WARNING: This chapter contains a lot of offensive language and racial slander. I am in no way a racist myself, this content is just for the sake of the plot. If Middle Eastern/Asian/African American slander offends you don't read this chapter. This is my only warning. Do not read and come accuse me of being a racist because I'm not.

The bell rang and Ichigo and I walked out of class. It was the last class of the day and I was already getting sick of high school. The people weren't bad. It was just the teacher's need to incessantly fill us with unneeded information. I mean the reason why I took this mission in the first place was because I thought I'd be going to parties and getting hot young girls. That brings us to Orihime. She is young and hot with amazing tits. And I definitely plan on having my way with her when she gets drunk. I certainly know what you're thinking. What about Yoruichi? Here's the deal. That woman is not my girlfriend nor are we an official item, I am free to be. Sure we might be something in the future, but for the record SHE shut me down twice!

"Yo Soi Fon!" Ichigo snapped his fingers in front of my face.

"Yeah sorry what's up?"

"So what are we going to do this weekend? Another club?"

I pushed his hand away. "No douche bag, we're going to Orihime's party. And you're getting laid."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah right, Rukia would never go for me."

"Heyyyy guyyys!"

Orihime walked up to us with Tatsuki and Chizuru at her sides.

"Hey you guys are coming to my party right?"

I put on a winning smile. "Of course!"

"I heard you guys talking earlier about a fake ID?"

Ichigo sighed and looked away.

"Yeah Renji is going to get one."

"So do you think you guys can get us alcohol?"

I scratched my head. "I think that's possible."

She squealed and clapped her hands. "That's great!"

Orihime held out a one hundred. "Take this, oh and here's a list of things to get."

"I want some Mike's hard lemonade." Tatsuki chimed in.

"Ok I can do that."

"Awesome, because you know if you scratch our back we'll scratch yours."

"Well you see my back is on my vagina." I winked.

"I'm so in." Chizuru offered.

I made a disgusted face. "Not you Whitney Houston!"

Orihime giggled. "Ok I'll see you tonight."

She touched my arm and walked away.

I turned to Ichigo. "Did you see that?"

"I saw you getting into a bad situation."

"No dumbass this is perfect!"

"How exactly do you figure?"

"We're the ones getting alcohol! Everyone is going to think we're the shit. Orihime wants my clit in and around her mouth. And this is when you can get Rukia!"

"I still think this is a bad idea."

"Meet me at the liquor store by Urahara at 5."

"Uh fine."

I met Yoruichi outside the school and made sure to tell her nothing about my covert plans. We walked back to Urahara Shoten to wait for Renji. I really hope he came through with this fake ID.

I sat at the dining table with Kisuke sipping a glass of bourbon and reading a gossip magazine.

"Man how is Lindsay going to get out of this one?" I muttered.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Kisuke was staring at me.

"Can I help you?" I was annoyed.

"Why don't we ever talk?"

I looked back at my magazine. "We have nothing in common."

"Sure we do, I used to be a captain. You're a captain to."

I put my magazine down. "Fine what do you want to talk about?"

"Anything. Soul Society, politics, celebrities?"

"Let's see…..boring, pointless, and overrated."

"Ok what do you think is worth talking about?"

I sipped my drink. "Racial issues."

"What kind of racial issues?"

"For example, why do Asian people want to be white so bad?"

"You really think Asian people want to be white?"

"I do. You should see what I see when I go to Tokyo. All these Japanese people dye their hair blonde. It's like an obsession. And when they draw manga all of the people are white. It's out of control."

"I don't think that really makes sense."

"And I hate those things called gingers. You should see the way Ichigo walks around. Ooooh look at my hair cut I'm sooo special give me a prize please!"

"That's not a very progressive way of thinking."

"Which brings me to my second point. Black people hate all other races."

"So you're telling me all black people all racist?"

"Exactly. They completely isolate themselves and live in places called the ghetto. One time I went there to use the bathroom and another girl was in there. She was like na uhhh white gurrlll! I had no idea what she was talking about. I'm fucking Asian. But I'm pretty sure she was going to cut me with her nail clippers."

"Do you even know how narrow minded you sound?"

"You know what? I think Yoruichi is a nigger."

"Soi Fon you shouldn't say-"

"Hey Yoruichi get in here!" I yelled.

Yoruichi walked in from the other room.

"What's up guys?"

"Show us your genitals!"

"Umm excuse me?"

"The way you can tell if someone is really a nigger is if their genitals look blue."

"Are you accusing me of being black again?"

"Well if it looks like a nigger and it talks like a nigger then it must be a nigger."

"You're a fucking racist asshole Soi Fon!"

"I tried telling her." Kisuke shook his head.

"Just show us your vagina!" I grabbed the hem of her pants.

She ripped my hands off and backed away. "What the fuck. Where do you get off using words like that?

"What? It's just a word. Fuck is also a word. "Fuck me" is a request. But you won't do that will you?"

Yoruichi turned bright red.

"Stop trying to get in my pants!"

She turned on her heel and stomped out of the room.

Kisuke looked at me from under his hat. "You know if you keep fucking up with her like that you're gonna loose her."

"So what I've got plenty of bitches on deck."

"That's exactly what I'm talking about. If you keep a mentality like that you can't fully commit yourself to Yoruichi."

"You know when I walk out on the street. I see couples holding hands and kissing. It kind of warms my heart. The thought of being with one person forever. Then I think of having sex with only the same person forever. And I think oh…FUCK THAT!"

Kisuke stood up from the table. "Keep thinking like that and you'll lose the best thing you've ever had. Tread lightly my dear."

He tipped his hat and walked out of the room.

I snorted. What did he know about women? He wasn't in any kind of relationship.

Just then Renji burst through the door and ran up to me.

"I got it! I got it!"

I held out my hand. "Let me see."

I examined the picture first. It was a current picture of Renji so that was good. It had all the necessary seals and holograms making it look legit. Then I turned my eyes to the name and information and my eyes went wide.

"Renji it says your name is Marcus Huebscher?"

"Yeah it's an ID from Finland."

I smacked him on the head hard.

"OW! What the fuck was that for?"

"You idiot! Why the fuck would you get an ID from Finland?"

"Because it's cool, women love European men!"

I hit him again.

"That is bullshit Renji why couldn't you get a normal Japanese driver's license?"

"Calm down ok it's gonna work."

"Well it better we have to meet Ichigo now."

"Fine let's go."

I looked at what he was wearing. He had a white shirt, black pants and a vest.

"Are you seriously wearing that vest?"

"Yeah its for style, makes me look older."

"Take it off, you look like fucking Muhammad."

Renji and I walked across the street and around the corner to King's Liquor. Ichigo was outside kicking stones.

"What's up?" He asked.

"Well Renji got the ID but its from fucking Finland so it's going to have to work."

"Finland?"

"I know."

I turned to Renji and held out the list and the cash. "Alright here's what you need."

Renji looked at the list. "I don't know if I can do this, this is a lot of stuff."

I grabbed his shoulders. "Pull your shit together, you're the one who got the Finnish ID. Now go in and get the fucking alcohol."

"Damnit I should have worn the vest!" He turned around and walked in the store.

Ichigo and I decided to post up behind the corner.

"So are you feeling lucky tonight?" I asked.

"Yeah I brought a condom and some spermicidal lube."

I smacked my head. "Are you kidding me? Spermicidal lube?"

"Yeah I just want to make it more enjoyable."

I grabbed the lube and threw it across the parking lot.

"Your not fucking old women Ichigo, these girls are young and hot. Their pussies get wet and then you put your dick in. You don't use lube! Did you learn anything in your stupid health class?"

"Well thanks now you owe me 8 dollars."

"Fuck you."

Renji walked inside the store. He nervously perused the isles looking for the things on the list. He curiously picked up a bottle to look at it and it slipped through his fingers and crashed on the floor.

"Shit!"

He ran down another isle and started loading liquor into his basket. Once he was done. He approached the cash register.

"I'll take these."

The cashier started scanning the bottles and putting them in bags.

Renji pointed to a bottle of rum. "I love that stuff, been drinking it for years."

"Ok I'm going to need to see some ID."

"Really? Makes me feel young again haha."

Renji took the fake ID out of his wallet and showed it to her.

"Wow how is Europe?" She asked.

"Umm err it's amazing."

"I've always wanted to go there."

I cant't believe she bought it!

Just then two men burst in the doors holding guns. It was GIN and AIZEN.

They threw a bag on the counter.

"Put the money in the bag!"

So funny story when I was in High School my fake ID was from Finland and my name was Annisophie Huebscher. the picture looked relatively like me so I used it to get in all kinds of trouble. Write a review and tell me a fake ID story.

BTW: Soi Fon will get her shit together eventually. She's just a hot mess right now.