18
Tarn's father had called the police and they stood on the doorstep trying to get into the house.
Ianto folded his arms and snorted loudly before politely telling them to bugger off.
The older one frowned as he tried to place where he had seen this man before. The SUV roaring up the driveway told him and he felt his balls shrivel as Captain Jack Harkness-Jones flew from the driver's seat with a look of thunder.
"What the hell is going on here!" he demanded as he came up to the men.
"Sir, this is a private matter between us and Mr Harkness-Jones!" the younger officer boomed as his partner gaped at the leader of torchwood in all his coated glory.
"Hello Mungo!" Jack looked straight at him and he gave a soft whimper of response as he tried to catch the young man's cuff.
"Well now!" Jack focused on the younger officer, "Which Harkness-Jones do you want? Me or my husband?"
The young officer stared and then slowly turned to look at his partner as he mouthed "Mungo?"
"This about the prick I thumped yesterday?" Jack grinned.
The young officer bristled and looked at his partner for back-up only to find him … backing up.
"Torchwood" Jack barked in the young officer's face. "If Lizzie has a problem with me thwacking one of her subjects that has beaten his own child then she would say so."
Jack frowned and turned at Ianto, "Babe? We talked to Lizzie lately?"
"Not since we said thank you for the christening invite Cariad" Ianto smiled back.
"Ah, which one again?" Jack frowned.
"Charlotte." Ianto sighed with an eye roll, "Wills and Katie's wee bub."
"Ah! Little English rose" Jack grinned and stepped inside, the Heddlu already dismissed.
"Sorry that you've had a wasted visit officers," Ianto said politely as he stepped back inside, "But the man is lucky we didn't disappear him."
"Sir, did you realise …"
"Shut it" the older officer growled and pulled his partner back to their car.
"You bloody fool!" he shouted once they were safely inside the vehicle, "When he says disappeared, he means disappeared. Like POOF"
He made a motion with his hands to demonstrate an exploding … something, then sighed.
"That one who answered the door was Ianto Harkness-Jones. Archivist and second on command of Torchwood. God, knew I'd seen him somewhere before. The one who briefly considered squashing you like a bug is Captain Jack Harkness-Jones. Leader of Torchwood and saviour of the fucking universe."
The young officer looked back at the house with wonder.
"Those spooky doos we were warned about?" the older man prodded, "That's who handles them. When he says Lizzie … he means her Majesty ya Muppet!"
The young officer swore softly and looked back with wonder as they drew away.