…
"I'm a roller, I'm a rider, I'm number one motherfucking survivor! So move over, I'm the driver! And I'm high, and I'm gonna keep getting higher! Yeah, yeah, yeah!"
"I hate you…" Kakuzu stated, trembling from anger. "I really hate you. I've never hated anyone more!"
"Hey, I'm not very fond of their singing either." Naruto replied, pointing at his seven clones… who were still singing in unison.
"Oh yeah?!" Tayuya responded sarcastically. "Then why the fuck are you singing along with them, shithead?"
The blond just grinned at her. "Well, if you can't beat them, join them!"
"You can't beat your own clones?!" Kakuzu asked mockingly.
"Sure I can." Naruto stated. "But who are going to do the sealing then, you moron?!"
"Tch." The bounty hunter spat. "I still hate you."
"And I feel so bad about it… Oh look, it's over."
THUD.
Kirabi's body fell lifelessly on the rocky floor.
"Fucking finally!" Tayuya cursed, jumping down next to it. "I swear it took forever!"
"It could be faster if not for his singing." Kakuzu muttered, doing the same.
"Quit complaining. This is the last one you will ever endure." Naruto stated and did a handseal to dispel all of his clones.
PUFF.
"Whow!" He suddenly lost his balance and almost fell over… if not for Tayuya who quickly got under his shoulder.
"Hey, are you alright?" She asked in concern.
Naurto looked at her in amusement. "Aww Tayuya! You're sweet!"
"S-Shut up." The girl looked away with a faint pink blush on her cheeks. "You shouldn't overexert yourself like that. When was the last time you took a rest?"
"I'll rest when I'm dead." Naruto stated, standing up straight. "Time to put plan B into motion." He turned to the bounty hunter. "Kakuzu, you take the body and go to Kirigakure immediately. Mizukage is in on this, just tell her I sent you."
"Hmm, alright." Kakuzu picked up Kirabi's body. "And if I run into anyone?"
"Kill them." Naruto stated coldly. "Until I'm done, you are dead to the world."
"I see… And what about you?" The older man asked. "You never told me what you're going to do."
"Hmhmhmhmhm…" Naruto chuckled, picking up the body of one Nii Yugito. "What else! Come on, Tayuya. We have a date with the god!"
With Sasuke…
"I have come to repay my debt to you, Elder Cat."
"I see…" The old woman replied, looking at the gifts that were presented to her. "So Orochimaru is dead I presume. Eh, Sasuke-kun?"
Said Uchiha smiled. "You presume right. I'll just need some equipment for what I'm about to do. I hope the price won't be too high."
"That depends on what your goal is, boy." The Elder Cat replied. "Tell me what you're after."
Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "I'm after Jin Kisaragi's head."
Silence.
"B-Baa-sama…" One of the younger girls whispered.
"Quiet!" The old woman shouted. "Uchiha Sasuke. You can have everything you wish."
"Huh?" Suigetsu's eyebrows rose. "Just like that?"
"I can sense great anger and fear from the inhabitants of this room." Juugo stated. "They emerged once Kisaragi's name was mentioned. They have a history with him."
"Is this true?" Sasuke asked.
"Yes." The Elder Cat took a deep breath to calm herself. "You can call that history if you wish." Her eyes opened slowly, just to show her inner malice and hatred for the man. "One year ago my youngest son decided to make a name for himself. Without consulting with me… or anyone for that matter, he left the compound and journeyed in search of Jin Kisaragi."
Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "Did he succeed?"
"That he did." The older woman nodded her head. "A week later Kisaragi himself appeared before me and threw the remaining pieces of my son at my feet. Then he had the audacity to rub my son's weakness in my face and disappear. I will do anything to see that man dead."
"On that we agree." Sasuke wisibly relaxed. "And I won't need many things, just basic clothes and equipment. I'm confident in my skills."
The Elder Cat looked him dead in the eye. "Yes, that's exactly what my son told me in our last conversation. Be careful, Sasuke-kun. If you can't take him down, I don't know who can."
"Don't worry, I will." Sasuke replied coldly. "Even if it will be the last thing I'll do."
Akatsuki hideout…
"ASSHOLES!" Naruto yelled deep into the cave.
"Holes… Holes… Holes…" An echo rushed through the cave.
"Ha, too true!" The blond stated. "I don't even know which one suit them better."
"Shit, why did I have to carry this bitch all the way here?" Tayuya asked, throwing Yugito's unconscious body down on the ground.
"Because, my dear, having her soft firm body in my hands would've made me tense in certain areas." Jin responded. "Which in turn would've lead to me molesting you for the entire duration of our trip."
The girl raised an eyebrow in confusion. "So? That's what I was hoping for."
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Can't say it never crossed my mind either. But then we would still be at Kumo's border, which is bad."
"What's the rush?" Tayuya asked. "I mean I know you want to do that as fast as possible, but…"
"You're late." A sudden deep voice interrupted them.
Naruto turned around and…
"Holy shit!" He pointed his finger at the intruder. "Tayuya, it's a god! A GOD! A REAL FUCKING GOD!" He shoved a camera in girl's arms. "Here, take a picture of us together!"
Pain's eyes narrowed in anger. "You're really starting to test my patience, Kisaragi. Where have you been?"
Naruto grinned. "And here I thought gods are all knowing. Take a look down there."
Ignoring the remark, Pain did just as Jin said, finally noticing Yugito's body.
"Niibi jinchuriki." His eyes narrowed once again. "That was not your target. And where are Hidan and Kakuzu?"
"We brought bad news, Pain-sama." Tayuya began. "Hidan and Kakuzu have perished during our fight in Kumogakure."
"Our fight?" Pain asked suspiciously.
"Oh yeah! I had other things to attend to, so I told Tayuya to stick with Hidan and Kakuzu for a while." Jin stated.
"And that proved to be a life-saving decision." The girl finished. "Kumo was expecting us and laid down an ambush. Instead of one, we got two jinchuriki working together. Hachibi came to assist his student here." She pointed down at Yugito. "Hidan and Kakuzu were killed. I would've been dead as well, but I had one of Jin's Hiraishin kunais with me for a critical situation."
"Yeah, Tay summoned me, and together we were able to not only get our asses out of there in one piece, but also salvage the situation."
"Hmm…" Pain studied Naruto for a minute. "This is troubling. With Hidan, Kakuzu, Sasori and Zetsu dead, we are down four members. And we still have a lot of hosts to seal."
"Well, how about I give you a solution then?" Jin asked with a smirk.
Pain held a pause and then spoke. "I can at least hear it."
"Okay then!" Naruto began in high spirit. "Did Deidara complete his assignment?"
"He did." The leader informed. "He is on his way here actually."
"Great! So all that remains is to catch Rukubi, Nanabi, Hachibi and Kyuubi. So here is what I propose. Me and Tayuya separate and catch Rokubi and Nanabi. Then we seal them, join back together and capture Hachibi. That only leaves you with the Kyuubi."
"Three more jinchuriki?" Pain began. "If you're so eager, then perhaps I should assign you Kyuubi as well?"
"Oh no, no, no!" Naruto waved his hands dismissively. "She will no doubt will be heavily guarded and held tightly within Konoha. Attacking it directly is beyond me. To do that and survive you need to be… you know, a god."
Pain hissed lowly. "Fine. But that comes later. First we must seal Niibi. Immediately."
Naruto's eyebrows rose. "Wait, you mean right now?"
"Yes, right now."
'Shit, I didn't even rest after the first sealing…' He thought, feeling sorry for himself already.
But then things got even worse.
"I'm back, un."
Naruto turned around, noticing in horror that it was indeed true. Deidara was back… Deidara was back with another jinchuriki.
"Fucking shit…" He whispered. "Don't tell me we're gonna have two sealings in a row…"
"Who wanted to rush things?" Tayuya mocked. "Enjoy."
Konohagakure no sato. Dango shop…
"Hey, Hinata!" Tsubaki walked over, waving to her recently acquired friend. "I'm sorry for the delay."
"You're late, Namikaze." The Hyuga said back. "That's not like you. Did something happen?"
"Y-Yeah, you can say that…" The red head muttered, sitting down.
"Problems? Need any help?"
"Wha…?" Tsubaki exclaimed, only then processing the question. "Oh… No, thank you. It's uh… personal."
Hinata shrugged. "I don't enjoy gossiping. I can keep a secret."
Tsubaki smiled sadly. "Sorry, Hinata. I would've told you otherwise, but this is too personal."
"Okay, I know when not to push."
"Great. So? What did you ask me here for?"
Hinata paused for a moment. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that. An interesting piece of information came in." She began. "And it's actually so interesting that I'm not even supposed to tell you anything. But I thought that this matter is… well, personal." The girl finished with a smirk. "Perhaps I shouldn't say it after all."
"Oh, haha! Very funny." Tsubaki responded, rolling her eyes. "So?"
"Hmm." Hinata folded her arms in front of her chest. "Say, does the name Uchiha Sasuke ring any bells?"
Tsubaki's face immediately lost all playfulness. "Go on."
Hinata studied her friend's face for a moment and decided to do so. "Alright. Apparently your old teammate has managed to outsmart Orochimaru himself. Sasuke annihilated him and fled. Reports confirm that now he's on the loose with a group of fugitives."
"Sasuke…" Tsubaki whispered. "That's not good. Do you know what he's after?"
"Pfff!" Hinata scoffed. "Please, I'm almost the ANBU commander now. Information is my work as well as my weapon. Of course I know what he's after."
"Then you also know why he must be stopped."
The raven haired girl raised an eyebrow at this. "Eh? You don't really think he can take on Jin, right?"
"No." Tsubaki said confidently. "I think he will fail and die. And I don't want for that to happen."
"Why? If he's stupid enough to try…" Hinata began when she was interrupted.
"He is. I know he is." Tsubaki stated. "But we were friends once. And I'm not the one who will stay idly and watch my friends die. I will…" Her eyes suddenly widened in obvious shock and horror. "Oh god…"
"What?" Hinata asked in concern. "Your 'personal' problem again?"
"Indeed." Tsubaki nodded her head slowly, still with shocked expression on her face. "I have just realized that I won't be able to do a damn thing about Sasuke…"
Hinata just tilted her head in confusion. "Strange. I half-expected you to run off immediately, saying something like 'I will save you, Sasuke'!"
"I would, if I could." Tsubaki stated grimly. "Apparently I won't be able to leave the village for a while."
"And why is that?" The ANBU asked.
"Well, it's because…" The red head paused. "Because I made a vow, alright? I promised not to leave the village. That's why…" She looked at Hinata hopefully.
"Why are you…?" The girl in question quickly understood her friend's intentions. "Oh no! I'm not going after him!"
"Please, Hinata! It's the only way!"
"Hell no!" The Hyuga argued. "He's your friend; I never gave two damns about him. Besides, have you forgotten what I did to him back then at the chuunin exam?! He will probably try to kill me next time we meet!"
"Perhaps." Tsubaki nodded again. "But I have confidence in your abilities. After all, you went toe to toe with me. And besides, you won't be going alone."
"Hah! That's actually questionable." Hinata exclaimed. "A mission like that will be ranked as 'personal'. That means if I'm allowed to go, I will only be able to take with me people who volunteer. Do you know a single person who will volunteer going after your Uchiha friend?"
Tsubaki grinned. "Perhaps I know a few…"
Akatsuki hideout…
"Wait a god damn second!" Deidara yelled in outrage.
"God damn?!" Naruto replied, mocking a shocked expression. "You just cursed a god! A REAL god! Heretic!"
"Shut up!" Now it was Pain and Deidara yelling simultaneously.
"Forget him!" Deidara spoke again. "What the hell is wrong with you?! Even if these assholes…" He pointed at Naruto and Tayuya. "Even if they separate, and you get the Kyuubi, there should still be one jinchuriki left! So why the hell have they been assigned it as well?!"
"Yeah, listen to Deidara-sempai!" Tobi added. "The two of us are unbeatable!"
"As much as I hate to admit it…" Pain began, as his eyes rolled into the back of his head. "They are very operative, so they will be able to capture both Rokubi and Nanabi faster than you."
"And what about Hachibi?!" The clay user persisted.
"I doubt you will be able to apprehend this one." The leader stated.
"Then what the hell am I supposed to do?!"
"Hmm." Pain held a pause. "Perhaps you will be interested in another thing. One of your other assignments have been busted, Deidara."
"Huh? Which one?" The blond asked.
"Orochimaru." The leader stated. "Apparently he's been taken out."
"Such a waste." Naruto exclaimed in mocking tone.
"True. Still, I wonder who did it." Tayuya added. "That asshole had a knock of survival. Killing him should've taken some… improvisation."
"I don't know the details." Pain stated. "But as for who… Perhaps you heard the name, Uchiha Sasuke."
"Of course I…" Naruto's eyebrows rose in confusion. "Who?"
Tayuya rolled her eyes. "The imbecile you used to get to Itachi."
"Ah!" Naruto's eyebrows rose once more, in realization this time. "That one! Sorry, but I have short memory on minor sub-characters who matter the least."
The red head sweatdropped. "You could at least remember his name."
"What for?" Naruto shrugged. "I wasn't paid to do that."
"Hey, now you're stealing Kakuzu's line!"
"Oh yeah?! Well, you've been stealing Hidan's lines for years!"
"Which ones?!"
"The ones like: 'you can kiss my fucking ass, shitheads'!"
"Oh yeah?! Well you can just go and do just that, shithead!"
"Oh yeah?! Well then you can…"
"SHUT UP!" Pain interrupted. "One more word and I'll kill both of you myself."
Naruto and Tayuya looked down in shame. "Sorry." They both muttered at the same time.
"GRRRRRRRRRRR!" Pain growled, clenching his jaw as tight as he could. "DEIDARA! You find Uchiha Sasuke and dispose of him!"
"With pleasure, un!"
"Excellent! Now you will all shut up until the sealing is complete, or I swear to god…!"
"Hey!" Naruto pointed at Pain. "That's not something a god should say!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Konohagakure no sato. Namikaze estate…
"Wow, I know I asked for you to come, but I never expected for all of you to actually show up." Tsubaki said in surprise.
Indeed, all members of her graduation class have showed up. Even Kakashi and Anko came.
"What are you talking about!" Kiba replied. "You were always there if we needed it! Of course we'll come to your aid!"
"Well, it's not exactly my aid…" Tsubaki muttered quietly. "Wait, even you, Kakashi? Don't you have… I don't know, old ladies to walk across the road?"
The jounin smiled kindly. "I tried that, yes. But then a black cat crossed my path, so I decided to come after all."
"More like I kicked his ass in the right direction." Anko added, winking at Tsubaki.
"Right… Anyway, back to the reason why I gathered all of you here." The red head began. "You see, I have a situation, and I can't handle it directly."
"Is this about Jin?" Anko asked hopefully. "I still have to kick his ass for leaving me… us I mean!"
"No." Tsubaki shook her head. "It's about a former teammate of mine."
"S-Sasuke-kun?" Sakura said in shock.
"Yeah." Tsubaki folded her hands. "He has killed Orochimaru and now he's by himself."
"HE WHAT?!" Anko yelled. "How could he do that on his own?!"
"We have the information that Orochimaru was at his weakest." Hinata replied. "It was time for him to switch bodies. Apparently Sasuke disagreed with Orochimaru taking his."
"Not very surprising." Anko huffed. "So what do you want us to do? Bring the boy wonder back?"
"Yes." Tsubaki nodded. "For if he finds what he's looking for, it will be his head."
"And he's looking for Kisaragi I presume." Shikamaru wondered.
"Correct." Tsubaki nodded again.
"Hmm… Are you so sure about the outcome, Tsubaki-chan?" Kakashi asked. "After all, he didn't kill us when he had the chance back then."
"Back then it was… different." The red head stated.
"Different in which way?"
"I was there."
"Oh."
"Indeed. I don't think Jin will be so merciful with Sasuke."
"Then perhaps you should come with us this time as well?" Shikamaru asked.
"I… I can't." Thubaki muttered. "That's why I called for your help. Besides, you're coming after Sasuke, not Jin."
"Right, I agreed to lead the mission." Hinata stated. "But since it will be graded as personal, I can only take volunteers with me. So if anyone wants out just stand up and leave."
No one moved.
"Okay then." The Hyuga nodded. "Return to your homes and pack for a two week mission. We're leaving at dawn."
Six days later. Akatsuki hideout…
THUD.
"Thank god!" Pain exclaimed in relief, as Yonbi jinchuriki's body hit the ground and stopped to move whatsoever.
"Hey, why are you thanking yourself?" Jin asked.
"Because I won't have to tolerate your presence." The Akatsuki leader replied in anger. "At least for a while. You all have your assignments, dismissed!" And with that his silhouette disappeared from view.
"Dismissed!" Deidara exclaimed in frustration. "We're dismissed! Who does he think he is, some fucking general?!"
"Uh, no man!" Naruto's eyes widened mockingly. "He thinks he's a GOD!"
"Hehe, yeah." The clay user chuckled. "Nice getting on his nerves. I'm wondering why he still hasn't killed you for mocking him so much."
"Easy." Naruto shrugged. "If he does, then he'll have to do everything himself. Simple."
"Speaking of that." Deidara suddenly threw one of his clay figures up, and in a puff of smoke a giant bird appeared. "Oi, Tobi! Get your ass over here! We have a job to do!"
"Right away, Deidara-sempaaaaaaai!" The masked man responded cheerfully, missing how dangerously Naruto's eyes narrowed at him.
"Well? What now?" Tayuya asked, watching their two fellow Akatsuki members' retreating backs along with Jin.
"What else?" The man in question shrugged. "The plan seems to be working, so I guess we have two more to catch."
"Damn, that means we'll have to separate after all…" Tayuya whined.
Naruto smirked at that. "Oh, you're missing me already? You're sweet."
"Shut up." The girl blushed. "So? Who am I coming after?"
"Umm…" Naruto looked lost for a moment. "No idea. Who am I coming after?"
"You don't even know who they are?!" Tayuya asked in disbelief.
"Should I?" Naruto asked with a shrug of his shoulders. "I told you, I have a bad memory for minor sub-characters. Besides, you have the list."
"Oh yeah." Tayuya took a note out of her pocket. "Okay, let's see… Utakata, some outcast from Kirigakure. And Fu, a girl from Takigakure."
"You're taking the girl." Naruto responded immediately.
"Wha…?" Tayuya raised an eyebrow. "But her bijuu is stronger. You should…"
"Nah, I don't want to fight a girl." Naruto interrupted by waving his hand.
"I thought you didn't care about your enemy's gender."
"Not if I can help it." The blond shrugged. "But damn, I wonder how that piece of shit managed to take out good ol' Orochi. I mean yeah, he was an ugly homo, but you were right when you said that he had a knack for survival. Not only that, the asshole was also very lucky."
"True." Tayuya agreed. "Perhaps that Uchiha kid managed to catch Orochimaru off guard? Or maybe he got him at that moment?"
"Eh?" Naruto raised an eyebrow. "You mean in a toilet?"
Tayuya's eyes slowly rolled into the back of her head. "No, you idiot. I meant the moment when he had to switch bodies."
"Oh, that one… Yeah, perhaps. Still, they all are not our problem." The blond stated. "Orochimaru is dead, and Uchiha is…"
BLAST.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me." Naruto muttered, when a sudden explosion happened about two hundred meters to the west of his position. "Right over here?!"
"What?" Tayuya's eyebrows rose. "You mean that's Uchiha?"
"Who else. Let's go."
A little earlier. Sasuke's location…
"You can come out now. I know you're there." Sasuke suddenly said, stopping in the middle of the field.
"Huh? I didn't sense anyone." Karin exclaimed in surprise.
The Uchiha glared at her over his shoulder. "Get a grip, Karin. We'll be closing in on our goal soon." He said and looked back straight. "Concentrate. Do you sense the enemy? There are at least two."
"H-Hai…" Karin concentrated for a second… and quickly pointed to their left. "There! Behind that tree!"
"Raikou no Henka!" Sasuke shouted immediately, throwing a barrage of lightning infused shurikin right where Karin pointed.
"Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai!" A single masked man in Akatsuki cloak jumped down from the tree… and landed right on his face. "Ittai! Why are you throwing weapons all of sudden?! You could at least warn me!"
Sasuke looked left and right, ignoring masked man's whining. "Where is the second one?"
"Up here, un!"
The whole group looked up instantly, noticing a number of some clay figures that were falling right on top of them.
"Art is a blast!" Deidara yelled with a happy smile on his face. "KATSU!"
BLAST.
"Hehehe. I never expected it would be so easy. After all, he killed Orochimaru." Deidara shook his head in disappointment. "Such a waste of time…"
Suddenly…
"You talk too much."
"Wha…?" Deidara only barely had the time to jump off of his clay bird before it was cut in two by Sasuke's lightning spear. "How the hell did you get up here?!"
"I'm not obliged to answer to you." Sasuke replied, diving down after falling Deidara. "Juugo, prepare to capture him. We need him alive."
"Aww, I'm so touched!" Deidara exclaimed, creating another clay bird and jumping on top of it. "Just for the record, why do you want me alive?"
"Tch." Sasuke landed on the ground and glared up at his opponent. "I don't. I just need you to tell me one thing." His eyes narrowed dangerously. "Where is Jin Kisaragi?"
"Kisaragi?" Deidara's eyebrow rose. "What the hell do you want from him?"
"I want to see his head removed from his shoulders."
"PFFFFFFFT! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" The clay user laughed at the top of his lungs. "Too bad he can't hear this, he would've laughed as well…"
Nearby…
"PFFFFFFFFT HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! At least he's right in one thing!" Naruto stated, holding his sides from laughing. "Shit, I can't believe this idiot is still after me!"
"Naturally." Tayuya replied. "Or did you expect Orochimaru to actually tell him the truth about his clan?"
"Don't be ridiculous, of course not." Jin waved his hand, watching how Deidara's clay dragon fell right down on his mine field.
BLAST.
"Ouch." The blond flinched. "That gotta hurt… Anyway, no I did not expect him to learn anything. He's a moron. I just thought he would give up and go away."
"Obviously he didn't." The red haired girl said, as Sasuke's team was handling Deidara.
"Obviously."
"So, what are you going to do?"
"Pfff." Naruto snarled. "Why should I…" He suddenly paused… noticing Tobi observing everything from a safe distance. "Wait… Wait a second! That's it!"
"That's what?" Tayuya asked.
Naruto grinned evilly. "Time to move into the second phase of the plan."
"Wha…?" Girl's eyes widened. "You mean right now?! But… But you can't…!"
"I can and I will." Jin stated harshly. "Deidara serves no purpose anyway. And it's better that the piece of shit himself sees my betrayal by his own eyes."
"There is no talking you out of it, right?" Tayuya said in resignation.
"No."
"What about Uchiha?"
"I'll waste him as well." Naruto said coldly. "At least like that he'll die with a purpose.
"And what about me?"
"Proceed with the plan. Get the jinchuriki and act like nothing happened. Go."
The red head sighed. "Let me at least…"
"Go!"
"Tch." Tayuya spat. "Don't end up regretting." And with that she disappeared in a burst of flames.
"Regret?" Naruto said in amusement. "I've been regretting my entire life!" His eyebrows furrowed. "Time to do something about it."
Back with Sasuke's team…
"Those eyes…" Deidara hissed angrily. "Those damn eyes! You are just like him. Looking down on my art like it's nothing… Looking down on me like I'm nothing!"
"I already told you." Sasuke said, looking up at his enemy. "I don't care about you and your art. And if you hate so much that I look at you with my eyes, then you can just tell me where Kisaragi is hiding and we'll be off."
"Gh… Hm… Hmhmhmhmhahahahaha!" Deidara laughed madly. "I don't think so! I'm going to destroy you! All of you! Oi, Tobi! Get the hell out of here!" With that he took a big chunk of his exploding clay and… started to chew it down.
"Be careful, he's gathering a massive amount of chakra!" Karin warned.
"Perhaps we should follow that guy's advice and run as well?" Suigetsu suggested… just as Deidara opened his mouth and started spitting out his clay in dangerous proportions. "Holy shit! Is that supposed to be another bomb?!"
Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "Keep your guard up… I feel something's wrong."
His instincts didn't fail him, for when Deidara's clay reached the ground…
"Rengoku Hyouya!"
(Starting song: "Endless Despair" by Daisuke Ishiwatari)
Deidara didn't even have enough time to surprise as he, along with his unfinished clay creation turned into nothing but one huge ice block.
"Well, what do you know! I guess this piece of trash's dream has come true! He actually became art itself. Because for me art is… ICE SCULPTURES! Hahahahahaha!"
"Kisaragi." Sasuke muttered, trying to suppress his erupting anger. "So you've finally came out of hiding."
"Hiding?" Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Hiding from you, you mean?! Get real, you imbecile. I even forgot you still exist."
"Aww, I'm hurt. I really am." Sasuke smirked, relaxing a little. His target was in front of him, and by the looks of it he had no intent to run away. "And here I was, thinking about you all this time."
"Oh ho!" Naruto exclaimed in amusement. "Living with Orochimaru must've affected you after all. I mean, I know I'm handsome and all, but to think about me for three years…" He shook his head. "But where are your manners. Why don't you introduce your little friends to me?"
"You sure you don't remember any of them?" Sasuke asked mockingly.
"Nah. The only thing I remember is that sword." Jin pointed at Suigetsu's blade. "Where did you get it by the way?"
"Cost me a fortune." The Uchiha replied with a shrug. "But it was totally worth it."
"Hahahahaha." Naruto laughed at that. "And there you have the difference between you and me. I got that sword for free and made money by selling it. You bought it and gave to someone else. Stupid."
"Not quite. It gave me an ally." Sasuke stated. "In fact, that's where our differences end. I've spent three years of my life to become just like you and…"
"And failed miserably." Naruto finished for him. "How can you be like me if you never knew me?"
"S-Sasuke…" Karin whispered.
"I know." The Uchiha said back and turned to Naruto again. "Enough chat. I will destroy you, Naruto." With that he quickly drew his katana and stabbed it into the ground. "Chidori Nagashi!"
Without any panic Naruto activated his Sharingan, watching how Sasuke's lightning crawled towards him. Quickly sidestepping the deadly flow, he was immediately attacked by Suigetsu.
"Take that!"
CLANG.
Naruto managed to parry Suigetsu's sword with his own, but the sheer force of the blow still knocked him back a few steps.
"Heh. I don't care what your real name is, but I guess I still owe you one for my brother." The white haired teen exclaimed, smiling maniacally.
"On that we agree." Naruto quickly pulled back, making Suigetsu stumble forward. "I don't even care about your name at all."
SLASH.
A vertical sword strike sliced Suigetsu's body completely in two… Only for it to turn into water and reform again.
"The hell?" Naruto slowly tilted his head to the side.
"Hehehe." Suigetsu chuckled, picking up Kubikiribocho again. "I won't be killed so easily."
"A pity. Still you're…"
"DIE!"
The blond looked up sharply to see the Juugo descending right on top of him with a massive haymaker.
SMASH.
"Hmhmhm." Naruto chuckled, gracefully somersaulting over his opponents. "You're all just too slow. You…"
"Think again."
Jin barely even had the time to realize what happened before Sasuke's katana was already sticking out of his chest.
"Guah! H-How?"
Said Uchiha just looked at him stoically. "None of your business."
"A shame…" The blond muttered… just before his body turned into ice and crumbled.
"Damn, I thought it was just too easy." Suigetsu stated, placing his zanbatou on his shoulder. "So? Where did that motherfucker go?"
"Right over here." Naruto said in amusement… placing his right elbow on Karin's left shoulder and forcing the girl on her knees with it. "I told you, you're all just too slow for me."
"S-S-Sasuk-ke…" Karin stuttered in horror.
"Oh, don't be scared. I'm always nice to girls, see?" Jin rubbed Karin's cheek with the back of his palm. "Anyway, that attack was just uncalled for. I wasn't done speaking and…" Suddenly out of the corner of his eye he saw Sasuke preparing to dash and quickly wrapped his arm around Karin's neck. "Uh-uh-uuh! Not so fast. One wrong move and I'll have to get over myself and hurt this pretty little thing. We don't want that, don't we?"
"Tch." Sasuke hissed in anger, but relaxed his stance still.
"That's better." Naruto exclaimed with a cocky smirk. "Now, before you start all this usual crap like 'I will kill you!' or 'Taste my vengeance!' or even 'Ah, yes! Fuck me harder!'… Ahem. Anyway, before you start all this crap, I just want to know one thing… What the hell is your problem with me?"
The Uchiha clenched his fists in anger. "How… How dare you even ask something like that! After what you did to my clan! To my family!"
"Your clan?" Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Can't say anything specific about that, but let me tell you this." His grin widened. "You can't even imagine how good it felt when I ran your brother through with my sword! Yeah, the feeling when I saw the light fade from his eyes was better than any orgasm I've ever…" He paused. "Well, maybe not better, but at least on pair. It was fabulous!"
"If you want to fuel my anger even more, then you're just wasting your time." The Uchiha stated. "My hatred for you is absolute."
"Absolute you say?" Jin chuckled gain. "Tell me then, what do you see with those eyes of yours?"
"What I see? Simple. You dead at my feet."
"Fascinating!" Naruto exclaimed mockingly. "But you know what; my eyes see a completely different thing. Why?" He slowly closed his eyes and then opened them again. There was some difference though.
Sharingan changed to Rinnegan.
Sasuke's eyes widened. 'What are those? What did he do to himself?'
"I see things differently because my eyes are better than yours!" Naruto yelled, grinning madly. "You know what that means?! Exactly! I am better than you! And there is no damn thing you can do about it!"
"Uzumaki!" Sasuke drew his sword again and prepared to strike when…
"Wait, wait, wait!" Naruto stopped him by raising his hand. "Remember when I said that I'm always nice to girls?"
"Yes."
SLASH.
"I lied."
"Wha…?" Karin looked down in shock only to see a sword blade sticking right out of her stomach.
"KARIN!" Sasuke leap forward, fully intending to cut Naruto in two.
"Oppa!" Said blond twisted his body around Sasuke's strike and kicked him in the back, sending the last Uchiha right into Karin's body.
"Fuck." Sasuke cursed quickly regaining his posture… and noticing Karin's condition.
She was fading quickly.
"Karin! Hey, hold on…"
"I'll take care of her, Sasuke." Juugo said, appearing beside him. "You go deal with Kisaragi."
"Very well." The Uchiha nodded at his companion. "I'm counting on you, Juugo…" With that Sasuke turned around… just in time to witness a very shocking scene.
Naruto stabbed Suigetsu with his own Kubikiribocho, pinning him to the ground.
"Heh, we've been through this already." The white haired teen stated confidently. "This will not kill me."
"Of course it won't." Naruto smirked back. "That was not my intention anyway. I just wanted to see your reaction to this!" He gripped the hilt tightly. "Chidori Nagashi!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Suigetsu screamed at the top of his lungs as he was electrocuted by his own sword.
"I knew you'll like it!" Naruto exclaimed, turning to a shocked Sasuke. "I told you my eyes are better than yours, didn't I? Now seeing as everyone's busy…" He drew Yukianesa. "No one's going to interrupt us. What do you say we finish it with a good old fashioned death match?"
Sasuke just drew his katana. "You're on."
CLANG.
Two swords clashed against each other faster than a normal human eye could see.
"I don't know what you've done to yourself…" Sasuke began, trying to push his nemesis back. "I saw you bleed. You're not invincible, Naruto. And as long as it stays this way, I can still kill you!"
"Perhaps." Naruto's smirk widened. "But once I have all nine bijuus, that all's going to change!" With that he finally pushed Sasuke back away from him. "Fubuki!"
Thanking god for his Sharingan, Sasuke managed to duck under the strike and tried to slice Naruto's legs off, but…
"Musou…" A platform of ice suddenly appeared out of nowhere, giving Jin a jumping point. "Senshouzan!" Naruto yelled, jumping over Sasuke's body… and leaving a deep gash in Uchiha's back.
"AAAAH!" Said teen gasped in pain as his back was sliced open. "N-No! Not yet!" He turned around sharply. "Raikou no henka!"
The blond just rolled his eyes at Sasuke's desperate attempt.
"Damn, you're stubborn." He muttered, simply raising his hand and… stopping all shurikins in midair.
"H-How?!" Sasuke hissed through gritted teeth.
"Simple." Naruto said, teleporting right in front of his opponent in a flash of yellow. "I'm just better than you."
SLASH.
"GUAH!" Sasuke gasped again, receiving a long cut across his entire torso. That was too much for him to remain on his feet.
"Weak." Jin stated, watching mercilessly how Sasuke fell on his back after receiving another injury. "Do you know why you're weak?" He leaned over his defeated enemy. "That's because your goal is weak."
"F-Fuck you!" Sasuke glared at him defiantly.
"Stupid." Naruto shook his head. "Want to see me dead? All you had to do was wait a little. But now…" He was about to finish Sasuke off when.
"Hang on, Karin."
"Oh yeah, I almost forgot…"
"Juugo…" Karin whispered weakly, slowly opening his eyes… until they couldn't open wider anymore. Why? Well…
"You didn't think I forgot about you, right?" Naruto asked mockingly, pushing the blade of his sword deeper into Juugo's neck. "I can't see his face, is he dead?" He asked horrified Karin.
Instead of response the girl just gave an ear-piercing scream.
Naruto's grin widened. "Thank you." With that he twisted his blade several times and then with one quick slash completely removed Juugo's head from his shoulders. "Well, that just leaves you…"
Karin just watched at the blade that was raised above her head, expecting a fatal blow any second. Instead…
"Katon: Goryuka no jutsu!"
"Wha…?" Naruto quickly glanced over his shoulder, but it was a false alarm.
Sasuke just sent several dragon head shaped fireballs… right into the sky.
"Talking about stupid." Naruto muttered, turning to Sasuke fully. "Give it up, Uchiha. You're finished."
"Huff… Huff… Finished?!" Sasuke exclaimed with a smile, ignoring the fact that he was bleeding all over. "I don't think so. I still have one card left to play…"
The blond rolled his eyes. "Idiots just don't know when to give up… Very well. Even if just to amuse myself, I'll see what you got." With that he took a battle stance and prepared for Sasuke to do something… anything…
He was disappointed.
"Well? Are you going to do something or not?"
Sasuke's smirk widened. "What are you talking about? I already did that."
Naruto's eyebrows furrowed. "What are you talking about."
THUNDERCRASH.
"The hell?!" Jin looked up in surprise to see storming clouds. "It was sunny a minute ago."
"It was." Sasuke stated, raising his hand up. "I commanded them to appear. And now…"
For the first time in the last three years Naruto was so surprised. Wouldn't you, if you saw a massive lightning beast spread the skies and roar at you.
"Shiny…" He muttered absently.
"This is your end, Uzumaki! This jutsu is unavoidable!" Sasuke yelled confidently. "It strikes with the speed of lightning! You can't outrun it! At last…" He moved his hand down sharply. "Disappear within the thunder. Kirin!"
Perhaps believing Sasuke's words, Naruto didn't try to outrun the jutsu. He didn't even move from his place. Instead he just raised his right hand…
"Shinra Tensei!"
…And watched with amused smile how Sasuke's beast dispersed right before touching him.
"I-Impossible…" Sasuke even fell on his knees in shock.
"Nah, that was just to show the futility of your efforts." Naruto said, waving his hand. "I could simply do this!" He suddenly disappeared in a flash of yellow and reappeared in front of Sasuke, kicking him backwards several feet next second. "But that wouldn't have been as flashy. So? Have any more cards left to play?"
Sasuke just glared up at him, breathing heavily.
"Well, that's a shame." Naruto pouted mockingly. "Nice try, Uchiha. All in vain though. For all your techniques are useless before these eyes." The blond said to Sasuke's shock. "Besides, I can't allow myself to be killed by mere pieces of trash. Not when I'm so close to my goal. So…" He drew his sword. "I guess it's time to bid you farewell." The blond stated, finally bringing his sword down…
…Or at least trying to.
"The hell?" Naruto exclaimed in shock.
"Kagemane no jutsu success."
"Wha…?" Naruto's eyebrows rose when about a dozen of konoha shinobi landed around him. In fact, they were all familiar to him.
"Hya, Jin-kun!" Anko yelled happily, licking her kunai. "You haven't forgotten your old sensei, haven't you?"
"Hmhmhmhm… Of course not, Anko." The blond sighed. "Seems like Konoha has not given up on capturing me yet."
"You are wrong." Hinata stepped forward with a determined look on her face. "We've come for him." She pointed at Sasuke.
"Oh…" Naruto paused. "Well, that's fine with me. Just let me go and…"
"However, since we got our hands on you…" Kakashi interrupted. "We can't just miss such an opportunity."
Jin rolled his eyes. "Stop that. You know I can leave any moment."
"Not with my jutsu activated, you can't." Shikamaru stated confidently.
"Oh, I bet I can." Naruto replied with a smirk. "One thing though. Before I leave you lot with… the other lot, I just want you to do one thing for me."
"And that is?" Hinata asked.
"Say hello to my father for me."
The Hyuga tilted her head to the side. "Your father?"
Naruto grinned. "Yep, that one." And with that he disappeared in a flash of yellow.
Silence.
"A-A-A-A…" Kiba stood gaping at what he just saw. Hell, everyone had a similar reaction. "And what should we do now?"
'I'll get to that later, first…' Hinata shook her head. "Sakura, stabilize Uchiha's condition. He won't last long as he is. Ino, check that girl. The rest, split in groups of two and scout the area for possible Akatsuki bases."
"And what about…" Shikamaru began, but Hinata cut him off.
"It's useless to guess. I'm sure Hokage-sama has an explanation for this."
"A shame we couldn't get Kisaragi as well." Kakashi muttered.
"No matter, we got what we came for…"
Amegakure no sato. Pain's meditation room…
"What do you want?" The Akatsuki leader asked, not interrupting his meditation.
"Nothing much." Tobi said, walking into the light. "I have just encountered something interesting."
Pain waited for a minute before finally asking. "Well?"
"Kisaragi." The masked man stated. "He is the reason for our latest problems."
"Are you sure?"
"I witnessed him killing Deidara." Tobi stated. "My guess is he killed everyone else as well."
"Not unexpected." The Rinnegan user responded. "He was getting on my nerves anyway."
"No, no. We shouldn't kill him right now."
"Why not?"
"Why kill him, when we can let him capture all remaining jinchuriki for us and then kill him?" Tobi explained. "Besides, this is even better than the original plan. Now we can extract Kyuubi from him and don't bother with Konoha."
"Good. What about Tayuya?" Pain asked.
"I haven't confirmed she's a traitor." Tobi said. "But if she is, we can always kill her along with Kisaragi. Our victory now is only a matter of time."
...
Ta-da! Shit is about to get real! Next chapter: "Reality check". Naruto is up for a hell of a rude awakening.
But until then… FUCK LIKE HELL AND SLEEP WELL!
Darthemius.