Small Bump

Ed Sheeran

Noel/The Twins

Family

Noel, if possible, was even more worried about the twins than Julian was. Noel is supposed to be the cool uncle, the one they'll come to to ask about sex, and see if he can score them some meow-meow. But what if they don't like him?

Noel, waiting in the room outside of Julia's room, looked once more at Julia's scan. Two little babies. Julian could hardly take care of Noel, how could he take care of children.

"Now that's not true," thought Noel to himself. "I shouldn't think that. Julian takes care of you properly."

Sighing, he looked at the scan again.

"Hey Little Man." Julian smiled as Noel didn't look up. "They've finally kicked me out, after I fainted the second time."

Noel huffed a bit of air through his nose. "Which one's which?"

"Walter," he pointed to a foetus, "and Arthur."

Noel nodded. "That's amazing. There are tiny people in Julia right now, and they're half you, and they're about to tear their way out of her vag. How does that even work?"

"The human body is mysterious."

Noel nodded. "Do you know what they're going to look like?"

"Yes, Noel, because I've stuck my head in there, lit a match, and had tea with my unborn sons."

"Okay, that was a stupid question." Noel laughed. "I hope they have your hair, but Julia's eyes. The prawn eyes need to stop with you."

"And the bush-baby eyes need to stop with you." Julian smiled to his comedy partner. "They'll have Julia's smile. With the little dimple under her chin."

"They'll be beautiful."

They sat in silence for a bit, before the nurse let both of them in. The nurse was an old woman, so she had no idea Noel wasn't Julia's brother.

"Hi," Julia whispered. "Come meet the family, you two." Julia handed a baby to each of them.

"Am I doing this right?"

"Loosen up, Noel. Be gentle."

Noel nodded, holding the child closer to him. "Who is this one?"

"That one is Arthur. If he's wearing the red socks."

"He is." Noel smiled, going off in his own little world, until Arthur woke him out of it. Out of the womb for less than thirty minutes, and he had grabbed Noel's thumb.

"He's a smart one. He's been moving around and exploring, even though I don't know if he can see yet." She laughed to herself.

"Oh my God," whispered Noel. He felt like the Grinch, but Noel's heart wasn't growing just three sizes. He felt like he could explode. "Can I keep this one? You guys have two, you could share him. Give them two halves of a necklace."

"Noel, we can't do that."

"Why?"

"As soon as you squeeze a watermelon out of your nostril, we'll talk."

"Fine," grumbled Noel, not even looking at Julia. It was like the baby was the only person in the world. And when Arthur tightened his grip on his thumb, Noel couldn't remember what he was worried about. He was going to be the best uncle slash Daddy's comedy partner slash ex-lover ever. (But the kids and Julia didn't need to know that last one.)